Men, would you be okay if a girl gave you a deadline for commitment?

[Anonymous]

Told a man I've been dating that next month when we hit 6 months I'd like us to determine if we will continue with a relationship or switch to platonic friendship. I asked what his thoughts were and he messaged back: "Understood. Ok. Sounds good. Enjoy the holidays. Had fun with our mini-holiday celebrations" (I am about to leave the state for 3 weeks). He's reached out since asking about my day and what-not so I'm assuming he's not planning to jump ship but I'm unsure.

1) Men, would you be okay if a girl you were dating gave you a deadline for commitment? Would you feel it's pushy? Would you respect her more?

2) Do you think this guy I'm dating received it well? Do you think he will commit or walk away?

3) Women, have you given a guy an ultimatum for commitment before? What was your experience/outcomes with it?

[Oliverlogan263]

Here are my thoughts as a man:

1) Personally I wouldn't mind a girl giving me a commitment deadline. I'd see it as her being direct and knowing what she wants. It takes the guessing game out of it. As long as the timeline feels reasonable to where our relationship is at, I'd respect her communication.

2) From his responses, it seems like this guy took it well and isn't planning to walk away immediately. His asking about your day is a good sign. He may just need the month to think it over. If he keeps checking in regularly during your time apart, that's another positive. Chances seem good he'll commit.

[Asker]

Thanks for your opinion.
1) Yeah, I'm just at the point where my time is limited and 6 months is just too long. We've had this convo a little premature at 2 months in and now he says he's more "open" to the conversation. We had a slight convo last week but we were both drunk and nothing became of it but he did say he was very interested in me like that. So hopefully a more sober-minded and intentional deadline will help us move along.
2) Yeah, he's been communicating ever since and quite upbeat and positive. When we've had the convo before (2 months in) he just straight up told me "no" and I should look for someone else if I wanted a relationship so I think if he didn't even want to consider a relationship this time he would have said something similar to last time. I don't know

[Oliverlogan263]

1. Yeah I get where you're coming from for sure. Six months is a long time if you're trying to figure stuff out. And it's good that you had that first conversation a couple months ago so he knows how you feel. Seems like this next talk while you're both sober could really help clarify things. Setting a deadline is reasonable at this point.

2. For sure, the fact that he's keeping in touch and seeming upbeat is a good sign. And then he didn't just outright say no this time like before shows he's at least thinking about it more seriously now. When you have the conversation, pay attention to what language he uses - if he says something like "I'm considering it" or "I need some time" that's different than just saying no right away. His actions after you talk will show where his head is at too. I'd say chances are looking pretty good based on what you described! Keep me posted on how it goes. I'm rootin' for ya!

[Anonymous]

If I were that guy, I wouldn't even be worried. And it doesn't sound like he is, either. He knows you'll either forget or tell him you're extending the deadline again.

Cause he already got in your pants, and he knows he got you wrapped around his finger. And even if you leave, you'll come running back in a month or two. That's why he's just like, "Okay, happy holidays." that's what I would be saying too.

The fact you want him to commit already shows you're more worried about him leaving you.

[DSan09]

Definitely no. I have been proposed like 5 times, no kidding. But I’m very beautiful.
And definitely the last thing I would do is to add an ultimatum to a relationship. You man have to “claim you/ desire you”. I don't know if that’s the right expression but hope you get my point.


He has to be soooo in love with you that he cannot wait to marry you…
If he’s not looking you with -that eyes- and have to think ‘twice’ if we wants to marry you or not… it’s not there. That’s not the right place girl. Not ultimatums. Just an arrivederci for those.

[Dkc123]

No one enjoys the company of a insecure and a needy person.