Why did you choose to be single?

[SunnyRS]

Alright this question came to my mind because of an opinion I posted and the messages I received after that.
Relax I am telling you, Here is the reason why I stopped looking for relationships
As some of you who know me know that I have been in relationships some untraditional ones like dom-sub relationships as well but everyone of them was because I liked the person and they liked and trusted me.
But, a year and a half ago I lost my parents and after that I just feel whenever someone comes near me is out of sympathy not love.
I know it's in my brain but I can't get it out so I have stopped being with someone, and I also fear I would lose them too if I get in a relationship.

So, what about you? Why are you single?

[Anonymous]

Got a deep wound from a previous relationship that I've used time to heal. (over 3 years ago).

And currently, I'm not in a good position to date either. (work 170 km away from where I live, so I'm currently partially living with my parents because of work and get back to my apartment every other weekend.)

[SunnyRS]

It's good that you have healed though and that means when you get time you are ready for a relationship.
Side note- My working situation is the same, except I go meet my sister every other weekend.

[Opinion Owner]

I hope I've properly healed, but I'm very nervous about the thought of dating again. But I'm definitely much better than before, if I didn't have depression I was on the verge of it.

It's tough to have that kind of working situation!

[SunnyRS]

If you feel even a little bit that you have not healed then take your time.
Cause a wound not properly healed can reopen pretty quickly.
But if it's just the scare, then you should give it a try again cause you can only overcome a fear if you try.

As for working situation I completely agree.

[Opinion Owner]

I'm very much uncertain whether I'm ready or not. Somedays I think it could be nice to date someone again.
And other times I just.. Cannot imagine it and I get scared.
Like all the stories you see online. And so many people talking about using others. How they look down on others. Cheating, want to control them. Just do not care for the person they date and it terrifies me.

[SunnyRS]

Well, if you go by the things you see online, it will always scare you.
Meet new people get to know them and then decide for yourself.
And if even after that you don't feel like it, leave it.
Nothing wrong in that

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah, I know. It's just difficult to let go of that fear, especially when you have been hurt before.
But I'll take it chill and do my best to be careful.

[SunnyRS]

Good it's better to be safe

[EmpressAJ]

Because I want to get to know myself and figure out what I wanna do with my life

[SunnyRS]

That's the most positive answer I have received yet.
So full power to you.

[EmpressAJ]

@SunnyRS thank you so much 😊 I appreciate u say that 🩷

[SunnyRS]

You are most welcome 😊

[Cynicaldreamer]

Because I've come to realize I'm happier and feel better about myself when I'm single than in a relationship or trying to pursue one. Years of being hurt, rejected, friendzoned, ghosted, lied to, manipulated... yeah we all know that's part of dating, but there's only so much a person can take before you start to ask yourself, "Do I really deserve this just to find someone?"

And whenever I even slightly consider dipping my feet back into the dating scene, I'm hurt or let down by that ONE person I decided, "Okay, why not?" and it just kills my self esteem and confidence. For reference, my self esteem is bad enough as is, so being constantly rejected or let down doesn't help it one bit.

So then I wonder am I that unattractive or boring, or am I just one of those people that are not meant to be in relationships?

Sadly it seems like I have less drama, I'm taking better care of myself physically and mentally, and don't have to worry about what others think of me when I'm single. It shouldn't be that way; but yeah... lol. For the sake of my happiness and well being, I think I'll settle on being single and happy.

[SunnyRS]

Well being happy is what ultimately matters, if you feel you are happy single then no need to find love.
But if you do find love don't hesitate to pursue your happiness because of the fear of getting hurt.

[SotiCoto]

You sound like you need completely platonic hugs.

[Cynicaldreamer]

@sunnyrs No one "needs" to find love- it's really unnecessary to live.
Food, water, shelter, oxygen- those are essential for life. There are plenty of people that have lived their lives single and they're fine (myself included).

Besides, I've been single for well over 15 years now-
I'm kind of content this way, lol. I had a friend tell me the other day, "The right guy will find you one day!" And I'm just like, "No thanks! Tired of being disappointed."

[Cynicaldreamer]

@SotiCoto Ah, thank you... I honestly can't remember the last time I had a real one. But I'm fine. As I told Sunny, someone people are just better off single, and I think I fall into that category.

[SunnyRS]

I completely agree @Cynicaldreamer I am also single and I don't have any complaints with my life.
You pursue what you want to.
But I don't agree with one point of yours that Food, water, shelter, oxygen are essential for life, don't get me wrong they are but they are essential for survival. For living a life one needs something more than that and that is peace and happiness, that they can find either alone or with someone.

[jennifer_bloom]

I was afraid to give birth so I was interested in platonic relationships but not in a marriage where sex would happen. It's cause the bible says over and over again that labour is painful so I thought it would feel like somebody stabbed me with a knife. But then I concluded that the birth pains are metaphors and not expressions of severe agony so I'm no longer scared to give birth.

[SunnyRS]

So, now you are ready for more than platonic relationships that's good for you. Hope you find it someday

[1ash-Silver]

I liked girls that were not good so I would always realize too late. Then in 2019 I liked a girl , she attracted me by acting all about me , made it clear to me but later I found out she only did that to prove to everyone that good men can like her and she can turn them down because she has *options* now bear in mind her options 😂😂😂 were the worst kinda guys which blew my mind because she simultaneously led my friend and I on. My friend , knowing that I was sad about how this girl used me to get her stuff and for my popularity , could not tell me that he liked her and he called me aside to say "You were right" in which he was referring to the fact that I said girls are just going to break your heart and right now education is more important. Now I remember because people would generally be curious about my life they were speaking about me liking someone and a huge fan of mine asked me if I liked that girl and I lied by saying no. This girl basically after using me asked me to deal with this *rumor* obviously I am more popular than she is as she is only popular by the guys 😂😂😂 . I ended the rumor by contacting my friends so they got together as a team to put an end to it and it blew over in a couple of hours 😎. After all this heartache and drama I never trusted a women's love but what I find so ironic is now women are pursuing me like I'm what they've been missing and life just gets busier as I focus on personal growth . Yeah so I'm single for 5 reasons :

1. Some horrible girl broke my heart, her friends kicked her out of their clique because they know I'm a wonderful guy that no woman should ever do like that

2. I stopped trusting women although more and more women see how I am a high value man with a reputation that says just that.

3. I am more about myself as I chase my goals which back then were my dreams, in my 20s I guess there's a lot people expect from me 🙃 .

4. Life is just busier and I feel like I can only focus on myself right now as I need myself.

5. My sister having Lupus SLE produced a history of it in my family , basically its either I look for someone white with no positives on the ANA or I'm setting up a plan to keep things like so and this has made it difficult for me to approach women although they tend to be comfortable around me. I mean what can I say I have a family with a history of this messed up autoimmune disease that has already ruined my sister's life 💔. I need to get the person tested and let's be honest this can blow up in my face in the name of "Eugenics" .😤

I won't be having anyone anytime soon, it is not getting any easier to be alone though I have accepted it and I do feel that I deserve so much love . That's exactly why I choose to be single , too much going on 🤦‍♂️.

[1ash-Silver]

Imagine I meet a wonderful woman, love her with all my heart then we go for the ANA and she turns out testing positive on the ANA for Lupus 😱. Then I wasted her time and how will she feel about the positive result , she will be very unhappy to have met me as not only is she not compatible but she might possibly have a chance if bred with someone that has a history in their family, could possibly risk a descendant or a few.

[SunnyRS]

Well first of all that girl was not a good person to be with so I guess in a way you got lucky.
Secondly your reason number 3 and 4 are good reasons to stay single.
And lastly I don't know anything about your 5 reason so I won't make any comments on that.

[1ash-Silver]

Understood 👌.

[SotiCoto]

Various reasons.
I'm kinda lazy, and pairing off has just got more difficult as I got older and the world got worse. I'm just simply not that interested in putting in so much effort for so little payout.
Not only that but I found out after the fact that the way I treated one of my exes was involuntarily abusive. I didn't mean to hurt them, but it just turned out that way in the end because I'm contrarian and antisocial. So I kinda figured I'm not suited for relationships and don't want to actually hurt anyone else I care about...

I still have preferences and like to look, but I have no intention of ever acting on any of those impulses. Ever.

[SunnyRS]

If you have that level of self constraint then that's good man

[SotiCoto]

It isn't like I have much of a libido nor social needs in the first place though. I've had to come to terms with the fact that the vast majority of people aren't nearly as okay with social isolation as I am.
I loved 2020 for instance. Lockdown was awesome. I'd gladly have the whole country go back into full lockdown and social distancing forever.

[SunnyRS]

I hope not because of a deadly disease though

[SotiCoto]

Y'know the great thing about a proper zombie apocalypse? No more legal issues from killing the zombies.

[bobinnes00]

Because I was in a LTR that was struck by tragedy and trauma the aftermath of which was endured for years afterwards. I don't want to get close to anyone again, I couldn't go through anything like that again.

I am happy being single, the only thing I need is sex and I don't have to be in a relationship for that so no reason not to be single really.

[SunnyRS]

Fair enough

[NathanDavis]

I'm not against relationships...

and I didn't exactly "chose to be single" that's just the current affair of situations... but, it is bound to happen, as it usually does...

I just never rushed onto one nor would seek one just to be in a relationship... that always worked for me

[SunnyRS]

Fair enough, taking your time and letting things happen in its natural course works most of the time.

[NathanDavis]

yep, so far so good...

[RebelinSteel]

Was in a fairly long term relationship until early last year, we went our separate ways. I have just been to busy with other things to even think about any actual dating. Between work, travelling and having fun, I am for now okay with being single. Being single does not mean you do not get to have fun.

[SunnyRS]

That's true, single people also live a fun life.

[TadBehaya]

Too many complications are there in a relationship, too many possibilities of getting abandoned, cheated on and getting blamed for things you never did (talking about my experience). I rather enjoying having sex while being single.

[SunnyRS]

That's true relationships can become complicated.
But I don't think I can have sex with anyone if I don't feel something.

[TadBehaya]

Different strokes for different folks. :))

[SunnyRS]

I Completely agree

[SunnyRS]

I hope though it was not meant as an sexual innuendo, for guys d ck.

[warsevf]

I am lazy, I mean lazy to communicate, that bites. I didn't choose to be single my whole life, but things just came to me easily or i just cut corners and settled for less. Still i earn good enough, i have a happy job where i still want the comforts and all. I am a gym rat and can cook. I can take care of myself lazily.

Its just that I dont want to hurt someone and also afraid that they will

[SunnyRS]

Well fear can be a hindrance in our path so, try to overcome this and stay positive

[PeachyPie93]

I don't want to get close to anyone, since they all leave and you become strangers once again.

[SunnyRS]

That's pretty true.

[PeachyPie93]

Yes, and it sucks if you were friends before but you can't even talk to them anymore. Worst thing ever.

[SunnyRS]

Well but that is the thing you sometimes need to take that risk if your feelings for someone is strong enough
But if it's not strong it's not worth risking your friendship

[PeachyPie93]

My feelings are usually strong it is others who don't actually care about me.

[SunnyRS]

Then it is not a road worth venturing, find someone who you are not a friend with maybe

[PeachyPie93]

I rather just stay alone. I don't feel like there is a reason to try with people. Our gen is full of garbage and broken people.

[SunnyRS]

Can't argue with that, if I am included in your gen

[PeachyPie93]

Well you are only 5 years younger we are the same gen, unless you lying about your age lol

[SunnyRS]

Same gen then

[cth2188]

I don't have time for the dating climate and have lost interested in dating due to how toxic it is - so I've been single by choice 12 years and love my single Iife without the bs , stress, and headache of dating

[cth2188]

Dating is too oversexualized

[Minahh]

You're absolutely right

[SunnyRS]

No arguments against that.
People have become more negative over the years leading to them being toxic, and if affects your peace of mind then it is not worth it.

[cth2188]

I have beliefs that most can't match or meet so now I rather stay single indefinitely

[Nikki1989]

I have never had any reason to be single. Life is too short to be that miserable.

[SunnyRS]

I don't think being single is miserable, but if being with someone is fulfilling to some they are not wrong either.

[IslaTheWitch]

My almost ex-husband hurt me enough to not wish for any man at my side for a very long time

[SunnyRS]

That must be hard.
Won't ask what happened cause that's personal to you.
But I hope the pain goes away.

[7Phoenix7]

@islathewitch yikes I can relate

[desperatelyhungry]

Single by choice if others, to a degree. I am picky because I have ignored red flags in the past and paid the price so I never will again

[SunnyRS]

You are picky so that means you are still looking for that someone.
Being picky is good, you should have a standard set in your mind regarding your partner and you should not compromise with it for the sake of being in a relationship.

[LiamJHayden]

Because that is where I am for the moment. My formula is simple.

A great or good relationship is better than being single. Being single is better than a mediocre or poor relationship.

[SunnyRS]

That's a solid formula

[XXTruthfulOgrexx]

No benefit to me in a ltr except a warm body. I can have that from just casual dating.

[SunnyRS]

Can't argue with that, if that's your logic.

[ChicoFromThe305]

I got shit to work on but that doesn't mean i won't still cease the opportunity if it's a good one.

[SunnyRS]

Well I would suggest to work on that shit you are talking about first cause it can hamper your future relationship but if you find someone who can handle it then you should go for it.

[ChicoFromThe305]

Sure thing 💯

[DreamLife7]

Why would u Subject yourself to such a low level situation? I'm single because I don't settle for less than what I want.

[SunnyRS]

Well you have a solid point, you should not settle for less.
But love and relationship is not a low level situation, according to me.

[DreamLife7]

Sub/Dom is not a relationship nor love

[SunnyRS]

Well, I won't blame you if you feel that way but for me it is.

[Jerre]

I’m single because I choose to be single and date and have sex with them

[SunnyRS]

Fair choice, cause you enjoy that.

[Jerre]

@sunnyrs Thank you for the Like

[Jerre]

Enjoy very, very much

[SunnyRS]

Most welcome

[Jmmmfi4]

GIRLS CHOSE IT FOR ME

[SunnyRS]

😅😅

[kevypatyy7]

Because am happy and understand myself better.

[SunnyRS]

More power to you for that young lady.

[kevypatyy7]

Yeah

[SolitarySolace]

I'm sick of being used and cheated on

[SunnyRS]

Yeah it can hurt too much to try again

[JHAYES317]

You assume it’s a choice lol?

[SunnyRS]

If it's not then keep trying

[JHAYES317]

I am…I’m short and broke so it’s tough lol.

[SunnyRS]

Well then keep improving yourself in the areas you can.

[VanguardTitan]

Me being single rn is not by choice 🤣.

[SunnyRS]

Keep trying then

[Anonymous]

Too busy and too broke to bother looking right now

[SunnyRS]

Two very solid "toos" I must say.

[robocop666]

Dating is hard

[SunnyRS]

No denying that but if you are looking for a relationship you gotta work hard for it.

[Unycorn]

Because the selection sucks

[Unycorn]

Weil die Auswahl Mist ist

[SunnyRS]

Well can't argue with that, you should have your standards.
Side note- was that German?

[Unycorn]

Yes, that was German

[SunnyRS]

I knew it.
Don't know the language but my assumption was correct.

[Anonymous]

why ı m not gonna choose to be single?

[SunnyRS]

Fair enough

[war_daddy]

porn > girls

[SunnyRS]

🤣🤣🤣

[jimmy2]

She passed aways

[SunnyRS]

I am really sorry to hear that.

[jimmy2]

It's life