Met a Colombian girl online, and want to get honest opinions if I should trust this girl?

[Anonymous]

So the story to this question is quite long, so I am going to explain it as much as possible. I met this Colombian girl on this dating site. The site seems to be legit, but the girl I have been talking to is from Medellin Colombia, but lives in Bello outside Medellin as what she has told me. I have been talking to this girl for about a year going on now, in the process of getting to know her I have noticed some inconsistencies in what she tells me about her. I had to keep insisting on that she tells me the truth about who she is, and she finally told me some truths about her, because she states that she actually has feeling for me and wants to be with me. Before she told she had siblings and only hangouts with her family including cousins, but to correct this she told me that she had no siblings, and those cousins she hangout with are just friends that she grew up with. Also I would tell her I would travel to Colombia just to meet, but she would always tell me no, and that she would come to me because of her father. She tells me that her father apparently runs a business in Colombia and apparently was born in the states, and is really over protective of her, and tells me that her father keeps her in a nice neighborhood. But to find out from research Bello Colombia is not safe. So I asked why she lives in Bello and not somewhere a bit more safer if her father has money, she told me because he loves his city bello and can’t leave it, so since things weren’t making since I asked her if her father is in a gang, and she told me that he is involved with the cartel. She tells me she wants to finish her studies for college but her father keeps her busy doing things for him which she won’t say what it is. I was planning on going to Colombia to at least meet her, but I am not now from things I am seeing about Colombia with drugging with the women and also knowing her father is involved with cartel. So should I still trust this girl?

[HollyK21]

I had a guy friend that spent 4 years (closer to 5) dealing with an LDR girlfriend and after all that I witnessed him go through, I can’t accurately say your woman is catfishing you but I’d advise you trust your gut and don’t ignore the red flags.


My friend did everything he could to verify her story, brushed off the inconsistencies since he began to love her and really tried to put his faith in her. But she was just too shady, too many stories and things that didn’t add up. After about 3 years he pushed and pushed to meet up in her city and she agreed.


He took the time off work, made the arrangements, flew out there, got a room at a hotel she recommended since (allegedly) her parents wouldn’t allow him stay at the house, made plans for things to do while he visited for the weekend, etc etc. Only for her to ghost him once he was there and she stayed gone for like 3 months before trying to salvage things. But this is only one of several hurtful and disappointing experiences for my friend.


You have been presented with red flags that you seem to keep dismissing due to the feelings you’ve gained for this woman. All I can say is don’t invest any money or more time into this woman if it’s looking like a dead end. You could find someone who’s at least in your country, that is more hopeful of a situation and not what looks like a trap.

[Asker]

Hello Holly thank you for your answer. Yes over time I have grown feeling for this woman. I am even still talking to her till this day she hasn’t asked for money or anything like that from me. But she has claimed to have told her parents about me and they apparently they seem okey with me from what she tells me. She has told me she has been making changes to her life after she told me things about herself, but again she only gives so much information about herself there are times when I even ask what she does during the day, and she doesn’t answer or feels reluctant to share. But always wants to know about me all the time. But not trying to get to much off topic I have told her I won’t be going to Colombia to see her, and she tells me she will try to come to my country and city to visit me, but the thing is she tells me she won’t be able to go back to her country and will have to live with me.

[HollyK21]

Have you ever FaceTimed her? If so what about on a regular basis and not just once?

[Asker]

I have tried to do a video call with her multiple times, and even tried to get her phone number to use WhatsApp. But she tells me that she doesn’t have a phone, and has to use or borrow other people’s phones to take pictures of her to show me her. But there are times that I have caught her slipping saying "her phone", and now she tells me that she will give me her phone number once she comes here to the states to meet me in person.

[HollyK21]

Now Tyrone… we are in 2024, you met her through a dating “APP” which literally takes a phone, and she can’t FaceTime? Snapchat? WhatsApp? This has catfish written all over it, and I know that seems incredible in this day and age but people do it all the time.

[HollyK21]

She doesn’t want to give you her phone number until she visits? That makes absolutely no sense, my friend. I think creating an online persona on the dating app was for fun and to scam men. What she didn’t expect was to actually connect with someone how she did with you. Now she’s screwed because the truth will have to come to light and she can’t hold you off with excuses forever.

[Asker]

lol I understand, but originally it’s just a site it doesn’t have an app so you can only access it through browser. The other thing is I know in Colombia they are not that far back in time with no cell phones or anything, and I am sure they use that stuff she has even slipped that she follows people on a social media account, but I didn’t question it because every time I question she get mad. I know I might sound dumb for entertaining it for this long, but I just wanted to get other peoples view points to make my decision.

[Asker]

That’s exactly what she told me, she said she is tired of lying about herself to me, and she told me the reason why she made up the story in the beginning when we talked was because she ended up falling in love with me, and did not think anything was going to go anywhere with me.

[HollyK21]

My genuine advice is to be done with her dude. I watched a good, genuine loyal man be strung along for 4 years when he could’ve been done once he saw the inconsistencies but just like yours, she talked him into staying each time. These women are emotionally manipulative catfishers, the sad thing is it’s not always about money but their own isolation and loneliness. I bet money that she’s introverted and games a lot of her day away if she isn’t obligated to go out for work. I’m sorry but there’s no way that in this whole year not one single time could she even send you video message saying her name, your name and whatever else. People over in Palestine (the most devastated country aside from Congo right now) with zero electricity completely disconnected from the world have found ways to get their news and video to post online, and when you see things like that you know she could show you herself if she wanted to. She’s hiding, disingenuous, how can you even start a life with a woman who makes herself hard to trust and lies for no reason? This is a bad connection man..

[Asker]

Haha games well she does know about video games, but yeah I am going to take your word for it if she is truly interested she will come visit here in my city and show herself if she is really who she says she is.

[HollyK21]

Good choice. If I were you I’d want her identity validated before I could even consider any kind of visit. If I’m correct about her she probably causes an argument and victimizes herself to the point you feel guilty whenever you push too much to see her or ask certain questions. She’s too far gone into this online persona, I don't know if you’ll ever know the truth. It’s a dangerous game online dating, especially if she’s in another country. I highly doubt the whole cartel thing is true and you have absolutely no way of verifying that, but if she’s willing to go to those lengths to protect herself and keep that wall between you then I would be done.

[HollyK21]

She probably did fall in love because you have a life she fantasizes about. What would you say about yourself? Do you think you’re fairly extroverted, decent job, live alone? If so that’s opposite of her. She’ll lie and say she doesn’t do much because her cartel father when in reality she doesn’t get out much by her own choosing and fantasizes about another life. It’s weird man.

[Asker]

Well she told me she is super extroverted, and that she has a lot of guy friends and female friends, but more men as friends. She has told me many times she would go out a lot and party before she started talking to me now she doesn’t do it very much and has even cut off those friends after telling me that. Now the life fantasies maybe because she always keeps telling me I am a good man because I don’t do much and I am not always out partying and things like that. Yes in the beginning she would do that victimize thing with me when I kept pushing for information about her and a phone number to talk, but now not so much, now she just answers my questions. The daddy cartel thing I don’t know much about either, but I am taking caution with that if it’s true or not.

[HollyK21]

How does she have all these friends, partying etc with a strict cartel father and no phone? Lol I think she is lying through her teeth, because you have no choice but to believe her when you can’t validate any of this, you’re in a whole other country. It’s just suspicious as hell, until you get the video chat I wouldn’t believe a word she says.

[Asker]

lol I don’t know she says they come and visit her and that Colombia is a very small place unlike the United States. But still I know she is not in the Stone Age she has to communicate some how.

[HollyK21]

Exactly! We are not in the stone ages, it’s been way too long in all this time she could’ve found a way to do something so simple. This has catfish written all over it unfortunately.

[Jamie05rhs]

@HollyK21 You seem like a really smart person. Even as a 3rd party looking in, I appreciate the advice you have written here.

[HollyK21]

@Jamie05rhs thank you Jamie!☺️

[Jamie05rhs]

You're welcome!

[midnightmoon05]

Don’t waste more time or energy. Where would this go since it’s starting out with dishonest and confusion?
find someone local who you can meet and have a good relationship with.

[FunkyMonkee]

Sounds quite dodgy, to me! If she starts asking you for money to help her come to you, it's a scam!! Usually, it goes like this: she's coming to see you and can't wait to see you. On her way to the airport, she stops someplace to buy you a present and everything's wonderful! Then, she gets to the ticket line at the airport and realizes that, because she blew all that money on your present, she's not got enough for the plane ticket and needs YOU to send her more money to pay for the ticket. Usually a very odd amount. Not like, $100 but, something like $97.52. This makes it sound more legit. She CAN'T go back home to ask her family/friends for the cash because she already told them all that she's coming to see you and, if she went back, now, they'd all laugh at her so, it's up to you to pay her way. Of course, if you DO give her the money, you'll never hear from her, again! And, if you don't, she spends a few more days begging from you and, once she gets the idea she's NOT getting the cash, she tries to insult and belittle you into feeling sorry for her so you'll send her the cash. IF she really even IS a girl!!

[JTPeterson]

As someone who has dealt with a lot of catfish scammers and hackers I would highly suggest you ditch this woman she can’t keep her facts straight to you and if her father is that highly protective and part of the cartel he would have your a$$ kill in seconds if you go near her, I know I sound harsh on this but for your safety and the fact her story keeps changing no way dude cut her loose

[Asker]

Yeah there is to many signs about her father being in something like that. It’s always about the control of her father that she keeps going off about, and that’s why I am not going to Colombia anymore I have been seeing to many things about robberies and kidnappings happening to foreigners there. Because of high poverty with the aftermath of COVID. I believe you are right I just don’t trust even going near her there in Colombia if her father is truly with the cartel.

[Levin]

I've read your exchange with Holly and honestly this has disaster written all over it.

I've been in your shoes. It might be worthwhile to reflect on what is drawing you to this stranger who won't even video chat you, compared to women in real life? I mean, on a deeper level.

[Asker]

To be honest I don’t know what’s drawing me to her, maybe the drive or some sort of wanting to actually be with me I have no clue.

[Levin]

Of someone actually wanting to be with you?

[Asker]

Well maybe the sweet talking lol I have no clue I am thinking about that right now.

[lightbulb27]

friends of mine from columbia traveled there as they have property there. there's apparetly good areas and bad. if you knew someone columbian you trusted, be easier to sort her out.

as it is, I don't trust it. open communication required which isn't happening.

too risky.

[Jamie05rhs]

Well, the good news is she actually admitted it. (And that took some courage on her part.)

The bad news is the situation still is what it is. So I certainly wouldn't go there to visit her. You can let her visit you, though, if you want (in a public place. And don't give her any private information!)

[midnightmoon05]

Or money

[Jamie05rhs]

@midnightmoon05 Well, duh. Lol

[Staximus]

Stop being a dumb ass trying to meet shady women online in foreign countries who are trying to take advantage of you. Just find a woman you can go see whenever you want who lives nearby.

[slatyb]

No, you shouldn't. Stop wasting time on long-distance relationships.

[exitseven]

You should draw the line at giving her a credit card number or Venmo her some cash

[BoopBoopBeep]

She's obviously a catfish

[In_Trance]

Fuck around and find out

[jaskin777]

I wouldn't trust it