Hypothetical Discussions?

[Anonymous]

My partner and I were watching Desperate Housewives and there’s this married couple in the show (Doug and Lynette). Doug had a one night stand with another woman long before he met Lynette and he ended up having a child he didn’t know about. He found out far later into his marriage with Lynette (they have kids of their own already). First of, there is a 1 million% chance this won't happen with me lol and we will never get into this situation (but if I found out i had a child i didn’t know about, id love to have this child in my life). While watching the show, I asked her how she would feel if it hypothetically happened to me and for some reason, her response hurt me. She said it would for sure end our relationship, she’d resent the child/the mother for coming in ruining her relationship with me, shed want nothing to do with another woman’s child and wouldn’t want that child/mother in our home. Every time i try to bring it up that it that it bugs me, she laughs and says not to worry about it because it won't ever happen and to let it go. Yes, it won't happen but i dont know why im so bothered/hurt by it? Its so easy to just drop it and yes, i shouldn’t have asked but I don't know, i am hoping its just an intrusive thought that will go away, but i am having doubts to marry her after she said that. Am i acting unreasonably over a situation that is just hypothetical? Now ladies, what would YOU do if you found out years later your man/husband had a child he didn’t know about?

[Oliverlogan263]

This would definitely be a tough situation to navigate. A few thoughts:

First, I understand why your girlfriend's initial response bothered you - the resentment and not wanting the child in your lives is harsh. However, she may have just been caught off guard by the hypothetical question and reacted strongly in the moment.

It's always best to speak with compassion. Perhaps say you understand this scenario would be difficult, but as a family you'd want to handle it lovingly for the child's sake. They deserve to know and be cared for by their father.

If it were me, I'd want to meet my partner where he's at emotionally. Shock would wear off and the wellbeing of all involved, especially kids, would be the top priority. Genetics don't define relationships - a caring dad is what really matters.

Encourage an open heart-to-heart about values like responsibility and empathy. With time and care, I believe most resentments could fade so a family could come together. But patience and understanding on all sides would be key.

At the end of the day, loving communication is so important. Try not to let this hypothetical cause real distance - have faith your foundation is strong enough to work through anything as long as you face it together with respect.

[abc3643]

You are talking about the character Lynette Scavo.

The character of Lynette's husband is named Tom Scavo PLAYED by the actor Doug Savant.

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As for your girlfriend's response, that's understandable but not universal. Any many men feel similarly; they do not want to raise another man's child. There's a deep instinct about that.

[abc3643]

By the way, Tom did have a one-night-stand with Renée Perry who was married to Doug Perry.

[HateyouxD]

My current partner asked me this some time ago and I said of course we'd except that child

[HateyouxD]

That child isn't responsible for the fuck ups their parents made. I'd love him or her like my own

[HateyouxD]

Accept*

[ColHathi]

I would've been incredibly hurt too. I'd love to know her reasoning for that, because that seems insane to me, and if my partner said that... to me that would sound like she's heartless and unreasonable about the whole situation with me and the kid, but she's also willing to just throw out our whole relationship for no discernable reason. Ofc that's gonna hurt. I'd question marrying her too, with that sort of reasoning.

[HelpfulWoman]

- why should she just "let it go".. why can't you?

[ColHathi]

I think she was the one telling him to just let it go.

[HelpfulWoman]

@ColHathi "Its so easy to just drop it and yes, i shouldn’t have asked but I don't know, i am hoping its just an intrusive thought that will go away, "
so easy to drop it but the asker won't lmao.

[ColHathi]

Every time i try to bring it up that it that it bugs me, she laughs and says not to worry about it because it won't ever happen and to let it go.
She's the one that says "let it go". He doesn't ask her to drop it or let it go. He's asking her about why she said those things or why she feels that way.

It's obviously not easy for him to drop it, and for good reason, I think.

[ColHathi]

oh, forgot to put quotation marks around the quote, sorry. The first sentence there was a quote.

[HelpfulWoman]

@ColHathi mate i LITERALLY copy and pasted where he was a fucking hypocrite. do you need someone with a brain cell to help you read this?
Dumbass, he's literally saying "its so easy to just drop it"...
yawn. yawn. yawn. now bugger off, i have no interest in having to reply to further dumb-assery from yourself.