Can you really forgive someone that has lied to you?

[Finchie40]

They tell you everything you want to hear , you trusted them with all your heart and then bam out of no where you find out the truth that they been lying to you? How do you honestly forgive someone that lied to you , when you been nothing but honest with them? Yes you can let it go and not make a big deal about it , but you will never forget and sadly you will never trust that person ever again. What’s your thoughts on this?

[Screenwriter]

I'm gonna ask what was the reason that the person lied to you. I think that might be more important than the lie itself.

If someone has lied to you to mask an affair, well that's fairly unforgiveable. But if they lie to protect themselves from ridicule or embarrassment, this might be a different story.

One is about lying because they're doing something that will hurt you. The other is lying to protect themselves from BEING hurt, or so they think in their own mind.

I have a friend who lied to me about his hoarding problem, which he'd never seemed to have previously. He would never have me over to his house, the new one he just bought. He'd come over to my house and we'd hang out. A long time went by and then he told me. Then he brought me over to help him clean up. He said he was embarrassed and ashamed.

He had nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed about, but the shock of his situation was terrific. I asked him to please never let himself get so low that he would mistreat himself so badly, and not love himself enough to get help and take medication. He has done it again, but I suppose it's like alcoholism or drug addiction. You fall off the wagon and start over.

Lying MIGHT also occur because someone is a COMPULSIVE liar and that is a mental condition that needs therapy and medication also.

You can't hold such stuff against someone. You don't have to be friends with or be a SO to someone with said condition, but realize, it has NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU. It's about their psychopathology.

[Shiningstat]

@Finchie40 thanks for bringing this topic up. I can totally relate to this. I was/kind of still am friends with a guy I met last year, we’ve travelled together, spent a considerable amount of time getting to know each other as friends and talked. Until about June/July last year where I have this gut feeling something wasn’t right - communication style was off. He tells me he’s never met anyone like me before, I mean a lot to him and the last travel trip we went on, he said he liked me twice on this trip but I couldn’t trust his words. Luckily I didn’t, because he kept on receiving calls daily from a girl which he never told me he was seeing. After a whole month together, we parted ways, I never slept with him but we did share a bed space. Fast forward until now, turns out he was seeing her and that’s his girlfriend but he never once told me he had a girlfriend! If I had known, I wouldn’t go travel with him, he didn’t lied but he didn’t tell me the truth either. Either way not sure what he was playing at but it wasn’t nice to play with people’s feelings.

[Finchie40]

I’m sorry to hear that happened to you. My advice to you , is to just exempt him from your life and realize you deserve better than that. The problem with most people in general, is that most people have selfish mindsets , they want more than what they already have in front of them , most people have a hard time being content with their own lives and think they are missing out on something , I blame social media for playing a part in a lot of it , by brainwashing people’s minds into thinking grass is greener on the other side. So again for your own sanity , you are best to exempt him from your life , and no longer listen to him or invest any of your time into him , be thankful you busted him now then finding out the truth 10 years from now and wasting your time , because he is nothing but lies. it will be just a matter of time , before his so called girlfriend finds out , how much of a POS he really is , when the truth finally reveals itself. Which more than likely it will eventually because I guarantee, he will attempt to do this again with someone else. Why I no longer rush into relationships with girls’ I had my fair share of lying selfish girls’ that told me one thing but behind my back , they were a whole different person that was filled with nothing but lies , I forgave some of them but I will never trust them again and on top of that, I will never forget as well. When someone does my dirty , I lose all respect for that person for fucking with my heart. Sadly my heart has been broken to the point I have walls up protecting it from allowing someone to take advantage of it. Honesty is very important to me now , if a girl cannot be honest with me I will want nothing to do with her period , I don’t come into someone’s life to destroy it , so I expect the same in return. I treat people the same way I want to be treated with honesty and respect , if that is hard for someone to do , then don’t waste any more of my time and I won’t waste anymore of your time

[Finchie40]

As well, I take relationships serious , I am not going to get into a relationship with someone to be single , and sadly the girls’ I gave my heart to started acting like they were single , doing things that they didn’t want me doing but when it came down to them doing it , I was just supposed to be a sitting duck and let them walk over me , I was a bad guy for expressing my feelings of concern , to realize she never really cared about me in the first place , she only liked the convenience of me. I just found out more truth of my ex wife that hurt me even more that she lied to me for as long as she did. I will never trust her again , she has been trying to get back together with me and I almost gave her another chance until the truth smacked me right in the face , To the point her chances with me turned back to zero

[Shiningstat]

@Finchie40 thanks for sharing. I’m sorry you e been through a tough time, it’s the most unpleasant feeling and I share that same thought. But I do hope there are better people out there, you’re right time wasted on these people aren’t worth it.

[RebelinSteel]

There is a sort of sliding scale to lying from denying you had the last biscuit to the lying to your kids mummy just banged her head (and it was not daddy again) to a couple lying to each other. I have lied in the past about various stuff, some because I did have the last biscuit, other times because I was hurting a lot but no one needed to know. I have been lied to on that same sliding scale, pretty much all I just get on with life and mark it down to a life lesson.
I am with @Smashingdoozy on the manipulation bit where you fuck around with another persons emotions, mentally, invariably try to isolate them etc, that stuff really is horrendous.

[nawtee_me]

Yes, forgiveness is a choice. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting about it. We forgive and remember so that we learn from it and keep it from happening again. Forgiveness is not about them. It is about us, so that we can move on without regret.

[sage2021]

I guess when it's someone that you love or have loved for a long time it is easier to forgive them. However, there is no more trust between, and you'll probably never forget they lied to you.

Someone I worked with once told that I have the gift of forgiveness. So maybe that's true.

And keeping the ☮️ peace is important, otherwise not forgiving someone could easily to turn into hate. Don't let liars turn you into a hateful person.
I'm not saying it's easy, because I know it isn't.
God bless you. 🙏

[FreyaRed]

Forgiveness is some coping mechanism and it's not always and everyone necessary. People lie and they have their reason or do it compulsory. Lies hurt when others make wrong decisions after they believed a liar. Otherwise are lies harmless and liars take the risk loosing their credibility if lies get exposed.
Maybe is forgiving a liar rather forgiving oneself for believing a lie.

[IslaTheWitch]

Lying is one of those things that makes it challenging for me to rebuild trust in a person who has deceived me. With a few individuals, our paths have diverged precisely for this reason. Of course, a lot depends on the scale and reason. But generally, people in my inner circle know that I prefer the worst truth to a beautiful lie.

[Todd9612]

My thoughts are, is it worrying ruining the relationship? My spouse cheated on me years ago, and lied about it. It’s done and over with, if we divorce and never talk again, it’s not going to undo what’s been done. If the relationship is important to you, then forget about it, people make mistakes, maybe start with asking why she lied about it, maybe it’ll help you understand things a bit more.

[NathanDavis]

I've understood them... no need to "forgive"

but it isn't like your care, was different... and they had other reasons

[Sour-rose]

I would say yes... but it's for myself. But i will never forget. :) therefore, i won't be fooled again

[Demonatrix]

Yes if they are small lies because you know you do it to.

[Finchie40]

I honestly can’t remember the last time I told a little lie? I grew past that shit honestly , When I was younger and didn’t really know any better then yes I can recall telling some lies but as I got older I realized what is even the point of lying to someone , if someone can’t accept you for who you are then they are not worth your time is how I see things. A person that lies is a selfish person that only really cares about themselves, they don’t consider someone else’s feelings , they only say what they feel is best for themselves. I had a best friend that sadly was a compulsive liar , he lied so much to the point he started believing his own lies , it eventually caught up to him and then he took his own life , so that’s probably another reason I do not lie. Sadly a lot of people have the tendency to lie because they are afraid to admit the truth , and those people
Wonder why they they struggle in relationships. Relationships are based off of trust for each other , if you canMt trust your partner , they aren’t going to trust you , it needs to go both ways or that relationship is just a waste of time. People assume the worst case scenarios most of the time and sadly that person will never be happy or content if they constantly feel that way , especially if they are hiding behind lies. Through my years of interacting with people , I have busted people red handed lying and sadly I lost all respect for those people
And pray that they learned from their mistakes. I am not saying I am perfect what so ever , but one thing I learned in life is just be honest , you will receive a lot More respect from others when you can be honest within yourself and others. People that lie are not only hurting someone else , they are hurting themselves as well

[Smashingdoozy]

Telling someone everything they want to hear isn't just lying it's manipulation. I can forgive lies i can't forgive manipulation.

[bobalife]

It breaks trust… I’ll only let it go if they can be honest and rebuild that trust for long-term.

[DizzyDesii]

I’ve been trying to cope and believe they changed.

[CozyCoffin]

Depends on how important I think it is. If they cheated on me, we are through. Same thing with anyone that knew that didn't tell me.

[exitseven]

I usually will forgive but never forget. But you are right, you never really trust them again.

[laly520]

depends on the type of lie
if its a white lie then possible

[Anonymous]

I’m working on it. I can definitely forgive him as long as he’s willing to do the work to fix his mistake but I will never forget.

[sheikalana]

Forgive, yes. Forget and trust? Never again.

[KrakenAttackin]

It depends on the lie and how it impacts me.

[Amara_09]

Under one condition. We fight

[CallmeTheKnight]

Yes and then I cut off all ties

[Zestyassmf1997]

Uh…I mean…nah, dawg.

[Squatting_Slav]

I always forgive but never forget