How do I deal with a close friend wanting less contact?

[Anonymous]

Me (M) and my close friend (F) got into an argument about me putting her relationship in front of our friendship. We spend more time together than she does with her boyfriend so i always take a step back whenever they are together. I don't feel like I am meddling with her relationship but she does and blames me for telling them how to be in their relationship. She got very hostile about me putting myself in second place as to her, her friends are equal to her relation. To add some context, we would easily spend all day after work playing videogames together for 30 days in a row. She would only see her boyfriend for 1 or 2 days for a couple of hours. We had this fight a couple of times and I still don't feel like I am wrong

After the last fight she told me she didn't know if she wanted to continue the friendship and now she let me know that she is fine with remaining friends but doesn't want to have daily contact anymore.

I told her I understood she wants space and that I'll give it to her but that it wasn't really clear to me how she wanted to handle upcoming events we had planned together. She then told me that she didn't want space, she just wanted less contact. If I wanted to cancel the events that would be up to me but she was fine with still going together.

I am really confused on how to feel about this. Especially about how it all got to this point. I can't help to feel like she does want space even though she says she doesn't. And I dislike how she puts the choice of canceling events on me. How should I handle this situation?

[Oliverlogan263]

It's definitely a confusing situation man. A few thoughts:

- Give her the space she's asking for, even if you don't fully get it. Pushing back will likely only make things worse.

- For now, keep plans you've made unless she specifically cancels. Going to events together could be a way to slowly rebuild comfort over time.

- Really reflect on the friendship from her perspective too. Maybe she was feeling taken for granted or smothered without realizing. Friends need balance.

- Focus on your own life more for a bit. Pick up old hobbies, hit the gym, spend time with other friends too.

- Check in with her in a few weeks to genuinely see how she's feeling. Ask what she needs from you going forward without being defensive.

- Be patient. Relationships have ups and downs. With understanding and effort, you may be able to salvage this. But it's up to her mostly now.

Hope things work out dude. Just give her breathing room while still being open if she wants to reconnect down the track.

[Asker]

I'd agree but when I told her I'd give her the space, she got upset and said she didn't want space, just less time together

[Oliverlogan263]

Damn man, that's even more confusing! Girls can be so complicated sometimes.

If she's getting upset no matter what you do, it kinda seems like she might be more upset with herself than with you, you know? Like she's all jumbled up inside and taking it out on the situation.

My advice would be - don't try to logic it out too much right now, cuz it won't make sense. Just do your thing, be chill, show her you care but also got your own life.

Maybe hit her up in a few days, like "Hey, was just thinking of grabbing a burger after practice, you in?" So you're still making an effort, but also showing you're not gonna rearrange your life around her. If she says no, cool, her loss - and if she says yes, keep it light and casual.

Eventually she'll either calm down and see you're still her friend no matter what, or you'll learn she needs more space. But the more you stress trying to figure her out, the more you'll drive yourself crazy, man! Just go with the flow for now. It'll work itself out.

[Zestyassmf1997]

Her behavior strikes me as suspicious. I can’t quite put my finger on it, but something isn’t right on her end.

[Tharithi]

I don’t think it’s her boyfriend. U messed up and hurt her that’s why she’s behaving like this

[Asker]

How did I hurt her? I genuinely don't know

[Tharithi]

Lol by probably being a wuss. Go and talk to her

[Asker]

I offered her the opportunity to talk. She didn't want to talk about this any further. It wasn't something I did she just wants less contact as she also talks to her other friends less than we used to.

[Tharithi]

U are a wuss. What a fucking wuss

[Asker]

I'd agree with you if we were dating but we are not. If you imply asking her out, she will say no. She is about to move in with her boyfriend pretty soon

[Tharithi]

Huhhhh? Go and talk to her u wuss. Instead of moving away

[Asker]

I am not moving away, she is setting boundaries. Expecting me to chase her would be toxic and childish behavior

[Tharithi]

Nahhhh she’s behaving correct. Chase her

[Asker]

lmao, there's no way that is gonna end well. That would be doing exactly what she blamed me for doing in the first place

[Tharithi]

Lol u are a wuss. U are not a man. Understand women psychology

[Asker]

it's defintely psycho if for woman. 100x "no" means "yes". Not sure about the -logy part

[Tharithi]

U are a wuss? Go ask her to talk to u.

[laly520]

if they want less contact then they shall have it

u can't force anyone to stay

[Asker]

I don't want to force her to stay friends but she is putting the choice of remaining friends on me, while she is the one who wants less contact. If I don't go to the event (which is only a couple days from now) she will blame me for not going. If I go, she'll just ignore me for a few days "because she wanted less contact"

I feel like anything I choose is wrong anyway

[laly520]

just go to the event but dont interact with her
not hard

[Asker]

Well the event includes a 3 hours drive towards, and 3 hours back with me, her and her mom. Not interacting is not an option if I go

[laly520]

just say simple words needed ones
basic lines
u dont have to talk all time

[laly520]

u can talk only when u r talked to for example