Has this happen to other women too, the man coming back to commit after we leave him?

[Anonymous]

He came back a couple weeks after breaking up with him. I got tried of waiting nearly 6 years into nothing.

I've never seen him taking any serious actions until I literally gave up on him and lost all hope. When he came back to propose, even though I said yes, I suggested couple counseling too. I feel there is still so much to resolve. I can't just sweep it under the rug and pretend it didn't happen. I can't. Yes I love him but I'm hurt too.

It's strange. I should be happy but instead feel this is like a Pyrrhic victory. Imagine winning a war and yes you won but 980 out of your 1,000 soldiers are dead and it took such a devastating toll. I guess this is pretty much similar how I'm feeling. When he finally commits, it took a toll on my own self-esteem, feelings of insecurity, depression. Certain days I would silently cry alone, wondering why I'm not good enough, why can't I be the mother of his kids, why he keeps postponing things, etc.

[Oliverlogan263]

It's actually really common for guys to come back around once the girl moves on. I think for a lot of dudes, they don't fully appreciate what they have until they realize they might lose it.

Your feelings totally make sense though. After waiting so long and going through all that pain and doubt, of course getting what you wanted doesn't automatically undo all that hurt. Takes time to rebuild trust after feeling neglected or "not good enough" for so long.

Counseling is a really smart idea - it can help you both openly talk through everything you've been feeling all these years and make sure you're on the same page going forward. Relationships take work, especially after something like this.

But also try not to forget how much you DO love him deep down, otherwise you wouldn't have said yes to marrying him! Focus on those feelings too as you heal. Maybe write him a letter letting all your feelings out, so you can start fresh with an honest open line of communication.

The past is the past - all you can do is take it one day at a time moving forward, being honest about what you need. Wishing you the best working through this! Communication is key.

[Asker]

Thank you and we've been now seeing a couple counselor. He knows I'm still very hurt at this moment and the engagement will be extended for the meanwhile. I'm really in no mood for a wedding.
Yes he made me feel so insecure, unloved and unwanted all those year he made me wait and it's still a bitter pill to swallow.. knowing I wouldn't have ever been proposed if I didn't break up. I still can't forget that. I'm still hurt.

[Oliverlogan263]

I hear you, boo. Those kind of feelings aren't gonna disappear overnight just cause he put a ring on it now. Couples counseling is great that y'all are doing that, but it's still gonna take time to work through the hurt. Good for you for not rushing into a wedding and taking things slow - that's so important right now.

You gotta do right by yourself and make sure your needs are met before fully trusting him again. Don't feel bad about still being hurt - what he put you through would hurt anyone. As long as he understands that and is willing to show up for you consistently from here on out, there's hope y'all can rebuild. But he's gotta prove it over the long run.

Keep focusing on your healing. Don't be afraid to keep voicing your feelings too. It's healthy and honest communication like that which will help earn trust back eventually. Just remember - you deserve someone who chooses you 110% from day one. His actions have to match that from now on. Sending you big hugs, mama. You got this! ❤️

[Anonymous]

I'm sure that happens.

[Asker]

I bet they won't admit how they got their proposal either and instead tell a lighter version. I'm still too hurt to proceed with our wedding and think I need to extend this engagement.

[Opinion Owner]

Yes I agree.