Considering the strong feelings some guys have shared about needing to feel secure in a relationship, as I mentioned in my latest blog post on women keeping their body count private, I'm curious.
If the assurance from knowing her sexual history is off the table, what are some other ways to build that trust and feel really solid with each other?
Can you really fully trust anyone who keeps something from you? I've always been an open book with people I date, and I expect the same treatment. And whether or not body count is "important", if it even seemed like someone was withholding information, lying to protect themselves, or outright telling me that they didn't feel comfortable sharing it, it would make me wonder what else they weren't sharing, were lying about, or whatever.
Not wanting to share traumas is one thing. But when you're intimate, all sexual things tend to be on the table. Have you ever done this position? Been with someone of the same gender? Had a threesome? Etc. People getting to know each other. But if you're willing to talk about all those things, but not how many people you did it with, there's something fishy going on there.
Also, one of the things not addressed in your article (unless I missed it?) was the main reason for knowing body count in the first place, whether for a man or woman. It's been statistically shown that higher body counts typically mean worse long-term relationship outcomes. Someone who's been with so many people in their past are more likely to feel like it's easier to "move on" when things get tough versus "work on the problems". This is the reason for the greater divorce rates in the modern age. Not that people are more comfortable leaving abusers, but because of the ease of divorcing if you're "not happy" or "things got too hard" when you're going through a rough patch.
I know a dude who's on his 5th marriage. One of the nicest dudes you'll ever meet, total open book, the women he divorces always call him up when they need help later on with something, he tries to stay their friend and everything, and only 1 of the 5 is one he says was a total nutcase.
Would it not be important to a woman who met this guy to know that he's been through 4 or 5 divorces? Or that maybe he slept with 30 women before his first marriage? These things have been shown to be important indicators for relationship trustworthiness and long-term outcomes. Wouldn't a woman with only (say) 3 previous sexual partners, who's looking to get married, want to know someone's a serial relationship ditcher with at least 40 notches in his belt?
I think it would be, and it would be unfair for a man in that situation to keep this from his next female partner. As such, I think the same thing the other way around.
If body count didn't matter, these relationship issues wouldn't exist as a result of body count, and then the people saying body count doesn't matter would be right. But the fact that relationships are affected by it (even if indirectly) means that it does matter, at least within a certain context.
I believe most men that date or have common sense approach it from the mindset of knowing they are more than likely not the first man their potential interest has been with. They just WANT to believe they are blowing packing peanuts off of a fresh product.
Now if we look at the taboo question of body count here, there is a lot of belief that pair bonding ability becomes lower with each personality woman sleeps with and it shows they have no level of restraint or respect to who they sleep with. Now obviously this is not true, but there is no shortage of super hoes out there that like to have a train tun on them, either. In short if the approach comes to the idea of "if men can do it, we can too!" Which to be fair they can, but it sure as hell won't sit well with men that are turned off by women who emulate the same behaviors as men.
There is other means to show security, loyalty and commitment on the women's end, but this also depends on the woman in question as well. Factors to take in for men need to be the following:
1.) Does she say what she means and follow up and do what what she says she is going to do?
2.) How many and how frequent were her past relationships did she have?
3.) How does she feel about commitment?
4.) Is she accountable and capable of admitting when she fucks up or is wrong and apologize rather than shift blame and make an excuse for bad behavior?
5.) How are her social media habits? Does she feel the need to flaunt herself and post questionable pictures despite the fact she is in a relationship and makes her man uncomfortable because it comes off as advertising she is open to offers from other men?
6.) Is she able to be loyal?
If we are avoiding the body count question, she better be able to answer these questions or her personality better fall in line with the man's stance on these questions.
We are all adults here, we all know that most likely the people we are with have been with other people before us. Obviously the other people before us probably weren’t that great if they’re with us now.
I don’t think a woman body count has anything to do with a man feeling secure in a relationship. Security comes from that woman respecting him, showing that she reliable/can keep her word, from allowing him to feel like he in a safe space to share his dreams/concerns with her, from being honest and not cheating.
The only way how I see body count factors into a relationship is being sexually responsible. I would definitely want a new partner to get tested and show me they are clean before doing anything sexual. As long as they are clean, I wouldn’t care if they slept with 0,5, or 100+ people.
Also, if you have an expectation for your partner to have a low body count, then you too should have a low body count. Don’t ask something of someone that you don’t have/can’t provide either. The men who focus on women body counts, tend to already have their own low self esteem and that’s why they would need to feel secure about such a superficial thing.
It would take a lobotomy for some of these guys to stop caring about body count because of how insecure they are 😆
Opinion
67Opinion
Well, as much as I'd hate the thought of another man going balls deep in my girl, I'd just have to be sure that she's not the type to mindlessly sleep around. Because the last thing I wanna do is get in a relationship with someone who's easy to get. I'd rather her just be my side piece if she's that easy.
Before I lost my virginity I had insecurities about the girls that were already available to me for a good fuck, the top 3 were the usual pretty girls all the boys in highschool fancied , modestly wealthy families, but however the allaged body count on all those 3 girls I delayed to fuck was somewhat already over a mere 3 guys on each of them,
This made me more repulsed by their sexual advances towards me, I went into a deeper depression when one of them became preg grade 12, my suspicions were confirmed by the streets and highschool gossip , I lost all 3 without taking at least one to bed , the last girl was so brave and made frequent visits to my home , but I just didn't feel matured enough or ready to engage her sexually,
I became the famed alleged virgin in class more and more girls started to look at me in a odd and sympathetic way, all this became a giant shit ball of depression
I don't like being inexperienced or surpassed by a females body count that crushed my teenage self at the time, I discovered pornhub and lots of porn fetishes during that period in my life, but one day at a shebeen near my university a dirty old man observed me declining a thirsty highschool girl , he went to my table and told me something that even my parents never taught,
'young man you will die a virgin if your handsome young self refuses sexual advances from a woman bcoz you are looking for a virgin like yourself, I denied being a virgin but he continued to woof woof about the technical impossibilitoes of finding a virgin partner , then it started to make sense after his obscene and grosteque words which he proudly spoke in a drunken stuper , GIVE ZERO FUCKS & FUCK WHOEVER COMES YOUR WAY VIRGIN OR NONE VIRGIN MULTIPLE KIDS OR NO KIDS,
Before my 1st year at university ended. . . I became a roaring lion , starting my crusade to lose my virginity in my hometown with a baby mama highschool girl very hot , body count unknown, and quiet frankly I really didn't care at that point I was shamed for sleeping with w*** but I did it again and again till she fell preg with a 3rd baby , I refused to acknowledge the baby was mine, I continued my crusade for years spanning a negative reputation in the dating community but I didn't care the gossip and rumors of me being a jerk towards women in my town got me 1 woman after another knocking at my cave, the virgin that I wanted so bad to share my 1st time with finally came unexpectedly zero effort, later on 2 more fell into my cave all 3 too inexperienced to play along in my wide pool of sexual partners, they got threatened away by my current fuck buddies, virgins? Mxmmm overpriced wack sex and
& BODY COUNTING ? Any men with a good working head over their shoulders should swallow their ego / pride, on rare occasions would you be on par or surpass a woman's body count, fuck that nonsense
People have different values and beliefs regarding sexuality. For some, knowing a partner's sexual history is important for assessing compatibility in terms of values and attitudes towards sex. An important common human emotion is, jealousy, and it can manifest as a desire to know about a partner's past relationships. This can arise from insecurities, fear of comparison, or concerns about a partner's fidelity.
If we look back in history, traditionally in the society, men have been socially conditioned to view a higher number of sexual partners as a sign of masculinity and success. Conversely, women have often been subject to more judgment or stigma for having multiple sexual partners. This double standard can drive some men to be more concerned about a woman's sexual history. Luckily, attitudes towards sex and gender roles are continually evolving, and there's a growing emphasis on respecting individual privacy and autonomy in sexual matters.
When my wife and I were dating, we both came with the attitude that body count is something of the past and unless we personally believed something from the past experience could affect the future and hence wanted to share, this private information doesn't define who we are today nor what the future may look like. We've now been married for two years and although we've since shared some past sexual experiences, it has never been about body count but rather interesting outcomes, which pleasing enough has spiced our sex life even more ;)
tbh, I'm just naturally repelled and disgusted by women that have slept around a lot. I remember one girl told me the things she'd been up to, and that killed it there and then. There are no double standards since I feel the same way about men. There is little I can do to feel otherwise. Maybe you can think about it as a misalignment of values. I need to have certain ideas about her to see her as marriage or long term material. I don't mind people enjoying their sexuality and having a reasonable number of sexual partners. But if they just give it away willy nilly, sorry, I ain't into that.
I know it's not PC but I also don't care about what kind of cuck ideal that I'm supposed to live up to. Men and women need to demand better and have some self respect.
Also, what possible reason can there be for hiding that information if the person in question was comfortable about it? As for saying you won't be believed, as per your article, we can get an impression of people and whether things tally up from how they talk and all of the little sutble communications and intimacies. You know when people are trustworthy, you know when people are lying.
Ultimately this issue does matter because you can always find someone of a same mindset, sexual history, or a guy who does not care. So why are you making a big deal about it? And the fact that I've seen you go on the attack when men have an alternative idea kind of shows that that you're uncomfortable about this. This is a basic defense mechanism.
It would seem some women have slept around because of the low value they place in themselves at a certain point in their lives. I would much more respect a girl who can be honest and upfront about this and tell me it is her past but has moved on.
I highly doubt it could get to that point… but if I changed enough or got desperate enough… I still think knowing how long ago it was, and how old she was when her last “grouping” was, AND she took STD tests before we got married, then maybe (by the way, I’d be up for giving her the results of any STD test I would have before marriage - I have nothing to hide as far as that goes). But it still shows some potential issues.
It’s not JUST the numbers, but the lifestyle behind it.
How does she act when she’s alone for a while - does she sneak? Does she revert to old ways and fall off the wagon with other vices? When she wants to seek revenge? How does she act when her brain or heart assumes cheating (and I’m not) “oh she had a dream that I cheated, so obviously her feminine intuition is NEVER wrong, so I must be.” So she’s gonna cheat “For revenge.” “Get” me before I “get” her.
I think there ARE other factors (other that numbers) that would make me leery of a relationship with a particular woman. But numbers are a factor. And trust in her not lying about those numbers is a factor too.
I don't care about body count. Why? Well if those guys were so great and I suppose we have to worry about them why are they not in her life anymore and I am? Seems like I'm the one kicking their asses as long as she stays with me.
And to answer your question directly, consistency and time. She would need to be consistently loyal and care for me, prove herself over time. People promise me the world early on but it takes time to see if they are actually going to deliver on it. I have read the honeymoon phase can last for 18 months!
It's hilarious how badly modern women want their sexual history to not matter. They want zero accountability it seems. Sorry, but everything in the past matters. It can dictate what she'll be like in the future and the kind of person she is.
I didn't sleep around, ever, so my future wife shouldn't have either. Not that it was an issue for me to find a girl like that. I'm religious so I married a religous lass who has the same mindset as me.
Is it the only thing that matters? No, of course not. Education also matters, political understanding, trustworthiness, maturity, etc.
I wouldn't knowingly date someone who has been with many more people than me sexually. The past does matter to me and I always want to know a girl's history. If a girl sleeps around in her past, it says a lot about her character and I'm not gonna be the "nice guy" she gets to settle with. Imagine a girl is in OnlyFans or is a porn star and has been with 100 guys in the year. The visual of her having all those dicks in her... big, small, and some having wild sex with her, with some likely some being better in sex than myself. There's no way I'm ever choosing to be with a girl like that.
For me, as long as the amount of partners and sexual experience isn't far from mine, and they dated with the intention of it being long term, I'm good with it. I've only had 3 girlfriends so I've only had sex with one, so I'd prefer only being with a girl that's been with a max of like 7 guys. I'd rather not date someone above that.
I never thought body count is a good measure of a person's promiscuity in the first place. For example, mine is rather high but I'm extremely monogamous and never dated more than one woman at a time and always with some prospect of marrying her.
What complicated things in my case is that I had to travel to new cities all the time in my early 20s for my work. So a lot of my relationships, including my very first serious girlfriend in uni (who I actually wanted to marry), became long distance and fizzled out that way.
So I never minded if a woman similarly has a high body count as I did provided she shares the same deeply monogamous values I have and didn't accumulate that count from the likes of one night stands and orgies. That's all she has to convince me about is that she shares the same deeply monogamous values I do and always did to not mind her body count.
Like other people have said, high body counts are relevant to the current relationship. If she has a history of sleeping around or serial monogamy, it makes it much, much more likely that the current relationship will fail.
Sorry ladies, but actions have consequences. You can't have your cake and eat it too no matter how much you whine and complain and stomp your feet.
The way she behaves.
The way she treats others.
Her ethics and values.
Demonstrating loyalty and trustworthiness.
A desire for an exclusive, monogamous relationship.
Genuine respect and adoration for me.
We are sexually compatible.
These are all things that I assess for myself as we get to know each other. I don't need a resume or background check to know what I need to know about her.
I don't care about her body count. I never asked a girl hers and none ever asked mine.
Body count does really factor in my thoughts about security and why should it? Is a woman with 3 previous sexual partners worth more than a woman with 5 ? It’s ridiculous to think that could be true especially whilst making no difference when compared with men. Feeling secure with a woman is feeling respected , that you share trust , I have her support and care , her loyalty and commitment. Should I feel more secure if a woman has slept with less men or women? Or no men or women … that wouldn’t change anything
Her behavior towards me and other people. Towards me in terms of showing interest in my life and be a part of it by for instance not looking at a screen when talking to me. I don´t like when I talk to people and they constantly have to look on their phone since to me that shows a lack of interest. Not flirting with other guys, there´s a difference between talking to other guys and flirting with them.
Another aspect I would prefer is keeping your social media private meaning if one is happy in a relationship than I don´t see a reason for having public social media unless it´s a business. If one validation from other people and sees a need to share private and intimate pics and stories with the world to get validation from strangers I would say it destroys the security of a relationship.
The problem is that people seem to not comprehend that some men have boundaries and are unwilling to compromise them. It's got NOTHING to do with a girl's body count. You do you. Men who have boundaries and are unwilling to compromise them are either holding out for the right woman or will be content with their day-to-day without the drama and headache that may come with a person that impinges upon those boundaries. For me, I'd rather never even seen someone I'm attracted to for the rest of my life if it means I also have to deal with the inane drivel that seems to control public discourse regarding dating and relationships. Again, that's MY decision. It has nothing to do with anyone else.
I would want to know the answer to this question before I said anything about body count. I truly don’t know the answer but I have a guess. If my guess is correct then it should answer the question for both sides and to why or why not body count is important. Ladies. When start dating a guy exclusively and call him your boyfriend and there are felling so it’s serious relationship, would you want that guy to be less sexually experienced than you or more?
as in you had your wild side and experienced threesome, or group sex or maybe just fantasy’s and kinks then you meet your new boyfriend and all he’s done is vanilla one one. But really wants to try all the stuff you’ve already done. Or would you rather it be the other way?
The issue isn't the body count, but the quality of the person.
You can't make a housewife out of a whore, off the bat. So, if all you are offering as your compensation for your high mileage is bad attitude, druggy friends and no soft skills, then of course guys are going to be "insecure".
In much the same way you would be "insecure" you got a shit deal with the dangerous car that you got on cheap.
Every human makes mistakes, but we also move on and develop. It's those that stick with those bad habits and have not moved on that guys are trying to filter with their "body count check".
As long as she doesn't have a long string of bodies in her past, it doesn't much bother me. What I think women are failing to understand about men's concerns with her body count is really not the body count at all. It's about how she racked up so many sex partners. As in what ways.
If it's a woman who's had oh say 8 partners in her life, but all those were in actual relationships she had, it's really not much of an issue. Because she had the intent to love and be in a serious relationship with those men. The issue is when women are hooking up like mad, having one night stands, or just giving themselves up to any ol' guy just for the love of sex.
Also what I've discussed here before is: sex impacts women differently than it does men, and especially casual sex. And it does alter them in ways that is not exactly the same for men. And you can see it as well.
Obviously a woman’s body count matter, that’s why she hides it. It is very telling on the immature nature of the way the question is even asked. No one is insecure because he wants to know her hoefax, if it didn’t mean anything you wouldn’t be saying a person is insecure for even asking. Now what would it take for a man to except that a woman is never going to tell you the truth about her number? Hmmmm depends on how much denial he can except. But guys, remember there are some women out there that will be honest about their numbers because it’s low. So you know when she starts speaking like every other girl you dated when you ask that very simple question. Know it’s a high count. They will try and say it does not matter, but what matters to me matters to me, and you can not shame me into thinking other wise.
Body count is a stupid idea rooted in the minds of insecure, anxious, weak men. Normal people like sex. Do you have a venereal disease, or psychological disorder that causes sexual issues, relationship issues, or problems bearing children, would be a more appropriate inquiry than the rather blunt and pathetic, "what is your body count", inquiry. One she could lie about and leave you vulnerable to all the above.
If you need to hide info about yourself like body count then you're already a red flag. Your body count is an indicator of choices made. Whether good or bad doesn't matter. Hiding it says your awful at communicating.
You can also add your opinion below!
