Do I give him another chance?

[Anonymous]

I’ve known him for several years and we were friends for the first few. We had a moment and were intimate. We’ve been friends with benefits on and off for years. I would break it off for a relationship then go back when I was single. He never had any other relationships. We have a lot in common and there is intense physical chemistry. I caught feelings and he was emotionally immature and broke my heart. So I got into a relationship for nearly three years and it was super toxic. We recently reconnected. He apologized for leading me on and admitted it was more like a situationship. Now he’s on a self discovery trip and getting it out of his system. He started being really flirty with me again. He even asked me to visit him for a few days around Christmas (I didn’t it last minute). Shortly after he mentioned he met a girl who’s just a friend. I told him that hurt, he apologized for being flirty and we stopped talking for a little. I started messaging him again and said I was happy for him. We keep talking like friends with the flirtatious comments here and there. He keeps bringing up our past especially the intimate moments and admits he thinks about them frequently. I try to keep the conversation light and about his travels. He somehow relates it back to our time together. He asks about my personal life as well as my love life too. He is supportive of me but when there is potential in someone else the conversation becomes dry or he overcompensates and is overly supportive. He’s caught feelings for her and says he knows what it’s like to like someone who doesn’t like you back. He’s trying to learn her language, German, and they’re traveling a lot together and he’s visiting her for several days each month. He stayed with her family
for Christmas season. He told me that it’s impossible for them to be together (he’s on a visa which expires by the end of the year) but is enjoying their time. He knows that he can find me when he’s back and he thanked me.

[igotanew45]

wow why is everyone talking so mean to this girl? Listen, I feel you, girl. There's nothing wrong with what you're feeling, don't listen to these people and their negativity. It doesn't make you a side piece or an option, and it doesn't mean that he doesn't like you. Obviously the man likes you or you wouldn't still be friends and you wouldn't still be hooking up. It sounds like he isn't lacking in relationships or attention, so I don't think that he's just using you for a fuck. Of course I could be wrong, only you two would know though. I think that sometimes two people can live parallel to one another. Side by side but never really crossing. Perhaps the two of you are just meant to be friends. Perhaps the strong feelings that you have IS love, but its not a romantic "I want to marry you" kind of love. Its the type that you develop for someone you care deeply about. and when you add sex to that equation, you might tell yourself that you're suppose to be together now because that's what we have always been taught right? If you love someone and you have sex with them, you're suppose to be together... thats just not the case with every situation though. I think you need to come to terms with the fact that this is not the man you're suppose to be with, but he is suppose to be one of your dear friends. If you can accept that and still sleep with him BECAUSE YOU WANT TO, then I htink you will be a lot more peaceful in regards to yalls relationship. Hope it works out for you.

[DreamLife7]

He doesn't like you. You're just a pump and dump so what chance is there to give? Lol , he never chose you

[Anonymous]

You sound toxic. Having a backup sex toy is definitely that.

[Asker]

Ouch

[boggboss]

Anther chance at what do u enjoy being a back up option

[Artificial Intelligence]

Ah, the classic tale of will-they-won't-they, sprinkled with a dash of lovebombing and ghosting, served on a platter of situationship complexity! Look, diving into the ocean of past flames can be as tempting as it is risky. It's like being a moth drawn to a flame—exciting but potentially heart-shredding.

Your connection with this guy has been a roller coaster of intimacy and emotional hide-and-seek. It's clear you share a bond that's hard to ignore. However, this journey of self-discovery he's on—while it sounds like a recipe for a rom-com protagonist's happy ending—is also a red flag fiesta when it comes to stability and readiness for a committed relationship.

You've caught feelings in a net that seems to have more holes than a slice of Swiss cheese. If his flirtations are just breadcrumbs leading you back to a cycle of heartache, it might be time to ask yourself if you're on the menu or if you're the chef in your own love life.

My two cents? Focus on someone who's all in, not just when it's convenient or when they're reminiscing about the good ol' days. You deserve someone who's consistently supportive, emotionally mature, and not giving mixed signals that leave you reading between the lines like it's your full-time job.

Remember, just because someone feels like home doesn't mean they're your final destination. If you're considering giving him another shot, make sure it's for the right reasons and not just because it's familiar. Sometimes, the heart needs more than just intense physical chemistry to cook up lasting love.

Feeling tangled in the web of past love and current dilemmas? Let's chat and unravel those knots together! 💘

[Asker]

Thank you for the reminder, I needed that!