I told my husband to choose between me or my pregnant sister, does that even make sense?

[eclipse]

Alright, so here's the situation: After trying and losing a few pregnancies, I was really sad. Then, my sister, who is pregnant, came to stay with us. It was hard seeing her like that because it reminded me of what I lost. My husband started doing a lot of things for her, like getting her snacks and making sure she's comfortable and he keeps asking is he wants anything else. One time, he even skipped our movie night to go for a walk with her because she wanted to. I started feeling left out and kind of jealous.

I told my husband how I felt, but he got really mad. So I said he needs to choose a side. He said he was just trying to be nice to my sister and that I was being unfair. Now, we're both upset, and I'm not sure what to do.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Can I ask? When you lost your pregnancies (my sympathies by the way) was your sister there for you? While I get that it might be hard to see someone pregnant when you yourself wish it was you, you should be there supporting and caring for your sister. Except for the canceled plans, I myself don’t see why you should be upset that your husband is also trying to be supportive of your sister. Now if you were both pregnant and he was doing those things for her and not you, then I’d say there was a problem… you said the loss was hard on you, did it ever occur to you that it might have been for him too?

[DarkWinterNights]

Going for a walk alone with her is a little odd. But why wouldn’t your husband be a gracious host for his sister in law- who is pregnant! The whole making him choose between the two of you is honestly kind of psychotic. Left field ultimatums like that make men emotionally disconnect and start to wonder if they made the right decision marrying a girl.


He may have been a little insensitive concerning the subject- but you can’t expect him to be thinking in the 4th dimension about every little detail. This is your mistake that you have to take accountability for overreacting for, and apologize for or he’s going to start resenting you.


Most guys if you sit them down and explain the situation will try to make the situation better, but we aren’t mind readers.

[Red_Arrow]

Sounds like you are in the right, but of course we are only hearing your side. I strongly suggest going to a couples counselor. They know how to get couples to communicate better on specific issues, such as yours, and have them work out what is best for them.

It may be that your husband is having problems coming to grips with your pregnancy losses and that may be why he is hanging with her a lot. But he needs to realize that you are the one who really needs his support.

[HelpfulWoman]

how utterly fucking unhinged of you.
your losses doesn't equal she can't be happy or have a pregnancy. You're being an absolutely unnecessary asshole over this.
Being jealous isn't bad, unless you've let it distort your issue. Apologise for being a psycho and make a date with your husband and actually do an activity together- such as the movie night missed but go to the cinema perhaps. It may be worth TALKING to your husband about a boundary of "helping" your sister.
Your insecurity shouldn't have warranted this.

[IslaTheWitch]

to be honest, you should take care of yourself first. Your pregnant sister living with you is not helping you to solve your emotional problems related to miscarriages. Talk to her, your parents and other family. Whatever she needs shouldn't be your sacrifice.

About your husband it's hard to say. I would go with his explanation but would make him aware how you feel having pregnant sister living with you when you can't stay pregnant... make him understand YOUR feelings.

[exitseven]

You have jealousy issues. I do not know what is really going on with your husband. Maybe you are right about this but try and take a dispassionate look at the situation and try to see if your feelings are coloring an innocent situation or is there really something else going on here.

[robhazelnut]

To make amends, amends to them both, let him help your sister (and unborn nephew/niece), and you help her as well to the degree you're able. Your nephew/neice is the one to care for now, and your sister happens to be carrying him/her.

[robhazelnut]

*apologize to them both, ______

[JacobJordan]

But why is it a bad thing that he is being a man and sees your sister as an extension of you and so as a man he should protect her. That is a good thing.

[KrakenAttackin]

@JacobJordan She's jelly of her sister.

[JacobJordan]

@KrakenAttackin yup and we all know that Jealousy is spelled with lousy for a reason

[KrakenAttackin]

@JacobJordan. Yes'sir.

[boggboss]

So he was trying to be a good person which lead you to get jelouse and tell him to stop treating the pregnant women in your house good u guys have some interesting dynamics

[andreasderjuengere]

I quote: " if you aren't part of the solution, then you're part of the problem"
My suggestion: reset yourselves to a point before you placed your ultimatum.
And speak wiser thereafter. :)

[KrakenAttackin]

Being a super bitch won't win any points with your husband. Remind him of why he chose you in the first place. Be a good woman not a whiny female who failed at pregnancy. No kidding, you are bordering on losing your husband.

[JHAYES317]

Tell him it’s fine if he pampers her but that he can’t skip out on date night unless it’s an emergency

[TheSpaceGnome]

This ^
Being a nice person is a good thing, neglect is not.

[HouseMoat]

Not ok to give guys ultimatums

You wouldn't want it done to you, right?

I don't get why girls get so "baby" crazy. This is why i don't want kids

[laly520]

u need to work on ur mental health n that won't be possible with her around

[Unit1]

I can already hear happy divorce lawyers noises

[Sam12348]

It's normal how you feel. But trust him and tell him not to cancel plans with you next time.

[DextroShade]

Is it his kid or something?

[OfDeath]

Is it his baby?

[katiesmuff]

Makes no sense to me