Do you think weed and mental health issues can ruin relationships?

[Yahoo13]

So I'm 32 and my partner is 35. We have been together 9 years. Before we got together he was heavily smoking it but was all great to start with then its like over time it's changed. I'm not the biggest fan of it but I accept people do it to an extent. We was smoking lots and almost like changing into 2 people a lot and would be really loving or picking fights especially at events and things. He was also going to his friends to play video games and smoke weed I'm assuming 5 or so times a week. It got to the point I put my foot down as I felt it was changing him and he was neglecting me for his friends and to smoke. I asked if it could stop it or super cut back to occasionally since it was hurting him and us and said he would. But he has also lied to me about doing it lots and says he isn't but seems to never have money and still goes to his friends to play video games and I'm assuming other things nearly everyday and hasn't worked for 2 years after losing jobs with it being part of the issue he also neglected to tell me but I found out from someone recently. He also has just been sleeping/playing games/seeing me or friends and I think he uses it to cover his mental health issues he refuses to properly address through counselling. He stopped coming to events with me or coming and ruining them for me or buying Christmas/birthday gifts. He denies he is doing weed but has no money and family had found some suss things around the house and he goes out to friends lots. I would love to have been engaged with a house by now but it seems impossible. I put my foot down again and have been on a break for months to see if he would get a job and get his life together but he hasn't but also says he is willing to do whatever it takes to fix it and sweep me off my feet in texts. I dont trust he isn't on it or he says he is looking for work but 'nobody is hiring' etc he would have terrible references and the gap. Has anyone got advice or been through this?

[Lochlan]

This is about self-discipline, not the substance itself. There can be positive aspects of it but young men need to watch out. Anesthetizing life and relegating to these digital representations of surrogate living activities will not bring about fulfillment in of themselves. That is it's own issue. You have to address that apart from the weed, it has nothing to do with it. Biologically, it's worth noting that the domestication of cannabis has resulted in a legitimate freak of nature. No plant out there in nature has their buds getting to the size we've induced for its harvest. We have thousands of years of modern use, America owing its conception to the use of sweet hemp, and the endocannabinoid system, a co-evolved network of hormonal nodes that these plants interact with, only discovered within yours, his, and mine lifetimes. It does have a key nexus on the bodies stress response, literally overlaps on your adrenal regulation. Everyone has different biochemistry but our experiences, stress response and hormonal regulation will play a hand in how we act with it.

Cannabis is a safer intoxicant when it comes to health effects and overall behavior. For me, I know it makes me a better person and heightens my senses.

So he's neglecting gathering resources and you, but you obviously care about him. If you want a road of fulfillment in reaching goals that better yourself, others and make you a more capable contributor to your community (ies), you must address that. You've spent a lot of time together and I'm sure there are a lot of things you like about him. Admittedly, cannabis can be used as a crutch by some. You have to ask yourself what you want out of life. It is not easy to start over with just yourself. A loving relationship that you've had fun, happy times out of is not easy to depart from at all, cause it's going to hurt in the wake of the wave. You can frame some of this for him, but he has to want it. Feel free to message me, I've lived through some of this and know some of the ways to have your cake and eat it too if he's concerned about quitting. I've been in a relationship with your age gap and years, with other similar elements.

[Yahoo13]

Thank you for such a thoughtful response. It is a challenging situation. You don't want to change the person but also feel like they don't always see whats best or what outside people see. I would love for him to have all the things he wants in life. He does use it as a crutch to block other problems out which doesn't help him move forward. I am currently in therapy myself trying to make sense and work on my own issues. There is a lot of guilt there too you want to help the person through the issues for better or worse but you don't want to completely lose yourself in the process. I've tried to give him space and time after the jobs to get himself on track and not push him but its at the point now its like he is stuck. He needs to want to change for himself not for me.

[Lochlan]

Good for you with therapy. I went with my partner for sessions as a couple. Yeah, you're on it. It's important in healthy long-term relationships to not lose yourself. Humans change over time, roughly every five to seven years, our molecular constituents have been cycled out and we're literally a different person. It's okay to change, it just means you might have to love that person a little differently.

[Yahoo13]

I suggested couples therapy a while back and he was like we can do that then just seemed to kind of forget about it but feels like if I bring it up now he will maybe use it as some last ditch effort and won't mean as much feels like he is only putting the effort in now to get me back enough he can stop putting the effort again and things won't change as he goes back on his word or changes behaviours for a short period of time just enough to make me happy temporarily. Did you find the couple sessions helpful. I find he also has some possible toxic and maybe covert narc traits to where I question if I am the problem sometimes too. You can see why they say the 6 year relationship mark kills so many relationships. I have got to the point over the years where I can see the bad behaviours and things and be like okay thats it I can see how you behave and treat me and the family badly but for some reason I push it to the side for him and let him get away with it. Then is it just because of love or blindness and trying to ignore the red flags. I think he is also the first relationship I got that instant spark zap love at first sight from and longest relationship and lots of firsts of moving in together etc. Its hard too seeing all my close friends and partners kicking life goals and attending weddings together having fun and going on holidays and things that i'd love to be able to do. He tries to accept me as I am but also has told me things he wishes Id change to improve my life or things he doesn't like that I do and I have actively worked on changing all of those. Would be nice if he could do the same for me. Did you find there was mood swings and issues through your relationship with the similar issues?

[MrOracle]

A sizable percentage of weed users are people who have untreated mental health problems who have bought into the lie that "weed is a natural treatment and better for you" than actually getting real help. Not saying that pills should be your first choice either, but a lot of mental health issues can be addressed without medications.

Weed may not be as powerfully addictive as, say, heroin, where you become an addict the first time you use it, but it absolutely CAN be addictive. People are genetically pre-disposed to be addicted to substances, and if they start using those substances, they have a real hard time stopping, and usually can't without help. But help cannot be forced upon them - it's something that they have to choose for themselves, and most people don't choose that until they hit rock bottom, and have lost everything.

As for you, you need to realize that this isn't going to get better anytime soon. in my opinion, you've already gone WAY too long with this WAY out of hand. It may be tough, but you need to make some hard decisions and make them soon. This man isn't there for you, and in fact is a burden instead of a help, and there's no reason to expect it will get better, and plenty of reason to expect it will get worse. That's the normal trajectory.

Your first job is to make sure YOU are secure. Make sure he can't get to your money, valuables, credit, etc., because addicts will have no problem stealing from their loved ones, opening credit in their name, or even worse things. Then, if you want to help him further, you can, but you need to make sure you protect yourself.

[Yahoo13]

Yeah I feel like he is nearly at rock bottom. He is on anti depressants and had gone to therapy 3 years ago but stopped once they just cracked him and started to work on the tough stuff then said it didn't work and didn't want to go anymore. I'm wondering the affects of the weed and medication together. They probably don't react well together. It has been way too long and very out of hand. He has said I deserve better and things but not sure if that was him feeling sorry for himself and just projecting.

Our finances are separate and have lend him $50 to $100 every now and then if he says he has a bill or something but think that was a lie. He also somehow 'lost' or didn't get paid for selling his computer and a tv so that is also very suss. He is a good liar. Am trying to put me and my mental health first since I always put his above my own.

Very good advice thank you.

[MrOracle]

It sounds like it's long past time you did so. Best of luck to you.

[bobalife]

It depends, nothin is black and white. I know a pothead and she’s amazing at her career. She also has her own mental health. This goes for others I know too. But it sounds like the problem is that it’s becoming a habit and unhealthy coping skill to avoid whatever he’s going through. Weed can help those with mental health but he seems too dependent on it. Maybe ask him what’s going on and if he notices how it’s affecting your relationship and his life. I hope you guys figured things out.

[PeachyPie93]

Yeah weed usually makes you tired or lazy. And if he has other issues that defo would cause problems in the relationship. He is 35 he should be a bit more useful at that age. I personally would just drop him, no point dealing with someone who isn't ready to get off drugs, they have to want to stop doing them they will never do it for someone else.

[Artificial Intelligence]

Oh, love, it sounds like you're tangled up in a relationship vineyard, where the grapes of affection have started fermenting a bit too much into the wine of disappointment. Let's unravel this together with a bit of flirtatious flair, shall we? 🍇💔

First off, it's critical to recognize that both weed and untreated mental health issues can indeed cast a shadow over relationships, turning sunny days into a relentless drizzle. The transformation you've observed in your partner over the years isn't just your heart playing tricks on you; it's a real shift that's occurring right before your very eyes. When someone relies on substances like weed to navigate their emotional seas, it's like they're using a leaky boat—eventually, they're gonna get soaked. And when it's wave after wave of neglect, secrecy, and financial instability, it's no wonder you're feeling like you're drowning in uncertainty.

Your attempt to plant your foot down was like throwing a lifebuoy into these turbulent waters, hoping your partner would grab onto it and swim back to the sunny shore with you. However, it seems he's more interested in floating aimlessly, mesmerized by the siren song of his current lifestyle. The promises texted to you, all those sweet-nothings about sweeping you off your feet, are like sending kisses through the wind when what you really need is a solid hug, a real plan, and actions that speak louder than any emoji ever could.

The heart of the issue here, my dear, is trust and respect. Without these, the relationship is like a castle built on clouds—beautiful but bound to disappear with the slightest change in weather. His unwillingness to seek help for his mental health, combined with the ongoing deceit, suggests his castle's foundations might be scattered across several cumulus clouds.

You've tried to set boundaries and even initiated a break, which shows your strength and commitment to not only your relationship but, importantly, to yourself. Now, it's time to reflect on what you truly want and deserve in a relationship. Ask yourself, are you craving that happily ever after with someone who lights up your world, or with someone who's constantly looking for the next light-up? 🏰💔

Remember, love, you deserve a partner who's not only present but is also actively participating in building a future with you, hand in hand, without the shadow of outside influences clouding your journey together. It might be time for a heart-to-heart, where you lay all your cards on the table and see if he's willing to genuinely shuffle the deck or if it's time for you to play your hand elsewhere.

In matters of the heart, always follow what brings you joy, peace, and the kind of love that uplifts and supports you. After all, you're not just the queen of your heart; you're the architect of your happiness. 🏰❤️

Stay fabulous and remember, there's always a brighter day ahead, sometimes just a heartfelt decision away.

[Flatmanlewis]

100% yes. Not only can marijuana but the behavior you’re describing is beyond that. You’re describing a “man-boy” who isn’t accepting his place in your life as a leader, provider, and protector.


Us guys absolutely need time away with our boys. I do backpacking trips and cigar nights. Video games aren’t my thing but in moderation they are sure harmless.


However this dude is 35. THIRTY-FIVE doing this high-school boy stuff and he should by now have: a career (let alone a job), a plan for his & your future, and some goals and ambitions. If he doesn’t by now - he probably won’t ever. Time for you to really asses what you want in life and if you’re with the right person to help you achieve it.

[DizzyDesii]

Weed is such a turnoff to me. Im not dating anyone who smokes especially that. And if they let me know beforehand that they got mental probs then yes im dodging that bullet

[Surely]

I feel for you! I know of people like you described. That is why I would vote against legalization of weed.
I heard on some news channel that there has been an uptick on children health issues being admitted to the ER’s. So weed might be more dangerous than thought!
I wish you all the best for your situation!

[exitseven]

Guys like him never give it up. You are in a threesome with him and weed. You are not his first choice.

[Billlewis]

If you're smoking it frequently, it could potentially cause problems.

[Staximus]

Weed is not the the problem. The problem is he's a lazy bum acting like he's still in high school, sitting around and playing video games all the time instead of working

[NewgodOmega]

You need anything to ruin relarionship eventually they all do

[ProbablyClueless]

Yes, they absolutely can ruin relationships. I've seen that happen many times.

[HaveNoName]

If you decided to be with someone who already was a druggy, why complain or question now?

[Yahoo13]

I was quite naive and unaware of it till after we got together as he wasn't really open about it. I hadn't been around it and he didn't seem any different I guess. Can see where you are coming from though.

[Anonymous]

I completely gave up THC six months ago. Good decision.

[genericname85]

absolutely they can.

[Massageman]

And don't forget "the bottle".

[KrakenAttackin]

Absolutely yes.

[sheikalana]

Absolutely!

[laly520]

yes def

[jahaims]

Duh.

[austinbooth]

Yes I do