What does it mean if a coworker suggests „you should really join us for lunch sometime“?

[Anonymous]

I’ve been working in this company for about a year and never joined my coworkers for lunch because I grew to dislike them over time and want my break to myself. Another female coworker came by my office yesterday to make small talk and then randomly said „I think you should really join us for lunch sometime.“ like she had a specific reason for it and not just out of politeness. Could it be that she suggested it because people gossip about me a lot at lunch? From what she told me about those lunches in the past I don’t think I’m missing out on much.

[Anonymous]

Just because you’ve decided you don’t like them does not mean the feeling is mutual. At least not for each one of them. If I had a coworker that I noticed excluded herself and is always alone, at some point I may feel inclined to offer as well. You try making it clear with your actions that you don’t want to be bothered, so of course she probably has felt apprehensive about extending the offer. There doesn’t have to be some underlying vendetta or ulterior motives, and it’s actually sad if you feel like that is the case here. Shows you’re deep in your own head.

[Asker]

I don’t think you didn’t understand my question or I didn’t articulate myself clearly. She almost always invites me but this one time she almost insisted on it as if there was a specific reason why I should join and I’m speculating what that reason might be

[Asker]

One of the reasons might be that she overheard others gossiping about me and thinks it would be better for me to join in order to prevent them from ruining my reputation.

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah, you definitely didn’t articulate clearly but that’s fine. For the most part, my answer still stands because I do think you’re in your head quite a bit. This sounds like a boogeyman theory, where you’re speculating the worst when it’s likely just her offering. Your self-isolating sends a clear message that you don’t want to be bothered, but she may still feel inclined to offer so that you aren’t by yourself. She may also be wondering why you do this and if there’s something wrong that they did. So much of this could be clarified with a simple conversation that you don’t want to have. Maybe saying it out loud would sound crazy to you.

[Asker]

Lol I talk to her every week

[Asker]

She knows that I don’t like most of the people there except her and a few others so it’s not like she doesn’t understand me

[Opinion Owner]

Okay so then what are we talking about girl lol? I still think she’s trying to be friendly and there is no ulterior motive. I’m not sure why you think there’s excess meaning but it sounds like you’ve been pretty clear with her so I don't know what’s the issue.

[Opinion Owner]

Not asking in a mean way but do you think maybe your life outside of work is boring or something? I don't know why you’re like creating issues for yourself in the workplace that don’t exist… at least that’s how it sounds.

[Asker]

Nvm you don’t get it

[Opinion Owner]

Because there’s nothing to get. No matter how you ship this story it’s going to sound like you are in your own head creating issues.