If a guy asks about going to his place to watch a movie, does he really just mean a movie?

[Anonymous]

So I've been talking to this guy from work for a few weeks now, and so far it seems to be going really well. We'll talk for hours most days. Given that he is a very quiet and shy guy and I'm a very quiet and shy girl (we both have social anxiety) we tend to do most of our talking over text. But recently after getting to know eachother better, he asked if I wanted to hang out with him outside of work sometime to really get to know eachother better outside of text and outside of the added stress from being near coworkers. At first he suggested we go to the movies on one of our days off, but after thinking about it more, we both realized that the only movie theater in town is a very tiny, hole in the wall movie theater that won't show anything good on a random weekday in early November, and we can't get to know eachother in a movie theater anyways, so he then suggested that if I'm comfortable with it, we could go to his place to watch a Christmas movie and order food. That honestly sounded really nice, but now I'm overthinking it a little bit. If a guy asks you to his place the first time you hang out, what does that mean? Does he really just want to talk and watch a movie? Does he have bad intentions? Is it a red flag? This guy in particular seems to be really nice, making sure I'm comfortable and suggesting that I can share my location with someone I trust if it makes me feel better, but I still want to make sure

Updates

+1 y

I also want to know how I can get to know his intentions exactly, is there a way? What if he really just wants to hang out? We suggested a funny movie, not a spicy or romantic one in any way. It's being in a small town do we only have a hole in the wall movie theater and anything really nice is too far away

Updates

+1 y

So update: we went through with it and it went really well, honestly these responses were wrong because he really just meant watch movies. We did cuddle a little bit (arm around eachother type thing, and he even asked for consent to put his arm around me before he did it which made me feel so much safer) but he didn't try to get physical at all other than that and we just genuinely watched movies

[SueShe]

There is no such thing as overthinking but thorough situation analysis in this case.

It is obviously a red flag if a guy invites you to his place to watch a movie. Besides the movie, he will also attempt to make a... move on you. That is a guaranteed fact.

I personally would not accept to go to his place alone but try to take a female friend along for your own security.

Men very seldom tell beforehand what is going in the back of their mind and they will try to go several steps further. You should be aware of that fact and also you should tell somebody where you are and that this trust person should call you on periodic intervals to makes sure that you are okay and safe.

[SueShe]

As an update to your question. You can tell him surreptitiously that you will let your friends know where you are and that they should check on you from time to time to make sure that you are okay. See his reaction and if he changes his mind about taking you to his home, then you know that he had other plans for you.

[Asker]

What if that's already come up? In fact he actually suggested it first. This guy actually suggested that I share my location with someone I trust. I was nervous at first and he seems like he's really empathetic because we've picked up on eachother's feelings a few times. And he was like "if you would rather not, that's up to you, I completely understand, the movies are alright too! But if you do decide to come over, can you share your location with someone? And we can always pause the movie every once in a while so you can call your family or a friend or just anyone you trust and let them know you are safe. You can do whatever you feel is necessary to make sure you feel comfortable and safe" and that was the biggest green flag in my opinion. But then all these answers are making me doubt

[SueShe]

The red flags were up because we did not know all the details you just mentioned.

However, there is still this little doubt that he could motivate you to go beyond your comfort zone and to tell your friend that you are okay.

It is up to you to decide how far you are willing to go in case...

[Asker]

I mean I only want to genuinely watch a movie, talk, and get some food. That's what he made it sound like we would do, and that's as far as I'm willing to go. I don't think he could get me to tell someone I'm ok if I'm not. But in knowing those details, is it still a red flag?

[SueShe]

If you make it clear to him that you only want a movie, talk and food, then you are on the safe side. Just ensure that he will not try to intoxicate you with alcohol and then you lose control of yourself.

A number of guys will expect something in return and you just must be aware of it. Good luck.

[Asker]

Yeah, I'm definitely not gonna drink. I'm not even sure if he does. Also that would be illegal because I'm not old enough to seeing as I live in the US and you have to be 21 (while he is 21, I'm only 20)
Would you say that the way he was talking was a green flag?

[Asker]

I mean with the making sure I'm comfortable and all that

[SueShe]

You know the guy better than anyone else and I cannot see his facial expressions and body language when he talks to you. Some people are smart talkers and are able to hide their expressions.

Listen to what you gut feeling tells you. It usually makes the right choice. If you have all those precautions in place, then it is reasonably safe to go to his place if your safety contacts know his address

[Asker]

Yeah, but I have only known him for a few weeks and we do a lot of our talking over text or sometimes phone call because we really only see eachother at work as of right now. I'm hoping it'll be alright tho

[SueShe]

If you take a minimum of precautions, then you should be ok.

On your smartphone,
1. dial 911 and keep that number on the screen so that you only have to press the enter button.
2. keep the GPS on so that they can track your call.
3. keep your house/car key close by so that you can use it as a weapon if need be. Place the end key between your index and middle finger so that it sticks out of your hand and you can use it to hit him in the face.
4. ask a friend to call you every 15 minutes. Agree with her/him that if you don't pick up the phone after 3 rings, she/he should call 911 with the address of this guy that you asked for beforehand.
5. Check on an online map about the neighborhood of that place and remember in which direction you should run to the nearest store or lit up place.
6. If you can, take a mace or pepper spray and keep it handy.

That should give you enough security.

[Asker]

Ok, thank you. I'll remember this. It's sad that we have to take so many precautions to simply hang out with someone. Mainly the thing I'm worried about out of your suggestions is dialing 911. If I accidentally call that number when I don't need to, that would be a big problem 😂 I do have some self defense training as well and he knows that, but still invited me over. He lives in town and I've even walked past his street when I've had to walk home from work, so I do know which way to go if I need to (more or less)

[SueShe]

if you are afraid to hit the "Enter button" by mistake, then just type the 9 and the 1 and leave the last 1 out. It is easier to just hit this one single key before pressing the enter button.

[Radiate143]

He wants to get laid. Especially since he didn't suggest going out somewhere first.

[Radiate143]

Oh he did. But again a dark place where he could try to get physical with you. Why not a day date? Are there no museums or places where getting sexual isn't possible?

[Asker]

Honestly we live in a small town which could contribute to it. We've got a hole in the wall movie theater and a few restaurants, but almost all fast food restaurants or shady small ones. Anywhere else is too far out of town to be feasible

[Radiate143]

Go in nature. Go to another town. Be original.

[Anonymous]

If he is a true man of God and asks you that, then it's only a movie. If he is not a true man of God, then it's likely he just wants to have sex with you.

[AngryCarl2]

Movie? Is there going to be a movie before or after the sex?

Netflix and Chill, y'all!

[Nikki1989]

Men never mean what they say.

[Anonymous]

Nope, it is a pretext to sex.

[Asker]

Is that always the case? I wish I could know because like ordering pizza and watching a movie to get to know eachother sounds very casual

[Opinion Owner]

Pretty much.