Is it normal to be annoyed at your girlfriend who doesn't have any friends nor hobbies?

Question

My girlfriend doesn't have any friends nor hobbies. It is not a reason to be annoyed but I feel like I cannot do anything individually because I know that she will be bored and alone. Sometimes she gets sad about having no close friends so I feel like I might make her sad if I tell her I want to go out with my friends alone for once like a boys night or something. It started to annoy me. And she never tells me that I can enjoy my free time by myself. I dont want to make her sad but how can I fix this situation? It bothers me a lot.

madewithingredients · Accepted Answer

you should tell her everything you just wrote in your question.

you need to actually start spending some time without her.
if she guilt-trips you for it, whether she means to or not, whether she intentionally makes you feel bad for it or not, that's her bad and not yours.

she might not be able to handle it. if that's the case, well, you're in a committed monogamous relationship and even though you are not responsible for her happiness, whether it's healthy or not you do have a responsibility to help her and try to make the relationship work/try to make the relationship become healthy. it's your role to at least try to help her grow and be able to figure out her whole situation. it's not your problem, it's hers, but you're her partner, and you ought to try to help her. if you can't, then she needs therapy.

if you start resenting her, whether you mean to or not, you need to vocalize that, because she definitely doesn't want you to resent her. if she realizes she's making you resent her, that might encourage her to fix her problem.

if none of that works, and neither of you can handle it, and if you really love her, you need to break up/take a break from each other. if you really love her, it's the right thing to do, because you shouldn't let yourself start hating her, and you shouldn't let her continue something so unhealthy. you also shouldn't let yourself be in such an unhealthy relationship.

I know break ups/relationship breaks do not make sense to most people, but that's because they've never done them, and yeah, if you need to take a break from someone then odds are you don't belong together anymore anyway or you shouldn't have been together in the first place.
but breakups/breaks can help you grow, self-reflect, and mature (or they can destroy you lol).

if you guys really love each other then you'll get back together eventually.

(ps sex with ex partners is pretty good because there's this weird honesty between people who are not in a relationship with each other yet already know each other extremely intimately. same thing with friendships between ex partners. not always though, of course. just in my experience.)

anyway, if you wanna try to help her:
she doesn't necessarily need friends if she finds a solo hobby/interest. heck, even just being into a TV show that your'e not into might give her a reason to entertain herself without you.
there has to be something she's into that you're not into, or not really into, no? maybe do something to encourage her in that particular interest/hobby, so she can get deeper into something that you have no interest in.
another idea: you, or you and your friends, do something or get into an interest that she definitely would have no interest in. then maybe she won't even wanna hang out with you when you're doing that.

Peter_Penetrator · Accepted Answer

I agree on the whole codependent personality trait. A person doesn’t need to feel as if a partner is the ONLY answer to being happy. I also speak from experience.

People need time apart. It is only healthy. Don’t you ever, ever feel guilty about having your own interests.

What is it about her that prevents HER from having a social life of her own or having any hobbies that interests her? I believe you must question her mental health. Why is it she hasn’t any girlfriends to begin with.

The issue with codependent personalities is that at some point you will disappoint. Not intentionally, but she may have a preconceived ideal of what the relationship should be and if you are unable to deliver then this creates problems.

Think about it this way, how would she get along in life without you? Would she be capable of handling that emotionally?

I think this is an issue for a therapist if both of you are inclined to attempt. Especially if the two of you have been together long enough to consider marriage and family.

Get her some help either way.

sage2021 · Accepted Answer

Maybe if she did some volunteer work that would interest her, she would meet people and doing a very nice thing for people in need. It would help her come out of herself as well. There must be something that she likes that need volunteers.

Another thing. You two need to set boundaries for sure.

The way I look at it, because you two don't have separate boundaries you are an extension of her. Like you two are the same person.

She doesn't seem to be mentally healthy I am sorry to say.

She should at least read some books about having healthy relationship's. Take her to the library to the self-help section and see if there are any books she could read to help her.

It would definitely be a drag to be around someone lie that. You need to enjoy your time with your friends.

My last boyfriend loved to go on walks. He was a walking fool. So before he would leave for his wask I would say "Enjoy your walk and I would smile". At first he thought I was being sarcastic like Enjoy Your Walk!! 🙄 But I really did mean it. It's just that his ex-wife didn't like him to go on walks. He thought I was being like her. I actually had to make a big effort to make him believe I really wanted him to enjoy his walks. Some people are so weird.

prada · Accepted Answer

Being in a relationship where you feel responsible for your partner's social life and happiness can be pretty draining. It's normal to need your own space and time with friends. It's healthy, actually, for both partners in a relationship to have their own interests and social circles.

Communicate with your partner. You might want to find a gentle way to bring up the topic, focusing on how you believe it would be beneficial for both of you to have your own hobbies and friends.

As for wanting to spend time with your friends, that's perfectly fair. Maybe explain that having time apart to do your own things makes the time you spend together even more special. You can reassure her that it's not about wanting to be away from her but about maintaining your own identity and friendships outside of the relationship.

Finding a hobby could be a journey you embark on together initially. You could both try out new activities - who knows, she might find something she's passionate about! And if she's worried about making friends, maybe look into things like local clubs or online communities related to her interests. Sometimes taking the first step is the hardest part.

miadee · Accepted Answer

She's an introvert if you're an extrovert, you are not compatible. If she might be peaceful about her loneliness if she is bugging you.

If you're upset and you wanna see her happy, You can suggest her to learn a sport (tennis etc) or going to classes, events by herself. They sell tickets to classes or events online. She doesn't need anyone she can go herself and spend time with herself.

It "pisses off" because you don't respect her. You can't love someone if you don't respect them. You deep down think "She doesn't have a life, she's a loser" If you'd truly love her, you'd accept her as who she is.

sheikalana · Answer

Being co-dependant is not good at all. God forbids if something happens and you both have to breakup what's going to happen to her? I understand she's your girlfriend but is not your job to make sure she's not bored neither it's your fault that she doesn't have any friends or hobbies. I'm sure she's grown enough to know how to keep herself busy and you're also entitled to have some me time and spend some time with your friends that's good for you and your mental health. A relationship should never be centered in one person only and both need to give space to each other.

dragoblack · Answer

You feel she isn't improving herself, and putting out much passion in herself. It's honestly something we all find attractive to a point and it's perfectly valid to be annoyedwhen someone doesn't better themselves, when you know they could be.

I recommend starting with a craft she finds interesting or enjoyable. First step is just starting. Could be videogames, ttrpg, or something that doesn't require a lot of physical tools and materials.
I personally like my trade crafts (mainly leathercraft) its good side money and enjoyable to work on. I'm also a major anime and ttrpg nerd and depending on method doesn't require too much. Ttrpg is great for keeping ones mind sharp, while playing out scenarios with other people. Anime is a fandom most of the world participates in and leads into ther hobbies.
Just lean her into anything that catches her interests.

Purpleronnie · Answer

I totally understand that this would be a drain on you and your relationship it's hard to see a way through when you already annoyed and it's not really your role to be her support system as well I say that you kindly and sensitivity tell her that she needs to have her own life and her own interests if she honestly makes an effort maybe support her in introducing her to your friends g/f, s

JacobJordan · Answer

My wife has hobbies but no friends. She like me doesn't really see the purpose of friends. We spend all our time together and honestly we prefer that

ArrowheadSW · Answer

When I was 30, I had a girlfriend like that. I really had to have some talks with her about that. She didn't have any friends that she hung out with. She relied upon me totally for that. She had an excuse for not having any friends. Also she really didn't have any hobbies. She needed something other than "me" to entertain herself. It was very awkward for me since I am the total opposite in that regard.

dustybiker2 · Answer

Was she like this when you met her?

If you want a boys night, tell her and then go do a boys night.

I don't see how you have to avoid enjoying yourself. How bored she will be depends on much she wants to be bored or not. No better time for her to learn how to entertain herself.

IslaTheWitch · Answer

treat her as the adult she is. It's her decision not to put an effort into people and her interests... why should you suffer because of that? Talk to her and explain your point of view. Ask about her and create rules that let you enjoy life even if she doesn't

Miristheiss · Answer

Only if she expects you to hang out with her 24/7. What can you do? Set your boundaries. Still go out and do things with your friends and engage in your hobbies. Be sure to make time for her as well. Encourage her to do some things that interest her.

I wouldn't advise either of you to be hanging out alone and spending a lot of time getting close to any opposite sex friends.

Yoursweetgirl · Answer

First of all your girlfriend should get a life.

Second of all, her not having a life doesn't mean you shouldn't have a life either.

She can't just make friends in a week or so but she should start going places, get hobbies and friends will come along.

Also, she might be anxious or depressed. Maybe try to talk to her about that? Like what's the real reason she doesn't have anything but you? Cause that's not normal

HawkPerception · Answer

My first ex was like this and let me tell you it did annoy me and I felt the same guilt for being annoyed with it as you do. She always said "I don't have any hobbies". And whenever I'd do something I like doing, like game or do any outside activities, she always wanted my attention and I'd tell her no... this is my "me" time.

Aiko_E_Lara · Answer

What if she truly is happy being with solitude but doesn't know how to express it because she might come off as weird to anyone so she subconsciously lies to herself that she should feel sad for having no friends even though there's totally nothing wrong with it.

itsclearlynicholas · Answer

Goodness, sounds like how I'd have turned out if I hadn't been fortunate enough to branch out and try to better myself which I did and my close friends of long term. Ah well. Some people maybe just couldn't or wouldn't branch out. Happens to any gender 😜

Hellraiser1984 · Answer

Try going to things like cooking classes or see if you can get her to go take a class at a community college. take her to one of those board game cafes if you have one nearby. There she can meet other people in a calm setting. There are women who go to those things.

molonski2 · Answer

Ohh man , I'd be giving consideration to this relationship. Why is this actually the case? She's with you , she must look okay , as yourself.. Why has she just no network at all? No friends? And not even a hobby?

At3mis24 · Answer

Not having friends should not be a problem; however, it is essential to have leisure, artistic or sports activities, a job

whistlingwh0res · Answer

wow something is wrong with her. I would imagine that UK is safe place to meet people not like America or Canada with a lot of immigrant trying to invade other people so people are guard up. I would like to visit London. I have been there once and had a good feeling about people kind and helping. I would definitely make some friend I live there.

deus_ex_sisyphus · Answer

she's doing something with her free time. Even if its a boring hobby, she's got a hobby. For the record, yes, a clingy girl friend is a valid reason to be annoyed - space is healthy for a relationship.

TommyMountainFigure · Answer

Have you tried building a hobby together that maybe she can do whilst you go out once a while with your friends?

Anonymous · Answer

yes it's normal to be annoyed at that. it's extremely hard to be in a relationship with someone who has no friends or hobbies. because they will completely deplete you of all energy. it's not healthy.

serious_miss419 · Answer

Is she a stay at home girlfriend by chance? Does the both of you work and one of you has money coming in biweekly? She also may be introverted and or not socialized as a young kid/toddler.

Is it normal to be annoyed at your girlfriend who doesn't have any friends nor hobbies?

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