Is dating/relationships/marriage dead?

[Anonymous]

I’ve tried to meet girls in person, online, dating apps, through social media, school, work, speed dating events. I understand I won’t be every girls cup of tea. But I’m decent looking, loyal, honest, don’t do anything dumb stuff like drinking/drugs/partying/sleeping around. I understand it goes by case by case, whether someone is attracted to the other, vibing/personality clicks together. But the more and more I see, people are less communicative, less trusting, afraid based on the past. I get that people want to be independent and strong but I see a lot of so called social media influencers showing off the high life of riches only to be depressed and hurting. Why is courting/chivalry/dating/relationships and marriage a thing of the past.

[MrOracle]

Let's start with what most people are doing: dating apps. These are a complete waste of time unless you are in the top 10% or better in looks and/or the top 5% financially. Those guys do very well on dating apps, and every other guy will be ignored. Don't waste your time.

Really, your only chance is to meet someone LOCALLY in an organic way, and the best way to do that is by getting involved in coed activities locally. A cooking class, a bowling league, a car club, a softball or soccer league, etc. Some US areas have regional activities, such as rodeos or line dancing. Whatever it is, it needs to be something you will enjoy doing anyway, and something that single women are also involved with. Over time, you will make new friends, and you can - with some work - build new circles of friends. You may not necessarily meet a girl who is a participant of the activity, but perhaps she is part of the friend group that you build from the activity.

Try to do 2 different activities at least once a week each. This will allow you to build at least two new friend groups, maybe more. And this is how you meet the right people. It's a lot more work and takes longer, but the results are also far better.

[slatyb]

They worked for me, but maybe I am in the top 10%. I didn't think of myself that way when I started but I make a decent wage, have great hair, and I'm not overweight.

[Asker]

Eh I completely agree

[slatyb]

I got divorced in my 30's and was never single for long. My secret? I paid attention to the women I was with, both in conversation and in bed. Apparently most men do not.

[MrOracle]

If you are a top 10%er, it's much easier, because women actually pay attention to you. You could have a "make-under" where you didn't appear nearly as attractive visually, you might be shocked by how you just disappear from women's radar.

Most people are average, and average guys are ignored - largely filtered out before your profile is ever seen, and ignored in person - at least unless you are around someone long enough to be able to have some conversation. And most average men don't have much of a social life, especially if they don't drink.

[slatyb]

How many women do you greet by name when you see them? Join a mixed gender activity group and don't hit on anyone for at least six months. Do some of the work needed to keep the group going. Make friends. Then you can ask someone out, or ask them if they know someone who might like to date you.

If you don't know how to make friends, work on that. Maybe get counseling. If I were suddenly single I expect I would have a date in at most two weeks, and a girlfriend within three months.

[slatyb]

I would start by asking everyone I know (a fairly large number of people) if they know any woman who might like to date me. I would also look online -- that's how I met my wife. I had little trouble getting dates online in my 30's.

[silyt_ghoest]

it was never alive, it's not a living thing. On all seriousness though, no. You see it everywhere. Kind of like how people say "chivalry is dead" uhm... nuh uh? I just held the door, i saw some guy walk closer to the cars, i saw some chick split the bill, why are we saying chivalry is dead when it's all around us? traditional things are "dead", but that's because traditional marriage and dating and chivalry was made for traditional society.

[IslaTheWitch]

be yourself, and don't let the bitterness reach you and change you. No one said that if you think you are decent looking, others will think the same. More important is what is inside...

If you have this something that will attract the person you are looking for. Working on your strengths and weaknesses is always a good direction to go.

[OlderAndWiser]

If you are not having any luck with women, the answer is not that something is wrong with

1. women,
2. chivalry,
3. courting,
4. dating,
5. relationships, or
6. marriage.

Do you have a close friend of the opposite sex to whom you could talk? Sometimes the way the opposite sex perceives you may surprise you.

[msc545]

@OlderAndWiser On my planet, there is something very wrong with everything you listed, sorry.

[OlderAndWiser]

@msc545 Well, my friend, all of those things have worked for billions of people, over thousands of years, and on every continent, which is why they have all persisted. This suggests that you inhabit a very perverse (in the literal sense) land I would encourage you to escape and repatriate with the normal world.

[msc545]

Things have taken a rather perverse turn here. Women have been sickened with an alien virus called "feminism" and have become a real danger to men such that the things that you suggest have nothing wrong with them now very clearly do. As of now, and for many years, I cannot see any hope of escape. I remain whole only because I avoid women and do so only by constant use of my wits.

Better lonely than dead.

[msc545]

Your idea that there is nothing wrong with your list of things because they were ok for "billions of people over thousands of years" is an "appeal to tradition."

This fallacy occurs when someone asserts that a belief, practice, or idea is right or better because it's been done for a long time or has been accepted for generations. Essentially, it assumes that something is correct or good simply because it's traditional, without providing any evidence or reasoning to support its effectiveness or validity in the present or future contexts.

In this specific context, that is in this time and place, things are much different than they were even 50 years ago, and the things that you suggest have nothing wrong with them are now quite flawed and quite dangerous. Thing have changed

[OlderAndWiser]

@msc545 Things have changed in your world, but California is not a microcosm of the US. In my world, women do not carry scalpels so they can randomly castrate men. A man doesn't need written consent before he holds a girl's hand. In fact, here, women express appreciation for chivalry. They enjoy dating and they want to be courted. Most of them have goals of being in a long term relationship and then marriage and having children. I am not speaking only of women my age. I mentor young men at a local university, I observe them dating, bringing women to social events, and I see how these women respond to gentlemanly behavior. Some of the more "erudite" factions in the North and the West have condescending attitudes about the South and our traditions, but we are not the ones overrun with woke feminism and PC run amok. Most of us live in joy, not fear.

[msc545]

You must be living in a time warp of some kind. What year is it there where you are?

[Avicenna]

It's never been easy to find someone compatible, but it does seem like it's gotten harder for lots of people to find someone suitable. It can sometimes be a matter of pure dumb luck when you do.

[KrakenAttackin]

Dating apps and singles events are a complete waste of time and money for you. Apps are designed to drain men of money when women have filtered out more than 85% of male profiles, while the bots give you just enough attention to keep paying. As for singles events, women don't want to date men who would attend a singles event (even though women go to them).

If you can't meet a woman organically than you will just be single.

[MrOracle]

100%.

[msc545]

Truth here !

[Anonymous]

yes. i feel like if you didn't have anything that you wanted in life (marriage, relationship, kids, house) before covid, that you're pretty much screwed now or it will be very difficult to accomplish. it created some weird shift in people and society.

[Twalli]

I am in what most people would call a fairy tale relationship. Everything you want and things you don't know you want in a relationship, I have.
Because of this I truly believe that there is a person out there for everyone. You probably will never find that person, but they're there.

[DextroShade]

It's because of feminism and social media. All I can recommend is to get your money up and maybe look overseas where the spread of the disease called feminism isn't as bad.

[laly520]

easy to find someone worth it? no

is it dead? no

is it worth it? yes but only if u r willing to take risk n invest in it

[Anonymous]

I think dating has always been bleak, we just have more exposure to people’s experiences (or lack of) through social media.

[madewithingredients]

if you go over to the pew research website and look at their surveys about dating and marriage, then no it's not dead, it's just changing slightly.

[Akam93]

I hope it's not dead. People still get married but no one knows what they want these days from other people. It's so hard for anyone to even speak to a person they like. I do believe love is still out there but it's becoming rare.

[LazerBean]

Not at all, almost all of my friends of both genders are either getting dates or married

[Asker]

Yea same here a lot of my guy friends are married but they are in their 30s including myself growing up in the late 80s/early 90s. It’s hard to find someone as a guy I don’t know how I can reassure her that she can trust me. I can’t waste 1 year in a talking stage because if I’m investing time in a girl I really dig she could be talking for fun with 5-10 other guys.

[msc545]

Get some money, and travel to Thailand or Vietnam or the Philippines where most of the women are not hostile to men like they are in the US and the UK. Women here are impossible.

[sheikalana]

I don't know where you're from but where I'm from is relationships and marriage and alive and thriving.

[ProbablyClueless]

It's not dead at all, it's just been made pointlessly difficult by Western culture.

[Anonymous]

More like on life support. dating has always been hard but with more trans people in the mix of the dating world it seems to have gotten a lot harder.

[Dou1994]

Have you tried to date from girls in your hobbies? My last resort for you…it will be the church 😭😂

[SolitarySolace]

Yes. And feminism killed them

[Yannae]

It's not dead, but it's difficult for no reason.

[jahaims]

Yeah the whole planet is single

[msc545]

Just the US and UK.