I'm not sure what I feel for a guy friend of mine but these past days, i miss him terribly. We went to a trip just the two of us to a resort and it was really an emotionally intimate experience. I got to know him really well as he shared what he is in relationships, his childhood years. He told me he's avoidant and commitmentless, it will take someone like his destiny to change him but shockingly, I felt really cared for in that trip. Since I'm sick and had panic attacks at night, he rubs my back to calm me down. He kept asking if i was okay and will suddenly appear if i take so long in the bathroom to check up on me.
He also bought a spf lotion for me because i said i'll borrow his thinking he has one but instead he bought one for me?
I felt i had a boyfriend on that trip because I also had cramps on my leg and he massaged it for me. He always seem to be worried for me so i said for him to lessen it a bit.
He also offered to go with me to the hospital but i declined because i wanted to go in my city's hospital.
There was a time when we fought on the car and i told him i'll throw him off and asked if he'll get mad, he said no. I was like even if we end up in the hospital? He said yes and i said i must be that influential to you
My guy friend also told me i'm special to him. On my birthday he said i meant so much to him and sent long paragraphs of how he cares for me and wants to be with me on that day.
I honestly feel our connection is special as well as he gets me a lot and makes me laugh. He did say with me, he never gets bored.
Plus, he's willing to be vulnerable to me in person as he cried infront of me due to a problem he shared.
He is a dismissive avoidant and is very open to me in person but in messages, he keeps it short most of the time but is now lately open in sending me paragraphs sometimes. He does videocall me but not frequently.
I'm in a muddle whether he does like me in that way?
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Hmm this does seem complicated since he's admittedly avoidant when it comes to commitment. A few thoughts on why he might be acting that way:
- Avoidants often had unpredictable caregivers as kids and learned intimacy is unsafe. They fear being controlled or "trapped" in a relationship.
- He may feel more comfortable opening up in person where it's easier to read your reactions, vs texting where intimacy feels riskier.
- Saying you're "special" lets him keep you close but avoid labeling your connection officially as something more serious.
- His avoidant tendencies could be clashing with the genuine care and chemistry you two share, which is why he goes hot/cold.
- Vulnerability like crying takes trust, but admitting strong feelings may feel too vulnerable for him.
It's hard to say for sure if he likes you as more than a friend since avoidants can have trouble identifying and expressing emotions. My best advice would be to have an honest talk with him about where you both see the relationship going to get clarity on his intentions. Proceed carefully since avoidance makes trust and commitment challenging. But it's possible he does care for you deeply under his protective layer.