Is love conquers all BS when it comes incompatibilities or getting lied to?

[Anonymous]

I just broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years because he admitted to lying about something very important. He knew very well I would've never dated him if he didn't share my similar views on a specific goal but liked my traits. He didn't want to let me go.

His reasoning for lying was that he thought that eventually either he would follow through with my goals, do it just for me even if he didn't like it or I would change my mind. He realized that wasn't happening and decided to finally be honest. I'm still pissed off. That's 2 years I'll never get back.

Is love conquers all BS? No love doesn't conquer all, not when it comes to major incompatibilities or finding out you've been lied to on something important.

Updates

13 d

Basically I've entered a relationship under false pretenses, on a misrepresentation of him.

[imtiaz45]

The idea that "love conquers all" is often romanticized but can be unrealistic, especially when faced with significant incompatibilities or deception in a relationship. While love is undoubtedly a powerful force that can overcome many challenges, it's not a magical solution to all problems.

Incompatibilities in values, goals, communication styles, or life priorities can create ongoing tension and conflict in a relationship, regardless of how strong the love between partners may be. Similarly, if one partner consistently lies or breaches trust, it can erode the foundation of the relationship and undermine the love that exists.

Effective communication, mutual respect, trust, and a willingness to address and resolve issues together are crucial for navigating challenges in a relationship. While love can provide motivation and support in overcoming difficulties, it's essential to recognize when certain problems may be too significant to overcome solely through love and to seek solutions that prioritize the well-being and happiness of both partners.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/9238O1IqD4A

[Anonymous]

How can you say love conquers all? I mean if someone is lying to you from the beginning they don't really love you do they.

I had a friend who's fiance cheated on him right before they got married. She got pregnant with the other guy's baby. She didn't tell my friend. 20 years. Later she decides to tell the truth. And then she was surprised when my friend divorced her. She thought there was a statute of limitations.

Be thankful you lost only 2 years (not minimizing your pain). But he lost essentially his entire family raising life. And this lie broke apart a family.

[Asker]

No he sure didn't love me as he claimed. If he did, then he would've let me go and be honest that his goals don't assigned mine and let me find someone like-minded. I was seeking for an average relationship of no more than 3 years that leads to marriage. I don't want kids without marriage and don't want to live together with someone I'm not engaged at least. He pretended to have those similar views. It turns out he didn't want any of that but lied.
Omg, I'm so sorry for what your friend went through. The nerves of that nasty piece of work thinking that he should still stay with her after a horrible deception like that. Some people are so inconsiderate of others and only think about themselves. It's all about and what makes them happy only but nothing about being honest from the start and giving the other person the option as to whether they will stay or not. By continue with their lies, they are robbing us out of a choice.

[petitedollbabee]

Love isn’t enough to have a successful relationship. You can love someone to the moon and back, but if you have clashing beliefs and are incompatible in other ways, the relationship isn’t going to last.

[Asker]

Exactly. My now ex boyfriend lied about wanting marriage and kids. I was very clear from day 1 that I had no plans on living together for 5+ years. By pretending to be someone he's not, he robbed me out of my choice to seek someone like-minded.

[Nikki1989]

Saying love conquers all is a very broad statement and, in that context, unrealistic.

[Asker]

yes and too many time like to give out the ''if you love them you wouldn't break up with them'' BS lines. If it's a huge incompatibility they even lied about just to get me, that's not love.

[PointlessNonsenseGuy]

Maybe love can conquer all, but it has to be MUTAL. And if your ex was lying to you about important stuff, that's not love.

But yeah I think there are some things that love can't conquer. Like if you were dating someone who turned out to be a serial killer, that would probably end the relationship, whether he was honest about it or not.

Maybe the expression should be changed to "Love conquers most."

[Asker]

Exactly, love in a relationship has its limits too. I consider what my now ex boyfriend did similar to cheating. He robbed me 2 years off my life by getting into this relationship base on lies. He lied about sharing my similar views of dating for marriage and forming a family. After 2 whole years, he finally tells me the truth of never wanting marriage and not into kids too much.

[PointlessNonsenseGuy]

Did he literally TELL you that he lied? Or did he say he changed his mind but you knew that was BS?

[Asker]

He admitted to lying about it after I refused to move in with him as a girlfriend. So yes he entered this relationship by lying.

[Asker]

So he wanted to continue waste my time if I had agreed to move in with him without an engagement at least. That's using someone.

[PointlessNonsenseGuy]

How old are you now? Did you meet this guy in college?

[Asker]

I'm nearly 23 now. No, I met him at a social French event (I speak intermediate French) from a Couchsurfing application to meet people.

[Asker]

He's older. He's 27.

[PointlessNonsenseGuy]

You sound like you want to get married as soon as possible.

Are you in the USA? Just curious.

[Asker]

I'm done with the first 4 years of college and would like to settle down. That doesn't mean we have to have kids immediately after getting married. My goal is getting married, stay childfree for a bit and then have kids. I'm back to Miami, Fl but tend to travel sometimes.

[PointlessNonsenseGuy]

I've never been to Miami, but it doesn't seem like a place for people who want to settle down.

Ever thought about moving? Or maybe you can't move if you're in grad school or law school or whatever.

[Sevenpointfive]

i'm pretty upfront with my expectations. so are the girls i'm interested in. we know right away if we are compatible. we usually aren't in the long run obviously, but at least it's honest,

[Asker]

I was very upfront with mine from the very beginning. He knew very well I only date to get marry and have kids and that I have no interest in being a man's girlfriend for 5-8 years. By the time he told me the truth of never wanting marriage and not really into kids, he wasted 2 years of my time.

[Sevenpointfive]

and that's not cool at all. he should not have wasted your time. i hope you learned from that experience to know what to do, look for, ask when and and recognize your personal red flags for guys. i'm sure you'll find the right guy. accepting reality is difficult when you want to believe it's different

[CriticalCatDad123]

Whoever said that love conquers all probably wasn’t referring to romantic love. Probably more so many platonic family/friendship between brothers type of love

[Asker]

yeah love in the family is different but even that type of love has its limits too. If a man's wife cheats on him with his own brother, the man in that situation can stil disown his brother.

[JacobJordan]

Love conquers all is a quote about how love can surpass conflicts, time, space, imperfections, etc it is not about trust, loyalty, finances etc

[Asker]

I think that saying shouldn't be used too much on relationship. Love in a relationship has its limits. Cheating for instance or lying to someone about marriage when you never wanted... nope, no love can overcome that.

[JacobJordan]

Precisely

[WhitneySnow]

Depends on what he lied about. Marriage/kids?

[Asker]

Yes that's the lie I'm referring to. I had no idea he was against marriage and wasn't into kid. He never told me that from the beginning. I don't mind people not sharing my views but I do mind a lot, being purposely deceived just so you can enter a relationship... a relationship base on lies, on a misrepresentation of yourself, pretending to be someone you're not.

[Asker]

I get told the truth after 2 years.

[WhitneySnow]

In that case I agree with you

[laly520]

love alone won't be enough

it takes lot of efforts

[DrPepper12]

Love does not conquer all in time does not heal all wounds. Twoo bullshit sayings

[spartan55]

Is he now your ex boyfriend?

[Asker]

Indeed he is. I've blocked him too. Starting a relationship by lying so the person can accept you is wrong. That's rob time out of someone, robbing them of their choice.

[spartan55]

Sorry that happened to you.

[KrakenAttackin]

WTF was the issue?

[Asker]

The BIG issue is he entered this relationship base on a lie. I was very clear from the day 1 about ONLY dating to get married and have kids, not dating to date nor being a man's girlfriend for 5-8 years. He agreed to this and after 2 whole years, he admitted to lying, admitted to never wanting marriage and not really into kids either.
Tell me I shouldn't be royally pissed off? I don't get upset over anything. That is a deception done on purpose just so he can get a girlfriend.