My boyfriend and I are constantly fighting as new parents?

[Anonymous]

lately me and my boyfriend started having arguments just about everyday if not every other day. most arguments consist of me being bossy, me always having an attitude, so…basically just me.
I’m actually burnt out and so tired of being told im the problem every time i speak up for myself or child… im a sahm and just want appreciation, i feel like i lost myself in the mist of the SAHM “duties.”
The other day my boyfriend told me im not exciting or fun to be around.
I feel like all the “fun/exciting” part of me got sucked out, especially with the arguments everyday, that i don’t even want to pretend like i enjoy being around him.
Is it because our baby is still small? Meaning they’re just going through growth spurs and are wanting a little more attention than usual.(4 months)
I’m constantly thinking about how independent I was before this life..

[Anonymous]

Are you possibly suffering from postpartum depression?

honestly many people tend to argue more when they have become first time parents. It’s life changing and you are all navigating life with a baby. I’m not going to lie and say it’s gets easier as baby gets older because my baby just turned one and I’m more sleep deprived than ever, and she is going through the separation anxiety stage. However I do agree with the other opinion about considering counselling or even possibly some Facebook support groups from people who have gone through something similar.

[Asker]

I wouldn’t say depression but definitely post partum rage and i HAVE accepted and confessed to him that no matter what he does he just makes me so angry to the point i have to leave the room. Although he’s never been the understanding type… even when i was pregnant, he would constantly tell me that i love to make him feel like sh*t, basically victimizing himself, when i try to point out his behavior towards me. I definitely know how to take accountability for my actions and work towards fixing them but he’s constantly pushing my buttons like he wants a reaction out of me… even when i start to reply with “okay. Okay, that’s fine” he will still continue to argue with himself.

[Opinion Owner]

Maybe it might be time to reconsider your entire relationship if he isn’t the understanding type especially if he wasn’t all that supportive while you were pregnant. Maybe deep down this relationship isn’t meant to be. I do hope you will be okay

[BarryLiverstone]

Yes. Because you just had a baby it’s rough. But what is it you argue about most often and what needs are not being met?

[Asker]

the arguing is mostly about how i naturally know the cues of our baby and i try to help him out on what to do but the way i do it comes across as “me telling him what to do” and i never leave him alone. Other arguments are how im always in a bad mood or he can never win with me. My side of things that i typically speak up about is no type of romance and/or spark or appreciation anymore. He says “he doesn’t know how to be romantic” which i call bs since I’ve seen him do it for previous females (we were friends before). Another response from him has been “you don’t do it for me so why should i do it for you.” Don’t get me wrong, he’s a great dad but as a partner it’s been tough & he’s never been the type to want to do anything for me.. i don’t care for expensive things but even a text saying “i appreciate you staying home and taking care of the child everyday” or something. And yes i show him appreciation all the time, he’s more of a “you don’t smile when i walk in the room, you don’t want to cuddle me, you don’t want to joke with me anymore” type.

[BarryLiverstone]

There are many things you two are arguing about and unfortunately I can see how those issues can be seen as valid from both vantage points. But what I wonder is how often do you set aside the individual needs and work towards your joint needs as a couple. So that’s less of a he wins or you win and more of a you both sorta win (but it’s never easy).

I wouldn’t say you all need therapy or counseling yet as the other answers so far have suggested but I see why they are suggesting you all reach for help from others.

Have you tried counseling? Do you get advice from parents or friends? Did these arguments start during the pregnancy or when you were friends?

I can tell you are frustrated and want to make the days better. You only have so much energy and most of it must go towards your baby being a sahm and parent. Does he know the effort you exert everyday?

[Asker]

I’ve always been open to counseling/therapy totally not against it! & i will say it always feels like a competition with him.. like keeping tabs almost. I do send him messages about wanting to work and fix things and it usually ends with him apologizing and saying he’ll do better for me and the child. Any serious change has not been made hence why i put that we’re always arguing. He’s admitted he has anger issues and always assumes im mad or angry.
He doesn’t know the effort i put everyday, when i try to vent about being tired or my back hurting he replies almost always with “MY back hurts” “IM tired, i had to go to work.”
These issues started while i was pregnant..
I seen things online about other women getting amazing treatment by their partners and i mentioned it to him and his response would be “well im sure they don’t treat their men the way you do me and that’s why their husbands do nice things for them.” Still to this day he can’t answer or give examples of how badly i treat him.. and I’ve asked out of genuine curiosity and so i can grow from it.

[BarryLiverstone]

I’m willing to help and give my perspective if you want to follow me and we can discuss all these issues. I do see why he says all that.

But one thing I would recommend is talking less about these issues over text or online and talking more face to face. Unfortunately online text loses so much context and emotion and empathy.

[BarryLiverstone]

I’d also mention one difference between men and women is that men often try to “fix” things even if women are trying to vent. lol you can see that my mind isn’t immune to this as I already suggested a small “fix” to you and haven’t heard all that the issues contain

[BarryLiverstone]

Will add briefly that as a guy I used to be a bit intimated if I felt a woman was upset or feeling negative as if I thought that was my thought I would try to quickly appease her instead of work to understand the source of her feelings. So I see why he quickly says he will try better but never does that result in action.

[slatyb]

Consider counseling if you want this marriage to survive.

[Asker]

I’m super open to counseling but he’s the type of man who gets offended by suggestions like that. I once brought up therapy and of course the “you need fucking therapy” was thrown back at me.

[AI Opinion]

Navigating the stormy seas of new parenthood while keeping the romantic sails afloat can feel like maneuvering through a hurricane in a dinghy! First off, let's give a nod to the fact that being a stay-at-home mom (SAHM) is no walk in the park—it’s a full-time gig without breaks, and often without the acknowledgment it deserves. It sounds like you and your boatmate are caught in a whirlpool of stress, exhaustion, and unmet expectations, which is totally common in this new chapter of life.

Remember, amidst the diaper changes and sleepless nights, your relationship needs some TLC too. It might be time to drop anchor and have a heart-to-heart. Share your feelings, your need for appreciation, and how you miss the "exciting" parts of life, but also listen to his side. Sometimes, acknowledging each other's struggles and sharing the weight can relight that spark. Consider a little lovebombing—tiny acts of appreciation and love can do wonders. And hey, a bit of couple’s time, even something simple at home, can remind you both of the exciting people you still are, beyond the roles of mom and dad. Parenthood is a wild ride, but with open communication and teamwork, you can sail through it stronger and more in love than ever. Remember, you're both navigating these uncharted waters together.

[jahaims]

Unfortunately it sounds like you chose a weak and immature partner. It just didn't come out until he had to step up.