Hello, my boyfriend of 2 years has this friend from before he was with me, recently she asked him if he wanted to hang, but without me, is it weird?

[Anonymous]

For context, she also has a boyfriend for quite a few years, but when he asked her if maybe I can come too so we can all meet she refused saying that they wouldn’t be able to talk you know like their stuff, am I in the wrong here for feeling off about her?

I was fine with her until she refused my presence there knowing that I am uncomfortable with my boyfriend hanging out alone with a girl, I talked to him about it and he would feel the same for me hanging out with a guy alone. Am I wrong?

[IslaTheWitch]

it's normal he had life before you and will meet from time to time in the group of old friends only

if you feel uncomfortable talk to him without blaming. Describe the situation and emotions it triggers in you and propose a solution. Remember you can't cut him off from his friends... be ready for negotiations and compromise

[Asker]

Yes I am very aware of all that and I would never try to cut anyone off because it is not right to do so and no one is allowed to do that to anyone, as that would be highly toxic. I tried negotiating by telling him I want to meet her first, but it kind of baffles me why they don’t want me to come.. it feels a bit off I don't know

[Asker]

And I always give him space when he is out with his friends and I text him only to check in, as it is normal, so I am not the type to intrude if you know what I mean, it’s just that one thing that I really don’t get

[Anonymous]

Nope, I'd regard it as an intolerable risk. She's just a friend and has a boyfriend of her own. Until she doesn't and she's openly interested in him.

[Asker]

That’s what I am thinking, if she has a boyfriend of her own why does she wanna hang out with my man? I get they were friends before I was totally fine with her until she straight up refused me meeting her, like what the hecc?

[Opinion Owner]

Yep. It could be all legit and she just wants some platonic contact with an old friend and doesn't want Mrs right now cramping her calm. Never the less, from your perspective, a risk that doesn't serve you and she and he surely see this.

[Asker]

Yes I am also considering this, but in the time all the other worries step in and I don’t know how to handle this situation 😭😭😭

[Asker]

In the same time*

[Opinion Owner]

If you can't live with the situation, you can't. Red flag. He needs to understand this will damage your relationship. What's he going to do about it?

[Asker]

I don’t know what he is going to do about it, I told him my worries and that a woman’s intuition is stronger than anything when it comes to other women that wanna hang with your man, he seemed kinda in between, I will talk to him more about this until it will be solved, I also stopped talking to a guy friend that I had for like 4 years before we even met, that came naturally, not forced, since he was also kinda uncomfortable with it, why wouldn’t he be able to do the same for me? Love is also about compromising isn’t it?

[AI Opinion]

Navigating the rough seas of relationships and friendships, aren't we? Let me sprinkle some of my spice on this scenario. When the sirens of discomfort sing their tunes, it's crucial to tune in. Your feelings of unease toward your boyfriend's friend refusing your company are valid. Relationships are about trust and those little gut feelings are like love’s GPS—sometimes they're leading you somewhere important.

The refusal for a group hangout might just be singing the ballad of a red flag, especially given that your partner acknowledges he'd feel the same unease if the roles were reversed. It’s all about creating a secure harbor for both partners, without room for storms of doubt.

Here’s a nugget of wisdom: Communication is the lighthouse guiding ships safely home. Having an open and honest conversation with your boyfriend about your discomfort, setting boundaries that make sense for both of you, is like crafting the perfect sea shanty—harmonious and understanding. Remember, it’s not about right or wrong, it’s about sailing smoothly together. So, navigate these waters with love, trust, and a dash of open dialogue. 🌊💑

[Asker]

I completely agree, but in the same time I am aware that I cannot tell him who tho hang out with, that would be toxic and I really do not want to be toxic, I love him too much. That is my dillema, but he should be able to compromise for me I guess?

[Iron_Man]

I don’t trust her. How do you know she even has a boyfriend or She’s close to breaking up with him. Anything is possible I wouldn’t allow this meeting alone.

[Asker]

@Iron_Man Me neither, I just have this bad feeling about her, doesn't even matter if she really has a boyfriend because as you said you can’t know what kind of relationship they have..

[Asker]

Plus why doesn’t she just talk to her man? Why does it have to be mine?

[Iron_Man]

Exactly don’t allow it anyway I posted in the wrong area but you know what I’m talking about

[Anonymous]

Why without you?

[Asker]

Because they wouldn’t be able to be in their vibe

[Opinion Owner]

That’s complete garbage. I don’t trust him.

[Asker]

I do trust him, but I don’t trust her, that is the problem

[Asker]

Because she said the vibe thing, now why he goes with it idkkkkk

[Opinion Owner]

It’s the same thing temptation this is not good at all. I don’t think you understand.

[Opinion Owner]

But you’ll find out sooner or later

[Opinion Owner]

I wouldn’t allow that if I were you

[Asker]

I would love to understand if you can explain better, please

[Opinion Owner]

Never mind, you don’t understand

[Opinion Owner]

Sounds like you’re in denial

[Opinion Owner]

The girl is disrespecting you and the boyfriend is putting up with that

[Asker]

I told him I feel disrespected by her since she refused me, since then he hasn’t talked to her but said at the next opportunity that she asks him we will see how we will manage, but I would still feel as uncomfortable, but in the same time I really do not want to turn toxic or jealous, this is my worry

[Opinion Owner]

The fact is, the guy should cancel unless you’re there your boyfriend and girlfriend I don’t trust women that say they wanna vibe alone

[Asker]

Yuh I do not trust those kind of women either, I would only agree if I get to meet her first, I am not crazy for wanting it this way right?

[Opinion Owner]

Oh, you’ve never even met her even more of a red flag

[Opinion Owner]

How long have you known your boyfriend and when did this woman come into the picture

[Asker]

2 years, and she popped up about a few months ago, told him I felt uncomfy unless I get to meet her first, and she denied the request, told him I feel VERY ODD OF HER DENYING ME BEING THERE, and that that is suspicious of her, but he seemed to agree with her and that bothered me, since then we haven’t talked about it it sort of just settled on its own. When the subject will come again I will express my need of first meeting her and then I guess I will see from there.

[In_Trance]

She wants to smash

[Asker]

even if he says that they are strictly friends only and nothing ever happened? she got a boyfriend too for a very long time