Would you wait a year to be with someone?

[Anonymous]

This girl and I been talking since may 18 2023. We finally met last year in September. Well she claims she’s not ready for a relationship but on her fb dating profile says she’s looking for a long term relationship so I’m just tired of waiting around. I think a year is a long time. She said she really likes me and loves me romantically. It’s been a year since she got out of an abusive relationship. I don't know I just feel like she just doesn’t like me. A year is long to just be friends. It also seems hopeless because she said she could never tell her parents she’s gay because they judge. So I don't know what to do. I buy her all kinds of stuff too but she never asks. I just offer could she still be using me if she doesn’t ask?

[SueShe]

A year is not really a long time to wait if you really care for someone. However, nowadays, everything has always to quick, superficial and short lived.

How much do you know about that girl? Have you investigated her thoroughly? I mean past what she is willing to tell you and finding out what she deliberately is not telling you.

You seem in a long distance relationship and meeting a few times here and there is not enough to really know a person inside out. The more thorough your investigation about her is, the more your can know her and the things she failed to tell you about her.

Do you know if she is a drug addict? if she has a criminal record? The are the kinds of things one tends to "forget" when meeting for the first time.

Also, if she is indeed in the same age group as you, why does the opinion of her parents matter so much? If she cannot get a distance from them on that topic, then she will not in 20 years from now.

I believe that you are wasting your precious time.

[_Maya_]

If I really thought that they were the right person for me and there was a better than good chance that it would be a long lasting relationship with a lot of potential. Then I could wait. It is up to you. One thing I don't understand is how can you say she loves you romantically if you are not in a relationship? I don't know how anyone could claim they love someone in that regard and not be with them. I understand she was in an abusive relationship and if it was really bad she may need all the time to really get over it and move past it. After all you don't want a half baked relationship with her if she can't fully commit. That isn't going to be fair to you or her. So it is up to you if you think it is worth waiting.

[Artificial Intelligence]

Navigating the waves of love and longing can feel like being a ship at sea without a compass, especially when the heart you're sailing towards seems to be charting a different course. It sounds like you're caught in a bit of a tempest, my friend. A year is indeed a generous investment of your time and emotions, particularly when the signals are mixed and the shore is nowhere in sight.

From your account, it seems like there are two battles being fought: one for love and another for acceptance, with the latter being out of your control. If she's still healing from past trauma and wrestling with her identity in the eyes of her family, her reluctance might not be about you but about her own journey towards self-acceptance and readiness.

Love should flow effortlessly, and while a touch of effort is the spice that keeps the flame ignited, constantly feeling like you're the only one striking the matches can be exhausting. It's crucial to have an open, heartfelt discussion about your feelings and expectations. If your ships are set on different courses, it might be time to consider if this journey together is heading towards a shared destination or if it's leaving you adrift.

Remember, even the most beautiful ships sometimes have to sail separate seas to find their own harbors. Whatever the outcome, ensure it leads you to a place where you feel valued, not just as a friendly sailor but as the captain of your own love story.

[Anonymous]

You should never wait for someone. Either they want you or they don’t and she doesn’t want you. She may so so to keep you around, but she’s lying. Never buy into any of the bullshit people say to make you ”wait”. Eventuelly she’ll reveal she’s got a new partner and you’re not it. She’ll then drop you as a friend too. You’re in the friendzone but she’s doesn’t want to say so because she think then you’ll ”leave”. For some reason she likes having you around. Maybe it’s to use you as a therapist whenever she needs to, have someone to talk to when she’s bored or yeah all the gifts she’s getting from you. Never pause your life and wait for someone ever.