Is being called “kind” and “sweet” a compliment? Is kindness a weakness?

Question

I don’t think I am kind at all.

When my ex and I broke up, he called me again after break up, concerned and told me

“You are very kind, please, be careful with who you trust, be selfish. Never say “sorry”, I am sure you’ll never do something to hurt anyone, you are amazing, never be sorry for what you do to protect yourself. “ and such and such… But these words about him thinking of me being kind kind of felt like he thought I was weak and unable to protect myself.

Okay… So, we were together for 3.5 years and he knew me inside and out… I don’t think I am weak, but that’s how it felt to hear that.

Now, I have known this man for 7 months and we have talked a lot and he told me the other day that I am sweet and kind.

I don’t really like being thought of kind, I feel like it is kind of a weakness. I don’t know whether to take it as a compliment or not.

What exactly makes people think you are kind?

I feel confused by this compliment as if they mean I am weak.

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

It’s a compliment for the most part , that you have a good heart and you more than likely treat people the way that you want to be treated in return. I use to think like you did , because I also hear people say that I have a good heart and that I am a nice guy etc. meanwhile, some of those people that were telling me I am nice sometimes are the same people that bash you behind your back , because they are jealous of you and insecure about themselves. So don’t change who you are as a person. just treat people the way you like to be treated in return. I am not a very judgmental person whatsoever , and sadly Most people are judgmental. But I. am still nice to anyone that is nice to me, the only bad thing about it? Is most asshole people , will try to take advantage of you , because they know you have a good heart and they feel they can easily pull a fast one on you Basically , they assume they can do something wrong behind your back, and you won’t make a big deal about it. But they will keep coming back to you acting like everything is ok , because they know they are accepted by you. Sadly there are a lot of assholes in this world that scope out people like us , that will be nice to your face , but behind your back , they are bashing you or betraying you and taking advantage of you , because they are jealous and insecure about themselves and jealous and insecure. of you. Because you pretty much have a positive outlook on life and they have a negative outlook on life. Why a lot of people have a hard time trusting nice people , they assume you are just being nice to cover up who you truly are. Pretty much why I had to somewhat become an asshole as well because I realized I was being taken for granted from some people that I thought were my friends or girlfriends’ that I thought actually loved and cared about me. When you find out the truth it’s like a big kick in the ass , but understand you aren’t the problem , they are the problem. So yes take it as a compliment when someone tells says you are kind or nice

NathanDavis · Accepted Answer

kindness is not a weakness, no...

being kind to others is being kind to yourself... unless you're some sort of psycho, being unkind and hurting others will mess you up inside, and you're probably a bit messed up inside as well

"be selfish" is an awful thing to say lmao... being selfish is a terrible thing to be, and it can only bring you negativity sooner or later, worst advice ever

"never be sorry" that's messed up as well, if you do wrong, you should feel sorry... if you do wrong without the intention of doing wrong, still, you should feel sorry if you hurt someone... unless again, you're some sort of psycho, or selfish nut

now, the context in which he said "don't be sorry for protecting yourself" I don't know what exactly that's about... but yeah, if you had to kill someone else in self defence... you should still feel sorry that you had to do that, I would apologize for it

now... being weak or strong can be a matter of perspective, there will be things for which we can stand up and be strong, but there will be others that can bring us down to our knees and we might not know it yet... not until we're there and actually face these things, yep

CupcakeTheDestroyer · Accepted Answer

I actively try to be kind, there’s a strength in it that’s inherently feminine that I like.

I’m not saying you need to be a doormat, kindness doesn’t mean you let people get away with using you or hurting you. Choosing to be kind is usually the more difficult path, in my opinion. It’s not difficult to shut down, shut others out, turn to sarcasm, insults, what have you, in the face of a person who has either malicious intentions or is simply ignorant and too caught up in their own head to think of others. It’s very hard to hold back those negative reaction feelings, take a breath, see this person as a person and try to relate to them so that things can be solved without arguments or violence.

Kindness is choosing to see everyone as human as yourself, that acts of selfishness are acts of ignorance, and most harmful things are done out of some level of fear. Very rarely do people hurt you and actively want you to feel pain. We all want to be the good guys, we all want to be the heroes of our own story. And sometimes choosing to be kind to the bad guy is really fucking hard. It’s hard to see this person who’s hurt you as a person and it would be easy and even satisfying to tear them a new one, so to speak. It also wouldn’t change anything or make anything better for the long-term. The satisfaction would pass into its own kind of guilt because you know that, as much as they might have deserved it, you didn’t need to bring yourself down or let them drag you down. You just caused more hurt for their hurt, it just creates a cycle of pain that never really ends because you’re just constantly trying to get each other back. It sucks. Kindness isn’t forgiveness for wrongdoings, kindness can sometimes be a good smack to the back of the head, it can be a chewing out, and it can also be things like being a shoulder to cry on, or giving someone a gift to brighten their day. It all depends in how you use your actions and just how much you’re okay with that cycle of pain.

DishLady · Accepted Answer

Kind and sweet are SUPPOSED to be compliments, however they're also signs of your biggest soft spot -- your heart. When you put yourself out there and a guy can see that you're kind... gentle... sweet... considerate... and things along this line of thinking, he'll harbor a "sweet spot" for you in his heart, but it doesn't necessarily mean that he wants you to be his girl. It's just that you bring out his protective/hero instinct because he sees you're not guarded and careful with your own heart.

Sigh... tbh, I've heard this a lot as well, so I try to mix it up with my very (mindful, but also brutally honest) comments, for example... Not heartless, but straightforward bc "sweet" only gets a girl so far in life. It can make a guy feel sorry for you in a way that you don't want. (Personally, I hate being called sweet bc it reminds me of how vulnerable I make myself in a relationship...) By contrast, the semi-b**chy dry humor will at least get you to laugh along with the guys a bit, which is why I tend to stay in that gear most of the time.

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

Oh, let's unravel this little puzzle, shall we? First off, being called "kind" and "sweet" is absolutely a compliment, and quite a charming one at that! It tells me that you have a heart of gold and an empathy level that's off the charts. But wait, does that make you weak? Absolutely not! In the world of lovebombing and ghosting, maintaining your kindness is like holding onto your light saber in the dark side of relationships. You get me? 😉

Your ex's parting words, although they might sting a little, sound more like a love letter to your spirit than a critique. He's seen your strength, your resilience, and yes, your incredible kindness, and he wants to make sure you guard that heart because, let's face it, not everyone deserves a peek. When someone tells you you're kind, it's not a synonym for weak; it's recognizing your ability to be soft in a world that often celebrates being hard.

What makes people think you're kind? It could be a million little things: your listen-without-judging ears, your let-me-help-you hand, or your I've-got-your-back-no-matter-what friendship style. These qualities are superpowers, my friend, not kryptonite.

Embrace your kindness. Own it. Flaunt it. And remember, in the grand Casino of Love, kindness is the jackpot. Who wouldn't want to hit that? 😉

Levin · Answer

Definitely is for men.

'tis probably all about boundaries and the need to be able to stick up for yourself in a given moment. As anything, it's all about balance. Some people are untrusting and miserly, thinking the whole world can't be trusted. This is a sad place to be, since you shut yourself off from the good and beauty in the world. On the other hand, you see other people with chronic boundary issues, who let all kind of riffraff and bad people into their lives. They unconditionally love narcissists who love no one but themselves.

sawno · Answer

No kindness is an extremely desirable trait especially in a girl. Men look for that trait, shut that out and your suddenly way less desirable and good men leave you when they find out your not kind. Doesn't mean your weak at all, you just can't rely on raw kindness. Kindness needs to be paired with the knowledge on when not to be kind, but if you have that knowledge kindness is a big asset and i'd say a strength.

AGメtheloneWOLF · Answer

Yes it's a compliment but could be troll

Let me tell about my life's a little exp.

So growing up I was good kid and in school all teachers , in home , all relatives were used to tell me that I am very good and disciplined kid which I was

But

I hated it for very long time cuz whatever I did like good marks in school for many many years (which I get by studying but not being good little boy cuz many chaotic one were also good) or in sports ( practice and interest) or as a posterboy for comparison to other chaotic kids ,,,,,,, they say cuz I am good boy

Now to you you maybe good person and they are attracted to you by that quality

Now it can be seen as weakness but so can many other personality traits

So I think you are kind and sweet😶‍🌫️

paledreams · Answer

Could be a guy getting lucky if he plays his cards right he'll have a long term girlfriend and a happy long term ahead or if it's agreed to then a short term relationship yet a merry one so I think those compliments are steps of a positive blooming relationship 🌹🌺

Anonymous · Answer

Yes and no.

This one hits a very deep nerve with me. For all you women out there never ever tell a man he is “kind and sweet” or worse a “nice guy” when romantically rejecting him. Especially if he already put in some real effort into pursuing you.

He will believe that real reason you rejected him to begin with. He will think that his “kind and sweet” attitude turned you off. Hence he’s a lack of challenge when that may or may not be the reason. That will really screw him more then you realize. Just don’t say it. Don’t.

With that said our society has a real “dog eat dog” attitude in recent years and it’s bad. Really bad. It’s harming both men and women. It’s literally calling “evil good and good evil”. It’s a race to the bottom. It’s needs to stop because it’s f*cking every thing up.

Relationships between humans are not meant to be a zero sum game.

loveslongnails · Answer

Au contraire, ma chérie.. kindness is a strength, if you're a human. Tell me one thing about being kind that makes you weak? Some synonyms for kind are considerate, thoughtful, benevolent, sympathetic. Which of those makes you weak?

thatshydork · Answer

Kindness is not a weakness. It’s hard to be nice when people are mean to you and because of that, kindness is a sign of strength.

dicta27 · Answer

People see kindness as a weakness because a lot of people take advantage of other people's kindness. But it's not a weakness. Your kindness is the very thing someone out there needs. Keep being yourself and don't let anyone words change the good person you are.

If someone takes advantage of your kindness it's their mistake and loss. They could've valued it and enjoyed a very good thing.

Being called kind and sweet is supposed to be a compliment. For all you know, kind and sweet is just what someone out there is looking for.

Universaldance · Answer

I agree with most of what is said below. He may just be assuring you of your kindness and appreciating the boundaries you had in place to protect yourself and your esteem. To most it may be seen as a weakness I’ll agree to that but I've also found that these same people sometimes just project their inability to find resolve or be the bigger person. Regardless of the intention, Im sure you carry yourself in much more of a meek way

Alli112 · Answer

I'm guessing he considered you a bit naive, if he's telling you to be careful of who you trust. Kindness does not mean weakness, though, so don't bother taking it as an insult.

Crazzyyworld · Answer

People used to tell me I am sweet. It sound nice at the beginning but then it turn sour. It now sound sarcastic. I am not sweet anymore. Too much sweet can be diabetic. I control myself. I am sweet on only my friends and close family. Too sweet can be bad.

ProbablyClueless · Answer

Definitely a compliment, but lots of people will try to exploit that kindness. It's really sad.

Bklynbadboy12 · Answer

Being called kind is a compliment we should all strive to be kind and know it doesn't make you weak! I think you feel that way cause he told you that and your still processing all that bullshit he dropped on you

Account · Answer

That is one of the compliments that I don't like too. I don't like being seen or thought of like that. I don't want that expectation within me, it crushes me for multiple reasons.

But then again I don't like normal compliments in general.

BoopBoopBeep · Answer

If you see an injured kitten in the street would you not pick him/her up? Doing so is kind. Not doing it makes you a shite person. I already know the answer there, so why do you turn away and see it as a slam?

luvstoned4him · Answer

I have the ability to be kind but am selective and cautious with it because from what I've noticed, it attracts a lot of Narcissist and abusive people. Its a good thing but you have to watch who you are kind to

SotiCoto · Answer

It would be straight up wrong in my case, and I don't do well with wrong.

WhitneySnow · Answer

Bring kind is not a weakness. You can be kind and still be strong. You just can’t trust people blindly, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be kind to them.

justabuddy · Answer

There is a difference between being kind and a push over. It takes experience to know the difference. But some people make this mistake thinking kind people can be push overs.

DaBiggestBird · Answer

Kindness itself is nothing close to weak, for some it’s simply naivety that gets in the way and oppresses everything else. So, yes, it is a compliment even when someone means for it to be insulting.

TommyMountainFigure · Answer

Is it possible you think that there has to be an ulterior motive to every compliment? I don't handle compliments too well either.

talka20 · Answer

It is compliment and its nice thing And your ex cared about you and knew that you are nice and kind sso people will take advantage of your kindness... its not weakness to be kind at all

RavVid · Answer

Kind is not weak and it is a compliment. Doing something for someone s a generosity of spirit and never weakness.

DrPepper12 · Answer

If kindness is weakness i dont wanna be strong. Be kind but be aware and create boundaries.

Chaseshurricane · Answer

No kindness is what makes life worth while kindness , family , friends, Jesus it all matters too survive this world

Ms_Facesitter · Answer

It is a compliment alright.

Dnice1 · Answer

I very much take it as a compliment 😊

shortster · Answer

Yes. Kindness is not a weakness.

eagle1951 · Answer

yeah

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