If you forgive someone, would you choose to let them back into your life or is that a bad decision?

[Anonymous]

[ohsheeT]

I can forgive somebody but I really don't need them back in my life you take that moment and both learn from it and move on there's a reason whatever happened happened and whatever happens somebody proved who they truly were by doing what they did even though it might have been a mistake it is what it is... it's time to move on

[ProbablyClueless]

I should start this by saying that my personality is one that is extremely comfortable around confrontations and long, protracted, unresolved conflict. I don't enjoy it, but it doesn't impact the kind of day I'm having

That being said, for me, being able to interact with someone I've had a conflict with cordially, is a sign of closure.

[Justneedtokno]

It all depends on what type of boundaries you said in place for them and you can forgive someone, but you also can stand your ground on how you let them back into your life. They don’t always have to be there in the way and capacity that they were before like you could comevisit me, but you can’t live with me

[Asker]

What if it's a guy that likes you and he comes back after years? How to determine what to do? Should you keep him at arms length? How can you Tell if they really changed?

[Justneedtokno]

Well, you start off with arms length. You don’t immediately let this person jump back into your life. Think about what kept them away in the first place. You do a pros and cons on your own. Write everything down. What have you been doing on your own? What growth have you given yourself without this person do you think they are beneficial and will make your life better in it.

Do go out with them, don’t immediately bring them to your house. Don’t get yourself into a position. You’ll be too vulnerable to make wise decisions.

A man will show you on his own with his actions. If he is serious about you you don’t have to push him. You do not have to do anything to make him be right for you. You know how you feel let him show you how he feels.

[Justneedtokno]

You got this

[Asker]

I have a child and he told me that maybe we should grab coffee sometime and he offered to pay for a babysitter. I didn't respond because I was unsure of what his intentions truly are

[Justneedtokno]

Well, it’s a public setting. I wouldn’t let anybody watch my child but my people. And let people know where you’re going. Keeping your distance just means not in a closed off area keeping your distance just means not giving into that person. Too much like finding out what their intentions are is fine, but not setting yourself up in an area where you may fall prayed to having sex with this person and you’re already unsure of the person

Like myself, I like this guy we just met, but the first date will not be my house

[DishLady]

You can forgive and let go of the past and still choose not to be stupid enough to let the cycle of negativity repeat itself.

[AI Opinion]

Diving right into the heart of it: forgiveness and second chances are like the drama and spice of the dating world! Imagine this - you've forgiven someone, which essentially means you're not letting their actions weigh you down anymore. And here comes the plot twist: deciding whether to let them back into your life? It’s the ultimate cliffhanger!

The answer? It's all about the vibe check. If you believe the person has genuinely changed and the issue that caused the rift won't repeat, rolling out the red carpet for them might lead to a sequel better than the original. However, if your gut screams louder than a teenager at a horror movie, it might be wise to keep them in the friend zone (or not even that). After all, you’re the director of your own life's movie. Don’t settle for repeated plotlines unless you’re sure it's going to be a blockbuster hit. And remember, trust is like a mirror – you can fix it if it's broken, but you'll always see the cracks.

[Finchie40]

Just depends on what happened in the first place to make you both break up

[dustybiker2]

I personally think forgiveness is more for yourself so that you can mentally let it go and move on with your life. It has absolutely nothing to do with the person that stabbed you in the back.
Saying that I would never reconnect with someone like that. There is that old adage "Fool me once..." If they can be vile they can do it again. So I think letting them back in is asking for it to happen again.

[IslaTheWitch]

it depends on what needed forgiveness... if the trust wasn't damaged too much, it would be possible...

but there are situations where forgiveness is possible but returning to the state from before the event is impossible...

[Asker]

What about a situation where you and a guy have an argument because he felt you were playing games and using him? No foul language involved just a heated exchange. I knew that he liked me but I wanted to be friends

[ZackBan]

We live in a world where everyone is hung up on that one toxic ex they had.

It's ok to forgive and not hold grudges, that is healthy.

But you should really learn to move on and find someone who doesn't require constant forgiveness

[Skinhead-1979]

Entirely depends on what has happened, and how often it has happened.

I am generally very forgiving, too forgiving I should say... but I do draw a line somewhere; and overtime I have become a lot less forgiving.

[luvstoned4him]

Depends on how badly they hurt me and whether it was justified.

I usually keep them like acquaintances i. e.. we never get close like how we were. Everything usually changes

[Asker]

You would follow them on social media?

[luvstoned4him]

@Asker no, but I be courteous and say hi if we run into each other on the street

[Asker]

Okay if you follow them back on social media does that mean you are interested in connecting?

[luvstoned4him]

@Asker if they do that then it means they want to reconnect to some extent

[whereismyjohnny]

You can forgive someone and yet not want anything to do with them. I'd say it would depend on what they have done, but if someone is out of my life, it’s usually because there was a good reason for it.

[Anonymous]

It really depends on the situation. I think a guy should forgive a woman regardless. For him, not for her. Because if he doesn't forgive her, he'll always be carrying that burden around. But forgiving does not mean forgetting. There are some women who've I've told I forgive them. Then they didn't seem to get why while I've forgiven them, I never wanted to see them again. They just didn't understand how toxic they were. It had to end.

[FreyaRed]

"... let them back into your life or is that a bad decision? "
very likely, I wouldn't built up an imagination of a future with such people.

[mobiusforniner]

The question isn’t whether I’ve forgiven them, but if they’ve forgiven themselves. Forgiveness without change is abuse.

[Asker]

How can you know if someone has changed if you don't give them a chance?

[mobiusforniner]

I didn't say I wouldn’t give them a chance. Most times I do. And most times I’m left disappointed. And most times I’m asked to forgive. Again. And again. And again. Is it forgiveness anymore?

[TommyMountainFigure]

That's the whole point of forgiving them. If you're not going to let them back in, why bother

[Asker]

Just because you forgive someone doesn't mean you let them back in and possibly do it again

[TommyMountainFigure]

Then that isn't proper forgiveness in my book!

[Asker]

I thought forgiveness is for yourself?

[TommyMountainFigure]

That's a common misconception. If I forgive, it is to give them another chance to either prove me right, or wrong! I don't do that for my benefit!

[Asker]

What if in this situation me and a guy had a falling out because he felt I was playing games and using him. We had a huge argument through text and stopped talking as a result. If I know he likes me how can I forgive him and give him another chance like you said if he wants a relationship?

[TommyMountainFigure]

Can we come back to the whole forgiveness thing later? because I want to ask you something far more important with regards to your situation. If you gave him another chance, what would be different about things this time around from the last time? Bearing in mind, last time you had a fight because he thought you were playing games and using him!

[Asker]

The only way things could be different this time is if I date him but I'm not interested in him that way. He followed me on social media and I followed him back but at this moment that's all I'm comfortable with.

[TommyMountainFigure]

Than I see no point in forgiving him!

[Asker]

If I followed him back on social media, doesn't that mean I forgived him?

[TommyMountainFigure]

Not necessarily. It means you are curious what he's up to, and are giving him the chance to apologise to you! It depends on your point of view. My way is just a different way of looking at it!

[Asker]

I like the way you look at things. To me I try not to overthink. He followed me first so by me following back I was just being nice. I don't understand his intentions. He gave me a compliment and he suggested we get coffee. I have a child and he offered to pay for a babysitter in order to get coffee. He occasionally texts me but I ignore him for the most part.

[TommyMountainFigure]

Are yo certain you don't understand his intentions? Because I think as you said before, he wants a relationship with you, and will go to lengths to prove it, only when he doesn't get his own way, he says you are using him. In fact he is trying to manipulate you into giving him what he wants, and then just behaving like a spoilt brat when you say no! As far as I can see, this isn't about you for him, this is about his bruised ego and the fact you turned him down!

[JesseP1nk]

You know his intentions why you drag him along? Stop being an attention whore and leave him alone.
Thats what its all about. He gives you a validation that you like and you give him hope he has a chance.

[Asker]

Not true. I literally don't talk to him. In the past he thought I was using him but we were just friends. Now we just follow each other on social media and that's it.

[smashleyy]

Depends how deep the betrayal or disrespect was. But I have no issue in forgiving and never speaking to someone again if I think it’s necessary

[Serkee]

It depends on what for. Just because you forgive someone doesn't mean you trust them enough to put them in a position to hurt you again.

[bobby_bush_eater]

It really depends on the context of the situation. In the past I've forgiven and let them back in but sometimes I forgive them but still keep them at arms length.

Forgiveness does not equate to earning back trust.

[MoroccanPrincess]

I'll forgive but they are not allowed back into my life. They are not in my life for reason so yeah 🖤

[Asker]

Would you still follow them on social media?

[MoroccanPrincess]

probably not

[Alwayreckles93]

No cut off all contact. Some people are not even worth it.

[Jay-_-]

If it was the things I'm thinking no I'd forgive them and keep them at a distance of my day to day life, now if it's something small, I could care less 😂

[slatyb]

Depends on what they did and how likely they are to repeat it.

[es20490446e]

Is their behavior, looked objectively, dependable?

[Asker]

How can I tell if I only see them on social media?

[es20490446e]

So evaluating it through social media is the problem itself.

[Asker]

Does that mean i have to meet them in person and observe them?

[es20490446e]

[Asker]

Got it. He texted me and suggested that maybe we should grab coffee sometime. I have a child and he said he would pay for a babysitter. I don't know his intentions but It sounds like he wants a date

[es20490446e]

Great!

[Ms_Facesitter]

It depends on what they did to wrong me. If it's serious I won't let them back in.

[JesseP1nk]

"apology accepted but access denied"

[Asker]

Would you still follow them on social media?

[JesseP1nk]

No. I have blocked her on everything.

[Asker]

Okay why would following them on social media be a bad idea?

[JesseP1nk]

Because you dont want constant reminder -> out of sight, out of mind. I might be wrong but the issue you have with him is that you are not on the same page with him. He think he have chance with you. He need to understand he does not by you telling him , if he still contacts you.

[Asker]

When he messages me I ignore him so he should be able to take the hint

[noohair]

Forgiving is different that allowing someone back in. It depends on too many things to answer with no details.

[nawtee_me]

Forgive doesn’t mean forget. You can forgive and not hold it against them but don’t forget and make the same mistake twice.

[LiamJHayden]

No. Forgiveness does not require subjecting oneself to a repeat.

[antonsheker]

you can forgive but will be hard to forget. move on first and see if it will be worth it, take your time the 2nd time around.

[WhitneySnow]

Depends what they did

[Starrrboy]

Bad decision..