I have nothing to talk to my boyfriend about. How can we improve our communication?

[barney]

After 4 months of dating, the ease of conversation that came naturally at the beginning has faded for me and my boyfriend. I find myself with little to share because my days feel so repetitive. While we still joke and enjoy each other’s company, particularly when preparing dinner and listening to music, our dinner conversations have become almost nonexistent, often drowned out by the TV.

Being a shy introvert, it’s already a challenge for me to open up, but now I’m at a loss for what to say. Although I’m comfortable with him, I fear we might get bored with each other if this pattern continues. He’s not very expressive about his feelings, which leaves me wondering if something’s wrong. We’re still physically intimate, but emotionally, it feels like there’s a disconnect.

There are moments, especially after sex, when I crave a deeper conversation or some emotional connection, but he rarely engages. I’m unsure whether this is just my emotions getting the best of me or if it’s a sign of a deeper issue. I want to discuss this with him, but I’m worried about coming across as insecure or pushing him away. Communication is important to me, but I also recognize that not everything my mind fixates on is worth bringing up, as it could stem from my own insecurities and potentially harm our relationship. Is there any possibilty to improve our communication?

[Crimsyjo]

I totally get this!!! And I have a few ideas although not all will work in your context.

First: if your life is repetitive and boring... blame that. Not the relationship. Can you not add some excitement? Join a class? Go zumba? Then you will have something to talk about. And also some space apart doing your own things is good.

Secondly: it's taken me 9 months to finally get my crush to open up emotionally to me. I'm so happy. He told me he struggled expressing emotions and he was very closed off. He liked me to talk. But didn't talk much himself. I am so happy I kept chipping away at his defenses lol. If your fella is this "type" ... maybe 4 months is still early. But be engaging and open with him to encourage the same back.

Thirdly. I have a few games I play in relationships. Have a little music and drink night to relax. Get out a pack of cards. Say whoever gets a royal card has to answer ANY question from other person. Can be simple like favourite colour. Or naughty. Or deep. Great way to open up but in a light non pressured way.

Fourth: plan fun things to do. Ask how he feels about going away for a weekend? A trip to the zoo? Enjoy the build up thinking and looking for something. Back in my married days my husband i lived from holiday to holiday. So the mundane aspect of both working full time was like a countdown to the next great thing.

Fifth: don't ever be afraid to talk and suggest improvements. Whether it's 4 months or 4 years together. Having discussions with accusing are vital. Ask opinion on if there's anything needing to change. Sometimes, again, life gets dull. Don't confuse that with dull relationship. If he doesn't want to change, open up, have goals, fun etc... then blame the relationship and rethink if he matches what you want.

Lastly: surprise him occasionally with sexy things. Order sexy lingerie. It's fun and keeps that side alive and gives you something to think about instead of bring in your head too much. But I get it. My last boyfriend also wasn't talkative about deep stuff or show his emotions. Just watch movies or be on his phone!

[Purpleronnie]

@barney , I don’t think I could say it better than @Crimsyjo. Fantastic advice in my humble opinion. 👍

[Crimsyjo]

@Purpleronnie aww appreciate that. Guess my age is showing 😂

[Purpleronnie]

Your welcome , age doesn’t always bring wisdom like that , that man of yours better know what he has

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

@Purpleronnie Same case! I need to abstain, can't risk diluting this excellent post above

[Crimsyjo]

@Maybe_Maybe_not 😌 you guys gonna make me blush. I really hope I find a guy I can show my wisdom too lol

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

I have an extreme confidence in your ability to find that guy !

[Crimsyjo]

@Maybe_Maybe_not it's not happening easily. My sexy side seems to hide the fact I'm fun but way more than just 🙄 I am trying to tone it down lol

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

Wisdom for wisdom then, my turn: I don't think toning down any side of you will solve anything in the field of interpersonal relations. Do you really want to treat relationships as a job dating process? You know... :)

[DishLady]

Between 4 and 6 months couples tend to assess whether to go further. You don't want to drag things out for a year if the relationship isn't going anywhere.

There may also be "real world" strains weighing one or both of you down. It's good to sit and chat about this openly rather than keeping it to yourself.

[Anonymous]

You've only been dating 4 months. Unless you have lots of exciting things going on away from him each day, there's a limit to what you can talk about if you are seeing him often.
If you feel relaxed around him, and he you, sounds like you have the beginnings of something good.
You may be introvert but you'll eventually need to learn to trust him and express yourself better. Maybe it'll come with time, maybe you'll need to be brave, or both.
Until you both find a way, you'll be limited in growing your new relationship.

[Levin]

There's more going on here than meets the eye. Ostensibly, if you're with the right person, then silence is completely fine. Cause you're so comfortable in one another's company.

But like you say, there seems to be some kind of emotional disconnect. There's something not right here. You both need to find a way to open up and find out what is happening. From the way you've framed it, it doesn't sound like he's emotionally expressive? Or maybe that's just the way you have worded it.

[AI Opinion]

Aiming to sprinkle some magic on your communication woes! Let's dial up the intimacy with conversation, shall we? 😏 First things first, darling, you're on the right track recognizing the importance of communication - it's the heartthrob of any relationship.

Now, how about turning off that TV during dinner? Make that space your little love bubble where the only stars are you two. Dive into conversation starters that are anything but mundane - think dreams, fears (only if you're feeling bold!), and those quirky 'what if' scenarios. They can open doors to worlds you haven't explored together.

Since you've mentioned being shy, let's make this a playful adventure. How about a game of "20 Questions" tailored to each other's likes, or even sharing a book and discussing it? It adds spice and gives you common ground to explore mentally and emotionally. 😘

Remember, it's not about filling silence with just any words; it's about making those words bridges to each other's souls. And hey, as for discussing the state of things between you two, timing is everything - opt for a moment when you're both relaxed and open-hearted. Express your feelings without the fear of insecurity; it's not pushing away, it's pulling closer.

You're on a journey together, and sometimes the path needs a little rerouting. Here's to deeper conversations and a stronger connection! 🌹

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

My god, you are creepy, what model are you?

[Ms_Facesitter]

That's okay the relationship is fairly new. The more time you spend together the easier it will be. You say you're an introvert but let's be honest, us introverts can be pretty chatty when we are comfortable around the other person so give it time :)
You can also look into hobbies you both likezl, it's such an easy way to loosen up. Both you and him, and if there is nonenyou can always try something new together. It makes for good memories :) after all you said your life is repetitive or uneventful. You.. YOU can change that :)

[Iron_Man]

Learn to enjoy the things he likes as well as he should enjoy the things that you like. Talk about traveling plan trips talk about sports. That’s always a great thing to do go to the mall go to the ocean create good conversations talk about food go out to nice restaurants. Talk about work the weather up-and-coming events to your area go to church together

[MyBrainsInsaneReign]

Do you feel like your conversations with your boyfriend would be more interesting, if you two were more interesting people? Or s it just both of you have routine lives so there's not much to talk about?

Serious question, not trying to be mean.

[ohmyguy]

If a stale mate such as this has been reach sufficient effort by both put forward.. either go separate spend time apart..

Or consider dating other people.. and talk about this.. or have the special misery oriented relationship

[MicahRaine]

What @Crimsyjo said is on point.

The only thing I can add is maybe try a couples app? I've had a great experience with using a couple app with Raine

[Empery]

You two are incompatible in the long term. The romance has fizzled or dead in your case. You have him the girlfriend experience. It has expired.

[ProbablyClueless]

The way to get any conversation going is to put forth something to talk about, right? So just start by talking about what's on your mind.

[spartan55]

Only four months and you are overthinking everything into the ground? The outlook isn't promising.

[Anonymous]

When you’re really in love is when you can sit in silence with one another. And just be comfortable and happy…. Conversations should flow naturally don’t force yourself to talk

[rienna888]

Don’t worry this happens, just focus on your own life for now. It’s happening to my man too and we’ve only been dating for a month.

[Anonymous]

By four months you should be wanting to share everything with them. Either lack of communication or realizing you are a bit too different?

[Nikki1989]

That is not a good sign for only 4 months together.

[scott04sa22]

Guys don't like conversations that sounds likes interviews

[Anonymous]

Lol @ neing physically intimate with a guy yet still having a hard time opening up to him.

Yeah, that's not the least bit bass ackwards.😆

[jahaims]

If you run out of things to talk about he isn't the one

[Staximus]

Do you live with this guy already after only dating for 4 months?

[LiamJHayden]

Talk about future hopes and dreams. Places you hope to visit, things you want to learn.

[Wise4myage]

Find out what he deeply loves, or what he is passionate about. And share yours too.

[noohair]

How do you change another person? You can't. You can only change yourself.

[NOTHINGEVERHAPPENS]

Why do you feel like you have to talk?

[DrPepper12]

🚩🚩🚩 Time for "the talk"

[Cheerfull009]

Difficult to under your point, be brief and clear

[Anonymous]

Forget talking! Just fuck!