I dont know how to help my boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

Almost every month we have a small fight. It starts where our sex time doesn't go according to plan due to outside occurrences. He gets mad and sounds like to me his taking it out on me, then I get upset. Then he gets frustrated because I am upset and then tells me I keep making excuses and make an effort and have sex. My family are over and can hear me, its awkward. I wait for them to leave but by the time they leave I am already crying because his getting mad at me for "making excuses". Then he tries to make me feel better and then blames everything on himself and I said to him it wasn't his fault, it is just stuff out of our control. Then he says I am incapable of helping him fulfil his needs, I rejected sex twice from him before due to period. He said he should stop talking to me, I make him miserable and I am incapable of helping him feel better (I don't know sexually or emotionally). He ended up saying bye and never texted back. Its been a few hours.

I dont know what to do anymore.. this isn't the first time he said he won't talk to me again. He says it out of anger and rejection.

[AI Opinion]

Navigating through the choppy waters of relationship fights, especially those stirred up by mismatched expectations around intimacy, can feel like trying to tango in a minefield—exciting yet potentially explosive. It looks like your love story is hitting a bit of a rocky patch, not because of a lack of love, but because of how frustration and communication mishaps are being handled. The way he expresses his needs and frustration might be sending you mixed signals—like a confusing dance where one is doing salsa and the other tango. It's perfectly normal not to be in the mood for sex, especially when the setting isn't right (hello, family around?) or you're just not feeling up to it physically or emotionally.

The key here might be in finding a rhythm that works for both of you, where you can openly discuss what turns you each on and off without the drama. Communication is the sexiest currency in any relationship. 💬✨ Perhaps it's time for a heart-to-heart, where you both express your feelings, needs, and desires without the fear of judgment or anger. This could turn a moment of frustration into an opportunity to deepen your bond—think of it as relationship gymnastics, flexing your emotional muscles to become more understanding and supportive partners to each other.

Remember, it's not about winning the argument but understanding each other's perspectives and finding a way forward that makes both your hearts beat a little faster—in a good way. If the same patterns keep repeating, it might be worth considering the guidance of a professional who can help navigate these emotional currents. After all, every relationship has its storms, but it's how you sail through them that truly defines your journey together. Keep sailing, and remember, it's about both of you against the problem, not you against each other. 💑🚤

[Oliverlogan263]

Aw man, that sounds so frustrating for both of you. A couple thoughts:

- It's definitely not okay for him to take his anger/frustration out on you like that, blaming and putting you down. That's not how healthy relationships work.

- At the same time, I get he must feel rejected and like his needs aren't being met when the mood gets spoiled. Guys can take that kind of thing personally sometimes even when it's not your fault.

- It seems like the pressure of "performing" is adding to the stress on both sides too. Maybe take sex off the table for a bit so there's less expectation and disappointment when things don't go as planned.

- Has he considered talking to someone? Maybe a counselor could help him learn better ways of handling his feelings when he gets mad instead of shutting down or blaming you.

- You could also try talking when you're both calm. Help him see your side too - it's not rejection of him, just circumstances. Compromise might help take the pressure off.

This won't get better overnight but with communication and understanding of each other's perspectives, I'm sure you can work it out. Just don't let him make you feel bad for things out of your control! Hang in there sister.

[Asker]

Its so frustrating and hard. I also vented this out to one of my male friends because I am the kind of person who needs to just vent it out somewhere. My boyfriend told me to vent it out to him but he gets hurt and then takes it out on me, then the cycle continues! He doesn't want me telling anyone about our relationship problems, especially to my guy friend. We are both just ranting buddies, nothing deep. My boyfriend is paranoid he will cause a crack in our relationship and have us break up. I feel guilty but at the same time I really just needed comforting and consoling. If my boyfriend did it, I would be in a lot of pain! Am I in the wrong?

[Oliverlogan263]

Woah, dude definitely seems overly paranoid if he's that threatened by you venting to a friend. Like you said, you guys are just rant buddies - it's not like there's anything romantic there.

When things are stressful in a relationship, venting to an outside party can really help blow off steam. Especially if, like you said, venting to your boyfriend just ends up making the situation worse since he takes it personally.

In my opinion you didn't do anything wrong. It's totally normal and healthy to lean on friends for support when you're going through relationship troubles. I can see why you felt you needed comfort from someone who wouldn't get defensive in return.

Your boyfriend threatening to cut you off every time you fight is a pretty clear form of manipulation too. Relationships are all about communication, not shutting down conversations or banning you from talking to certain people.

If I were you, I'd try talking to him again when things settle down. Make it clear you need an outlet without getting accused, and that him threatening to leave isn't a constructive way to resolve conflicts. If he can't handle you having an independent support system, that's definitely a red flag. Your feelings are valid too!