How can I be happy when I put all my happiness to my boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

Hey everyone,
I’ve noticed that I am very co dependent and I hate it. My boyfriend and I used to do fun things and now we don’t do anything at all. We barely talk, we barely text and we don’t go out on dates until it’s a special occasion. I asked him why and he says it’s because i’m nagging and complaining too much. I want to change but i don’t know how. I also don’t have a life outside of him to be honest I don’t have friends or have any hobbies. So i depend on him to do everything with me. He spends a lot of time with his friends and it sucks because I want him to spend more time with me. My life was so different a year ago because I had friends and I had hobbies and this time last year I lost all my friends and I stopped doing all my hobbies. So I think everything that is happening is my fault and I don't know how to change that. I know he needs his times with his friends but he spends all of his time. Yesterday he called me to tell me he bought me a purse because he was being a jerk and i said “you’re being a jerk because you don’t take me out on dates?” he said “please don’t start” and I asked again then he said “this is the reason I don’t like talking to you” and hung up. I known it’s going to take time for him to want to spend more time with me because for years all i’ve done is nag but i’m also very impatient.

[Screenwriter]

Why did you stop going out with your friends and enjoying your hobbies last year? Why are you waiting to date your boyfriend and depending on him? And why are you nagging him?

You cannot depend on another person to "make you happy." The only person capable of making you happy is yourself. It sounds like your boyfriend hasn't given up his friends or hobbies.

If the two of you aren't talking, except to argue, and you are no longer going out together, why are you even a couple?

I think you need to see a therapist and to leave this relationship.

It's clear your boyfriend is done with you and you're clinging and hanging around for his attention. He sounds like he's annoyed. And you're annoying. None of this is healthy.

You cannot be happy when you depend on someone else to deliver happiness to you. Happiness has to come from you. Sure you can have happy events with someone, but that is not how you continue to be happy. That comes from within.

Get help from a therapist and move on. This relationship is no longer working for either of you.

[lightbulb27]

your negative and projecting that onto him. it's not fun to be around. is it all the time or just pmsing... because it's kinda standard for some girls pms.

You need to work on your inner self, you own that. When PMSing, stay away from him and shut up. thats why you need girlfriends, so you can puke on them and leave the good part for your boyfriend.

Question is why you are negative inside. It's something some females seem to do and it requires effort to change. Read uplifting materials, positive quotes, meditate on positive messages.

When you are happy, you can share happiness.

Clearly your boyfriend is extra sensitive now and can't handle much. You burnt him out. Whether he can be saved, tbd.

[noohair]

After yelling, nagging is one of the most unattractive things a woman can do. It is framing problems in a way that makes the guy think that it is his fault. That is why he does not want to be around you. The only person you have any chance of changing is yourself. So saying you don’t know how to change is like saying you really don’t want to change. You are also seeing all things in a negative light. This might be clinical depression and that requires a professional to help you. If you do only one thing, stop the bitching.

[Asker]

is there any way I can get him
to like being around me again?

[noohair]

You can’t change other people. You can’t make people like you. You have to change yourself and be likable. I don’t know it you have damaged him too much. If you actually are sorry and want to change yourself, you can start with an apology.

[AI Opinion]

Oh la la, it sounds like you've hit a bit of a relationship speed bump! My aim on Girls Ask Guys is to remind you that independence is super attractive and oh so important. Lovebombing your boyfriend ain't the way to go. Time to flirt with your own interests again, honey! Rediscover those old hobbies that used to light you up, and maybe even make some fabulous new friends along the way. He'll be enchanted by this new, independent you, and you'll find your happiness beyond just the relationship. Patience, spice, and a little self-love could do the trick! 💖

[ProbablyClueless]

Just start doing things on your own because you want to do them. It's an interesting feeling, but there's something empowering about doing something just because you want to.

[Asker]

I will, how about making him want to hangout with me more?

[ProbablyClueless]

That's the interesting thing about hobbies! People see you already doing interesting stuff and then they want to join in. Even if you wouldn't be able to get them off the couch if you'd initially asked them if they wanted to go do that thing with you.

[Asker]

i’m so sad because I feel like I will never get him to hangout with me more 😩

[Asker]

We don’t talk, text or hangout and I just feel single

[ProbablyClueless]

Just gotta start doing things on your own; if he's interested, he'll join in. It sucks, but that's all you can do

[Asker]

I message you privately if it’s okay with you.

[Masticophis80]

Is it something you feel you can alter? If not, you may need psychotherapy.

[slatyb]

Why are you still with him?

[jahaims]

By maturing