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My girlfriend (36) and I (38) have been together for 7 months, we spend great time together and I really enjoy it. She is someone I want to marry but I think it is too early, she is pressuring me about it. And when I tell her my opinion, she says don't you really love me.
She sounds desperate and you are wise not to give into her right away , 7 months is not long at all , just be honest with her and tell her you are not ready for
Marriage just yet , that you both need more time together before even considering marriage period , if she keeps asking you if you love her? Just say yes I love you , or I wouldn’t be here with you period , just say I feel rushing into marriage isn’t going to determine our love for each other whatsoever, we only been together for 7 months. Say I need to get to know you more before even considering marrying you , because most females’ change their minds after awhile , so tell her you do not want to experience a divorce if you choose to change your mind , if you love me , you would understand why I am not ready. And leave it at that , if she doesn’t like what you have to say, then show her ass the door , cuz it sounds like she is trying to trap your ass if that is the case , A girl that truly loves you , will stay by your side no matter what , only propose to her when you feel ready , never let a girl pressure you into marriage with her. If she can’t respect your decision , then you don’t need to respect hers’ either
Why is she pushing so hard? I would do a lot of thinking about that. Women stand to gain a lot out of that and we gain... what? We don't get the cash and prizes. Cheaters are going to cheat and now marriage as no-fault divorce, so it's not some form of commitment other than securing the cash and prizes for her.
The 7 months thing is making me raise my eyebrows also. I lived with my wife for years before we married. We finally got married because she's active duty and was going to be sent overseas... so the choice was LDR (which I think is pointless) or get married and get moved with her to wherever she goes.
Who brings in the real cash? She's 36, so you know I'm wondering if she has the baby rabies. What is her motives for wanting this so badly... which may include things she's not saying. I mean I've seen lots of women claim they don't want kids and then conveniently stop taking their birth control. Do you own property that she wants to take? Your average law retard will say what's yours before the marriage is yours, but all she has to do is change a lightbulb and that house becomes community property... just stuff to consider. I don't know your situation.
The gaslighting with "Don't you love me" is a red flag to me as well. I would look past your feelings and what you think you know... and figure out what you have that she wants at least 50% of. Is it money in the bank? I have no idea... but you do.
Again you're the man... you're not going to gain anything other than her debts and now being on the financial hook for her. Don't let her gaslight you into a situation just to prove to her that you love her.
Marriage is a broken institution... it should be made illegal in the legal sense. A symbolic non-legal marriage should be all that exists.
... and that's coming from a married bro here of more than 20 years.
My man spittin' facts as always!
You are proof that men are too easy. With her constant pressure to marry her, she is a nag. Ask her, "Why should I want to marry a nag when it is going to be much worse after I marry you?"
Tell her, "I love you but what is in it for me?" Right now, you hold all the cards. After you are married, she holds all the cards.
Marriage would make sense if she was a young fertile girl in her 20s. At age 36, less than 3% of her eggs remain. At age 36 she is more than a dozen years past her prime while, as a man, yours is high. Therefore, she has few options while your options are many.
Just replace her with someone better. If she was 10 years younger, that would very difficult but at 36 that is easy. Based on the law of supply and demand since there is almost no demand for women her age, it will not take a week.
I am am surprised to hear words like these from a women. A twenty year old women no less.
Do you really think there is no demand for women in their mid thirties? For the purpose of starting a family yes, that would be a bit late but not so late to say no demand 😅
@CuriousMoonFox That is why I am trying very hard to get married by the time I graduate. I know my sexual market value has peaked and it is downhill from here. If only one of the guys I am dating will ask. I give lots of hints but so far they are not biting.
Simps will marry anyone, even hides in their upper thirties but very attractive men under 40, if they have options, are attacted to girls near my age.
This is sooo gross...
And that's not what marriage should be.. sounds more like sex and fertile selection. And if you are going to think so low of yourself... Just like in nature why should you not be just another concubine or baby making factory? Please get off the Alpha pages... Also I don't know if you've seen a real 30 year old these days... Or sometimes even 40s... I'm according to you at my peak or over... I still get told I look in my early 20s. Age in this instance is just a number.
@d19jn Pearl Davis on You Tube said, "Women at 25 look better than women at 35." She received a lot of flack and women in their 30s sent her photos to show how good they looks as if that altered the truth of her statement.
Men don't tell hides in their 30s and 40s that they look ten years older because, if they did, the women would throw a hissy fit. Instead, they lie and tell them they look 10 years younger. And the women believe the lies.
Yes, most people look better in their 20s than in their 30s regardless of gender. People who believe otherwise are either detached from reality or in denial. But ask yourself how much better or how much worse. Some people age better, some less so. (Which is why I always recommend to meet a potential partners' parents and grandparents so you get an idea of what you will be dealing with in two or three decades from now but I am digressing.)
I'd contest that your peak in terms of physical beauty which you seem to equate with your sexual market value on a 1:1 basis happens at 20. I believe it is not totally absurd to stretch it to 25. And while I do not believe that age is just a number, 25 can turn out to be just a number for another five years in your case. And even if you happen to find yourself past your peak at some point, I'd say 90% from your peak is probably good enough to get what you want.
The other thing is a guy will not marry you because of your looks. You won't have a chance if you don't have them but they are not the thing that make them bite to put it in your words. All I am saying is you can allow yourself to soften your stress around that department by 10-20%.
@CuriousMoonFox At least on college campuses, my sexual market value peaked at age 18. Freshmen girls have the highest demand. We upperclassmen girls tend to be thought of as cougars. Regardless, I will be less attractive at age 25 than I am now. Moreover, I realize my expectations may be too high. If I am not engaged by Christmas, I will lower my standards a bit and if that doesn't work, the following year, I will lower them some more. For certain, I will not hang around hoping for the improbable while my sexual market value is dropping. I know there are guys I could have married that didn't meet my expectations.
Hmm... You are saying an average 18 year old freshman is higher in demand just for being an 18 year old freshman over an attractive 20 year old 😅? That's a bit extreme.
Until Christmas? That's just one month away 😆 May I ask what lowering your expectations looks like in practice?
How about finding out who likes you first and then pick the one that you like to most?
@CuriousMoonFox That the demand for freshmen is higher is not extreme; it is a fact. 7% of the females at SMU are either scholarship athletes, cheerleaders, or pom-pom girls. I realize that I can't compete with them and the small percentage of other beautiful women so my expectations are a little below that. However, I may need to lower my expectations a little more.
I am dating guys I like but the guys I am dating are not asking. Men, not women, choose. It is all based on the law of supply and demand. I have enough knowledge and experience to know that some guys I considered but didn't accept, would have asked. If a guy thinks he is doing well he will ask. It is problematic if I think I'm doing well. I am on the borderline so I will only need to lower my expectations a little bit.
Well you know your reality better than I do. At the risk of sounding like an older lady try to have some sort of trial period with the guy of your choosing prior to tying the knot in which you actually "live" together. Going on extended vacations for example. I don't know whether that's an option for you but I'd say experiencing and learning to tolerate the idiosyncracies of the opposite sex and the particular person within the context of living together are even more important than reaching a certain milestone at twenty years of age.
There are more marriages that end in divorce than marriages that go to distance and I doubt you want to be a single mum (worst case I know). So while you might have enough knowledge and experience in the dating department you will enter into marriage with not enough knowledge and experience about yourself, the other person and relationships in the context of lifelong coexistence if you rush things (I got married at 23). Those things take time, which ties in nicely to the original topic.
Anyway, good luck and happy hunting 🙂 And please have at least a couple of fights with the man of your choice to get a glimpse of what things will be like in the future.
"If only one of the guys I am dating will ask. I give lots of hints but so far they are not biting."
@Kelley1 I love you, darling, but you are making the same mistake all of your older sisters have made. That is why they are middle-aged and still single. Because they only went out with guys who asked them. And the guys who asked them were the ones that were just using them for sex. That's why they're not married yet.
@Kelley1 And your other mistake is trying to get married quickly. That's why so many of your older sisters are divorced. Because they rushed things.
Yes, you should find a good guy now. But take your time getting to know him. Make sure he's the right one, and make sure the relationship is healthy and that you are both right for each other.
@CuriousMoonFox is a wise dude.
@Jamie05rhs That is horrible advice. A women's sexual market value peaks at 19 and it is downhill from there. Young women believing such garbage are soon to be 30, having lost 60% of their sexual market value, and asking "Where are the good men?" because the men they rejected at 20 don't want them anymore.
If I am not engaged by Christmas, I will lower my standards from the top 10% to the top 15? I believe that is all it will take as I am on the borderline now. In the highly unlikely event that is not enough, before my senior year, I will lower my standards to the top 20%. Then it is a certainty because those guys ask when given an opportunity.
I got married just recently on Sept 20th, 2024 for the first time at the age of 37. My husband is 50. There is no age to get married. He got me pregnant immediately though. It can't be less than 3% if I got pregnant that fast.
@Vesuvius87 Congratulations. Don't know how people come up with the exact figures they come up with. Though the general principle of lower fertility with age is valid for the majority of the female population the variations can be considerable like anything else that involves the human body due to genetic disposition, lifestyle and many other variables and sometimes even sheer luck. It's just ill advised to place bets against the odds. Anyway, congratulations 😀
@CuriousMoonFox
Thank you very much. Yeah I wouldn't recommend a woman to wait too much. While luck played on my side, it might not be the case for other women.
I actually understand from both point of views. Meanwhile 7 months can be too early for wedding planning and it's important to be on the same page, she's fighting against time as it's not in her favor. Unfortunately we don't have unlimited time to have children. Perhaps she was dating to get married. If she happens to be childless, then she must be in a rush.
When you first started dating, was she clear that her purpose of dating was to get married? Do you plan on getting married within 1-2 years? If not and you would like a longer dating process, experience the infatuation stage more, go to the movies and take more time, you might have to let her go.
Ah, lovebirds caught in the whirlwind of romance, right? 🕊️ As a relationship coach, my aim is to help navigate these emotional waltzes. It's amazing that you see potential, but feeling rushed can toss a red flag into the mix. Communication is your best ally. Reassure her of your feelings and share why you want to take your time. Falling in love is a journey, not a sprint! Creating a future together should be mutual bliss, not pressured commitment. Keep the conversations open and relaxed, and hopefully, you'll both find the rhythm! 💫
Opinion
28Opinion
At 36, her biology clock is ticking, which most likely explains why she wants to get married. You sound like you're not totally against the idea, you just want to make sure... give your relationship more than 7 months. You are entitled to your opinion, and she probably tries to respect that... but her clock is ticking.
Just FYI... 7 months is not too short to decide if you want to get married. I know several couples who knew each other for less than a year before getting engaged, and they have long happy marriages. In my own case, my second marriage, we knew each other for about 4 months before I proposed, and we're at 8 years and counting.
Best advice anyone can give you... Don't rush into marriage because you're pressured. And don't put it off because of some artificial number. Best of luck to you and her.
You go at your pace and you need to communicate that to her. If she can't wait to solidify the relationship some more, then she doesn't love you enough to marry her anyways. All the wedding is, is a ceremony with a rock on the finger. Unless she has an excuse that her parents are dying and she wants to get married before they go or something urgent, I don't see any reason to rush the wedding. Put your foot down and don't let her guilt trip you into making a decision as important as that.
oh, she probably is disappointed, and it's alright, she has the right to feel her emotions...
just talk to her, and tell her, you understand she she sees it differently and you respect her feelings... but at the same ask her to not take it out on you...
talk to her, what you can do to make it easier for her, until you will be ready... it will show, you care for her feelings...
learn to communicate with the woman you love, learn to set your boundaries in non aggressive way... this is the time to do it...
Sounds familiar. I was 29 and she 25. I broke off with her, and have regretted it to this day. There is a lot to consider there, and I made the wrong decision, in retrospect.
Problem was, I wanted to move here to California, and I really hated her smoking. I do not think she ever stopped smoking and that is/was a deal breaker for me. I moved to California several years later, and looking back, wish I had discussed those things with her in depth, before making a decision that I regret to this day.
Think it over... don't make the mistake I made.
Bruce
m "You don't do what I want..." "So... you don't really love me"
Psychologically, these are manipulative practices, because they fear so badly that they will weaponize guilt, hoping that guilt will make you accept their terms and fix their fears.
It does not work.
It makes both people unhappy instead of one, with one still fearing and the other one feeling manipulated.
It is true that you have been together for 7 months, love each other dearly, and that both of you don’t feel the same about getting married at this time…
Here is the thing, YOUR opinion matters and she has to accept it. Though you should tell her, I do plan on marrying you though not until we’ve gotten to know each other longer. You could propose to her in a few months though plan marriage later, you know? Get her an engagement ring & have her family for a dinner then propose to her, just make the wedding a year later or something. If you feel she is the one then she is the one, though you are entitled a say when to get married.
If she really loved you she wouldn't make something beautiful into something that feels pressured. It should be natural and at the right tine for both of you. And you will know when, not be told when. Maybe its really more about the reassurance rather than the actual tine and date and proposal. Perhaps she just wants to bring it up to you and see if your opinion has changed or make sure you still have it in your future as an idea and that you would like it to be HER some day. Girls are dumb like that sometimes, especially when we care about the guy.. its like we need a constant reminder that they want us and only us
Sit down and talk with her about the pros, cons, and financial stress (if not debt) it will put on your relationship. It's a big expensive step for an expensive ring, legal paperwork, and societal title. Besides the ring and ceremony doesn't need to be expensive, you can literally make one for her or have an engraved metal band and have the ceremony in your nicest dress clothes.
The modern wedding is based on the English royal wedding (which is why it is so expensive, ontop of the fact companies can jack the price up, for it just being wedding related) and the expensive rings, was a divorce money thing, because they were meant to be sold to cover a divorce.
Bro, if she’s pushing for marriage, it just means she’s serious about you and sees a future together. That’s a good thing, but you gotta be real with her too. Tell her how you’re feeling, what’s on your mind, and where you’re at. Relationships are about teamwork, not pressure.
🙄🙄🙄🙄😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡STOP WASTING HER TIME!!! YOU ARE 38 YEAR OLD GROWN ASS MEN!!! WHy are you even dating her getting her hopes up when you do not want to get married? Why? You do not love her if you did you would of propose without questioning her!!! Weirdo !
Does she have other kids or is she childless? She has a limited time to have kids and probably would like it within a marriage. It sucks for both of you. If she waits till you're ready she might not be able to get pregnant anymore and if you propose then it'll be out of pressure.
Yep! This is why people should get married in their 20s.
@Jamie05rhs
Yeah. Now I believe their relationship will likely end in a break-up the more she pressures him about it and she's back at zero again, nearly done with fertility
That sucks. :/
Biological clock is ticking bro. Have you asked her about a non-governmental marriage? That is, having a ceremony, living together, sharing the bills, having kids, giving medical power of attorney, etc... but not involving the government in the marriage. Would that speed things up for you, knowing you can't be screwed over in court if she decides to cheat or leave? Would she be agreeable to it, or does she demand that she has access to your assets and can force you into alimony?
She shouldn't be pressuring you, especially not 7 months in. That is too early to expect anyone to be ready for an engagement or marriage. If you're both on board with it, that's great! But she needs to respect how you feel as well. If she mentions she loves you and wants to Marry you one day, that's another thing... she's just expressing how she feels. But please don't let her pressure you into doing those things right away
Be 100% honest and direct. Tell her it is too early. 38? That is 4 decades of accumulating wealth and assets.
Do not ever sign some contract with the givernment unless you get with a lawyer and secure those to where she cannot marry you for 3 years, not be "happy" divorce and take half of it.
Do not have all your money and credit cards in shared accounts. Keep things separate.
Why marry this late?
If she doesn't have any kids, she's probably got baby fever and the biological clock is ticking. She's got like 6 years left of childbearing years and you'll be lucky if the child doesn't come out autistic after 40. Do yourself a favor and live with her for a year before you get married to see if you two can actually live together and tolerate each other.
Tell her you are considering it but you don’t want her to push you into just buying her a “shut up” ring and if she wants to move faster, she’s welcome to do so with someone else
A "shut up" ring 😂😂😂😂😂
That’s what it’s called when a man buys a ring and proposes even though he doesn’t want to because he doesn’t want to lose his girlfriend that wants to get married
I learned something new this morning.
Lol.
this is what people who are dating in their late 30's do... they have to rush it. if you're just wasting time, find someone else to waste time with. this woman obviously wants something more serious and you two are in your late 30's. i don't blame her.
Think of it from her perspective for a moment. Her fertility doesn't have time to wait in her mind.
You are standing with a view in a rational perspective.
She has a logical view.
Do you want children? If undecided it might be kinder to let her go.
Maybe she doesn't trust you or he's testing you. Your ages are normal for marriage. Maybe her family is pressuring her, but you're right. 7 months is not enough time to get to know someone.
Bro, don’t let the pressure get to you. Marriage is a huge step, and you gotta feel 100% ready. Sit her down, be real about where you stand, and listen to her too. If she loves you, she’ll respect your timeline. Rushing it ain’t the move, trust me.
In my opinion it is too early. But if it is something u want go for it. Just a few questions. Do u think you could live with her? Do you know her well? If she is pressuring u is she the right person?
She seems toxic or a gaslighter saying don't u really love me. Be careful and maybe wait 2 years. Don't rush. It is better to get into a happy marriage at maybe 40 than an unhappy one at 27
The fact that she is pressurizing you and using emotional blackmail tells you she is not marriage material. It would be wise not to ignore these serious redflags.
Well 7 months is too early. Perhaps give it until you guys have your 1st year together and then see if you want to propose. I think by a year (given her age), you can try proposing if you feel she's the right person. Proposing doesn't mean you'll get married right away. Do not live together with her though. I suggest do not live together since it's too early and you guys aren't engaged.
Yeah, it’s way too early. It’s one thing to be talking about it or even hoping for it, but to be actively pressuring somebody into it is a bit much at this point. Not even a year together.
Wayyyyyyy too early brother , make it clear that you will not be pressured , crystal clear , you need more time together.
She hears her biological clock ticking like crazy and she wants to lock down a man. Be careful that she doesn't see you as someone she is "settling" for, otherwise you will be headed for divorce in an average of eight years.
There is no age to get married though. I'm only a year older than his girlfriend and just got married recently on Sept 20, 2024. I'm now pregnant for the first time ever. You seem to have such a negative outlook on marriage overall. Not all of us want expensive things nor separate families. I made the wedding free for my husband. We even bought his wedding suit and shoes.
You're right about the biological clock. It really sucks that we have a limited time. I might just be able to have one child; two would've been cool.
at 7 months? and then the gas lighting after?
RUN
7 months is not long enough to make a wise decision
If you are not ready do not let her manipulate you into it. Better to let her go than make a mistake.
Run away brother. You shouldn’t be pushed into marriage. If you did you’ll never be happy. I mean how can you if you were forced to do something that you really didn’t want? Good luck.
Don't let her force you into anything if you're not ready for it. re-state//background_color_rgba (0, 0, 0, 0), font_color_rgb (77, 77, 77), justifyLeft
Yeah, 7 months is too soon to be putting that much pressure on getting married. I would give it at least 5 more months. Have you given her a time where you would be ready to make a decision?
We live in a world where people wait years for nothing. I mean, I can certainly understand someone who doesn't want to waste time. I'm accusing you of that or anything else but I can understand such concerns. Something to consider.
Seven months is not long enough to know someone well enough to get married. The fact that she is pressuring you is a actually a very bad sign. You may want to re-evaluate the whole thing.
If you love her, if you are making enough money then go for it, marry her. She thinks you are a husband material man. You are lucky to find a girl who wants you.
Her clock is running and I would also guess she is under pressure from her family. Don't let that influience you. It has to be right for both of you and not just her...
Talk to her about why she thinks marriage should be soon, then use your judgment about the relationship.
Get another girlfriend she's going to nag you about this endlessly
Fuxk one of her friends that’ll change her mind bro
RUN!! RUN!! 7 mOnThS? Noooo! Too soon!
She wants to set the hook before you get away.
7 months is too early tell her no.
It's only been 7 months. Get real.
well she's 37 she's got no time to waste
She is fast approaching forty can't you see that
She is a scammer. She is emotional pig
She knows that you are insecure
Pressure her to lose weight
What if she is skinny already? 😂
I dunno just relax it’s good to have someone that’s chasing to be with you but remember things happen in Gods time so let her sweat ya. Women were created as an assistant not a leader.
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