Are we more likely to recover from love deceptions than men?

[Anonymous]

I've undergone a heartbreak (even used for money too; scammed) and was on guard for a while but eventually open up and now I'm married. I didn't develop an ''all men are pigs, users that'll never marry you, girls don't trust them'' attitude. I never became a radical feminist nor some man hater either. I was only angry with that one man, not innocent ones that had nothing to do with it. A couple rotten apples doesn't make the whole gender population. I still old-fashioned in that I believe a father should always be involved in a child's life. A child needs both a mother and father equally. I don't like the idea of daycare on our future child either.

However, it makes a different reaction with several men here. The way they spoke about us, I was shocked to be honest. Their posters were even more degrading than even an angry woman that got cheated on. They were viewing us as if we were green-eyed monster after their ATM, wanting with our mission to separate families and leave the man penniless.

I'm going to assume that since I've gotten enough support from my family, close friends and even during my brief psychological sessions at the time, it helped me move on faster. Maybe that's what it's lacking with men that underwent love deception. What do you think?

[Orion84]

According to studies, men have a harder time recovering from heartbreak, and breakups, than women do. Women generally have an easier time processing their emotions than men, so it does make a certain amount of sense.

Consequently, many men resort to anger as a way of reconciling the loss, and dependant on how/why the relationship ended (such as cheating), they may be more prone to bitterness and hate, on top of that anger. I'm not saying it's necessarily justified, but it is understandable, to a point.

Speaking from personal experience, my last relationship ended due to her infidelity, and while I was understandably hurt, I didn't succumb to anger, simply because it's unproductive. I do find that I have a much harder time trusting women now, than I did before, but I don't hate them.

I don't even hate my ex, for what she did. It just makes me sad, and I'm more cautious, now. I realize that she is not representative of all women, so I'm not going to be degrading towards the rest of them, because of her actions, but I won't lower my guard as quickly, anymore, either.

A lot of guys have a hard time separating "one woman" from "all women" though. Some guys can move past their anger, and some can't. Sometimes it can take a while. It really just depends on the individual in question.

[Asker]

I'm sorry to hear about your cheating ex girlfriend. It's good that you didn't become one of those red-pilled men that overgeneralizing and distrusts all women just because of one rotten one. I do agree it's the fact that I was heard and listened to at that time and therefore able to processed and recovery at a speedy rate. It makes a difference when you get support from family and friends.

[Emmytexrex]

Yh it is all about how your emotional strength is

[Asker]

True. I've underestimated myself at the time and realized I'm resilient in the end.

[AI Opinion]

I'm here to sprinkle some wisdom and cheer on this fascinating topic! 😊 It's great to hear you bounced back with style and grace. Your experience speaks volumes about resilience and the power of support systems in processing love deceptions. Everyone heals differently, and it’s not just a gender thing. Sometimes, cultural norms and societal expectations make it tougher for men to express emotions, leaving them feeling like they’ve been ghosted by their own support systems. Heartbreak is universal, but it's how we handle it with our circle of trust that really counts. Keep spreading your positive vibes!💖

[OlderAndWiser]

Guy who hate women love to complain and spew their venom, just like women who hate men complain and spew their venom. Those of us who still love the opposite sex aren't complaining because we have no complaints. So, if you are judging the attitudes of all men by what you hear, your methodology is flawed.

[Asker]

Indeed. All the other men and women shouldn't be paying the price of a past bad experience.

[CuriousMoonFox]

Most men have fewer relationship opportunities than most women. Fewer relationship opportunities means fewer relationships. Fewer relationships means less experience to learn about oneself, the other sex, how to be a good partner, how to recognize a good partner, when to stay, when to walk away, etc. Fewer opportunities also mean fewer positive experiences that teach you not to despair after a breakup and villainize women but also accept certain realities about them.

Yes, women seem to recover more quickly for lots of different reasons but this is the first one that comes to my mind.

[Asker]

So if they had more opportunities they would recover faster? Would you say that getting support from both your family, friends and a psychologist makes a difference too?

[CuriousMoonFox]

Remember the first time your heart was broken? Compare it with the second or third time. The pain might have been the same but the way you handled it was hopefully more mature and more healthy and took less time to recover from.

Help from family, friends and a professional can of course make a difference but that requires you to have a good relationship with your family, to have friends who can actually help you instead of just being there or even worse give you bad advice like "all men are pigs or all women are whatever" and in the case of therapists first not everyone has the financial means to afford one, second even the best advice will not help if you are not ready for it.

So yes, under perfect conditions external help might be superior to the experience of millions of failed attempts but I'm afraid most do not live under perfect conditions.

Under normal conditions many people have learned to find greater value in the saying "the best way to get over a broken heart is to find new love". Since statistically most women have more relationships than most men it's not too surprising that women tend to have an easier time recovering from breakups.

[Asker]

Very true. Before meeting my husband, I had another (though brief) relationship that only lasted a year. When it was over and my time was wasted again, the break-up wasn't hurtful at all. It was a ''ok whatever, you want to be out of my life, fine with me''. Even my own mother was surprised my 2nd break-up didn't have the same effect as the first one. The 3rd one was the charm for me.

[CuriousMoonFox]

Wish you all the best for your marriage.

[phraseology]

You don't have the same experience that men have, because you're not the one doing the approaching. Guys will approach and talk to many women before they actually date someone they think is OK. That means if the women isn't OK in the end (which generally they aren't) then the best women have to offer up are women that really suck. If the other 90% of women were way worse than the one that got a chance, then there aren't too many out there that are worth while. It's not about having support to recover from a heart break, it's about repeated exposure to bad women over and over and over again. From a practical point of view, the more exposure you get to women, the more numb you get to it all and thus you are less likely to get attached to anyone because you see the pattern of behavior.

[phraseology]

Think of the leg work guys have to put in and it makes a lot of sense why guys think the way they do. Lets be generous and say 20% of women are physically attractive to a guy. So right off the bat 80% of women are not physically attractive. Men have to hunt for potential contacts. So a confident guy approaches that 20% relentlessly every single day whenever the opportunity presents itself to start conversations and feel things out. Say that 5-10% of those women he approaches show some surface level compatibility and interest and he gets their number and manages to turn it into a first date. Then he goes on those dates to get to know them better and 20% turn into second dates. He's already weed through 99.6% of women he encounters every day, but he has to keep repeating that pattern for months of dating a number of different women before he's selected down to a couple potential girlfriends. So that 1 girl he gets into a committed relationship is like 0.01% of women if we're being generous, and then after a while he finds out she sucks and they break up. Now rinse and repeat that cycle over a number of years and a lot of guys are going to be like nah most women aren't worth a damn, just sleep around and don't get too invested in them. Women in contrast just sit there and wait for everything to be done so they really haven't invest much of anything into forming relationships. If you're not really invested, then you got nothing to lose.

[phraseology]

Layer on top of that mental illness in women. Roughly 40% of women in the USA have been diagnosed with depression at some point in their life and many go diagnosed. Roughly 30% of them have some sort of underlying mental illness that they live with daily. Roughly 80% of women are very interested in money/material things. It's a shit show for the most part, and you just have to not take it too serious.

[Asker]

Wow you're a mathematician aren't you. I guess our struggles are different. We can find bfs easily. They're everywhere but the one that actually marries us is among the few. I've achieved that goal at the later age of 37, later than usual but ok. Better later than never.

[phraseology]

Anyone with low enough standards can get laid and calls something a relationship. The problem is finding someone you are compatible with. Clearly most people suck at that. Only 5% of married couples claim they are truly happy. Half of marriages are so miserable that the only option is divorce, but some people are willing to endure an ongoing train wreck because they are lonely and have low self-esteem.

[Asker]

Indeed. I believe what happens is people placed 100% importance on only physical attraction and how good it feelings falling in love (the initial infatuation stage) but forget to do a vetting process and see if they really have common goals and values, see if they're even compatible. Once the infatuation and lustful period fades (since that's not a great foundation to start of) and you realized you have nothing in common with them, arguments start and the relationships is doomed, doesn't progress.

[Nikki1989]

That all depends on your personality, your coping mechanisms, and the severity of the deception. Some women recover, some never do. Sadly, many men severely destroy women.

[Adel50]

And vice versa.

[genericname85]

would say yes cause it's super simple to find the next guy for you. while a guy will struggle way more to find the next chick.

[Asker]

I think both genders have their own unique struggle. While a guy finds it hard getting a date (after undergoing several rejections), we don't have it easier finding a keeper aka a husband before our fertile years are gone. I got both marriage and pregnancy right on the nick of time... at age 37.

[genericname85]

well what you're looking for right after breakup is not typically another keeper right? it's someone who distracts you, who's fun for a while. and that's exactly where women have it way easier than men.

[Asker]

That would've been wasting more time. By the time I recovered from a love deception, I was ready to continue the search for my goal, which was settling down and having kids. I didn't want to date and just having fun forever. I wasn't getting any younger either.

[genericname85]

well it is what most people do after breakup.

[Asker]

I think it's probably because they gave up on finding a life partner.

[genericname85]

Few of them maybe but not the majority

[Anonymous]

I think you need to stop taking everything so literal hun. Remember this is the internet. And maybe not you, (though we have no proof of this than your word😆) but there are Puh-lenty of your gender who do put all men in the same category.

[Asker]

yeah the Internet (esp this site) gives off so much negativity

[Radiate143]

Yes, we are. Men hate it when their own tricks are used on them, ironically.

[KrakenAttackin]

Of course. Women live and date on super easy mode. You let Chad use you (willingi) and are shocked when he wouldn't commit. This is just a tiny bit of Karma returning from all the simps that get abused by women.

[Asker]

Well I was much younger at the time and really thought we had common views about wanting marriage eventually. I never lived with him though so at least I didn't cohabitated.
I got married in the end though. What he didn't do (commit), someone else did. I know it's later than usual since our ages are 37 and 50; it's our very first marriage for both of us. Then the best news my then fiance (now husband) got me pregnant immediately on his first time. I'm low count though. He's my second while I'm his first. If it helps out, we paid for the wedding, courthouse (both of us are atheists) and even his wedding suit.
Now who is laughing... while I'm married and pregnant now; that chad with no game anymore (he used to look younger than his age; now he can't lied about his age anymore, has lots of health issues and is broke) must still be single and almost my husband's age.

[Asker]

My husband is the winner (even in height... while he's 6'2... the loser was 5'8) in the end and that chad is the loser.

[Anonymous]

If you think "love deceptions" is the biggest issue today's men have with today's women, you're not paying attention.

[Asker]

Love deception covers everything that can go wrong in either a relationship or marriage if the people fail to do a better job during the vetting process and see if they're even compatible with similar goals and values. That's a general term.

[CarolinaGirl5]

If you're married why is this even a conversation?

[Asker]

I feel bad for others undergoing love deception. It's sad whenever someone overgeneralizes a whole gender.

[CarolinaGirl5]

Worry about yourself and mind your business