Boyfriend lied to me and basically ruined our holiday. What should I do?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend pretty much ruined Christmas this year. We went to a Christmas Eve gathering where there would be alcohol. He promised me he would NOT get drunk and would control himself. He lied. He got so drunk he wasn't able to walk properly and I couldn't make a bit of sense out of what he was trying to say to me half the time.

He passed out AT the gathering and I was trying to get him to wake up so I could take us home. I finally succeeded and then after we get home, I can't even sleep in our bed because he's passed out AGAIN in the middle of it leaving no room for me.

We are supposed to go to another Christmas celebration with extended family today for Christmas Day but I am honestly thinking of telling him to just go alone.

I am completely out of the holiday mood and very disappointed. He lied to me and did not keep his word. He got extremely drunk and lost all control of himself. He ruined our plans. We were supposed to go to the gathering for a bit then go home, have sex and rest up so we could spend some alone time together on Christmas morning. Yeah. Needless to say we didn't get sex because he was passed out and I couldn't even sleep in bed. I guarantee he won't be up for our private Christmas Day time but he'll sure want to go to the Christmas Day stuff later and act like everything is fine. Well to me, it's far from fine. This was so unacceptable and jm very upset by all this.

Do I have the right to be upset about this? Am I wrong to no longer have interest in going to the family stuff we had planned due to this?

How should I address all this nonsense once he finally wakes up and is sober?

[ohsheeT]

Yeah you have that right.
And you need to let him know about it

But something even deeper is that you know something that he might not know and that is it's all getting out of hand I'm sure this has been going on for a while

And I think you're more angry about that than anything you're probably scared because you don't know what he's going to say or do at any given time and you also know that you are worth more than that and your life means more to you than what he's showing you right now

It has nothing to do with going to functions or Christmas parties or anything like that it only has one thing to do with one thing and that is he drinks too much too fast and then loses it he cannot function

You have to be honest with yourself right now how far are you willing to go with this
How long do you want to be in this type of relationship

Yes there's something about him but you also have to start getting the game plan going because
Down deep at this moment you know he's not going to change
So you have to start thinking about you
And since Christmas is already wasted and it's not going to be good you might as well just take it the rest of the way you need to talk to him be serious but I'm going to tell you right now
He's going to wake up still drunk and what you have to say to him is going to go in one ear and out the other

Because you know if you guys go someplace tonight he's going to have to drink again and you have to make some choices this is actually about you now not about him you cannot control him he's going to have to get help himself because we both know that's what he needs

[MisterWack]

Yes you have a right to be upset, just let him go by himself and you stay home & unwind for a while.

Though my advice: I don’t know his record on alcohol or whatever and I don’t want to know personal information…. Please don’t let his stupid behavior get in the way of you finding joy in the season. While he is away, make the most out of a bad situation & do something fun like work on a craft, read that book you’ve been meaning to read, watch a holiday special that always cheers you up, listen to your favorite Christmas / Winter Themed music, go to the mall or shop online for a deal you’ve been eyeing for awhile…. Just cooldown, calm down and do what brings joy to you while he is out & away.

Just enjoy your alone time for now and reignite the joy of the season, you shouldn’t let one stupid mistake get in the way of your happiness. Please try and I hope for your sake & your family/friends that he doesn’t do this again at any time of year especially Christmas…. God Bless You!

[Asker]

Thank you

[MisterWack]

You’re welcome, Merry Christmas!

[SueShe]

I am sorry for you and your ruined Christmas.


There is only one thing to do and that is to ask him to seek counselling for addictions and other alcoholic issues. It seems that it is not the first time he pulls this trick on you and it sound as if he has an alcohol issue that needs to be addressed at once before it degenerates and that he becomes violent with you.


Tell him that if he does not go to counselling, you will sever this toxic relationship. Make sure to accompany him because otherwise he will not go just by himself. Good luck.

[Alwayreckles93]

Yes you have each and every right to be upset. He made a fool of himself and and embarrassing you in front of all these family members. Christmas is about having fun and spending time with family. Not making people upset. I would of called him out. You are his partner not his mother. It's disgusting how he still needs a babysitter all because he had no control over his drinking. What a goof ball.

[Asker]

He is in his 30s and I was having to treat him like a child. He didn't remember anything and I had to tell him everything he did and what happened. He seemed embarrassed and apologized a lot to me. But this is not the first time he's lied to me. He has done this before where he'll tell me he won't drink or at least won't get drunk or out of hand, and then he gets drunk and out of hand.

[AI Opinion]

Ah, navigating these holiday heartbreaks can be a real festive bummer! 🎄 Your feelings are totally valid, and being upset is natural when someone breaks a promise like that, especially during a special occasion. Communication is key. Once he's sober, have a candid talk about how his actions impacted you and your plans. It's important to express your boundaries and expectations for the future. You deserve to feel heard and respected in your relationship. If you need space from the festivities, that's okay too. Your priority should be your emotional well-being. Stay strong, lovebird! ❤️

[Finchie40]

You have every right to be upset at him , he pretty much lied to you by getting drunk and ruining the night you both had planned. So the best thing for you to do is just enjoy Christmas without him , you do your thing and he does his , don’t feel obligated to include him any ruin the Holiday for you , He probably won’t drink again but if he does , just ignore him and go enjoy the Holiday without him

[AviatorTom]

You have every right to be upset. But you already knew that it was a possibility that he would get drunk... he's at least borderline alcoholic, and deserves your support to deal with that.

[Asker]

I do try to support that. That's why when he told me he wanted to drink a little (like a couple beers), I said it was ok. He promised me he wouldn't get out of hand and wouldn't drink too much or get drunk. He went absolutely insane and got extremely drunk.

We did talk a little the next morning. He seemed to have a lot of guilt over what happened. Naturally, he did not remember what happened at all and asked me what all he did, when we got home, etc. Once I told him everything, he apologized multiple times and said he should have never did that and was sorry for letting me down.

[AviatorTom]

If he's borderline alcoholic, or a true alcoholic, he can't have even one drink. I know it's hard for you, but you have to try to prevent him from drinking.

[Asker]

That will be very hard. I myself am sober, so at least he doesn't have to worry about drinking around me. But I worry anytime we go somewhere where there will be alcohol because of he gets into it, it's a mess.

[Summeroflove]

Well someone who lies like that maybe isn’t worth being with. You’re not married to him and you have to assume that you could be one day, imagine living with this the rest of your life.

[OlderAndWiser]

Realizing that you have no right to ask him to change his behavior, and no reason to expect that he will change his behavior, what future do you imagine with this man?

[WindAtMyBack]

It sounds like he has a drinking problem. That is a lot more important than one ruined holiday.

You should talk to him about it. But don't nag because that will just make it worse. If he is an alcoholic, you can hope he changes, but you can't expect it. He will change in his own time, if it happens at all.

In the meantime, you have to decide if you want to be with someone who has a drinking problem. Do NOT assume he will change.

If he was in his early 20s, it might just be a drinking phase that a lot of people go through at that age. They grow out of it. But I assume he's older than that. He shouldn't be doing that kind of stuff at his age.

If he seriously wants to get it under control you can support him. But don't make a martyr out of yourself. If alcohol truly has a hold of him, you have to look out for yourself.

[Asker]

I definitely suspect a drinking issue. This isn't the first time he's told me he wouldn't get drunk and then got insanely wasted. He is in his 30s, so yes, he's not a frat boy anymore.

I do want to address it, but I don't want to make him mad or anything. I know he may not listen and it's up to him and him alone when and if he decides to make a change.

[Lliam]

I'm guessing that your boyfriend is an alcoholic. Once he has a drink, he can't stop.
How old is this guy, anyway?

You're 100% justified in being upset. He promised not to get drunk, he embarrassed you at the party, he passed out in the middle of the bed, he blew off the plans you had for alone time on Christmas morning, and he ruined your Christmas.

It sounds like he has done shit like this before. Why would you want to continue putting up with a drunk?

I think it's time to say enough is enough.

[Asker]

He's in his 30s. This is not the first time he's promised he wouldn't drink or at least promised he wouldn't get drunk and has. It's like he can't control himself and doesn't know when to quit. And he also is awful around others drinking. It's like he HAS to join them.

[fantasticass]

Alcoholic beverages cannot be controlled by an alcoholic. Drinking to that excess can cause a stroke. He needs to see a doctor that specializes in addiction.. I suggest you leave him. Living with an alcoholic is HELL!!

[Asker]

That's what scares me. He promised me he would not have but maybe a couple beers and would not get near drunk. He was into everything. Beer and all the shots/hard liquor he could find. He ended up insanely drunk as described. Next day, naturally he had no idea what he had done. I had to tell him everything that went on and he apologized and seemed embarrassed.

[fantasticass]

The next time he gets drunk, he decides to hit you, then apologized in the morning, are you insane? because I guarantee that will happen. What if he killed someone at the party, are you still going to support him?, because that's next. If you choose to be with an abusive man then you deserve it all!!., I'm retired law enforcement, please take my advice

[Asker]

I understand what you're saying and I appreciate your concern. I know it'll sound cliche or like I'm stupid, but I don't think he would ever hit me. And no, if he hurt or killed someone due to his irresponsible actions, I would not support him.

[FunnyButNotFunnyHaHa]

It kinda sounds like you're dating an alcoholic.

I don't know what the situation between you two is, but if you two don't have children together, you might want to consider leaving him. And if you DO have kids with him, well, kids shouldn't be around that, so you should encourage him to get treatment, and leave him if he doesn't.

Hope things work out for you.

[Unit1]

Your boyfriend lied to you, acted like an alcoholic and ruined Christmas for you?

That is unacceptable.

Were i a cute (pink haired cat) girl, that would be the end of the relationship. I don't want a lying alcoholic as a boyfriend.

[Anonymous]

Bottom line is you knew he was this way. If he had to make a promise to you which he didn’t keep, you already knew he had a problem w drinking. But you’re still in this relationship w him. I don’t know why you’d expect anything different. As they say shit or get off the pit. So either leave him or stay but know that that’s how it’ll most likely be for a long time, maybe even for the rest of your lives.

[Anonymous]

Rehab if he's a daily drinker, AA (or equivalent) if he's not. Withdrawal from daily drinking can be deadly, so it requires professional care.

Your feelings are valid.

[Asker]

Thank you

[Opinion Owner]

For sure

[Raphaëlle]

Yes you can be upset and let him know about it. Has he done something similar before? Have you talked about it before or have you let him know that you don't accept this kind of behavior? Do it and be clear why you're upset and that it can have consequences (you don't wanna go with him to events where alcohol is involved for example).

[Asker]

Yes. This has been known from the start of our relationship. I told him I was ok with casual, responsible drinking. No crazy stuff and no alcohol behavior. He said he was nothing like that. Then when he first had an incident like this, I was very upset and talked to him about it. He said he wouldn't do it again. This is the third time he's done the drinking thing after saying he wouldn't. I did talk to him about it but he did nothing to change it. He hasn't drank since but we have an event to go to in a few weeks where alcohol will be involved so I'm very nervous.

[Staximus]

You have the right to be angry, but be an adult about it and carry on gracefully, not like an angry child. People get wasted on the holidays sometimes. Today is not ruined yet, but you can ruin it for yourself and others with your bad attitude. Try having a good attitude and enjoying today, and be happy you are still alive and stuff like that.

[Asker]

Yeah being alive is super. But lying and getting shi*tfaced like an immature frat boy isn't.

[Staximus]

Last night might have been a disaster but today is not ruined yet so why don't you try and have a nice Christmas instead of ruining the day for yourself and others like your boyfriend did last night

[Asker]

I did still go to the family function today

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you both had different ideas of what Christmas would be like. Did he really commit to not getting drunk and family time or did you push and push until he acquiesced?
And why didn't you push him off the bed? He wouldn't have noticed, I'm guessing.

[Asker]

No. He was in full agreement with me then chose alcohol over the family time. He is a lot bigger/heavier than me so I was not able to move him.

[Opinion Owner]

Sorry it didn't work out

[Flower7]

You are dating an alcoholic, from the sound of it. Why continue that?

[RHK36]

I didn't read most of it because it's unnecessary. Why complain about an outcome you already knew was going to happen? Better yet why be with someone so sloppy? You can't make people change, they have to want to do it themselves. There's no amount of convincing you can do to change that, so again if you know he's like this why are you still around? So either accept your alcoholic boyfriend or move on already.

[beefcakebradybatson]

Talk to him and frankly tell him that you're angry tat he ruined Christmas and depending on how often he does this, ask him to seek professional help for his drinking.

[RandomUser1000]

Have he done similar things in the past?

Maybe AA would be a good place for him.

[Asker]

Yes he has. This is not the first time he has lied to me about drinking. There have been several times where he's told me he wouldn't drink or at least wouldn't get drunk or out of hand and he ends up getting drunk and out of hand anyway.

[RandomUser1000]

It does sound like he has problem with alcohol and could need some help with it.

If maybe it's possible to get him into AA or have an intervention or something.

If nothing helps. Then are you willing to live with these problems for the rest of your life?

[Asker]

I have gently discussed things with him before. I know it can be a touchy subject and I don't want to be judgmental, but he also needs to realize how unacceptable this behavior is and how much damage it can cause.

He apologized multiple times to me for this. He told me he was sorry he did exactly what he told me he wouldn't do and said he felt like he lied to me. He said he knew he told me he wouldn't get drunk and felt bad that he got so out of hand. He said he was sorry and he felt bad for ruining our plans. He also expressed fear of me leaving him a couple times. He told me I could have left him at the party and made him stay there for the night. He said he would have woke up and feared I had left him though if he woke up and I was gone. He also said later that night "you're probably going to leave me now aren't you?". I said no.

I think he does have an alcohol problem. I myself am sober, so I see all this sober and I notice a lot of trends. I notice he has problems saying no when offered a drink. He gives into friends way too easy when they start asking who wants a drink. He also has a real problem with controlling what he drinks and how much. He knows what types of alcohol get him the most, yet he does not avoid them. He will tell me when he's sober he will only drink like a beer or two and that he won't get drunk. Then, he ends up drinking everything under the sun and definitely gets drunk. That shows me he definitely has an issue with alcohol.

[RandomUser1000]

It doesn't sound like an easy situation,

But I agree with what you said
"he also needs to realize how unacceptable this behavior is and how much damage it can cause. "

I get that no ones perfect and if it happened once or twice, an apology and moving on could be sufficient.

There is a saying something along the lines of go by his actions, not his words.

If he says one thing but does another, then for every time he does that his words mean less and less.

Being able to give someone a second chance is good, because no one is perfect and if we are willing to improve, things can get better.

But if he repeatedly does the same thing over and over.
At some point you gotta stop giving more chances.

[Asker]

I absolutely agree and get that. I mean I'm fine with forgiving and accepting an apology. But you're right. It has to stop sometime.

Actions speak louder than words. And he's now not keeping his word about other things too. I'm starting to believe him less and less.

[RandomUser1000]

and then you have a relationship where there is no trust.
What's left when there is no trust?

It sounds like he needs to step up or get out.
It sounds like what you have now can't work long term.

[Anonymous]

You are totally right to be upset with him, but I’m not sure how you address it. That’s out of my experience range.

[Anonymous]

Having one holiday ruined is no big deal but your bigger problem is...

[Asker]

I understand sometimes things don't work out as far as holiday plans go. But yes... the alcohol issue is a big problem. This is not the first time he has lied to me and drank more than he planned.

[Hellraiser1984]

Dump him you deserve someone who can control himself and not lie to you.

[Crazzyyworld]

He is an asshole yes but all men are like that. I would give him a blow job while he was sleeping play with his dick a little bit.

[ryanbas]

sweet!

[DrPepper12]

🚨🚨🚨🚩🚩🚩✋🏻✋🏻✋🏻🛑🛑🛑🧱🧱🧱🚫🚫🚫

[VyacheslavSokolov]

Get a new boyfriend.

[Anonymous]

Okay and? As an adult you can't come to a conclusion on your own? Trust me thinking doesn't hurt 🙄

[Asker]

This is an advice site. If your rude a*s doesn't want to share your input, shut up and don't comment.

[Opinion Owner]

You're 30-35 years old yet can't make your own decision in this situation? If someone told you to jump off a bridge would you post it here asking if you should? Some things require basic common sense and this question is one of them. If you lack the common sense to answer this maybe you need a mental evaluation

[Asker]

You're a sorry a*s troll.

[Opinion Owner]

And you're a lonely loser

[Asker]

More like someone who is just unsure of how to approach a complex issue with their significant other. Must suck to be so miserable you have to harass people online lol

[Opinion Owner]

This is not complex you're just slow

[Wise4myage]

Tell him to go alone.

[Anonymous]

That's your problem you deal with it instead of coming on here complaining about it.

[Asker]

This is an ADVICE site. People come here to share stories, ask questions and seek advice/input from others. If you aren't going to answer the question, shut up and don't comment.

[GlowUpGirly5]

She lacks basic logic and common sense and might be delayed mentally. Cause at her old age she should have the answer to this.

[Opinion Owner]

@GlowUpGirly5 you're right she should but she only wants to come on here to complain

[Opinion Owner]

You're just pissed cause you couldn't spread your legs and act like a whore

[Opinion Owner]

I can treat you like the degenerate whore you want to be treated like... face it you got daddy issues and all you ever wanted to do was fuck your father you wanted his cock stuffed in your pussy

[Asker]

You have major issues

[Asker]

I'm supposed to have sex with my boyfriend. It's kind of what people in a relationship do. I'm not a whore because I sleep with my boyfriend who I'm committed to lol

[Asker]

You trolls really need to stay off advice sites if you don't want to hear about people's problems.

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah you are a whore you just don't want to admit what you already know you are

[Opinion Owner]

Did you ever eat your own feces off a guys cock before after it was rammed up your ass? Has any guy made your cunt bleed while you were fucking it

[GlowUpGirly5]

😆😆🤣🤣 lmfaooooo

[Asker]

Have you ever heard of English grammar? Clearly, no, you haven't. No, no one makes me bleed during sex and I sit don't eat sh*t, but thanks for checking.

[Anonymous]

Look at the kind of guy women choose lol.

[Darklydarkened]

Reading this, I kinda get why he drinks so much

[Asker]

Um I'm a great girlfriend. It isn't my problem he got sh*tfaced like a wannabe frat boy after PROMISING me he wouldn't. He ruined our pre-made plans with his drinking.

[Darklydarkened]

You being a great girlfriend is not up to you