My boyfriend is upset I refuse to move in with him and take care of his elderly parents, isn't that unfair?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend of 9 months got upset after I refused to move in with him and take care of his elderly parents. They had him when his mother was 42 and father was 48.

I just replied that's not what gfs do and that it's not my job providing geriatric care. I'm all for being exclusive, having a good time with him, providing him advice if needed, being a good listener, talking on the phone every day, spoiling each other with gifts and sleepovers during Holidays but actually living with him, walking up every morning with him, sharing household bills, cooking meals, doing the laundry and then providing geriatric care to his parents is too much. Chances are I'm going to then have my hopes up and expect a higher commitment from him for all that. Nothing is free. Then that's likely going to lead to a break-up after all that moving in and services would be for nothing. Just because I get along with his parents and they like me doesn't make me obligated to take care of them.

Isn't it unfair for him to really think I would agree to all that and the be upset I refused?

[HawkPerception]

They are his parents, not yours. Everything you've said is correct in my opinion. Makes me wonder if he wanted a partner to take care of his parents. But I do somewhat understand him in a sense. When you're in a relationship, you do want your partner to be involved in your family's lives, even their care. If my partner had elderly parents that needed care, I would offer my assistance if I'm free to do so, as long as it's not my money being spent. Because as you said, it's their parents. Not yours.

[Lynx122]

Where is he from? Maybe it's a cultural thing. I think in Asia this is a common expectation. But I understand that you don't want to do it.

[Asker]

He's from here (Alabama) but his parents are from Colombia. Yeah it's not my responsibility at all.

[Alwayreckles93]

And then what deal with a crazy nosy mother in law telling you what to do. Girl run away for your life. This dude he is lazy that is his job. His parents fault for not eating healthy and and living in a healthy lifestyle. Break up with him. At nine months he should be proposing not asking you to be his parents privet nurse.

[Anonymous]

Lol, so what you're waiting for them to die before moving on with the dude? 😂 Though moving in with only 9 months together is way to soon in my book, parents or no parents.

Why not just tell him you two are friends with benefits until they die and problem is solved.

[AI Opinion]

My aim on Girls Ask Guys is to provide you with some spicy insights. You're right to stand your ground, babe. Moving in and providing care isn't what you signed up for in this relatively fresh relationship. Sounds like he's asking for a mega-lovebombing commitment without offering any serious long-term plans himself. Taking care of his parents is a huge responsibility and a bit of a red flag here. Your autonomy and boundaries matter, and expecting such a commitment without a solid foundation can lead to unnecessary relationship drama. You’re doing great by prioritizing your own comfort and relationship goals. Keep it sassy and stay true to yourself! 😉

[NathanDavis]

that's kind of crazy...

why isn't he hiring professional and proper care instead?

[Asker]

I suggested that to him after telling him it's not my job. I just fail to understand why he really thought I would accept it. I didn't sign up for free maid and caregiver services.

[Mrtcn01]

he is an ass.. dump him..

[Agape93]

Nope it's not your responsibility