Im 21 and I feel super lonely and bored with my life?

[Anonymous]

I don’t know what I want to do with my life. I haven’t found my passion. I’m in university but I’m not enjoying it. I want to travel and experience things but in this economy …. lol I can’t think of ways I can that are realistic. My city is so dead and small that I feel like I’ll never going to find a boyfriend I’ve been single for so long and so many people around me are in long term relationships and it makes me feel lonely. Especially when the relationships I have been in haven’t worked out it makes me feel like there’s something wrong with me or I’m unlovable. I get sad over these things because I’m young and want to enjoy life but feel like im clearly not meant to live the life I want. How can I change my path and start thinking positively about all these aspects in my life and not feel like I’m in a rush to be successful and find love?

[SteveSmith1985]

I'm sorry you're feeling that way. Are you living at home for University? Or are you on campus?

For the most part, the way you feel is very normal for 21. I know you want to punch me for saying that. I know that's unhelpful, but here I am... saying it anyway. It's not making me feel like a spring-chicken to say that to someone.

It's normal... but also there are a few things that make me concerned that maybe it's something a little more than 'normal finding your way' stuff.

So feeling like your town is boring; is normal as hell. If you're 21 you are going to hate your town. Your wanting to see the world, while being constrained by the practical... is also very normal. But you can do both. There is a way to do some traveling, if you make a point to fit that in. I didn't do it, but my friend sure as hell did.

A couple of them went off to China and Vietnam randomly after saving up for a year. Another buddy went to India... By himself (an Irish-Canadian whiteboy). They decided, saved and did it within a surprisingly short time. You can to, if you make a point to check out how to actually make it happen.

What are you taking in school?

Finding your passion is hard. I can't help you there. (I just wrote, and then deleted several long-ass paragraphs after thinking: What the hell are you saying to this 21 year old. That became about me real-quick. It was not helpful. That was weird (for me)).

Anyway, It is very normal to feel like everyone except you is in a happy relationship. Especially if that's the case. I don't know why the past ones haven't worked out, but that doesn't men there's a reason future one's won't.

What worried me was two things that you said. They make me wonder if you might suffer from depression?

the first is feeling like you're "unlovable." That is, to a point normal, some of the time. But usually people don't put it that way. That makes me wonder if depression might be coloring your view of yourself here.

The other one was feeling like you weren't meant to live the life you want. That's also a concerning thing to hear you say. It makes the normal feelings of not having found your way... into something more fatalistic (or something). It just strikes me as something that implies a universe in which you're more constrained than you really are. It seems to have a sense of inevitable doom about it. Maybe I'm reading too much into it.

I don't think there is any secret to not rush to want to find love and success. I think that's normal. It's just keeping yourself from expecting to have done it already. You can still have the life you want. You just haven't figured it all out yet. But that's ok, you're 21. You might find love when you're 23 or 25, you might find some job you never even thought of and love it. (stay in school of some sort). You're talking like you're behind.

You're not behind. You're doing just fine. You can do some things to make your life to day better. Travel. If that's something you want to do, then start planning for next summer. Or even Christmas break if you want to be aggressive. But it won't happen if you don't make it happen. It'll help with some of the being bored insofar as it will give you something to look forward to.

If you haven't looked into whether you might have depression, it would be worth looking into. I'm not saying you do. I'm just saying you might.

Hang in there

🙂

[Asker]

I honestly thought I had depression for a long time and maybe I do I don't know but I don’t understand for some people things are so easy like good things just happen and there life falls into place. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong and maybe I think too much but I feel like whatever I try and do it’s just so hard everything is just hard nothing comes to me easy. So many people around me fine boyfriends easy know what they want to do early and it was easy for them to accomplish. I just don’t want to feel like this for the rest of my life and regret things but at the same time I’m scared and dont know where to start to create a change

[SteveSmith1985]

I think you might indeed have depression if you've suspected it yourself. I think that it would be a good to book an appointment through Student Health Services. It's going to be included in your tuition. It's going to be a first step. If you have depression, then that colours everything else. It makes you feel... well... the way you're feeling frankly. That there is something wrong with you, and that you'll never be happy. If you get the depression under control, then it does make the exact same situation look completely different. But that's a longer term fix. But that is somewhere to start to create change. See if you have diagnosable depression.

I'd be happy to listen, and give advice where I can, if you'd like. We can go back-and-forth here, or you can DM me if you prefer (or follow me, so I can DM you first if you're level 1). I'm off to work, but I'll be around after. If you don't want to chat that's no problem, and I'll wish you good luck, and tell you to hang in there. (and book that appointment to talk to someone) 🙂

[Finchie40]

Best thing to do is be happy and content with what you have in front of you , over what’s not in front of you. Happiness come from within , you should never expect someone else to make you happy , that isn’t anyone’s job but yourself. The only reason you are feeling lonely and bored is because you are allowing yourself to be lonely and bored , Call your friends’ up and ask them to hang out , ask them to go places with you etc. if you want things to happen , you have to make it happen , it’s not magically going to come to you

[AI Opinion]

Sweet soul, you're not alone in feeling this way at 21. It's like hitting that "quarter-life crisis" button before you're even mid-way there, isn't it? You're navigating through this rollercoaster called life. Let's sprinkle a little positivity on it! Being single is a playground for self-discovery, so use this time to explore new interests. Sign up for fun, low-cost online courses or activities that pique your curiosity from the comfort of your room. Remember, love is like a cat at a party— it shows up when you least expect it. 😉 So, have a little faith, embrace the unpredictability of life, and take baby steps toward the future you desire. You're lovable and perfectly whole as you are. You've got this! 💪✨

[abc3643]

OK, several questions to help us understand your situation...

1. What year are you in university?

2. What is your major?

3. What is your living situation? Do you...
A. ... live at home and commute to your university?
B. ... live on campus?
C. ... live off-campus but near campus?
In cases B and C, is your university far from home?

4. You say "My city". Is this the city of your home or your university or both?
OPTIONAL: I'd like to know your city and/or country. I know geography and this helps me a lot. You can PM me if you wish.

5. How long since your last boyfriend?

6. What's more important: A life involving travel or a relationship with a boyfriend leading to marriage?

Once we know these things, we can probably help you better.

I can appreciate your ennui, but I am optimistic that we can help and very optimistic I can given I understand your situation better.

[Asker]

So I live in Montreal Canada. It’s my home town I stayed in my city for university. But the university I go to isn’t like a huge school with a campus and stuff people either get appartements or live with their parents. My parents are divorced so I spend half my time at my moms and half at my dads. I’m in international business but I’m just not interested in what I’m learning and don’t enjoy going to school. My last boyfriend was when I was 17 and I’ve been with guys since but not as a boyfriend note situationship and I just had a thing with a guy where he ended up ghosting so that kinda made me feel like there’s something wrong with me and I’m not lovable. I’m not looking for mariage I just kinda wanna find someone and have a connection and enjoy and see where it takes us. But every time I like someone which is rare cuz I’m picky they end up hurting me

[Asker]

I want to travel in general not necessarily with a boyfriend but if that was the case I would be happy about it. I just want to be able to enjoy my life but I feel like there’s things holding me back from doing that because I’m missing things that I want like a connection with a man and a passion so I can be successful one day

[abc3643]

OK, I gotta make this quick and I won't say this is my only answer.
Consider looking into this college: Paul Smith's College.
It is not located far from Montréal; it is in Paul Smiths NY in the Adirondacks.
It is a college that specializes in the travel and hospitality industry.
https://www.paulsmiths.edu/business-hospitality/

It might not be the career path for you but it is something you might be interested in... And, it's far enough from home to be a new experience, but close enough to come home on weekends if you wish.
I used to live in the Albany NY area and I have been to both Paul Smiths NY and Montréal multiple times. Personally, I love Montréal, but I can understand where you are coming from.

Let me know what you think about Paul Smiths... and thanks for answering my questions. I am working right now, but would like to continue with this question of yours.

[abc3643]

I realize you are bilingual. Are you native Francophone or Anglophone?

[Anonymous]

Aside from the fact I'm not in collage I feel your pain because my life is the exact same way. I hate it and just don't see a point in going on once my dad is gone. I don't even remember what cuddling and kissing feels like, and I've only had sex once and it was awful. The loneliness is soul crushing, correct? Do you get that feeling of being slightly jealous when you see people in happy relationships but also feeling partialy happy for them because they have something so special? I get it all the time. It makes me hate weddings. I wish I could say the loneliness gets easier, but it doesn't it gets worse so all I can say is keep trying or accept it's all downhill from here because that's how it's been for me. I gave up and got to exhausted. It hurts too much after a certain amount of rejection and disaster.

[Asker]

I mean I don’t get jealous when I see other people in relationships I’m happy to see that real love still exists but it makes me sad knowing that I don’t have that and there’s no one around or even an option for me to consider having it with. If ur older then 21 maybe u should try and move and experience what it’s like being in a different country and meet new people. Rejection shouldn’t make u feel that horrible. As a women I can say it’s a women’s initial reaction to reject someone. You ever hear of relationships where the guy gets rejected a bunch before she finally decides that he’s the one? Girls are just as scared as getting hurt as guys are

[Opinion Owner]

I'm 29 and I live in the US and moving is most likely not an option unless there are some extreme circumstances. I don't have the money so unless I'm becoming a refugee I'm stuck here.

[Asker]

Well the us is a great place to live! I’d love to be there. Enjoy ur young years and maybe download a dating app!

[Opinion Owner]

1. America is not a great place to live right now in fact it's currently the worst 1st world country in the world from a leadership perspective. Our economy is in the shitter the standard of living has taken a massive dive and the American dream of a house, wife and kids is dead for 90% of the population because of corpo's like BlackRock.

2. Dating apps are where all the weird mentally ill and slutty men and woman congregate to date. Apps are a fucking nightmare everyone just wants a sleezy bang and it's so hit or miss. The ratio on those apps is also 1 girl to every 5 guys and I'm average looking so I'll get swept left a fair bit and that was the pattern every time I tried. Those apps are actually how I love my V card and I wish I'd never touched em.

[jahaims]

You are stuck with the grass is greener mentality. You have to grow your own garden. You can't go looking for a free one.

[Asker]

How do I start to grow my own garden?

[BarryLiverstone]

You are in university. When you meet new people do you get to hang out and do things socially with them?

[Asker]

I just go to school for classes so I don’t meet many people besides the ones in my class

[BarryLiverstone]

By making friends with those in your class and doing activities with them, you can have fun and discover new passions in life. Falling in love can happen many times over

[Anonymous]

Hey, it's ok, my life sucks too, and I'm more than twice your age.

[Asker]

Stop it makes me sad when people say that why does ur life suck?

[Opinion Owner]

I'm single, always have been, I have no job, my apartment sucks, and many other things.

[beefcakebradybatson]

Guess you'll have to leave your goober city, AnonymousLass (18-24!!!)

[Anonymous]

I will entertain you better if you add me on insta 😜