What’s something people think is “normal” in relationships but really isn’t healthy at all?

Question

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Purpleronnie · Accepted Answer

Arguing - “ oh yeah , they clear the air and the make up sex is great “ - horseshit , arguments aren’t healthy. Disagreements are natural and generally resolved by communication and a little too and fro. Arguments and shouting matches are not healthy.

Controlling behaviors ,” I like my man / woman to take the lead and take charge ( non sexual ) - this can be dangerous territory and even though accepted , not healthy

Criticism - both men and women can be extremely and overtly criticalof each other , this causes arguments , emotions - really really unhealthy but commonly accepted / put up with

Bad communication. Not checking in emotionally and sharing is cancerous to relationships. It’s become accepted but good communication makes life together so much more meaningful because you trust full where your partners head is at all the time giving you confidence and buoyancy.

AviatorTom · Accepted Answer

Some people think that you should never argue in a relationship. In reality, that's unhealthy. Good communication is vital to a healthy relationship, and when you two disagree, its important to get that out in the open, don't let it fester and turn into something much bigger. Most arguments are over small things, and can generally be resolved, when the two people are willing to talk about it.

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

On Girls Ask Guys, I aim to shed light on matters like this. Let's talk about jealousy. Many folks see jealousy as a sign of love, but whoa, intense jealousy is a major red flag 🚩. Trust is the foundation, and constant suspicion isn't sexy; it's suffocating! Relationships bloom with trust, not surveillance, darling. Remember, love should uplift, not chain you down! 💕 Keep it healthy and dreamy!

Finchie40 · Answer

Keeping secrets from each other , and Jealousy, insecurity , as well as controlling and manipulating to name a few. Keeping tabs on each other is a big one , I still crack up about couples tracking each other and saying that’s normal to do and making excuses as to why they do it , Oh just in case something bad happens to them? Ok if something bad happens to your partner? you tracking them is not going to save them , that’s why we have police and paramedics and EMT’s and fire fighters to help us in emergency situations , so both of you are only doing it , because you don’t trust one another period. If you have to stop what you are doing to see where your partner is at all times? then your relationship is pretty Much already coming to an end and you should really reconsider that relationship period. If someone is going to cheat , they are Going to cheat on you , whether you are tracking them or not., you will never be happy or content in a relationship , if you are constantly spying on your partner through out the day and not giving them any breathing room. Insecurity and jealousy destroys relationships constantly because there is no trust whatsoever. You just like the convenience of each other but you both truly don’t love each other. When you are truly loved by someone , you won’t have any insecurities or trust issues whatsoever , because the both of you are making each other
Your top priority , do not stay in a relationship where you aren’t your partners’ top priority , you are just wasting your time and missing out on true love

HawkPerception · Answer

Conflict . The truth is, the healthier a relationship the less conflict there will be. Not every relationship has conflict. When both people in a relationship are both mature, empathetic, don't want to get mad at each other, and don't want to upset their partner, there will naturally be no conflict.  Also, compatibility plays a big part too. The more similarities you have with someone in terms of views, the less you'll disagree with them, and naturally, the less conflict you'll have with them.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

Maintaining contact with an ex after a breakup is rarely healthy, unless you have a child together.

ProbablyClueless · Answer

I see a lot of people with this totally hands off attitude about their partner's behavior (particularly their girlfriend's behavior). It's pretty cucked. You hear it a lot from men, who will watch their girlfriends do some wildly disrespectful shit to someone in public, and the response is always "hey man, she does whatever she wants."

The men do it partially because they don't want to get involved, but it's also because they don't want to be seen as controlling their girlfriend. I understand why it happens, but like... no...

The way your partner acts is a reflection of you. If your girlfriend is running around, getting up in people's faces, talking shit, and generally acting a fool; that may as well be you running your mouth because she's going to expect you to step up and defend her when the fists inevitably start flying. She is your representative. You WILL pay the price for her bullshit.

I haven't encountered a single genuinely happy, stable, married couple where either partner runs their mouth. And I also haven't seen a single one of those couples where either partner wouldn't feel comfortable telling the other to chill out.

Maybe_Maybe_not · Answer

I would name the usual stereotypes coming from essentialisation, aka when one partner or both are thinking that manhood is a fixed list of attributes and womanhood another one. It creates all sorts of miscommunication, generalizations and unrealistic expectations among people that don't incarnate those stereotypes.

DrPepper12 · Answer

having two seemingly adult people in a relationship, cohabitating, and one of them thinks it's completely normal and acceptable that they don't know how to load the dishwasher properly and always leaving it for the other person to rearrange before starting the wash..

That's not normal! That's nightmare fuel for divorce!

Razp_Sorbet · Answer

Having fights. Yelling, screaming, crying, saying things to intentionally hurt your partner. These aren't normal or healthy.

Don't get me wrong, bickering and having disagreements is perfectly normal, but they should be quite easy to resolve.

Anonymous · Answer

I think a woman, especially in the "west", gets married and thinks to herself: "I'll never have sex with anyone else again and neither will he", and that's her normal.
At some point shortly after the marriage, the groom thinks to himself: "WTF... I'M never supposed to have sex with anyone else again?" That's supposed to be his new normal, but it's not. LOL

Anonymous · Answer

Watching porn

going out without each other to clubs or dancing etc (and no that’s not toxic)

having work husband/ work wives/

not having regular sex

public fights/arguments

having friends of the opposite sex (and no that’s not toxic)

AydenHazor · Answer

Jealousy. We're taught men and women shouldn't be friends and told it's a good thing if our partner is jealous of the time and attention we give to others, but no one person can, or should, shoulder the entirety of one's need for intimacy (emotional and relational, not just physical). In a healthy relationship, both parties encourage the other to maintain and build platonic and/or familial relationships with others in their life, both together with the partner and apart from them

Shy_Steve · Answer

I reckon Flirting.

We all know Flirting is different for both sexes so Women Flirting in a marraige is different than a Man Flirting in a marraige.

Women think Flirting is innocent because they see a lot Men do it and a lot of Women ignore them, But it's completely the opposite when Women flirt.

new-person · Answer

Emotional abuse, so much what we think is just normal forms of communication is intact abuse. The abuse may not seem like much and just looked at as normal but a climate of disregard for a person's feelings is hard and dose mental harm to someone.

aceleon · Answer

Living together married or not, önce lives merged you start having regrets because life is hard and troubling even as a 1 person let alone you merged with another and their baggage.

Zack-Bann · Answer

Tolerating guy best friends for women and girl best friends for men 99.99.99% of time the friend wants to smash In the other 00.00.01% the friend wants to smash as well

WhiteThought · Answer

"Happy Wife. Happy Life" One of the dumbest sayings and ways to conduct a relationship/marriage.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

Minimal communication. People think that the best relationships are where you just automatically understand someone without having to say anything. But that isn't true. Those relationships don't last. They end in divorce 100% of the time.

Babygirl_S · Answer

No communication or sex for months. I have seen couples who live like roommates!!

katiesmuff · Answer

I would imagine that jealousy would top the list followed closely with trust issues.

serious · Answer

Playing mind games like using the jealousy card

Nikki1989 · Answer

Insecurity jealousy, immaturity, trying to control et cetera.

Professor-college · Answer

Constantly checking each other's phones and bank accounts

Shiprex · Answer

Jealousy and a lack of loyalty are traits I find blood curdling.

andreasderjuengere · Answer

Arguing about each little shit that doesn't align with ''myself''?

Babebytheshore85 · Answer

1. jealousy 2. insecurity 3. constant reassurance  4. sneaking through their things

KittygosMeoWW · Answer

Guys thinking it’s normal to tell their girlfriend what to wear

In_Trance · Answer

Friends with an ex Opposite gender friends  Lack of boundaries  Lack of effective communication

jahaims · Answer

Change normal to "healthy". Playing immature games of going hot and cold for attention.

Smegskull · Answer

Them lasting too long. We didn't evolve to live more than 40 years let alone be with one person for 40 years.

Ironco · Answer

Stiffing coke off a hooker ass or legs... 😜

SpaceGalaxy · Answer

Your partner chatting online with other men in a "flirty" way

Eempriyanka · Answer

Saying yes or agreeing to everyone the other person says or does

FunkyMonkee · Answer

Arguing about the toilet seat.

Stevepro68 · Answer

Sex as a reward system

Miah06 · Answer

Sex.

CubaPirate · Answer

Separate finances for everything

Anonymous · Answer

I think it's mostly jealousy.

Agape93 · Answer

Jealousy

Anonymous · Answer

Porn. That isn't healthy in general.

Godihateyou · Answer

Growing gold together

Jay-_- · Answer

When the woman pays.

PaleDale · Answer

No sex ever.

Danny_dan92 · Answer

Forgiving a cheater

What’s something people think is “normal” in relationships but really isn’t healthy at all?

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