Why would a man be upset when he comes home to a clean home and food?

[Anonymous]

The reason I’m asking is because I used to make sure the home was clean and cook, he loved my food, and I would even send my ex husband photos of the things I was cooking while he was “out” either working or doing whatever he was doing and he would come home drunk and want to start fights with me. Why does this happen? He was a big time cheater, so is it because they’re miserable or they’re just not happy? Because I would beg this man to leave me and he still wouldn’t leave me, so men, what is your theory behind this because I don’t want to be with someone like this again. I believe it’s all the men that brag about wanting a good wife so badly just because they’re submissive and won’t say anything when they cheat.

[Finchie40]

Unfortunately it sounds like you married a narcissist because you sound like a very good wife , that didn’t deserve to be treated like you were treated. So since you experienced a bad marriage it doesn’t mean every guy is that way , there are a lot of guys’ that don’t cheat period , especially when he has an amazing girlfriend or wife that loves him like he loves her. So unfortunately your ex was a bad seed , and hopefully you will eventually find a good one. Me personally wouldn’t cheat on a girl that valued me and loved me because I would so do the same for her. Men that cheat mainly cheat because they aren’t receiving intimacy and affection from their spouse as much as they want to , So if you were barely in the mood and barely wanted to be intimate and affectionate , that could be a reason he cheated on you. If you didn’t deny him intimacy and affection they , he is just a selfish POS moron

[Summeroflove]

Narcissists…. You can NEVER make them happy. He would cheat if you made a million dollars, kept the house spotless, and wiped his ass for him. You can’t make someone whose miserable because of the choices they make happy. And guess what? It will always be YOUR fault…

[Asker]

Very true, it was usually my fault if he cheated. And the worst part about it is that people usually assume it’s about picking bad men, but if I would have seen his true colors from the start I would have never chosen to be with him. And it’s almost like they have not empathy because they will continue doing bad things regardless of how good you are, they go on and pretend to be a good person to everyone else.

[Summeroflove]

Unfortunately yes some women do intentionally pick bad men. They’re doing good women and men a favor…. Getting themselves and another shitbag off the market.

But a LOT of times. People don’t see someone’s tire colors until later on. Especially if theh rush into marriage getting you stuck with them. Like a used car salesman pushing you to sign the paper before you figure out the trick

[Summeroflove]

And a LOT of men fall for the same thing. There are men married to women who are absolutely useless and horrible. Don’t respect or love their husbands even have affairs….

But. Guess what? Most these men fell for the facade these women were putting on. Happens to women too. Even when you see the red flags people go into denial mode

[Summeroflove]

They don’t have empathy and the ones that do use it for evil not good… You’re right. They know how to play a role until you live with them and it’s harder to keep the act up.

You have empathy. So you want to help them. Heal them…. You make excuses and justifications for their actions. Project your good nature on rjem and assume they’re like you.

Until you just can’t take it anymore. You’re used. You’re miserable. You’re spiritually broken. Unless they discard you first.

They may fake taking accountability to make themselves look better but they never mean it. Other then that it’s always your fault. As if you forced them to cheat or have affairs… bur a lot of people will start to believe it really was them and work to fix the marriage.

They want a enabler…. That’s what they want.

[Asker]

Yes, it was a lot of love bombing, then that faded slowly. For me, I didn’t know he cheated until I actually checked his phone. So I wouldn’t know what red flags would indicate a cheated. And the once his drinking got bad was when he started acting different. And absolutely, I agree that this can definitely happen to either gender. I’m sure there are great men out there who get stuck with similar people unfortunately.

[Asker]

I agree, they kind of trap you until they know you can’t escape. And I always saw the good in him and even felt bad for him regardless of what he did. Thankfully he didn’t make me miserable, I am too much of an optimist for that. 😅☺️ You make an interesting point about enabler because I think that’s what I eventually did by forgiving him and showing him there were no consequences.

[Summeroflove]

Ehh… and double standards. See you must show your phone. What do you have to hide? But him. He has a right to privacy.

[Summeroflove]

You don’t know because you’re not a cheater. Cheaters on the other hand tend to project what they’re doing. They think they’re a cheater so you’re probably a cheater…. They the accusations start even if you never so much as luatfully looked at another mann

[Summeroflove]

You projected yourself into him. Someone loyal who doesn’t consider cheating. It doesn’t cross your mind. The thing is that now you’re aware of the red flags.

You see peoples true colors when they’re drinking. You start to see how they really think and feel…. And when they’re sober they play it off like they never meant any of it. But it feels…. Sincere.

[Summeroflove]

You can absolutely forgive someone at some point if it takes time. Doesn’t mean you’re going to let him back into your life… you just feel sorry for him and he isn’t worth thinking about after a certain point.

Sometimes people aren’t black and white. There may have very well been good inside of him and the potential to be good. But unfortunately he chose to do horrible things and is reaping the consequences.

But see. Empathetic people feel sorry for someone. They think they’re helping someone and buy into their excuses because they love the person.

[Anonymous]

Unhappy in his life. There was a guy my husband worked with who started beating his wife. He was picked on ar work and struggling in his job. My husband said because this guy felt small and weak at work he was probably taking it out on his wife. Which tracks with bullies. Like the girl who bullied me at school her mother cheated on her father who killed himself and her step father was raping her from 11 years old.

[Asker]

You’re right, I can definitely see how this can be the case, especially if he was bullied and felt incompetent. However, I would assume it’s the opposite because coming home to a safe space where someone can comfort you and hear your problems would make someone feel a little better, but I think men are taught that that looks weak, so they might resort to other forms of dealing with these things. Omg that’s horrible. I did always feel this way about people that are bullies, I feel they must have gone or be going through something really horrible to be this way. You make a great point!

[Anonymous]

listen, I apologize for saying this. But you are the perfect type of person for the type of person that your husband is... It requires someone very meek, unintelligent, weak, without a backbone to be able to stay married to someone like that.

If you have to ever beg a terrible man to leave you, that alone says A LOT about who you are.

[AI Opinion]

My mission here is to help you navigate these rocky relationship waters and uncover the truth behind such behaviors. Your ex's reactions might be fueled by his internal conflicts and insecurities. Often, cheaters project their guilt onto their partners, leading to unnecessary arguments. It's like tossing breadcrumbs of chaos into a serene environment. 🙄 No, it's not about the clean house or the tasty meals—it seems your ex was grappling with his own unhappiness. Stay strong and trust your instincts; you deserve someone who treasures every warm meal and sparkling countertop you create! 🌟

[Clear_Skies10]

I would've been so grateful to have been married to a woman like you. My ex-wife rarely ever cooked, and she couldn't even clean up after herself. I feel like good people often end up with bad ones like your ex. You and I would've had a great situation, and my ex and your ex were a pair of assholes.

[Asker]

You’re so sweet, thank you! I love cooking, I think it’s the Mexican chef in me. 😌 I do agree, I think alcohol has something to do with it in a way, I just deeply regret giving him so many chances and I’m kind of terrified of being in another relationship that can potentially be similar as the ones I’ve been in.

[Clear_Skies10]

I feel the same way. I just keep to myself out of fear that all women are like my ex as well. We've been traumatized by the sound of it. At least we know that there's a few people out in the world who value a good relationship, and would be home and thankful for their partners.

[Asker]

I’m glad to hear you’re out of that situation too! And yes I do have hope and I’m just learning to observe a little more just to make sure I’m not missing any red flags. 😊

[ProbablyClueless]

He did that because he was drunk, not because you did anything wrong. Alcohol changes people. It has the ability to change an absolute saint into a demon. I've seen it happen more than I would like to admit.

[Asker]

Sadly I think this is very true. Alcohol does scary things to people. I’ve seen it happen as well.

[Nikki1989]

Drunks are loose cannons. Don't put up with it.

[Asker]

I do believe you, probably why I hate alcohol.

[DonaldDarko]

He's mentally unstable, that's all there is to it. His brain doesn't work like it's supposed to. No healthy man would ever act that way.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like the problems were his and you're trying to make them yours but it doesn't fit.

[seeyounexttuesday]

you're either a dumb troll or awful at picking men.

[Asker]

You really think I would have picked him if he was like this the first few years I met was with him? People assume it’s about picking horrible men, when this man seemed like the most perfect person, he put out a facade to people, I didn’t know until I invested years of my life and he eventually changed.

[seeyounexttuesday]

Nah, there were plenty of warning signs.

[Asker]

There isn’t, fortunately you’ve never been in my situation. Everyone liked him and no one would have guessed he was a bad person behind closed doors, not even you.

[Anonymous]

Drunk people are just like that.