Am I (27f) overreacting with my boyfriend (28m)?

[Anonymous]

We wanted to go on our first holiday together next month so I suggested a new place, he agreed and I booked the flights, hotel, sorted the airport tax, transfers, travel insurance, car parking and airport lounge.

we were talking about the holiday and he said how some things are so expensive and that another place he’s been to a couple of times is so much more beautiful than where we’re going.

I asked him not to compare it as it’s a different continent and country all together and that it feels abit of a slap in the face with all the research, planning and booking I’ve done to make sure we have a good time. I said it’s abit upsetting that I’ve put all this time and effort in for him to say the other place is so much better when he hasn’t even been there yet.

now he’s saying that he’s upset that I’m only looking at the negatives of what he’s said instead of the positive things he’s said about the place.

am I overreacting?

[HollyK21]

You’re upset that he thinks another place is more beautiful? Girl, he wasn’t the one who suggested a new location, you are. He probably would’ve been more content going to the other place but chose to appease you by trying something new.


You have to understand— this is going to happen in your relationship. Like even if he doesn’t say it (and probably won’t say it going forward after this temper tantrum), there’s most definitely been things he’s doing on your behalf and not necessarily because he wanted to.


For example, there’s a themepark that I love visiting so much that my man and I got season passes. These passes were 100% for me, he is not a fan the way I am but still he goes. Another example, I planned an entire festival trip for us the first year we dated. Mapped out where we’d stay, all the expenses, who I wanted to see, etc. Again, this was all for me, he couldn’t be bothered with concerts in general and didn’t care for standing in crowds, heat, etc. But he did it for me. In return, there’s things I’d rather not do that I partake in or tolerate on my man’s behalf. Basketball games especially!


Relationships are about compromise and just because your boyfriend doesn’t love the current plan, at least he is willing to go and did so without a fuss.

[Asker]

We both agreed to go somewhere new, it was even his idea to try somewhere new and he said he was excited to go. I would’ve gone elsewhere too.

It’s just that I’ve spent all this time planning and researching and booking everything, while he sat there and just said “how much do I owe”.

I’ve booked a water park as he loves water park, booked us a buggy for the day as he loves driving buggy’s and even planned a star gazing trip while we’re there as he loves star gazing.

I just feel like all my effort to make this special for us both is being under appreciated and disrespected

[Asker]

I mean as in we both suggested going to a new place, like we were considering going somewhere we’ve both been before and kept going back and forth on the idea

[HollyK21]

I get your frustration, I’ve been in the same boat a few times with my fiancé before I had to “choose my battles”, and so do you. I don’t believe that your boyfriend thinking someplace else is more beautiful than the place you chose needs to be a battle or a source of grief. He agreed to go, he is excited to go try something new, can’t that just be enough? If anything I’d say this is a learning experience for another trip, where you both pick the place (it sounds like he said to pick somewhere new you you chose it) rather than him just being along for the ride.

If that’s not the case and you mutually picked the location, then I think a fair point to mention with him is that he picked this place too and you would’ve been fine going someplace else. It’ll be worth making a mental note of that for a future trip.

[HollyK21]

Also, none of this means that all your hard work went to waste. He wants to go, and I’m betting it’ll still be a great trip. The only thing that makes this less exciting and hurtful is you fixating on the fact that he doesn’t think it’s a nice as somewhere else, and there’s no need to do that. He isn’t saying he doesn’t want to go or anything of the sort, so you probably shouldn’t take it that way, or equate how he feels to disinterest or whatever.

[Clear_Skies10]

Neither of you were necessarily wrong or overreacting. He could have been more respectful, but mostly you just seemed to irritate each other in that situation. From my perspective, it sounds to me like you two may be slightly incompatible in regards to how you communicate, and your different personalities. This trip may be a great test to see how well you guys get along away from home. Hopefully it makes you guys a stronger couple.

[Anonymous]

Cancel the vacation and break up

[Asker]

That’s abit much isn’t it?