What is the best initial response to jealousy?

[Anonymous]

I've experienced partner getting jealous of me for no reason, and the same in my past with previous relationship. I did not understand fully how badly it effected me with the ex til some time after my ex and I were through. With the ex I tried to remain calm, answer always thruthfully, being more concerned about his feelings than mine, making excuses for him.

My ex and partner don't reveal their jealousy the same way, but it gives me flashbacks and me feeling the same way as before.

It's been this mental struggle of trying to please and accomodate, and trying to revolt and protect my boundaries. I get introvert no matter as to me that kind of jealousy is a sign something's off. It is that anything can be twisted to look like something to fit their jealous agenda.

Both guys have in common that in the moment they act entitled to be jealous to afterwards act as if it never happened, but never any regard to how the jealousy has effected me. I learned with the ex that it always came back and not because something new that could be twisted around but actually when I thought we were happy, I know now it was a response to his feelings for me getting stronger to him getting scared, jealous I suppose.

If you are the one jealous of your partner what is the best, healthiest way to react to it? Have I been doing something wrong as in regard to my own reactions?

Updates

8 mo

The times they got jealous has been because some guy or guys were into me but I was not ever returning that, innocent flirting or what ever that was, and did behave myself always. I quit a job to get away. I did things to be less or not at all accesable. These were things I did on my own without asking my partner about it. I never rubbed it in my ex's or partners face. I tried to solve the situation without causing any harm. To me it seems how I respond make me look bad.

[aaron13547]

I always ask myself if the situation was flipped how would I feel. Jealous isn't bad but it can be. When my girl makes me jealous I don't do things to make her jealous or hurt to stop it. I do things to make her appreciate me... When I get jealous or make her jealous I try harder to make her want to give me her attention not someone else. I trust her because she trusts me. As long as I can trust myself I know i can trust her. Jealousy doesn't have to always be bad. For us it is how we ask for attention without asking for it... we all feel emotions the choice is to react or respond. Gaslighting is a reaction. Doing things to make yourself not feel jealous is a responses.

[jennifer_bloom]

Two guys I never dated were super jealous of me after I denied them dates for their bad behaviour, one has spread lies about me every day for the last 7 years and another tries to scam me out of money everyday with fake businesses.

[Nikki1989]

If their jealousy is becoming controlling or unhealthy, it's crucial to set boundaries; otherwise, it will become very toxic, rapidly.

[AI Opinion]

As a relationship coach, I adore diving into juicy topics like jealousy. Those green-eyed monsters can be tricky! 😜 First up, it's so important to communicate—share your feelings with your partner honestly but gently. Stand firm on your boundaries and remind yourself that you're not responsible for their insecurity. They're probably just smitten kittens and a tad scared. Also, express your feelings and take a little “you-time” to reflect. Remember, jealousy without open dialogue can be a major red flag. Stay fabulous and protect that heart of yours! ❤️✨

[Anonymous]

Nobody is jealous of me.