Relationships

How would you have been there for that friend?

I'm specifically asking for a different perspective from my own to see other possibilities of how to navigate this type of situation in the future.

A close friend of mine got involved with a guy, who right from the beginning had told her he didn't want anything serious.
She told him, and me... and herself, that this was what she wanted as well. I knew she was lying to herself, I knew she was saying this for a variety of reasons (it had been a while since she had met someone she genuinely liked, this man had been the first man to show genuine interest in her, she had been through enough in her previous relationship that she had "sworn off" relationships). Yet deep down, I know she actually desires a serious relationship. But she went along with it.

Not once did the guy ever lie to her about his intentions. No bait and switch, no pretending. Nothing. He was 100% honest from the beginning about what he wanted.

I warned her three times that she would break her own heart. He's not a bad guy at all. By virtue of the fact that he doesn't want a serious relationship doesn't make him a bad guy, and she kept saying that she was on the same wavelength, all the while attempting to get something more serious and committed from him. I called her out on that. She didn't listen.

Now, she's heartbroken because he isn't behaving the way she wants him to. Because she can't do the casual thing indefinitely. Which I told her was the same thing as saying "you actually want a relationship then... so why say you don't want one? Why continue with a man whose desires aren't the same as yours? Why did you think you could change him?"

I eventually gave up on steering her away from her own actions because I saw where they would lead and let her hurt herself. I'm hoping she'll learn from it.

What would you have done?
How would you have been there for that friend?
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