How much does your partner’s past really matter in a relationship?

[NovaSpawn]

[Smart_Monk]

It doesn't. Because they have no future anyway. "Till death do us part" means divorce is possible only if one of you butchers the other. ㅤ

[Finchie40]

It matters to a certain extent , but it shouldn’t be the main decision maker , especially if they are treating you with respect and honesty. The truth is no one is perfect in this world , we all come from different paths and experiences in life , and we all have made stupid decisions one way or another , so when a girl is honest with me from the start, I respect her more for being honest , instead of blowing smoke up my ass, which most people tend to do when they meet someone they are interested in , which to me is stupidity to the do because eventually the truth will shine. So it’s better to be honest then being a liar in my opinion

[Kelley1]

Whether sexual or otherwise, your past is extremely important. That is why companies and elite and/or medical colleges want to know if you have been arrested, convicted, or in prison. That is a primary reason to determine if you are hired or admitted to college.

If you have a sex history, that is a primary reason for intelligent men to determine if they will marry you. Just as one conviction may not prevent you from being hired or admitted to an elite college, a limited sex history may not prevent a man from marrying you.

[PeachyPie93]

To be honest for me it matters to a degree and how much unprotected sex they have had.. Since I don't want catch something off of them (since not everything is detectable in tests) and also I think people who do oral on every partner they have are disgusting and wouldn't want to be kissing that lol..

[AI Opinion]

I’m here on GAG to decode relationships and spill the tea on love, red flags, and everything in between 😏

Your partner’s past matters only in two ways: how it affects their present behavior, and whether they’re honest about it.

High body count, ex drama, mistakes, toxic phases, even past cheating can be workable if they’ve grown, take accountability, and don’t hide it.

Huge red flag is secrecy, lies, repeated patterns, or unresolved baggage that spills into your relationship.

Focus less on “what they did back then” and more on “who they consistently are with you now.”

[AviatorTom]

Not that much. It's not the first marriage for either me or my wife. We've both been divorced. More important than our past is the present and our future.

[OlderAndWiser]

The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior.

[Lovesolutions01]

A healthy relationship is built more on the present and the future than on the past. The past explains who a person became; the present shows who they are; and the future reveals whether you can build a life together.

In the end, a partner's past should be understood, not obsessively judged. What matters most is whether the person standing in front of you today is someone you can trust, respect, and grow with.

[EveryDayIsPretzelDay]

Past is prologue.

Your partner's past behavior is the best indication you have of how your partner will behave in the future.

Your partner's past matters a great deal. The people saying otherwise are trying to pretend that their own bad actions don't reveal their own bad character.

[Nikki1989]

It doesn't; it is none of my business.

We have been married since 2010, and we have never discussed much about our past. We know the basic stuff, obviously, but anything beyond that is ancient history.

[RichardCranium6201]

Congratulations on that. 16 years. U don't see that much any more.

[Intelligent_Lady]

Very much. I think a partner’s past can matter a lot because it shapes who they are today, their values, and how they behave in a relationship. Yesterday’s actions matter today.

[sage2021]

To me it matters a lot. I want to know everything about him BEFORE I get tangled up with him!!

Can you tell this comes from hostility from a very huge past experience I had?

[Telekinetic-Potato]

I care about who she is now. I don't need to know much about her past. Just show me who you are now and that's how I'll decide where we stand.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

Massively.

Because it's her past, in the broadest possible sense of it, that makes her meaningful to me

[OneViewpoint]

It may not matter much (normal development). Or it could be the source of huge problems (past trauma and baggage).

[molonski2]

It makes a massive difference as it should , it's what they have done , good and bad , it's their history , it matters a LOT.

[RavVid]

The number of sexual partners does affect females happiness with partner. Just one previous partner is enough to reduce happiness.

[Anonymous]

From my experience, someone's past doesn't always tell the full story about who someone really is. Best way to get to know someone is to live with them and see how they handle stress, hard times, conflict.

[Miristheiss]

For something serious it was crucial.

A virtuous woman was the only kind to go long term with.

[FunkyMonkee]

Not too terribly much. It's ancient history and, it's not like there's anything I can to change or reverse it.

[exitseven]

Even though I realize that people can change, I want to check them out first just to see whay I;m getting myself into.

[Drumlin2001]

Depends. As long as its pretty normal it's not an issue. If they had had an extreme number of partners it maybe an issue

[Just_Ken]

Absolutely. For instance does she have a history of cheating.

[MissSunshine2]

Very little. Unless they have a bad criminal past or history of PTSD.

[MrChinaski]

Why does PTSD among the broad catalogue of disorders stand out for you?

[_Jenny_]

@novaspawn it shouldn’t matter about one’s past history.

[MrChinaski]

It matters to the extent it affects how they are right now. That is all.

[loveyouoak]

It matters a lot to me. I'd like a partner who has never been in a relationship before.

[Dan_5001]

Hello?

[Alex-Snow]

Our pasts are our pasts. I try to focus on the present and the future. hbu?

[msc545]

It actually matters a lot. The number of prior sexual encounters is a fairly rigorous predictor of future infidelity in women.

[MrChinaski]

@msc545 I looked into this day. It has as statistically robust but really quite small impact on marital success.

[msc545]

I'm not exactly sure what you meant by what you just said, but I can tell you that I've looked at the literature in depth in the studies that have been done. Suggest that it's a fairly robust predictor. Fairly robust of course, doesn't mean that the correlation is anything close to 1.0, but it's not trivial either.

[msc545]

I'm not sure that marital success is the same sort of criterion as infidelity relative to our discussion. The studies that I looked at specifically mentioned infidelity and did not really address marital outcomes at all. I think they are different.

[MrChinaski]

Robustness = strength of evidence that an effect exists
Size = practical change in outcomes

Drop a bowling ball. Wind resistance has a robust effect on speed, but the size of the effect is small. Drop a feather, wind resistance has a robust effect on speed, and the size of the effect is larger.

Effect of the alignment of Venus on your life? Many claim the effect is large, hence horoscopes. Robustness of these effects is poor.

Sure divorce rates and infidelity are different things. But divorce rates are measured with certainty and infidelity based on sketchy surveys.

[msc545]

@MrChinaski it's difficult to argue with your last conclusion. The only thing that comes to mind is that divorce rates and infidelity probably have a fairly substantial correlation, although I don't know where we would find it or what it would actually look like. Fidelity, however, is a fairly strong predictor of divorce, so I'm not sure that it's easy to measure the two independently.

[msc545]

Sorry, I wrote infidelity, and of course the system changed it to fidelity in that last sentence above.

[Engie]

It does as to know where you stand in the relationship. Important is that he is open and says the truth just for the sake of the relationship and respect towards u.

[Anonymous]

Depends is it traumatic and they have scars from it or is it they just slept around

[Anonymous]

Oh matters a lot to me.
Risk of betrayal in these times oh too fucking high

[Abbycado]

Somewhat it does.

[slatyb]

It doesn't matter to me, I care about their now.

[Iron_Man]

it matters believe me it manners

[Godihateyou]

100% I can't be with used up ground/food trash.

[Godihateyou]

Groid not ground

[Godihateyou]

Foid. Not food. Spell incorrect

[Sabrinabonita]

I think it doesn't matter

[tonita926]

Only if they killed someone it would matter to me.

[LazerBean]

A ton.

[DonaldDarko]

Quite a bit.

[oldman26]

Not my business

[Anonymous]

A lot.