Does this sound like a smothering boyfriend to you?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend is almost perfect. He's handsome, makes me laugh, responsible, sweet, unselfish, adventurous, active, fun, caring, etc. I like being with him and it's hard to not want to spend time with him but sometimes I need "me" time. We've been together almost a year now.

If we don't hang out or see each other that day he'll:

visit me at work

text me all day

want to talk for at least an hour on the phone at night even if THERE'S nothing to talk about really

He makes me feel bad when I want to get off the phone to do other things. He doesn't understand why I would want to get off the phone and be with him if I don't have homework. He'll get kind of sad whenever we say goodbye from spending a couple hours together.

But we see each other almost every day.

I think it's a bit too much. =\ It's ironic Because my last boyfriend (ex), he never gave me any of this attention that I craved.

Updates

+1 y

Also, when I'm doing homework he'll just kind of watch me sometimes and wait for me to be done. He constantly wants to cuddle and for me to sit next to him. Everything we do we do together like eat, go to bed, etc.

[anony84]

Well everyone is different. I actually like all the things that you listed. Some people might see that as clingy or smothering while other people see that as caring and always having your partner on your mind. It's really jsut a personal preference.

If it's a bit much for you, then just let him know that you need a bit of space but that doesn't mean you don't love him. Just that you need some alone time to do 'girly things' or unwind or whatever. If he may not understand and pout and all that but if he cares about you, then he will accept it.

[rudy37lee]

He doesn't know he's being overbearing so it's important to keep that in mind. Bringing up that you want time to yourself is probably going to make him feel a little rejected. That doesn't mean you can ignore the issue though. Every couple needs time away from each other, time spent with friends and family, time to let the relationship breath. If you don't express your need to spend time without him, you will end up resenting him because he is smothering you. We really learn to appreciate someone when we have an opportunity to miss them.

[Asker]

He has tons of friends all of them which are fun and I like all of them. He has many interests lol. I should feel special he'd rather be with me. But yeah, you're right.

[JCK6791]

My boyfriend used to be exactly like this. I would get impatient and frustrated that he was being somewhat "needy" and controlling. He would make me feel bad if I didn't want to cuddle with him or whatever. The best thing to do is talk to him about it. Have a calm conversation about it. Just tell him exactly what's bothering you. He's probably just really insecure and he's afraid he's going to lose you. If you want the relationship to work, just communicate and be patient.

[TheStaff_Sergeant]

Yes, it sounds like he's smothering you, but it also sounds like you're his world right now and he's never experienced love on this scale. You didn't mention if he has other interests or friends, if he doesn't, then help him out by introducing him to some of your female friends boyfriends, or male relatives, try introducing him to new things so that maybe he'll find an interest that he'll want to do alone.

[Asker]

I'm his first serious relationship. Also, he has many interests: cars, soccer, tennis, snowboarding... he has tons of friends lol I'm the one with none of those!

[TheStaff_Sergeant]

Yeah, it sounds like he's really in love with you and wants to be around you all the time. Maybe you need to have the "talk" with him, like anon84 suggested.

[Anonymous]

Yes he's smothering you. Does he have any friends or anything else to occupy his time? Or has he abandoned everything to just stay with you all the time?

The key in any relationship is communication. You need to let him know that you need some "me" time. You don't have to tell him you're tired of him or anything else negative, just spin it into about you wanting time to do your own things.

[Belgie]

Yeah. It sounds like you're the first girl he ever dated, and he's terrified that he will never get another girl if he loses you.

[Asker]

First serious relationship, first girlfriend that wasn't a bi+ch lol

[Belgie]

Yeah.

You need to tell him that he's not acting like a man. He's acting like a clingy milk-sop, and if he doesn't actually work on changing this, you could go off him completely and dump him.

Try not to panic him when you tell him this though.

Most girls don't tell the guy when he's like this. They just hope he'll change until they get frustrated and dump him.

[Anonymous]

yeah a little bit.