How do I stop feeling disappointed with the effort my boyfriend puts in our relationship?

[mel2123]

I've been with my boyfriend for almost a year and a half and I really do love him. He says he loves me too and I believe it but lately I can't help feeling a little less important to him..

Just recently he went on a trip, it was short albeit he promised to Skype for a little every night. He followed through after I reminded him but just 5 minutes into the first session he told me that "everyone was having fun" while he was stuck skyping with me. I let him go of course, but I couldn't help but feel hurt.

Yesterday I had a basketball game which I told him about. He had a tennis practice so I knew he couldn't come. Later when I got home, I found out he went to my friend's birthday party (he didn't really know her) ...which I couldn't go to because of the game. It was a family friendly birthday party so nothing happened. He told me later that his tennis practice was canceled. He didn't ask where it was so I assumed he knew it was at my school. I was disappointed in the lack of communication...

My boyfriend hasn't done anything wrong really...but I've been let down when it comes to things I care about. It makes me feel like I'm the only one making sacrifices for him, while he can't even do the little things for me. Those two examples are part of a very long list...

I just want to know how to work through things with him, because I've tried talking but we'd usually end up fighting, or me compromising... We're a fairly young couple in high school...is that a factor? Any feedback will be greatly appreciated. thank you

[Darkfairie17]

I think this comes down to the fact that you are trying really hard to make this relationship work and he isn't. You can't change him, that is how he is. So you have two options:

1) Stay with him and just learn to live with his lack of communication and effort in the relationship

2) Leave and find someone who will put the effort in.

I know that the second option is the hardest one to do, but to be honest it does sound like he is just the way he is and won't change. The only way someone will change is if they are wanting to change and it's something that they are doing out of their own will. You two can't communicate without fighting, so that is another reason why I think that option two might be what you will have to do.

A relationship is supposed to be a 2 way street. Both parties bring things to the relationship. If it means a lot to you to have a guy who is attentive, then you need to find a guy that is attentive.

I have had the same issue with my boyfriend. He sometimes doesn't talk to me or give me the attention I want. But we talk and work something out that works for both of us. Sounds to me like your boyfriend isn't really that into working out a compromise and just wants to do what he wants.

It could be because he is young, but still that doesn't mean you should put up with it. There are many people out there. I know it's hard, but sometimes you gotta do what makes you happy. And you aren't happy as things are now.

[Lifesbeautiful]

Thats complicated.. it doesn't mean that he is less interested or doesn't love you. He is young and therefor parties and going out definitely appeals to him. That happens a lot with people who are just now starting life and spreading their wings. I totally understand how you feel and how that would disappoint you though and I'm sorry. It's not fun to feel like he doesn't care anymore. You really have 3 choices. Either realize that he is a guy and young and will probably need his space to go hang out and do things which doesn't mean he cares less about you... and not expect so much. That way when he does come around, you will be surprised and super happy. One thing they say about relationships is not to expect things because when you do and the other person falls short it will cause hurt and problems.

2- Sit down and talk with him.. let him know how you feel about things in a kind and sweet non nagging way. Tell him you don't mind him going out and having fun but just say you miss him and would really love to go hang out and spend a certain day with him... maybe then you can plan a special day and surprise him with just fun for you two.. a theme park, carnival, movies, sports in a park, swimming.. ect.. just a fun you 2 day :D

3- if none of those really work... well then you shouldn't be in the relationship and should find someone who IS interested and will treat you the way you would like to be.

[thehunter699]

I was in the exact same position as you in my last relationship! Girlfriend was doing the exact same thing. If you want someone to put in effort or want someone to communicate your not really ever going to stop feeling hurt. If it's something you want your always going to feel disappointed if you don't get it. So.. it either means re-evaluating what you'd like in your relationship or find someone else who put's in the effort. And there is always someone else who will (:

But yeah kinda sucks. Hope this helps.

[browolf]

A hard lesson here is you can't change people. They change because they want to.It down to you whether you're going to put up with his ways or not.

[bassman]

Find a new boyfriend who will put in the effort. Simple as that.

[Anonymous]

I think because you're the girl, you want the relationship to work.

Because he's a guy, he doesn't really care whether it works or not.

[xoamjk92x]

Why are you implying that boys don't care about being in a relationship?

[Opinion Owner]

Many young guys don't care. They just want sex.