Welcome to Penguinism!

Cammy137

We live in a dark world that grows darker every day: people worship false idols, they argue over ancient texts, they even destroy sacred relics and monuments…all in the name of a God that has abandoned them. I am here today to tell you that Eric, the Almighty Penguin (Peace Be upon Him) never abandons those who show a little faith. I am here simply as a messenger. I’m not here to convert the unconvertable. I’m not her to make the blind see or the crippled walk. I am not here to bring forth old texts full of stories and half-truths. Instead, I am here simply to share an idea and that idea is Penguinism!

The Original Designs for the Sistine Chapel which the Vatican had destroyed!
The Original Designs for the Sistine Chapel which the Vatican had destroyed!

You’re probably thinking “what is this nonsense?” and rightly so. I once stood where you stand, brothers and sisters. This monochromatic world has obscured the simple truths that were once so obvious. Luckily, it’s not too late and by coming out of the shadows, out of your churches, your mosques, your synagogues, your bars, your clubs and your sports stadiums, you can bask in the light of Eric, the Almighty Penguin (Peace Be upon Him).

Let me address your questions one at a time. You’re wondering why you’ve never heard of such a faith, right? Surely we would have found images in the pyramids or tales within Ancient books or tablets or perhaps even stories, right? The truth is that all evidence and reference to Eric, the Almighty Penguin (Peace Be upon Him) were lost (at least nearly all) during a cataclysmic period known as the Younger Dryas. Eric, the Almighty Penguin (Peace Be upon Him) was battling his foe, Mumble in the Heavens. It is the right of every descendant of Eric, the Almighty Penguin (Peace Be upon Him) to challenge their ancestor to battle. Lose and they return to the bottom of the chain, living life on a frozen island where eating fish is the only drive they have in life…but win and they are granted a seat at the High Council which comes with perks beyond what our simple minds can comprehend. Anyway, an attack by Mumble sent a frozen chunk of rock crashing down towards Earth which broke up into very sizeable chunks.

Eric, the Almighty Penguin (Peace Be upon Him) could have stopped it but he believes strongly that once an event has been set into motion, he cannot interfere. The Earth was suffering an Ice Age at this point in time but the impact from these rocks caused fires to burn, volcanoes to erupt and floods to wash across much of the land. This in turn wiped out the Ancient City of Scholars which was home not to humans but to penguins. These Ancient Penguin Dwellers shared much of their knowledge with a small group of sages who took it upon themselves to share this knowledge around the world. Some went to Egypt, others to South America; some went into hiding, attempting to preserve the knowledge that had once been known by the City of Scholars. The memory of this city soon faded until it was nothing more than an old tale: an old tale of a sunken city that was swallowed by the waters of the floods.

That is until recently when the discovery of a Great Temple buried miles under the ice of Antarctica was discovered with the help of the Piri Reis map which in itself was a compilation of much older maps which had been held in the Library of Alexandria before being transferred to Constantinople. The discovery of this Great Temple has brought forth the Penguinism faith once more and it is from documents within this Great Temple that I am able to tell you the TRUTH that the world wishes so desperately to forget.

The Tenants of Penguinism:

1. All creatures are welcome within Penguinism!

2. The subjective nature of morality rules out any punishments of a Divine nature. Upon death, your heart is weighed against the weight of a penguin. If your heart is heavier then you simply die. If your heart is lighter then you can join Eric, the Almighty Penguin (Peace Be upon Him) in the great halls of Europa, his mighty ice city.

3. Eric, the Almighty Penguin (Peace Be upon Him) will never command you to do anything. He doesn’t want you to kill your children or cut off foreskins or fly planes into towers or burn heretics or laugh hysterically as you imagine other being plunged into the pits of hell. He just wants everyone to be happy without infringing on the happiness of others.

4. All questions can be sent to Eric, the Almighty Penguin (Peace Be upon Him) via e-mail. Simply reach out and ask him for an up-to-date e-mail address and he shall respond.

5. There are no prophets or tales of end times! Eric, the Almighty Penguin (Peace Be upon Him) believes first and foremost in peace. He does not wish to destroy those who live on Earth, whether they believe in him or not.

Eric the Almighty Penguin (Peace Be upon Him) doesn't ask for such titles, they are given willingly!
Eric the Almighty Penguin (Peace Be upon Him) doesn't ask for such titles, they are given willingly!

You may be wondering what the Genesis story of Penguinism is like. Before time began, there existed only two things: a penguin and an egg. The Penguin grew and learned and wondered for his entire life what was inside this mystical looking egg. He couldn’t touch it for his flipper would pass right through. This Penguin was Eric, the Almighty Penguin (Peace Be upon Him) but not as he exists today. This Eric, the Almighty Penguin (Peace Be upon Him) was naïve, he was not Almighty, he was young and mischievous. One day, Eric, the Almighty Penguin (Peace Be upon Him) found that he could touch the egg and so he knocked…but nothing happened. He knocked again…but nothing happened. Only on the 13 millionth knock did a response echo across the space and this knock was followed almost immediately by a crack. This marked the start of our universe nearly 14 billion years ago. But what of Eric, the Almighty Penguin (Peace Be upon Him)?

Eric, the Almighty Penguin (Peace Be upon Him), found that he was scattered throughout the universe. As Eric, the Almighty Penguin (Peace Be upon Him) began to form himself he also found he could manipulate the space around him. Slowly but surely, Eric began to form the universe into something similar to what we see today. Eric created creatures in his image and they were the most intelligent creatures to walk on Earth. Sadly, their intelligence brought destruction down upon the planet and upon themselves. When only a small number were left, they could not survive the sinking of the City of Scholars and Eric, the Almighty Penguin (Peace Be upon Him) didn't have the heart to bring them back, not if it meant watching them crumble once more. After all, Eric, the Almighty Penguin (Peace Be upon Him) does not hinder the free will of his creations.

If you want to know more about Eric, the Almighty Penguin (Peace Be upon Him) or Penguinism, simply reach out with your spirit and you will find all the answers you need. 90% of people who put their heart fully into the search of Eric, the Almighty Penguin (Peace Be upon Him), find the answers they seek and are brought onto the path to Penguinlightment. If you're in the 10% then it means that Eric, the Almighty Penguin (Peace Be upon Him) hasn't updates your mind capabilities yet. This is usually because he's waiting for you to take steps of self-improvement.

Welcome to Penguinism!
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