At what age do we fully mature?

[Anonymous]

So, recently there have been a lot of questions going around on GAG that stem from maturity levels. When I say maturity I mean our ability to make well informed decisions that we become less likely to regret in future...

I googled it, the answer it brought up was this:

Critical parts of the brain involved in decision-making are not fully developed until years later at age 25 or so.

I think that this is interesting... Mainly because I would like to tell you my experience of this.

I have always been mature for my age, I was brought up in the country with only boys for friends. When I turned 10 it seemed the boys became more interested in football with each other and the 'all girls are evil' stages kicked in. This meant I spent a lot of time with adults. My neighbour was elderly so I would be found in her garden on a weekend usually cutting her trees back, picking blackcurrants and helping her make jam or just hanging out with her. She was the closest thing I ever had to a grandma.

When I was 14 I found myself travelling the country with other kids and struggling as I didn't like to play the bitchy bullying games so became a victim of them instead. I was now isolated a good 10 hours from home alone. This made me mature rapidly and also value the quality and not quantity of my friends. Loyalty was now of upmost importance.

At 17 I experienced a terrible loss of one of those friends. Someone I first got to know properly when I was on my own 10 hours from home coincidentally. He was brutally murdered and was an innocent person on all accounts. It knocked me for six.

Moving along I was now 19 and struggling with life, failed relationships, failed school, all of it. I even dropped out of the sport I loved most because that is where I met my friend and things were too hard without him.

I turned 20 and remember feeling so low and miserable. My friends I did have were now in university and too far from me to meet up. I met an American at this point and we started to date. We soon spoke of love and travelled the world back and fourth to be with each other (sometimes for 48 hours). He proposed to me after my 21st birthday and I agreed... a year and a half later things turned sour. His OCD became too much to bear and I planned on returning home for good. I started looking online to see if any of my friends were now around after graduating and happened upon a lovely young man.

I realised in 24 hours of speaking to this man that he was wonderful and we had so much in common. I ended my relationship and flew straight home. Within 2 hours of stepping off the plane I was with my new man. He was everything and more that I had hoped. We moved in together a few months later and then got engaged. This time it was the real deal. I was 23 and he was what I wanted.

A few months after our engagement and another person who I was close to passed away. They were like a parent to me so I struggled. I went in to depression and I used my wedding as a way to keep my head down and get through the pain in distraction. I was 23 and I was not coping. I got married at 24 and all was fine and dandy. I panicked after I realised wewere married but it didn't mean I wasn't in love with the man, we were perfect for each other and I loved my life with him.

Until I turned 26 and realised my life wasn't complete. I wanted more. My career was dull, my marriage was easy (not many people can say that but mine really was, we were like trees side by side in the wind who blow but never seemed to collide) but one thing I could not face was children. He was desperate to be a dad well before he was 30 and he was 27 at this point. Things started to unravel.

My wanting more started to drive a wedge between us, I knew I couldn't give him children so he had to find his own way. At 26 my life I had decided as an emotionally immature adult was falling to pieces.

At 28 we separated. We went our own ways and then put 100 miles between us. Things were difficult but it was for the best. It's been a long haul but I would say that my decision was right. I am now moving in to a head of sales and marketing role for an up and coming company which means I get to travel the world. I am happy-ish. I think I will always want more but my decisions are now more sound...

I was wondering when you all knew you became emotionally mature? My friends have all said around 26... I know some people in their ages of young adulthood can make decisions and stick to them for life (my brother and his wife are one such couple) but I believe this is rare.

[Anonymous]

If you're talking about biological maturity of the brain then somewhere in their twenties for most people, as I understand it, it's typically longer for men for women it's more often somewhere in their early to mid twenties whereas for guys it's in late twenties or even early thirties.

So without going into how the nervous system develops with the presence of testosterone, basically men take longer to develop biologically because reasons, but that's not to say it's better to finish sooner. Another way to think about it is women matured for only %75% of the time men did, perhaps then men could be considered more mature. But that's just our bodies, I wouldn't even call that the majority of what's important when speaking about maturity, there's also experiential maturity or wisdom.

Typically wisdom comes with age which is why we use the word maturity to refer to it (something which I think misleads people), but not necessarily. I've known teenagers with more wisdom than middle aged people, never underestimate people's capacity for stupidity just because they reach some magical age where they are supposed to be suddenly "mature." It comes from experience and self-reflection. I think by 40 most people have figured their shit out, but with a range from 15-40 I wouldn't really be thinking about age too much.

Looking at your story, you don't just magically become mature at 26, it's just that based on experiences, intelligence, reflection and introspection they decided they hit a good spot around that time, but again many might hit it in their teens or in their 30's and everytime we think we are wise as fuck a few years down the line you look back and realise that you're still changing and still learning.

People say "act mature" but you can only be yourself, if it's an act then you're not mature are you? You should always be reflecting, try to develop mental frameworks that allow you to sort through life's complexities. If you ever stop and think to yourself that you're really done for life then you've fudged up. Be like Socrates; "I know that I know nothing."

[Khaleesi89]

It depends. Some people never grow up. Personally I am 26 and have a new job that is paying me well and I am with someone. I am thinking about saving my money to 1. Have a nice wedding one day and 2. Afford a nice home. It really depends on the person. From 20 - 24 I was doing my thing and once I met my partner it really made me look at life differently, made me want more with my life other than partying and such... Sometimes I have my moments but everyone does. It's all about what you do that speaks volumes on your maturity...

[Nelson_MP]

Maturity is for sure relative. But this generation of "I'm 12 and I'm sooooo mature" is something that truly annoys me.

Lots of teenage boys/girls that never passed shit in life, can't be responsible even with frickin' homework and think they can take every bullet that the world shoots at them. Of course there are people who need to be mature that early because of the life they have, but for sure the number of people that are actually mature by that age is, like, 1% of those who say they are.

Specially talking about sex. "I'm 14 but I'm really mature cuz I can have sex with my boyfriend/girlfriend with a condom" and blahblahblah. What if you impregnate her/become pregnant? "I'm 15 and havee casual sex, but I'm really mature". What if you get an STD? All your maturity goes straight up your ass. Because, even if you are responsible, you can fail, 'cuz damn, you're human. And if you fail, you CAN'T DEAL WITH THE CONSEQUENCES.

That's what maturity is really about, dealing with problems and the consequences of your actions. You're mature when, if the world says "take this, idiot!" you say "bitch, I already had worse in my life! Try to it better next time!".

[TSWIFT243]

Sooooo true! I noticed this about kids these days, they literally have ZERO sense of judgment and no responsibility at all. They don't even have any respect for themselves or for others around them. I honestly don't remember being like that growing up and I have no idea why parents these days aren't controlling their kids anymore.

[Nelson_MP]

@TSWIFT243 I don't know either. With the kind of mainstream culture we have, where being a asshole/player/whore is something cool, being "rebel" equals "mature and independent", the parents need to be more present than ever.

Not like "authoritarian", but showing teens that the life is more complex than it looks to be, that they only THINK they know everything about it and their actions can bring them problems. If all the parents did that, our culture wouldn't be even close to what it is now, full of irresponsible people that will be adults in 5-10 years.

[TSWIFT243]

Exactly! It's so bad because just like you said these kids are going to end up being "adults" in a few years. If they're acting like this at the age of 12, then how the heck are they going to act when they're let's say 25? The other day one of my friends told me that a girl in her sister's class said she wanted to be Nicki Minaj when she grew up. And this girl is only 10. I was like "wooowww, how ambitious!" This generation is screwed up, trust me.

[QuestionMan]

I was listening to Chopin Nocturne No. 4 in F Sharp Minor it seemed to go really well with your story.
If you don't mind me asking what country are you in? I'm assuming you are from Latin America is that right?

I was always more mature than my peers because I was raised with old fashioned values which allowed me to see the many flaws with the Millennial generation. I wouldn't say I have fully matured yet. I am still a university student with my whole life ahead of me. This year I began making changes to myself in order to become more confident in myself.

Many people criticize me for being too shy even though I am trying my hardest to become confident. I am also unsure of what I want to do with my life. Most careers don't appeal to me since I would have to be answering to someone else. I want to be in charge, I want to be a leader but for now I'm taking small steps to get there.

I don't think anyone could truly consider themselves fully mature since those who have went through more in life are always more mature.
You had 2 spouses which isn't something I could imagine for myself. I am looking to get married once and have it be for life.

[EnglishArtsteacher]

I don't care what any "study" says, it entirely depends on the person as far as age goes (as long as we're talking about legal adults here).

It's more gender divided than anything. A 25 year old male is generally more immature than a teenage female (I'm a 25 year old high school male teacher, I can easily vouch for this to be true). Meanwhile, I have came across several people who are in their 30's, 40's, 50's (and even older) who are preposterously immature.

When you hit 18-20 years old or so, age is irrelevant. Anyone who has came across a wide age-range of people should agree with this.

[nakedalligator]

I think it really depends on what you mean by being emotionally mature. Generally I think it means when you can take others feelings into account, when your ego evolves to involve others feelings then your own.

I can't remember my source but I agreed with the following definition;

At first your ego is self centered, only considering your own needs.

Later, your ego will mature to include people within your own group of what you consider to be your type or group that you identify with, an us and them mentality where you extend compassion toward the people you identify with, but not with those you don't understand.

Lastly is a more unified mentality, where you are able to consider views from many varying types of people, even if you have very different views.

Personally I think we are constantly growing, though many of us never really mature to a decent level.

[myTake Owner]

the lastly one is where i am these days...

[Anonuser2020]

I feel like some people take forever and more then likely if someone doesn't mature by the time they are 20, they prob never will. Yeah I'm a bit immature, but when stuff needs to get done, I get that done. I dated my 1st boyfriend for almost a year, we are both in our late 20s, already finished college and he acted like a 12 year old. He never wanted to take responsibility and get settled down, he was hoping everything (career wise) would just one day dawn on him w/no effort on his part. He really wanted to marry me, had no extra money, but made absolutely no effort to save that money and spent the money on dumb things. I'm not a gold digger as I am looking for a better job, I need a man who smart w/his money and also combined w/my income could help raise a family. I did not see that in him because I saw how lazy he was,

[Joga_Dust]

Well, biologically, google and a psych 101 text book answer that question for most. But I think emotionally, rationally? We all differ. I know I've always been more mature than people my age, and even many people older than me, but it was shortly after I hit 21 and realized I didn't have to go to bars just to be social if I was more comfortable inside with the tv. And I didn't have to keep trying to figure out what I'm going to do with my life to make money. I've always been a talented writer, it's always been my outlet, it's all I've ever wanted to do as a career and it's a manageable one. Upon realizing these things as well as some other rather significant, but simple self-realizations, I became much more comfortable with myself and my life than I'd ever been. I think that's a huge part of maturity. Comfort with whatever you're doing wherever you're at in life.

[rjroy3]

I wouldn't say there is a set in stone age that applies to all people. Some say 25 because of brain development, but our brains are always changing sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worst. I know many people who say they were fuck ups at 30, but now got their shit together at 40. There's people in their early 20s that settled down young and are now living happy lives, making good decisions because they had to in order to have a successful family life. I remember being 17 and just watching people in their 30s and 40s acting like highschoolers and being shocked by it. Tons of gossiping just like highschool. Cliques, just like highschool. a lot of them make shitty life decisions and regret them on a weekly basis because they got too drunk.

I think we're just used to prescribing an age for everything and because of that we want to do so here. We really can't

[Albinoninja66]

When people realize that life isn't all about them, that there is this thing called the future that they should plan for, realize that they are not immortal and that everything is born and dies, and when they stop reacting emotionally to everything. It's a different age for everyone. It took me my first long term relationship and two good friends dying awful deaths so young for it to hit me in the face and obviously I'm still learning. You never stop.

[myTake Owner]

I think you are in the 'tween transition' as I like to think of it. Where you feel you are mature but there is still a way to go... I have been in situations far from home, alone with no money and nobody to help me at your age and I was ok, I was mature in that respect but to actually frame my life from there would have been very stupid.

[Hal2002]

Maturity is relative.

As mature about things as I am, there are other things I do that other do not consider mature.

I am 52, I love cartoons/anime, I ride a sport bike and I push it's performance, I still eat pop tarts and sugar smacks and on occasion I still party like I am in my 20's and pay the price for it.

I hope I never mature to the point, that I forget how to laugh at myself or stop having fun because I am at an age I should know better.

[Cjanes]

I don't think maturity is a set number but a thing that consistently evolves. I'll never be mature but I'm more mature today then when I was 16 but I'll be more mature at 26,30,40,69 etc then I was in the past, its experience and state of mind. But that's just my opinion

[serious]

I would say around 28-30 years of age, but then there are people who are as old as 50 and they don't have the maturity that matches their age. Age and maturity are not necessarily related, a younger person can show much more maturity than his actual age, and an older person can show immature behaviour as well.

[PeachSunset]

I feel like even later in life we're still have our immature childish personalities and we are that still just with more knowledge, expertise, and self control. Obviously we physically mature but it feels different mentally.
Anyways, i'll always love disney and doing crazy stuff, getting hyper, i'll always have a sweet tooth, and giggle uncontrollably. I really haven't changed lol.

[SirenDep]

You are considered mature when you have a full identity. When you know what your personality, your religion, your ethnicity, your political beliefs are. When you know who you are, you are content with yourself, and you want to develop yourself more. The normal age to maturity is after university, so 22-25. But some people never grow up.

[Accipiter]

I don't believe there is an age where someone becomes mature. I still see severely immature 30+ year olds who are so immature you have to supervise them like children.

I think the age I became emotionally mature was 27. But then again I may change my mind and say I wasn't mature until 35

[Starfishlover]

As the guy said under me, we always learn. I feel that I have matured greatly. I used to be a GAG villain (being mean, judgmental, and an all round nasty person with bad ideals). I have grown up, learned from my mistakes, seen life and I will continue to see life. I prefer to be a role model now and teach my younger peers.

[MysteriousFlower]

Men don't mature until 26, there has been proof of the brain's development because they go into puberty later. However common sense shouldn't be discriminated of both genders, and life factors usually come into play.

[Albinoninja66]

Then why did I grow up by the time I was 10 if I'm a guy?

[MysteriousFlower]

@Albinoninja66 I wouldn't know. Was there a lack of parental guidance, therefore you took care of yourself? Girls develop faster than boys, so guys don't emotionally mature until much later.

[Albinoninja66]

No. My parents are strict and I've had two good friends die at a very young age. So I guess that had something to do with it.

[myTake Owner]

@Albinoninja66 in about 10 years you will think back and think woah that my take was sooooo right. Really, we all feel grown up at 18 but we aren't really... We just act more grown up naturally.

[Octavius]

Going into puberty later and having your brain fully developed are different. The studies of complete cerebral development show no disparity between the sexes.

[MysteriousFlower]

@Octavius- Its commonly known as Girls mature faster than boys. Ask teachers, parents or read psychology magazines. I don't know why guys would take offence to this.

[Anonymous]

When I was 14, I went through some things and I became more matured than all of same age kids. I used to be like a person in 20s. After that I didn't get many experiences and I remained like that. Finally I was like the people of my age. Now, as I am progressing more in 20s I'm becoming more like people in late 30s, in some aspects of life I'm still like 20s.

... point is that it all depends on the environment we live in & the experiences we go through.

[Enigmatically]

It varies for a lot of people, honestly. For me it was around when I turned twelve. Situation wise I just had to put a lot of those childish things away and become more aware of the things around me, not just my little world.

[myTake Owner]

yeah but you are still young. We go through stages, my maturity question was aimed towards the adults... This may be helpful for you growing up though, to know you go through so many stages. :)

[COCOCHANEL]

i haven't been able to mature since losing my dad when i was 17. i will never be the same because i lost myself. i'm still here but it's different.

[juststrollin]

I'm sorry, I understand. No one really knows what losing a parent in highschool it changes everything and no one really knows how to talk about it either... friends, family, anyone. Thank you for sharing

[COCOCHANEL]

@juststrollin thank you

[ninetynine]

25 is about the age when our brains stop developing, but I believe people can achieve maturity at a younger age. Age doesn't necessarily correlate with maturity, basically. Our experiences (especially the rough ones) can make us grow a lot.