Do I Need To Understand It?

[Anonymous]

I have trouble understanding why it is someone would hate or dislike or not want to be the gender they were born as. But that's me. I love the me that is female. I may hate certain parts of being a woman, but I wouldn't want to change it and I don't think I wasn't meant to be born this way.

In the same breath however, I wouldn't want to force someone to be something they are not comfortable with being. If someone feels like they were born as the wrong sex, then they do. I can't change their minds for them, and I'm totally not into nor believe in hooking up probes to their brain and trying to force them to think like me or trying to send them off to some whack job therapy.

Do I need to understand the transgender brain, or person, or would I simply say I agree with someone being transgender even if I don't totally understand it? The answer for me is no. There are so many things in this world I don't agree with, understand, or believe in, but I have respect enough for others to let them live their lives the way they see fit as long as they are not hurting themselves or someone else in the process. I cannot understand what it's like to be trans and to deal with all that they deal with because I have no internal reference for that. I have tried my best to understand from my trans friends and trans people, but I still find myself struggling to accept that a trans person could be born in the wrong body. Someone would argue and has argued repeatedly that "you don't need to understand it, to accept it," but that would be like blindly signing a contract without ever reading the details.

People are born as they are, and I believe in that. For someone to then tell me that I have to believe a certain way that they do that I don't agree to is the same as me trying to say to that trans person, that they can't or shouldn't be a trans person. No one wins that argument, and there shouldn't need to always be a winner. I can 100% accept that we are different people, no matter what the difference is, and that in order for you to respect how it is I live, I must afford you the same respect. Respecting you does not equal, that I have to agree with everything you believe in, and vice versa.

Too many people try much too hard to force everyone to believe in one way, to believe in one idea, and to erroneously believe that we are all the same. We are all human, but we do have differences and instead of trying to hide that and cover it all up under the blanket of homogeneity, we can celebrate our differences, and in some cases, simply agree to disagree. You can treat someone with respect and NOT agree with them and everything they believe in. Having different ideas and thoughts about how this life all works is what allows us to see different paths and ways to navigate this world instead of allowing us all to just blindly follow a single doctrine. The problem only comes when one or the other tries to force the hand or uses those differences as a means to actively hate, bully, or disparage someone.

[madhatters4]

i think it's relatively impossible for us to understand on a deep level because we aren't experiencing it. i can't understand homosexuality on a personal level but i can understand it on an intellectual level and the same goes with my understanding of transgender people

personally if that's what they want to do they should do it and it doesn't really matter if i understand or not

[lumos]

I agree 100%

[madhatters4]

thanks for MHO

[menina]

I absolutely agree with all of your points. We are all equal and different at the same time, and that's the interesting part of our world.
I personally think that we shouldn't judge a transgender person or tell them how they should live their life.
We are not going through the same experience, so we don't understand how do they feel.
However, we should respect them.

[menina]

Thank you for the MHG. :)

[curiousnorway]

I thinks it's fine supporting consenting adults to do what they wants to do without understanding it hundred percent. There's many things I don't understand either because I've never experienced it before. I don't know how living in war is and nor do I know how living in poverty is. In the same way I and you don't understand why people are transgenders and why it occurs. But I guess their brain is wired together in a differently way making them experience gender dysphoria where symptoms like depression and anxiety occurs. It's similar to some people feeling uncomfortable in their body because they don't find themselves fit or skinny enough. The only way to fully understand someone and something is experiencing it yourself.

[ThisDudeHere]

"they are not comfortable with being."

They are not uncomfortable. They are just mentally troubled and need psychological help.

[karahiri]

Homosexuality used to be in the DSM as a mental disorder diagnosis. Not anymore.

[MackFreeze]

@karahiri Just because it is no longer there doesn't mean it isn't a disease. They used to recognize it now they don't. Either way its still a disease

[lumos]

@MackFreeze and where is your extensive research on the subject that can back up such a conclusion?

[MackFreeze]

@lumos It was registered up until 10 minutes ago and will always be a mental disorder.

The suicide rate for Transgenders is 40% have a surgery or not there is something going on. Being made fun of is not going to cause a 40% chance of suicide.

Eveidently, a man has been a man, and a women has been a women as far as history has know it. The need or desire to be a different gender is a mental disorder since that is not what their created to be.

Some people have a more feminine inclined brain, however that is a minority of all transgender person.

[lumos]

@MackFreeze I think you're underestimating how difficult it is to deal with a society that shuns you for who you are, being abandoned by your family and friends, having trouble finding people who accept you, finding a stable employment and the consequences of not having an income (homelessness, hunger...), dealing with death threats etc. It more than just "being made fun of". "As far as history know it" is not a scientific fact and unless you can cite some credible sources that back up your claims, all you're doing is trying to pass your own opinions off as facts.

[OlderAndWiser]

I am not doing anything that infringes upon whatever rights they have but no one has the right to tell me what I SHOULD think! Whatever rights they have, they do NOT have a right to control what I think!

[Anonymous]

You are totally allowed to have your own opinion, and I feel the same way you do. I do not understand it and I don't think I need to. Unfortunately the society we are in today, things are constantly shoved down our throats and if we do not agree something then you are automatically labeled as "intolerant" and can risk getting attacked by an entire group.

I never had a problem with trans people until I experienced it myself with a former friend. It was a guy I used to be friends with, there were no signs that he was struggling with this, and then one day he disappeared and came back as a female. It was extremely shocking and hurtful - it was like the guy I knew died. He just didn't exist anymore. And then there was this new person. I have met people who were transgendered and it never affected me, or I met them in transition, I even briefly dated a cross-dresser (I thought he was so sexy when he dressed up as a woman).

In my opinion, I think society is to blame for how Trans people are treated, and the fact that their only option is a sex change is just ridiculous. I think because society is so obsessed with labeling, it really fucks people up if they don't fit the standards. For example, people are worried if their son is feminine or if their daughter is masculine. But I really don't believe that being feminine or masculine has anything to do with gender. I think they are interchangeable and that anyone can be or feel a certain way. So if a boy feels feminine, there must be something wrong with him? And then he is fed drugs and put through dangerous surgeries to become the opposite sex? There is something REALLY wrong here.

I can't help but wonder, what would happen if we just told a little boy it's okay to feel feminine? it's okay to play with girls toys or dress like a girl? I have no problem with men being feminine (I mean I dated a cross dresser) but I do have a problem with doctors giving these people struggling with their identity the only option of sex reassignment. Maybe that's an extreme option, that is a good option, for some, but I don't believe it is for everyone.

I think teaching acceptance/being okay with how you feel/how you are born, is more important than anything else. We need to stop with categorizing people... the way I see sex changes, it's like society is saying "ok, you don't fit the perfect mold of the perfect person, therefore you must have surgery so that you can now fit what we deem acceptable". That's unacceptable to me.

[myTake Owner]

I think this would make a valid approach if only it were more of an acceptable one by the masses. Since however long we've had so called civilized society, people have been obsessively boxing people into categories of feminine and masculine, male and female, and this is what you do or don't do. I was a Tomboy growing up. Hated dresses. My mom hated it. She always made side remarks, like this is what girls do and such. I just wanted to play with my brother in the dirt, and ironically she wouldn't let me do that in a dress, so it's the reason I loved pants/shorts. Now I'm a card carrying member of the princess girly club, lol, and it's like seriously, just calm down. Even if I was still way into the tomboy thing, what does that even matter. Do I need to wear a dress to cure cancer? No. But with Trans, I just don't know if perhaps it's as simple as just being accepting. I'm sure that would help if everyone was on board, but that's never a reality with any issue with two sides to it...

[myTake Owner]

I can't speak for them, but from what I hear, it's a feeling that they have that they are literally in the wrong body, and most doctors actually must, I believe, legally send them through counseling first to make sure that body surgery is the right course of action vs. they just agree to do it. I don't know what it's like to need to be someone else, and after watching this MTV series they had on this family where the dad became trans, it really showed how hard it is for family especially, like your situation, who knew this person as one person, to suddenly have to deal with someone totally different, who says that other person they all knew and loved was a lie. They are killing the person you or they knew, and like the show, there was this push for everyone to be accepting of it for his, now her, happiness, and it's like, who are you? It's tough, and I couldn't imagine going through that. There is a lot of fallout.

[Opinion Owner]

Yup you are right. My sister was a tomboy growing up and nobody ever said anything to her. I find it odd when parents have an issue with it, because for us, growing up, nobody cared that my sister was a tomboy. Nobody made remarks about it.. but maybe because my parents are immigrants in the West and we are the first generation born here. Like back home, all my male cousins had long hair when they were kids. So it's a strange thing that here in the west people have such issue with that. My sister never played with dolls, she would destroy mine, and she loves boy's toys. again it wasn't an issue, nobody ever said anything. But could you imagine if she were a little girl in this day and age? I bet my mom would have been getting phone calls from her teachers that my sister might be trans! But knowing my mom she probably would have told them all to go F themselves (lol). So yes you are right, something is seriously wrong with society, but it isn't everywhere.

[Opinion Owner]

Oh and my sister eventually grew out of it.. in highschool she discovered boys (lol) and started becoming more girlie. But until today she still has some tomboy tendencies but she is now married to a man and has never had sexual/trans issues. I think there are people who do have body dysmorphia, but I do also think there are a lot who don't, but are convinced that they do.

[Ozanne]

The only way to put it into perspective is to try and understand what you already know.

Me, for example. I don't want children and never have. Steered clear of men who wanted kids, and have been on some sort of birth control my entire life while in relationships. I cannot for the life of me understand why someone wants to be a mother. I just can't. Someone who *does* have children who can't imagine her life without having had kids would never understand me. Now what if there was a woman who so badly yearned to have a child and didn't have one, but did everything she could to have one with scientific help. Me? I still don't get it. I understand the childfree desire, and don't understand why a woman is wanting kids so badly to go through a medical procedure in order to have one. I mean, why not adopt? No - the woman wants to birth her own child. She longs for it. So science does its magic and *poof* she gets pregnant and has her child. Me? I don't understand it.

Whether it's someone with a different sexuality than someone else - try to imagine something to put it into perspective. How it would be if you were raised in a religious home but you felt in your heart you didn't believe in god? What if your parents are white and insisted you date a white person, but in your heart you had a longing attraction to someone black?

I mean, I'm glad to be female too. But just when I think I don't know why someone is doing something, I try to remember that people don't understand why I feel the way I do about things either. :)

[Anonymous]

Here's my only issue with this: The main reason why a person chooses to become a different gender is because they feel like who they are as person doesn't match up with the specific roles and stereotypes that often accompany the anatomy they were originally born with. They feel like they don't necessarily fit the bill of what a typical man or woman SHOULD be like, according to what society deems as masculine or feminine. However, in trying to essentially "fix" this problem by having the "correct" anatomical parts, or by trying to emulate the way a certain gender looks as closely as possible, I feel like this is merely just another way of trying to conform to a certain societal standard of what it means to be a "real" man or woman. The fact that people who don't fit within that specific criteria still feel like they need fix themselves or that who they are and how their bodies function is inherently mismatched/wrong is problematic, in my opinion. It's still sending the message that a person MUST subscribe to ONE gender and it's accompanying roles, rather than being a mix of both. If a person honestly feels happier conforming to a certain gender and it's stereotypes than I have nothing against that. However, a lot of the time it doesn't seem like this is the case given that the depression rate is pretty high among transgender people in general. I can't speak for a transgender person mysellf given that I'm not one, but it can't be easy trying to constantly fit within specific parameters where biologically, the odds are stacked against you. That would be difficult for anyone.

[myTake Owner]

Well said. Someone in the comments asked, if society were just to accept man or woman as whatever it is each person felt that to be... meaning, a man could wear a dress no problem, a woman could shave her head bald with some sort of severe societal reaction, would the current trans persons still feel as though they were in the "wrong" body? I don't know, but from what they describe, it sounds much deeper than that--biochemical--like something physically isn't right, and for all I or Science knows (I've not done any real deep research), this may be true--there are people who for example are born with both genitals--how do they know what they are "supposed to be."

But I do believe we truly need to get rid of (fill in blank) is what it means to be a woman. I mean, my friend never wears high heels or make-up and has short hair... is she not a woman because she doesn't do those things? A man with long hair, is he less manly, no. These things aren't important at all to survival in life.

[myTake Owner]

*I meant to say without some sort of severe reaction

[Wolframium]

Let people govern their own lives. As you say. Strangely enough, many people just don’t get that. Abortion is one of them. And I would go little bit further. Suicide should be…accessible. Hurting yourself…is again…your thing. Do whatever you want, as far as you don’t hurt anyone else.
:-D You got me. Blindly signing contract…that’s religion. Just believe that, accept that, don’t question it, for the love of god, just not that. And don’t thing. No, seriously. This is what religion is about.
Now, someone might argue, that if I so much love science, do I do my own research? No. I mean…sometimes. :-D In math field, mostly. For fun. But here is the thing. If I question science, I can actually look at the evidence, theory and so on. And I would see, that in fact, the thing, what I question, holds up. And with religion this just doesn’t work.
I’m sorry, but as I read this, I think you writing more about religion.
Transgender, got it. Back on the subject. I kind of wish, I was female. But. Just switching genders…that doesn’t cut it. No. I need to go back in time, change my DNA and live my life as woman. That’s what I need. And if it would be possible, I still want entire record of my present life to be preserver, so I can compare it to my new one.

[king34]

i mean i just ignore it, i dont agree with sex changes or trans people just cuz its unnatural and in this day and age people are soft, were able to change things about our selves to help us sleep at night people get implants, botox, plastic surgery, liposuction, and sex changes and not have any shame for it we want to have our we get to have our cake and eat it to, and if the human race were to survive another 1000 years (which i bet we wont) there would be no male or female we'd just blend into one sex because men are no longer held to the same standards and are slowly becoming soft, and vise versa for females. but i digress i hold no hate for lgbt and I've gotten along with the ones im acquainted with but it does disgust me when people refuse to be themselves they say their being who they are but it a complete contradiction when you have surgery or dress differently, your changing yourself to be yourself? just my opinions on the matter but if u disagree then feel free to change my view

[KaitlynS198]

Explaining it is hard because it's more of an internal feeling or a sense of being different. It isn't something with concrete evidence that can be really measured or proved. I believe that only transgender people could truly understand it. I don't expect other people to understand what it feels like.
I do like your view on this. I don't expect people to agree with this either, and people shouldn't feel forced to agree with something. It's hard to agree with something without understanding it, and even if a person understands they may still disagree, but I would like it if everyone was respectful. People can express their viewpoints and believe different beliefs, but everyone should be respectful of one another.

[jacquesvol]

They are the way they are, and feel the way they feel, whether they like it or not. And whether YOU like it or not.
And I don't think they're happy with it.
Nor do I think they have another political aim than to have a place in society. They don't ask other people to become transgender.
No reason thus to actively hate, bully, or disparage them.

[KenM9215]

louder for the people in the back please!

Also they aren't hurting anyone by really just trying to be themselves and be accepted by society and primarily by their friends and loved ones. (although if you are a friend or loved one you should accept).

everyone wants to have a place in society and be accepted. if they aren't hurting anyone or trying to harm anyone by doing so I really don't see any logical or moral reason to hate them. I have a few friends who are gay/lesbian/transgender and they are fantastic people and I'm happy to call them friends.

[Xavixk]

I have a hard time understanding, what your point is exactly...
You say that you don't understand, what it is like to be a trans person... Umm of course not, nobody does, except actually trans people...
You say that you shouldn't have to be forced to understand trans people... Who forces you? I don't understand trans people, I don't understand gay people, I don't understand numerous people... But that doesn't mean I don't respect them... So what exactly are you saying? Do you think it's wrong to be a trans person?

[404filenotfound]

I agree with you for the most part, the only thing that I would say is that I've seen some evidence substantiating substantiating gender dysphoria as a mental illness that does, in fact, harm the individual and I've seen no reliable evidence to the contrary.

That being said, my mentality is "just do you and I'ma do me" the only thing that I don't agree with is starting gender reassignment surgery/hormones before someone's at least 18, of not 21 because I've heard that many kids actually grow out of gender dysphoria.

[RAMboJ03]

This right here "You can treat someone with respect and NOT agree with them and everything they believe in"

Thank you. The problem we run into is that there are a lot of people that are willing to let trans people live their lives and be who they want to be, but they think "Why should I HAVE to refer to these people as what they see themselves as, when to me, it's clear that they aren't"

I don't believe that people who see a male to female trans must refer to them as a "she" if they see a man, and that's where people get offended. This topic is extremely difficult to decipher. There is no true winner in it as you stated

[Anonymous]

Transgender people are disgusting. I'm sick of them trying to push their views on us... and I am sick of them trying to "convert" straight people.

For example... some transgender women (men who turned into women) look EXACTLY like actual women. You can't always tell. However... they will go prancing around and try to talk to straight men without disclosing their and then complain when they get their ass kicked for trying to trick the straight person. It's not right to trick someone.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lc8bS4ppHfc

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

That right there I don't respect. Dude wanna be a tranny then fine, but let men know you a tranny.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

Oh My goodness that tranny looks just like a woman. I seriously can't tell she is a tranny.

[Opinion Owner]

Look at these Thumb downs 😂. People think it's ok to be tricked 🖕

[Anonymous]

I completely agree that gender is on a spectrum. Why?

If I were to tell you about someone who wears superhero or fandom t-shirts, black cargo pants, and skater shoes everyday, carries a black metallic wallet in their back pocket, a pocket knife, a flashlight, and a set of keychain tools, what gender would most assume of this person?

And what would assume of their sexual preference, men, or women?

It's me, and I'm 100% heterosexual. I am not "feminine" In fact, among my male friends, I am probably the most masculine second to my man. I'm seuxaly submissive and prefer that the man be in charge, I'm more logical than emotional.

I am also in 100% support of real actual true equality between genders, and feel that most modern feminist views are total BS.

[matchrestore]

I wish more people approached life like this. Respecting other people even if you can't understand them is one of the highest virtues a person can have in my opinion. As a friend to a couple of transgender individuals, thank you for writing this myTake.

[myTake Owner]

... and thank you for your comment. I really do feel that just because I don't understand something or someone, doesn't mean I have to hate them or bully them or mistreat them. I don't expect everyone to get me or agree with every action I make in my life or all that I am, but I personally have friends that respect me, and respect our differences, and I turn feel like I should be just as respectful towards others.

[Albina_Lovely]

I really think several aspects of the society hinders their thoughts too. like "this is too masculine / feminine" does make people at times think they are not comfortable being the sex they are. However saying that i totally agree with you when you say some people are born the way they are and we should all be respectful of that and support one another. If people cannot support then they should get out of the way and not make things harder for others.

[Jaquani]

You don't have to understand it. Transgenderism is a mental illness. Well, that's not exactly right. But the feeling transgenders have that makes them feel like they were "born wrong" is a mental illness called "gender dysphoria" which actually causes a lot more distress than you'd think. I've heard it causes a lot of depression which actually makes sense when you look at transgenders' suicide rate in relation to how tiny of a population they are.

[MackFreeze]

Your playing a dangerous game.
"I feel it's okay so it is"
"Everyone can be anything"
"Others feelings are most important"

Some things are just flat out wrong.

Homosexuality is simply a fetish, it's not natural.

Transgenders have a mental disorder. Should be treated besides coddled.

Look where this is going, soon beastliality will be accepted.

[lumos]

In the same way we could argue that computers, phones, cars etc that we use every day are not natural, because these things don't grow on trees or naturally occur in nature. Does that mean that using these things is automatically wrong? If we're going to argue that it's "unnatural", then why has it been documented that many other species also have homosexual tendencies?
Also drawing a parallel between bestiality and homosexuality is irrelevant and a slippery slope logical fallacy.

[MackFreeze]

@lumos
• Your comparing living things to materials. You should not alter living things.
Some people intentionally are changing their genitalia and disabiling themselves. One instance a woman blinded herself. Another made herself paralyzed.

Materials are used to our advantage. They aren't living, and can be used at our disposal. You don't care when you step on concrete. But some may care if they step on a bug.

Animals do not have homosexual sex intentially. Animals rely on impulses, desires, and instinct. Humans have reasoning and morals. However some justify homosexual sex as natural since other animals have it. They have it since they have to release their sexual tension. It's instinct. Not intention. Humans put intention is for pleasure. Animals also hump pillows, human legs, stuffed animals. Does that make it right for us to as well? No it doesn't. That's a fetish for people to have homosexual sex. If anything, shouldn't we have more control than animals?

[lumos]

It's not just instinct or about sexual tension, animals can benefit from it too. "In early February 2004 the New York Times reported that Roy and Silo, a male pair of chinstrap penguins in the Central Park Zoo in New York City had successfully hatched and fostered a female chick from a fertile egg they had been given to incubate."
I'm just saying that your "natural" argument doesn't make any sense and I think it's confusing that according to you, some unnatural things are ok as long as they're beneficial, but other unnatural things are not ok because according to you it's a "fetish". Then it's not really about what's unnatural or not, it's about what you find comfortable. Don't try to switch the argument around and say that we shouldn't behave like some other animals do. You made the claim that it's unnatural, I merely pointed out that homosexuality also exists in other species (i. e. in what you would define as "nature") and that it's beneficial.

[MackFreeze]

@lumos Okay let me define the term for you, natural meaning how things are meant to be used. I have an issue with changing and modeling things to our approval. They didn't change the egg, they incubated it. We can mold and change unliving things like concrete or plastics. But we should not mess with the natural state Creatures are. We should not mess with genes or DNA. We should not change aesthetics since it's self fullfing. Interbreeding I understand but, self abuse? Nothing natural about that.

[lumos]

Why are you arguing that it's not in our DNA without backing up your statements? Where's the scientific, researched proof stating that there's no such thing as (basically) a gay or trans gene? Also why are you defining the term according to your own opinion that has nothing to do with the actual meaning of the word? Here are two actual definitions:
"1. existing in or derived from nature; not made or caused by humankind.
2. in accordance with the nature of, or circumstances surrounding, someone or something."
Like I said in another comment, you're just making things up as you go and you're trying to pass your own opinions off as facts. You can't back up what you've said and you've made no effort to provide me with scientific research. Trying to debate with you is just getting more and more boring.

[MackFreeze]

@lumos
• A homosexual gene?
That would be eradicated since of course they could reproduce. That's impossible, if so it would be spread throughout relatives which again would be eradicated. A gene that would make a man want another mans penis up theor anus? Or a gene that would make a woman want to have sex with another woman? If there was a homosexual gene, there would have to be 2 different homosexual strands one effecting woman and one effecting man.

If anything your assuming as much as I am, there is no homosexual gene we all know that. It's common sense.

Homosexuality has no roots in any biological terms. It's simply a fetish. Like it or not that's what it is. Naturally a penis isn't meant to go into an anus. Things are only dipped to go out of them.

[1truekhaleesi]

Last time I checked the last person to knock on my door and force their personal views on me were the Mormons and Jehovah Witnesses. That's super annoying because I work nights. Religion is a terrible drug and I won't accept it. So I guess it's fair to say you don't have to accept transgender people. However if you stay out of their way, they'll stay out of yours.