Is It Actually Racist To Have Racial Preferences In Dating?

[Chief16]

Anything spoken today regarding race inevitably sparks controversy, it being a very sensitive topic, one cannot but help notice the trend of racial selectiveness or rather in this case exclusion of certain ethnicities over the others. This often sparks the heated debate whether favoring one ethnicity over the other is just preference or subtly masked racism.

However race being a complex social issue, let alone racism, the answer isn't so simple. Despite the freedom and globalization that has transformed the world in the past century, racial discrimination persists, even if it has been severely reduced it is still remains significant enough to be a highly volatile and sensitive issue that has grown beyond our comprehension. Racism is a deeply seated issue that extends into the cultural, social, economic and political spheres of our lives and has also extended into our own personal lives with the advent of social media, more specifically the phenomenon of Online Dating.

(Lol.)

So does having a racial preference make a person a racist? In a simple word. No. It does not.

Yes, we are really skimming the borders of racism here but whatever the idea or opinion of that person no matter how despicable they are. They are allowed to love whoever they want to. After all we cannot force someone to be attracted to us, let alone love us. People often choose who they identify with morally and culturally.

Blind rejection is painful especially when the person doesn't even want to get to know you, however ignorance alone isn't racism. Unless the person is guilty of specifically targeting and spreading prejudice and harm toward the members of the racial group, one would be hard pressed to call them racist.

However what is racist is Racial Fetishism, the individual in question can form sexual fixations towards individuals of a separate generalized racial group. This collective stereotype is established through the perception that the individual’s sexual appeal derives entirely from their race, and is therefore subject to the prejudices that follow.

Its important to understand the difference between discrimination and rejection especially considering how fragile the situation of racism is today and that it could only take a single spark to ruin centuries of social progress. After all, its not just unfair but also unrealistic to expect someone not to have standards and preferences about who they date.

[menina]

"However what is racist is Racial Fetishism, the individual in question can form sexual fixations towards individuals of a separate generalized racial group. This collective stereotype is established through the perception that the individual’s sexual appeal derives entirely from their race, and is therefore subject to the prejudices that follow." - That's the thing. Many people don't understand the difference between having a preference and having a fetish.
You're absolutely right. I agree with all of your points.

[Euph0ria]

In order for Racial Fetishism to be considered racist, the same must be said about those who are absolutely unattracted to a certain race. All the same "rules" must apply if someone strongly lacks an attraction to a certain traits held by a race. Again, whether it's a strong sexual attraction, or a strong lack of attraction, based on race, is it racism? I would argue NO, that something that a person finds sexually attractive, or unattractive does not correlate or amount to racism. It's simply a matter of what a person may find attractive, or unattractive, regardless of race.

[menina]

@Euph0ria I disagree. When you have a fetish for a certain race, you only "like" the person because of their race, not because you actually like them for their personality.
While you can find a certain race unattractive because you don't find their features attractive. It doesn't mean you hate people of that said race. You simply don't like their features.
And for me, that's not being racist.

[Euph0ria]

You might say that anyone who likes someone they are attracted to because of their features, (say someone likes blondes, with green eyes) or any set of features, they may simply be attracted to those features. Whether or not it happens to apply to a whole race is really irrelevant. People fetishize about any number of features, and if someone happens to be attracted to people who have latino features, they could just as easily be attracted to someone of another race that happens to share the same features just as easily. We're talking about fetishism here, (not personality which isn't even a factor), and people's superficial attractions. And even assuming a person happens to be attracted to traits of a certain race doesn't mean they're attracted to ALL people of that race, simply because of their race. There are perceived attractive and unattractive people from the viewpoint of an individual in any race or set of particular features that a person might fetishize.

[menina]

@Euph0ria I still disagree with you. It seems that you don't understand why it's bad to have a fetish.

[Euph0ria]

I suppose you're right. I don't think it's bad to have a fetish, so long as it's not something that might lead to cause harms others. Or perhaps you have some different idea as to what a fetish is. Quite generally, a fetish is a sexual attraction associated to something that is not directly related to the act of sex. For example, some people might have a tattoo fetish. Tattoos aren't related to sex, yet some people still find them a turn-on regardless. Some people have a fetish for long hair, etc... Others have a fetish that involves clothing, such as leather, or fishnet stockings. I'm not sure what you're thinking when you are referring to a fetish, and you haven't explained, at all, why a fetish is a bad thing.

[menina]

@Euph0ria "For example, some people might have a tattoo fetish. Tattoos aren't related to sex, yet some people still find them a turn-on regardless. Some people have a fetish for long hair, etc... Others have a fetish that involves clothing, such as leather, or fishnet stockings." - That is different. And I think it's okay to have this kind of fetish. They are harmless.
However, we are talking about racial fetishism. And in this case, having a fetish for someone just based on their race/ethnic background is racist. You're only attracted to them because of their race, you're assuming they are in this or that when it comes to sex, because of their features.
Just read what @Chief16 said about Racial Fetishism and perhaps you might understand why having this type of fetish is bad.

[menina]

Thanks for the MHO!

[ThisDudeHere]

The last time I answered, "no it is not racist or even bad to have any and all preferences," the asker went on a tangent claiming that I was racist and that I didn't even know about it.

My proposition to those who think it is racist - before you start whining, propose something with which to deal with this 'racism.' I see no point in whining about someone's freedom to choose if you're not willing to do anything about it.

[Chief16]

I'm pretty sure I'm gonna be getting some hate for this later on. SJWs and all.
media.giphy.com/media/TwcEybIc5npoQ/giphy.gif

[ThisDudeHere]

You may indeed, dude.

[OlderAndWiser]

You write in a dramatic fashion but your style overstates issues.

"it still remains significant enough to be a highly volatile and sensitive issue that has grown beyond our comprehension." If you don't understand racism, why are you writing as if you are delivering an authoritative answer? And what is it that you don't understand about racism? Perhaps someone else can explain.

[Chief16]

Are you telling me you can get to the root of racial issues? Can you comprehend how deeply integrated it is in our social structure? Its a deep problem, its bigger than what one person can possibly perceive.

[OlderAndWiser]

Dramatic words are not a substitute for thoughtful analysis.

[Chief16]

As Don Marquis once said "If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you; but if you really make them think, they'll hate you."

[OlderAndWiser]

So you are trying to get people to love you?

[Chief16]

Ah but the question to me was whether people would think or would they actually 'think', I forget about love or hate but its seems to have piqued the interest. To what end? I do not know.

[OlderAndWiser]

I have written much in my lifetime. Adapt your style to your audience. This take sounds like it is a paper written for a college sociology class. Eliminate some of the flowery words and bold conclusions and you may become more effective in eliciting a cerebral response.

[Chief16]

Well I'll keep that in mind. But you must consider this site fancies feminists. Sentiment over cold hard facts. One of the reasons why it has so many opinions.

[OlderAndWiser]

Quality, not quantity!

[Chief16]

Indeed, my wiser friend. That's the dilemma.

[ADFSDF1996]

Nope. A lot of people have racial preferences when dating, myself included. It's just that most people are not open about their racial preferences because a lot of people take it the wrong way (political correctness). A person cannot control who they are attracted to, psychological and environmental factors determine what race a person is attracted to.

[madhatters4]

if i prefer brunettes it means i'd still date blondes
if i prefer to date black people it would still mean i'd consider dating a white person
i prefer pepperoni pizza but will eat plain chese

a preference means you still consider other things from it. if you don't consider dating people of certain races because of their races then you don't have a preference you have a dating restriction

[RedThread]

Racism: the belief that all members of each race possess characteristics or abilities specific to that race, especially so as to distinguish it as inferior or superior to another race or races.

So a racial "preference" definitely flirts with that definition. You automatically assume that every person of a certain racial background will always have characteristics you find aesthetically displeasing without having met everyone of that racial background. With that mindset you immediately deem everyone of that background as being of inferior beauty. This fits neatly into that definition of racism.

This is coming from someone who once was brainwashed with eurocentric beauty standards as well. There was a time I couldn't see beauty unless a woman had somewhat European features or was just white enough. I couldn't logically or morally back that kind of behavior so I analyzed the reasons why I was like that. Instead of being set in my ways and sticking my head in the sand I decided to educate myself. After meeting and exposing myself to more diverse groups of people my beauty standards started to gradually change. Eventually the blinders I had on fell off completely. It wasn't an easy process but it was certainly rewarding. Now I know there are beautiful and charming women of all backgrounds. The most astounding thing is that they were there the whole time I just couldn't really SEE them.

I'll probably get a lot of hate on this post but whatever. I'm proud that I came to this realization. It was definitely an enriching experience.

[Chief16]

Nonetheless, I don't think not being attracted to someone based on color can actually be called racism. Sure its one thing to discriminate against and degrade someone because of their color but not being attracted to someone based on their color... There are racist undertones, but to call it outright racism? I don't think so.

[RedThread]

Some of the most pervasive types of racism are the ones that exist beneath the surface. There are plenty of people who know what it's like to be called a racial slur but the worst types are those that are more subtle. There are people in our society who grow up feeling like the lesser just because they aren't part of the majority whether it's aesthetically or intellectually. That is far more damaging than the outright obvious forms of racism.

[Chief16]

The the people who feel left out can either wither out or move on. Its Social Darwinism. Its harsh but true. Sympathy to the fellow man does not do him any good. You cannot do for a man what he can't or won't do for himself. These social walls will fade with time but the man has to be strong enough to weather them.

[RedThread]

I'm not saying it isn't getting better. Bringing awareness to an issue tends to help people which is why I answered this. With awareness and pride people can steel themselves better against social injustices that exist beneath the surface.

[Chief16]

Nice to be optimistic I suppose.

[fashionguy17]

Here's the way I see it.

Here is a preference:
I am a black man, and I date anyone from any race... however, I PREFER black women.

That is what a preference is, in my opinion. You are open minded to other races, but you prefer someone of a specific race. But... you wouldn't rule out dating someone outside your preference, if you and the other person hit off.

Here is an example of something that isn't a preference:
I would never date white women in my life. I'm just into white women.

By saying that, you are taking down a whole race of people without actually having a legit reason why you wouldn't date someone of a certain skin color.

As black people, we deal with this all the time. On dating sites, I can't begin to tell you how many times I see women (especially black women) posting in their profile that they don't date black men.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5nKwiPJSsJg

[Rissyanne]

They shouldn't have to give anyone a reason. You're not applying for a job or a loan at the bank. It is they're personal life. I wouldn't tell you who to date. And you shouldn't tell someone else who to date.

[JDavid25]

@Rissyanne SMH.. It's clear you just don't get it.. Nobody's tellin anybody who to date.. They tellin them to actually look at the reasons why they feel the way they do.. They basically sayin they want a fair chance.. You can't tell anybody how to feel about unfairness.. So just take a seat old lady..

[Rissyanne]

@JDavid25 Listen you little bitty dude. I dont have to do anything.

[JDavid25]

@Rissyanne Hahahahahaha.. I apologize for tellin you to take a seat Ms. Rissyanne..

[JustAnotherGirlie]

I can co-sign this. A racial preference can be used to say, "I'm naturally attracted to X race." This argument is most valid due to your environment - if you are a white guy who grew up around black people, you may prefer black women due to proximity. NOW.
When we have this discussion, we have to unpack the theory that love is not entirely separate from politics. What we find attractive is culturally informed and reinforced by certain stereotypes. An hypothetical example would be a black man preferring Asian women bc he perceives them as "more docile" and "respectable" than a woman of his own race. Yeah, that actually happens. So love is not pure in this case. This is not every case, but some individuals find themselves in a relationship with someone of a different race, not really questioning their proclivities or desires.
A great litmus test is asking the individual how they feel about the opposite gender of their race. If they make any blanket statements that are unsavory, I would back away from them. They have internalized racism or some emotional hurts - this will be carried into any relationship they have.

[umngopher1991]

Having preferences isn't the problem. The problem when people start shit-talking other races in an attempt to dehumanize them and label them as unworthy of dating. For example, I've heard people say that Asian men are weak, effeminate and controlling, or that Black men are violent and are deadbeats.

It's like fine, just leave what you don't like alone. Why do you have to give everyone else in the world the idea that we're undateable pieces of shit, based off of race-based stereotypes just because you don't like us?

[umngopher1991]

Sorry for my bad grammar, I remember I was a wee bit drunk when I wrote this, lol.

[BrittBratt2416]

It's called closet racism, its saying you're not a racist but deep down inside you know you wouldn't date someone because they are "too dark" for you to even consider beautiful or be with romantically. If the shade of their skin was a few shades lighter or if the person was racial ambiguous but still passed as white or whatever race/shade of skin color you think is attractive, then you would probably considered going out with that person as long as they were cute too.

[Chief16]

Why, are you mixed?

[BrittBratt2416]

... Er no, why?

[Chief16]

Because your opinion was moderate.

[ManOnFire]

@BrittBratt2416 Absolutely agree with you.

[BrittBratt2416]

@ManOnFire thanks and all the downvotes from men know its true but hate being called out on it.

[ManOnFire]

@BrittBratt2416 That's because a lot of them are white guys who hate their women dating men of other races.

[BrittBratt2416]

@ManOnFire could be i guess

[Euph0ria]

Individuals are subconsciously influenced as to what they find sexually attracted. Any given trait may be an attraction, be neutral, or be something that is found unattractive. This is regardless of race or gender. Some people may find black hair and brown eyes something they are attracted to, or unattracted to, and the race may have nothing at all to do with it. Some people may find people with a certain nose shape to be attractive or unattractive, regardless of race or gender.. It's all about what a person finds attractive, not necessarily a race issue at all. It could be that a person simply doesn't find very dark, or very light skin attractive. Just because there are racial features involved that they may be attracted to, or not, does NOT imply racism., or even sexual orientation for that matter.

[Svennedude2]

Biologically on average women prefer their own race more than men do because they want to preserve their race. It's not racist, I'm actually basing this on research numbers I've read. Men can literally shoot 'more of them' so many women, and it won't have an impact of how the future children look. At least that's what our biology tells us, not taking into account how we've built or society today. All that being said, as a white male, I do have a preference to my own beautiful European women. When I see European women walking across the street, I really think 'Wow, she is so beautiful. Look at those beautiful facial features' That's not to say that I'm not open to dating outside of my own race though. It's just preference.

[DodgersGM]

Honestly, I believe it's in the ballpark of racism if someone says one of the following two things:

1. "I'd never date (fill in the blank race) even if I liked them and was attracted to them."

2. "It's impossible for me to ever be attracted to (fill in the blank race)."

[ReenaJohnson]

I'm an Indian girl and I don't date Indian guys because I see them as my brothers and friends, and I wouldn't want to date my brother. Being racist is spreading hate and stereotypes of a particular group which I'm not doing. Meanwhile, I am open to every other race, but I can say, that in general, I am very attracted to white guys and may end up with one.

[ManOnFire]

I personally prefer white girls and Latinas, and I'm black. And it has nothing to do with skin color. When people are strongly defending their preferences - or their reasons for why they DON'T date other races - I do tend to be inclined to think it's out of racism, yes.

While I like white women and Latinas, I'm also aware that there are those who don't want to date me or other black men. Because they believe their own men or men of other races are superior, more intelligent, more attractive, etc. For them, it often DOES come down to skin color, stereotypes, and - as you put it - their own racial fetishism for other men. Asian women are also the same way with how they mostly want white men if they're going to date outside their race.

[davidshaw]

Yes if it's absolutist, e. g "I'm not into black girls, therefore I condition myself into slowly thinking they're all ugly" otherwise a preference, not really.
I mean if even small preferences are considered racist, then refusing a gay man's advancements (in my case) makes me a homophobe, just because I'm straight and prefer to be with women?

I have racial preferences to a fairly small degree, difference is I know there are beautiful people in every single race, guaranteed, seen them with my own eyes, so my preferences will never be forthwith

[None18am]

Well, technically race is a social construct created by intellectuals to classify humans, whereas dating is based on biological attraction and preferences with personality, so I'd say no. Put it this way: I think it's racism if you don't like a group of people based on perceived stereotypes, whereas it's not racist to just not be physically attracted to people who look a certain way. Let me put it another too: I don't find redheads attractive, and people think that's OK, but I don't find Asian women attractive and that's racist? That doesn't compute.

[COCOCHANEL]

i believe our sex drives are mostly biological. how else can i explain that i only get wet when i see certain east Asian men when i was raised in america?

[Chief16]

A true mystery indeed.

[COCOCHANEL]

well i've been like this all my life. that's why i never tried other races. why do something my body doesn't want?

[Chief16]

Well, as long as you're happy...

[COCOCHANEL]

you bet i am ♡

[FatherJack]

I agree , I believe we have our preferences from the moment we are conceived & it's hard wired. I'm a mix of Turkic / Slavic & Celtic & have always preferred the Mediterranean type looks in women , my ex / mother of my children is Italian.

[COCOCHANEL]

@FatherJack i am half celtic

[Starrk]

It depends on the reasoning behind the preference. If someone has a racial preference for black women because they are simply more attracted to the features that black women commonly have such as curly black hair, dark skin, a curvy figure, etc, then that is not racist.

It's not a secret that certain physical features are more/less common within a particular group, so it's not racist to prefer a group because they are more likely to possess a particular physical feature that you like.

A preference becomes racist when the reasoning behind the preference is rooted in bigotry, stereotypes or the idea that there is some type innate behavior among people of a race (ex: I don't black people because they're ghettos or I don't date white people because they're racist).

If a person refuses to date a certain race because of some prejudice toward that group, then that is racist.

[ladsin]

No, you're attracted to who you're attracted to, and are free to date or not date anyone for whatever reason you want. If you don't find blonde hair attractive you aren't a hair-ist. If you're only attracted to midgets, that doesn't mean you're wrong for not being attracted to normal-sized people. It's a ridiculous thought process.

[Wonderer89]

If it's racist to have racial preferences/attractions for dating then it's homophobic to have a gender preference.

[JDavid25]

Not really.. As gender has biological implications, and actually differences to be attracted to.. That is always a pale comparison that I'm still surprised people use inorder to justify something that is not biological but social..

[Wonderer89]

@JDavid25 so you make sure, before you ask someone out on a date, that they are fertile to ensure your biological future is sound right?

[JDavid25]

Huh? LOL.. No I'm just naturally attracted to girls.. Whereas "racial" preferences are not natural their a bias that has been formed.. Albeit actual preferences are not racist, cause at the end of the day you are still opened with a preference..

[JDavid25]

They're

[Wonderer89]

@JDavid25 yet people can't be naturally attracted to visual specifics? You're saying that biologically gender is a requirement (which is bullshit because that lends to breeding, not sex and you're not confirming fertility when choosing a partner, so your drive isn't biological) so it's ok to say you're "naturally" attracted to girls but then that would be ALL girls right? Not having a natural sway to particular kinds of women because you'd be discriminating.
Racial preferences can absolutely be natural. The majority of people tend to stick with familiarity - their own race, others are sexually attracted to specific others. That sexual attraction is a natural reaction, not a prejudice.

[COCOCHANEL]

my ovaries guide me to hot korean men

[Monstarz]

@COCOCHANEL YASSSSSSSS

[Wonderer89]

@COCOCHANEL mine take me to dark haired white guys with good teeth lol

[JDavid25]

I don't need to confirm fertility when choosing a partner, all I know is that I naturally attract to the feminine features of a woman like most men.. And by the argument you're makin you're sayin that being gay or straight ain't natural.. So, I hope you don't go around sayin that being gay is natural if you have that attitude about it.. Haha.. And you can't compare it because like I said "race" is not biological, it's not ingrained in yo head to find somebody that looks like you attractive.. If that were true then most of Latin America wouldn't exist.. People tend to gravitate toward who they are around more.. And yes there is a bias if you exclude everybody else.. Racial bias.. It's not a preference..

[Wonderer89]

@JDavid25 actually that's the complete opposite of what I'm saying, so I'll rephrase in the hope that you can actually pick up what I'm putting down.

Having a preference for a particular race when dating is not racist. It is not feeling or acting superior or above those you don't include in your preference, it's simply what you feel physically attracted to.
The analogy used for this; is likening sexual orientation to race.
If it is ok to be selective only on gender when selecting a partner it would be hypocritical to say it's discrimination to be selective on race.

Your statement that it's different because of biology only works when you're actually using the entire biological process. Which means being attracted to the opposite sex so that mating, producing offspring and continuing the species succeeds. If that isn't your #1 goal then the biological argument is void.

[JDavid25]

See there you go basically trynna compare somethin natural like havin a bias for a certain gender.. And I used the biological thing to say the gender or sex is biological givin more to the natural aspect of likin a certain gender whereas race is not biological.. Meaning yo bias is not a natural thing.. You cannot just become a Lesbian... But you can one day find a non-"White" guy attractive, and somewhere in your life you probably have.. And it's not simply that you don't feel physically attracted to them.. You choose to say that you cannot connect to billions of people simply cause they don't have the exact skin color or hair texture you want.. I would call that racism.. Racism happens in subtle ways.. Especially nowadays..

[Wonderer89]

Racism does happen in many, subtle and not so subtle ways.
Having a physical preference for partners is not one of them. I shouldn't be forced to date someone that doesn't water my lady garden just for the sake of equality, just as a straight man shouldn't be forced to date another man just to prove he isn't homophobic.
It's the exact same thing.

If you aren't physically attracted women taller then you, or morbidly obese woman and choose not to date them because you're simply not attracted - by your reasoning ur directly discriminating against them.

And people do wake up at some point in their life and feel their sexuality is different. How many gay men were married with children and come out in later life? Women fluidly going between lesbian, straight then bi-curious.
While not always, sexuality can be fluid. Just as physical preference in a partner can.
Thanks for taking the time to leave ur opinion, but mine isn't going to change. Having a physical preference isn't racist

[JDavid25]

Hahahahahaha.. I ain't say nothin about you havin to be forced to like somebody, all I'm sayin is havin an opened mind is great.. Anybody can get yo lady vagina wet.. It's all in yo head.. And like I said race is not gender... "White" man and me both have a penis, chest, and facial hair.. There's yo different.. Haha.. But have you ever asked yoself why you are attracted to only "White" guys?

[JDavid25]

There's yo difference**

[GayHowellMeme]

Choosing gender and race IS NOT THE same thing. Choosing a gender is something that you are born with but race is a preference.

[didigo182]

"mine take me to dark haired white guys with good teeth lol" - Hi! Nice to meet you :P

Seriouslly, things are currently at such an insane level that some want to dictate up to our personal preference. Sad.

[Wonderer89]

@didigo182 next thing it'll be un-PC to only prefer foods I enjoy the taste of, lest I discriminate against all of the other foods that simply aren't to my preference 🙄

[didigo182]

Yes, things are moving in that direction. Imagine I like meat approaching a Vegan and say, "Hey man, why are you discriminating against the poor meats? Do not you see that this is a social construction? Give them a chance". lol

About this kind of preference (affective/sexual for certain types of partners) should not be under discussion. Because is something personal and intimate.

[JDavid25]

Haha.. Nothin PC about questioning yo bias, and if it is.. Oh well PC ain't always bad.. At the end of the day y'all can date whoever y'all want.. Like I said, ain't nobody forcing anybody to do anything since I'm not pointin a gun to yo head.. All, I'm sayin is at the end of the day you gotta answer the question as to why you have yo preferences.. And the answer most likely will be that you inherently find that whatever group you like as superior to the others which points out as racist.. Sorry, you don't wanna face that.. Hahahaha..

[curiousnorway]

@JDavid25, racial preference is similar to a person prefer brunette more than blondes because the person simply finds the physical features more beautiful and appealing. Same thing with race preference based on the physical aspect. If a person finds blonde hair, blue eyes, straight narrow nose and straight hair more attractive, it's most likely the person would date North-Europeans than Africans, Asians and other races because these features are more common among 'whites'.

[JDavid25]

@curiousnorway.. It's not really the same because most times people actually prefer blondes, to brunettes but wouldn't rule out a brunette they connected with, or find attractive just cause they like blondes a little bit more.. You are liking a person simply because of their race.. A conscious lack of attraction toward a whole "racial" group of people is just a polite, thinly veiled form of racism.

[curiousnorway]

@JDavid25, actually many people with race preferences is open to date all races, but they've preference for certain races because they likes some features that's more common among some and therefor it's more likely they would date certain races. They can date a person of the least preferred one if the person have qualities they finds attractive.

Some people only dates brunettes and some people only dates blondes, so it do exist although it's not very common.

If it's based on physical appearance alone it's not racist. If it's based on stereotypes it's. It's racist and prejudices if someone says "I don't date X because they're all annoying" or "They're so stupid, so I'm not going to date them".

[JDavid25]

@curiousnorway Actually racial preferences are not racist.. I mean the ones where the you mentioned.. Where someone finds features attractive, but also is still opened to datin others.. But exclusively or excluding groups goes beyond preference.. Even if it is physical.. It's racist.. Now I ain't sayin that anybody needs to just go out and date somebody they have a hard time findin attractive.. All I'm sayin is that society influences racial preferences, and that there needs to be acknowledgement on that part.. Racial preferences are not somethin that's natural, because that would imply that race is a biological thing.. That's all I'm sayin..

[curiousnorway]

@JDavid25, which features you finds attractive and which race you finds attractive is influenced by the society. But the part that makes you prefer familiarity or exotic more is biologically. People tends to prefer something that have some familiarity since we subconsciously sees that as more safe due the tribalism effect, but some of us also prefer something exotic at the same time due the need of variety in the gene pools. Often people prefer a combination between familiarity and exotic features.

Even people who lives in the same society have different preferences. Some prefer A, some B and some C. Some also prefer blondes more than brunette. So although society influence a lot, I thinks some is lesser influenced.

[JDavid25]

@curiousnorway I get the whole familiarity thing.. But that's more of a comfort thing, until you get to experience other people, and how they culture works.. I mean I'm familiar with "Black" culture, and living in the hood, yet I love all groups of women... That also doesn't account for the many people who find other groups more attractive than the one society binds them to.. At the end of the day it is what it is.. I just responded to her comment because I think the homophobic argument is not a smart one..

[curiousnorway]

@JDavid25, Yes, it's a comfort thing, but it's a bit biological too. People who gets to know new cultures and races over a long time gets more used to it and therefor it suddenly gets more familiar that again seems more safe for them. People who lives in multiculturalism is more likely to be more comfortable around diversity than people in an mono ethnic society. So yes, it's biological, but that doesn't mean you can't train yourself to change yourself.

[JDavid25]

@curiousnorway Yeah, true, but that doesn't always extend to the social construct of race.. Like have grown up around "White" culture, but somehow still be attracted to "Latino" women..

[COCOCHANEL]

@curiousnorway i grew up in a diverse area and interacted with a variety of races everyday. that still didn't make me attracted to men of other races. i didn't have traumatic experiences with them. i just feel nothing when i see them.

nobody encouraged me to like east Asian men. in fact i was discouraged berated by my mother for my taste in men. i was laughed at by my peers.

i have never looked at other races of men as sexual beings. they simply do not attract me. it really is that simple.

[JDavid25]

@COCOCHANEL Well, that doesn't make something that's a social construct natural.. You obviously did other things to get you attracted to "East" Asian Men.. Just becuase you grew up in a diverse area doesn't mean you didn't separate yoself, and it doesn't mean you were ever opened to anybody besides men that looked like yo father.. Chicago is a very diverse city yet it's very racist.. Growin up in diverse areas mean nothin..

[COCOCHANEL]

@JDavid25 my father is a white man

[JDavid25]

@COCOCHANEL Well, that makes it even better.. LOL..

[COCOCHANEL]

@JDavid25 what, the fact that i have never found white men attractive and therefore never dated them?

[JDavid25]

@COCOCHANEL No.. Haha... Yo story I guess..

[Arcari]

@JDavid25 Well said men, i completly agree with you. Thing is, as today most people are so affraid of being called racist even in the slightest way that they will oppose to the fact you are trying to argue instantly. It reminds me old medieval days when if you told someone their faith wasn't strong they have so afraid to being refered as heretics that they would probable punch you. I think it is kindda biologic and a social construct, of course that by defintion could be seeing as a subtle racism, when we find some attributes to be more atractive it is because we find it better, wich for normal expression we say thats what we like. Nothing wrong in that. It is just how it is. Actually being able to realize this it can help you to re evaluate your "tastes" and try reason with yourself. I think it is called reflect. :)

[JDavid25]

@Arcari Exactly... Haha.. Nicely put..