How deal with the situation with this studious girl?

[larryburns]

I'm very attracted to this girl I know, mostly because of her personality, but also because she's pretty good-looking. Others I know have described her as cute, but not beautiful, and that seems studious (since she dresses conservatively, hangs out with other studious people, and studies at the library a lot) but she's outgoing and very social

I asked her out on a date about a month and a half ago, and she made up excuses to not go, so I decided that she wasn't interested in going out with me. Since then, we've run into each other from time to time. I'm a little puzzled by her behavior. I think she might be a little defensive towards me, since for example, she said she forgot if she had my number to call me about something, even though she clearly had it just a couple weeks ago, to tell me she was too 'busy' to go out with me on the date. But for the most part, she still seems very friendly towards me and smiles to me a lot, but then again, she's like towards everyone.

Should I just assume she's like every other girl in that she's not interested in going out with me? Or do studious girls like her (even though she's outgoing) just need more time for you to know them? If so, should I try to ask her out again, or try to hang out with her as a friend in the hopes that she may regain interest in me?

If I should get to know her better before asking her out again, how can I do so? I don't really see her that often. I do know her cousin, after hanging out with her 1-on-1 once before, but I don't see her very often either. She also seems busy with her studies as I've asked her to hang out with me and my friends 3 different times, but each time she was busy

[Anonymous]

Girls like that are not usually the dizzy OMG gotta date the hot douchebag with nice car kind of girls. She is more likely to be introspective when choosing a potential partner. A girl like this usually may have a serious boyfriend, or be single because she is picky about who she is with. Not picky in a snotty I'm too good for everyone way, but decisive and wouldn't date any guy just to say she had a boyfriend. Without knowing her personally of course, I would guess that personality matters a great deal to her. A girl like this may not be that easy to get with, but she sounds like she would be worth the effort. Just try to get to know her slowly and she might warm up. Smart girls are usually more wary of guy's intentions because they don't fall for the okey doke as easy as not-so studious girls. She needs to get to know you better first. Good luck!

[larryburns]

You’re certainly right that personality matters to her, not looks. I saw her the other day go clubbing with these not-so-hot nerdy guys (kinda like me). How can I get to know her better? We don’t run into each other on random occasions very often. Should I ask her to hang out with my friends? Or should I ask her out on a date again? If so, when?

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't think that she would be different than other girls about dating. She might be shy, or she might need more time to get to know you, or she might not be into you.

She sounds just like I was! If she is shy or involved in her studies, try getting to know her better. Don't be pushy or she will feel pressured and respond by being defensive. Just be mellow, give her time, and try again in a few weeks.

[larryburns]

Like I said earlier, she’s not shy. Try again in a few weeks? Its been over a month since I last asked her out, but since we haven’t seen each other too often, I don’t think she knows me all that much better. If I ask her within only a few weeks, won’t I be coming off as pushy?

[Opinion Owner]

Hmm, it's tough if you don't see her often. I think your best chance would be if you did happen to see her around regularly (at work or at the library or in class), so that she could get used to you. If you are a guy who pops up every few weeks to ask for a date, it will be tougher. You're right that you might want to wait a little longer to ask again. Maybe invite her out with a group of people instead of just with you. Like to the beach for a run or charity or something?

[larryburns]

Well I do know her cousin, but she seems busy with her studies as well as each time I've tried inviting her to hang out, she's busy with studying. Otherwise, I don't know how I can see her more often. How will I know when's a good time to finally ask her out on a date again? also, do you use AIM?

[Opinion Owner]

Sorry, I don't use AIM! I am happy to keep talking to you though. I don't think it is so much the length of time between each time you ask for a date. The more important thing is that you don't ask her each time you see her. So as a rule of thumb (use your own instincts though), I'd say, talk to her at least five time between each time you ask her out. This way she won't feel pressured. Maybe ask the cousin to bring her along in a group outing? Ask the cousin to figure a time that works.

[larryburns]

"I'd say, talk to her at least five time between each time you ask her out."

huh? If I were to ask her out once since the last time she rejected me, which was over a month ago, I would definitely give up on her as she'll definitely be uninterested. you're saying that I should keep asking her out even if she rejects me? now that would definitely seem pushy

should I ask the cousin and the girl I'm interested in to hang out just the 3 of us? or have them join my friends?

[Opinion Owner]

Well, I'm going by the fact that she did not tell you "no". She gave you excuses not to go. The excuses might have been genuine. She does sound busy. So what I'm saying is, try your best to get to know her because you will have a better chance that way than if you approach her out of the blue every few weeks and ask for a date. If you go through the cousin and have the cousin ask her to come to a group thing, she might feel more comfortable and you can get to know her.

[Opinion Owner]

I would get a big group together; that way she will feel like she isn't being targeted. I think your best chance is to hang out with her and get to know her. If she is like most serious girls I know (including me), she will need to warm up to you. Get to know her, don't push her, and you'll have a better chance.

[larryburns]

When I asked her out on the phone last time, she sounded very hesitant, which I've never heard her talk like that before. Plus, if were interested in going out with me, wouldn't she have suggested another time to go out? she never did and hasn't suggested anything since then

i've asked her cousin to hang out with my friends 3 different times, and each time she was busy. Should I try to ask her to hang out with my friends again? or just the 3 of us?

[Opinion Owner]

Well, if you have already asked 3 times, it does sound like you are not going to have much success with these girls. Sorry! I would keep being friendly when you see them, but at this stage, I think you should start looking elsewhere. If you are planning a picnic on the beach or something else fun with your friends, invite them (this is normal and friendly), but don't expect them to accept. If they act stand-offish, then stop trying! Until then, you might as well be friendly--who knows!

[larryburns]

She's not serious, she's really social and outgoing, but studious.

they've never acted stand-offish, just whenever her cousin couldn't hang out, she seemed to have valid excuses, otherwise I'm sure she wouldn't have even answered or returned my calls.

perhaps it might be easier if I try to get to know them online, through AIM?

[Opinion Owner]

Yes, I think getting to know them online would be a great idea. That way you could start slowly. See you solved the problem yourself!

[larryburns]

I don't know, maybe I should try inviting them to hang out 1 more time. The last time I tried, the cousin would've came if her cousin (the one I'm interested in) came, but since she was busy, her cousin didn't come either.

[Opinion Owner]

I would try it. Keep trying until you feel uncomfortable. I like the online idea too. Do both!

[Anonymous]

Sounds like me lol. Depends what the occasion was when you asked her. Maybe she had exams to study for so she couldn't go even though if she really wanted to. She could be shy, and afraid that she might mess up on the date so used "busy" as an excuse to let that from happening. You should try to ask her out again :).

[larryburns]

I don’t think she’s shy. She seems very social and outgoing, but just happens to also dress conservatively (but not too much) and be studious. When should I ask her out again?

[Opinion Owner]

It's hard to tell if she really is shy. Some people are very very shy, but to cover up the fact that they're shy, they'll end up acting very outgoing and social instead. I know it sounds odd, but I'm one of those people. I don't want people to see that I'm shy, so I become very friendly to people, so I seem like I'm the opposite. At a friendship level, that's fine, but when it comes to relationships, I find it very hard to cover up this shyness.

Maybe you can ask her out after her exams.

[larryburns]

Like I said to someone else here, when I asked her out on the phone last time, she sounded very hesitant, which I've never heard her talk like that before. Plus, if she were interested in going out with me, wouldn't she have suggested another time to go out? she never did and hasn't suggested anything since then

[Opinion Owner]

She could be waiting for you to ask again. You should ask anyway.. you don't have anything to lose :).

[larryburns]

Well I don't want to come across as desperate, and build that reputation if she tells others

[MellowOne]

What about being extra nice and sweet towards her? I'd fall head over heels for a guy who complimented me or sent me a love note or something. Just do something to let her know you like her! The studious are usually romantics<3 Then, she'll start noticing you, maybe you can get to know her better while eating lunch together, or help her prepare for a test?

Best of luck!

[larryburns]

I don't know if you read my description earlier, but I already said I asked her out and she made up excuses not to go

[MellowOne]

Yeah, but she might think you're going too fast.... Therefore, I suggest that you don't push it, but make her feel that you're serious about this, but slowly, you can wait for her... But of course, if she's made up her mind it will be harder... My advice is to give her small hints in between, like smile and talk to her , you know, stuff that makes a girl feel loved...

[larryburns]

Whenever we've run into each other since I asked her out, we always just smile and make small talk. But since we don't see each other that often, she probably knows me only a little more than before I asked her out. I don't know how else I can get to know her better other than calling her to hang out. Should I just ask her out again?