Can you be a feminist and still expect guys to pay for dates?

Quote from feminist...

"I am a feminist. I strongly believe in the social, political, legal, and economic equality of men and women. Yet, on a first date, I expect the guy to pay for me."

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  • No
    Vote B
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What Girls Said 53

  • Generally, I think that is likely. The same feminists would argue that "77 cents equal a dollar" (which is, technically, incorrect by arithmetic's standards), hence, under their preconceived notion that men earn more primarily because of their gender, they would most likely assert that men are more capable of shouldering the bill.

    The statement above seems very hypocritical, as it doesn't resemble equality at all. That is asserting privilege and entitlement at the expense of someone else's personal funds.

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    • its silly,
      1 box of Cement is 50 Kg
      when the worker carry 3 boxes it means 150 Kg by 1 round to roof number 4 or 7 then go back again to carry 150 Kg
      of course he would not take same salary as you sweety,
      .
      men who removes walls to build another walls they would not take few money as you take
      if you want same money as them go work with them
      .
      Mademoiselle Cgala
      many jobs are taken for girls
      many men can't find a job cuz everywhere they go they prefer girls to flirt the customers or cuz the manger is a player or his eyes like to see girls around him

      .


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    • @Osama_cy Yea i agree. Who does the work should be given the money. By that logic you should be paid on a per unit basis, like sweatshop workers? Yes men might be more productive; can carry more stuff, but what if a woman carried the same stuff, but used more energy and effort. Because men are naturally generally a larger stronger build they aren't gonna work as hard - so should the woman be paid more. It's all very confusing.

    • well, I have never seen a owner of bussniss is giving a didfferent salary in the same Job for women less than men.
      what are you saying are lies.
      on the other hand I support men who pay bills or other stuff for their girls
      its their responspilty and its not our fault if they are dating a gold digger
      man should pay
      man should be smart

      I respect Feminist, but sometimes few kids look at the case in fanatical stupid way

  • I pity the man who dates her

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  • No. As a feminist you should know that gender roles and societal expectations in terms of gender is 100% bullshit. There's no rhyme or reason in upholding those standards as a feminist, when the core of feminism is about eradicating such pointless and discriminatory standards.

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    • It's like saying you're a vegan but you eat meat on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Like that's not how it works hunty.

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    • @Cammy137 I agree. Dumbest video ever. What kind of dumb logic is that anyway?

  • No. If I invite someone out, I will pay. If he asks me out... I always at least offer to pay for half. Or he pays for this activity and I’ll pay for the other.

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  • No. That's sexist inequality. A man's gender does not mean the woman is owed anything.

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  • No. Those women are feminists only when it's convenient for them.

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  • Hmm do feminists even date men lol who'd actually date a man hater..

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    • Being a feminist doesn't mean you hate men, that's the tumblr definition. Feminism is about believing in the strength and equality of women, that doesn't require some negative impact on men.

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    • Why would anyone give up an advantage? Fair play is a myth.

    • Because that's equality duh. Didn't you say feminism is for equality.

  • Absolutely NOT in my opinion, if you're a feminist you believe in equal rights there for that isn't fair.

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  • No because feminism is about equal rights so if you EXPECT guys to pay for they first date you don't REALLY want men and women to be treated as equally as possible.

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  • I mean, I guess you can, but it's some major bullshit.

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  • I don’t think you can. Equal opportunity should mean equal responsibility as well. There is no logical reason why a modern, selr sufficient woman should expect a man to pay her way.

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  • Omg can we stop with all this labeling whoever asks the other person on the date should pay

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    • So, I should always pay? That sucks, and feels totally unfair.

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    • When men ignore your issues that effect you personally as a women I want you to remember your responses on this thread.

    • 7d

      But men ask the girl out 90% of the time.

  • It depends who choose the place. If he took you somewhere you hadn't been before, you ordered something you didn't enjoy you wouldn't want to pay - especially if you hadn't been ecstatic about going on teh date in teh first place. He should pay. However if he asked you on a date, you discussed a place and went somewhere neither had been, halfsies, and if you took him somewhere you should pay. Logic.

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    • This makes no sense to me. Not liking your meal doesn't make someone else obligated to pay for it. I mean, maybe you didn't love it. But THEY didn't even order it or eat it! So why should they pay for it? And why should you go on a date if you don't want to?

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    • 7d

      The problem is, dear, that women rarely initiate any approach yet alone ask for a date. So it's a win win for you women, and a lose lose for us men. You know your tricks, and we know your tricks.

    • 6d

      @Zion666 Yea, but unless they say exactly where and when the date is, these things are up for discussion. But i see you're point, and yea it is pretty unfair... :(

  • I don't think that expecting men to pay for dates is a feminist view, but I also don't think that holding non-feminist views means that you aren't a feminist. Being a feminist means that you have to re-evaluate a lot of your views; you question the assumptions you hold about gender, the traditions you were raised with, etc. That's a process that happens over time, and we all have blind spots and biases. So, I would hope that that person would re-evaluate their view that men should pay for dates, since it's clearly a view rooted in traditional gender roles, but I wouldn't say that that person isn't a feminist, because they could very well believe in and fight for gender equality.

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  • Let us defer to Sonya in Fur https://youtu.be/i1_YsCrokfQ

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    • That must be a comedy. Because just lol if she's serious

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    • 6d

      What's the point? I'm sure you're a natural beauty Belle

    • 6d

      @disgustingweebtrash that is very true but if I was working I would need to present myself in a certain way and unfortunately makeup is one of those requirements

  • I can't get over the sheer levels of entitlement people have, does no one want to achieve or do anything for themselves anymore? everyone else seems to be to blame for people not achieving or reaching their own goals!

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  • I'm not really a feminist but I always offer, And if he agrees that I should pay i do so but my dad taught me that even though you offer the person who asked the other person out should always pay (unless you got the most expensive menu item which is rude)

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    • I was taught that the guy pays for everything that's called respect

    • @countryboy3597 If the guy always pays that's not respect that's a meal ticket.

    • @countryboy3597 How are you respecting a women by paying? You don't respect the fact that she can earn money to pay for her own meal... How would you feel if someone wouldn't let you pay for your meal because you gosh darn it weren't strong enough to?

  • It'd nice of him to he offer, but i would reply that i can't accept it, i pay this time you pay next time or i pay my half at least, as a feminist who believes in equality i think this is how you should act in this case.

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  • I chose yes, with that said I am not feminist lol.

    I think feminist want equality to some extent but not “all the way”

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  • Im sure there’s people like that out there... some people just like to label themselves to be part of a crowd or whatever without even thinking about what means. It’s kind of stupid if you ask me. Isn’t feminism against traditional gender roles? I’m not a feminist but if i think like one for a second, then it wouldn't make much sense if you expect the man to pay but as I said, some people don’t even know what they stand for

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  • It’s not about the person doing or paying everything because they’re a feminist, but only if they want to, then they should be able to make that choice without being shamed.

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  • A guy should not be expected to pay for anything. If he chooses to then he can but that is all up towards him. Can’t necessarily “expect” him to pay for a date.

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  • If she was the one being asked out on a date, I think it's reasonable.

    She specifically mentions first dates, which makes me assume that she's trying to see if the guy has respect, is humble, etc. This also indicates she is willing to split the bill on future dates. She does not say "I expect the guy to pay for me on all dates", which would point out her botched sense of economic equality.

    So yes, I think it's reasonable, assuming the guy asked her out.

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    • What about the guy? I've meet plenty of women that have been disrespectful and not humble at all. So I still get stuck with the bill under your idea, how is that fair for me?

      I see you get a clear advantage in the dating world, you lose nothing on your first date I'm out $60-100 at any even modest restaurant. It's why women complain the dating world has gone to H... men got tired of paying. If a women has 3 or 4 days a week it's all free... now if a guy has even 1-3 dates he's out potentially 100's of dollars, unless he's "cheap".

  • Absolutely not. But i do believe in being a lady, you do not fight a guy who insisted in on paying. Allow him to be a gentleman

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  • Highly doubt you heard an actual feminist say that. You switch off or each person pays for their food/drinks.

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  • Nope
    That's a hypocrite

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  • I’m not sure anyone can “expect” men to pay for their dates, asiecially not feminists.

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  • This is a form of feminism in which the woman believes in its integral ideals but has made a personal choice to abide by many of the gender norms that have existed for years e. g. wearing makeup, shaving, believing in chivalry etc because that is what she feels comfortable with. She's probably quite deep seated in her traditional ways, and although it might work against guys in a lot of respects, it's not EXACTLY hypocrisy unless she doesn't fully have the mindset of being a dedicated caretaker and not a provider, in which case she'd be just as capable to pay in theory. That being said I think it's stupid to expect the guy to pay, but each woman to her own and every woman will always display some behaviour contradictory to feminism even if they claim to be feminists because it's a matter of comfort, practicality or desire to be considered attractive

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  • I would rather be single than date a guy who won't pay for me. So there.

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    • Wow. Trolling?

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    • 6d

      @Markfish
      And you are retarded, because you don't know what "literally" means. I am not "literally" a prostitute, because I don't exchange sexual favors for money. My choices in dating and relationships do not make me a prostitute.

    • 5d

      He has to pay to date and it turn sleep with you, just because he gets more than sex for that payment is superfluous to semantics, he has to pay to sleep with you.

  • i have more money so i offer to pay for somethings

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What Guys Said 91

  • Yes you can. Feminists are known for hypocrisy

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    • Such women aren't feminists, only hypocrites. Real feminists understand that equality applies to everything.

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  • I think this is too much of a fully loaded question in fact it's a powder keg, to simply answer it in a Yes or No manner. The quote whoever it is from ONLY pertains to that individual not all girls/ladies/women. I am sure there are degrees to Feminism like all things from the extreme side to the more practical & logical. Its a broad spectrum where different experiences can happen to different people over particular events in their life time. I dated a strong believing feminist for close to 2yrs & while it was very fun, intense & intriguing conversations there were definitely times where it seemed like to me that this was one of those issues where she is going to stand her ground, while I admired her for that, I just wanted to know the why NOT wanting to change her stance on the matter. Now when it came to going out & dating, we seemed to share the bill most of the times unless I fully stated that I wanted to pay the bill in full, fully knowing that she could & she did want to but it was a romantic gesture on my part. I would just tell her that she can treat the next time, & she usually did. Dating should be a flow of giving & taking with what you feel is enough & understanding that the other person's idea of giving & taking is not going to be the same as yours. The man/woman should WANT to find out about what the other is comfortable with & communicate that in a reasonable manner. While this may sound all to the good in writing it does ultimately depend on the person you are dating or wanting to date. This is just my 2cents.

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  • Whoever asks and initates the outing pays for the outing. If the girls asks the guy out to dinner, expect to pay for him and vice versa. Easy as that. This is 2018, men and women are equal. Get over it. No more stereotypical expectations, both positive and negative.

    And whoever said that is an asshole. Let's take that statement to the equivalent extreme and use a different social expectation on gender roles; I believe in equality of men and women, but I firmly believe women should cook and clean the house in the relationship. This is like saying I believe in equality and want to be treated in the same way as men, except when the inequality is beneficial to me.

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  • feminism is about equal rights right? then technically they should split the bill after all its only fair.(I had so much fun debating this in my head as I know some people who are female that pointed out that now feminism is just women want complete and utter control over everything)

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  • Feminist in the USA is synonymous with hypocrite. They claim they want equality, yet they always expect preferential treatment and don't actually do anything for men's rights, especially when it comes to family/kids/birth rights and money.
    And they don't actually go to the countries where women actually are treated badly.
    From what I have seen, there are more women in the younger generations (ages 25 and under right now) that treat men more fairly (not all, but many more than the women I have encountered from around my age).

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  • if I can expect her to pay if she asks then she can expect me to pay if I ask. It’s not even about gender. It’s basic etiquette.

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  • Like fuck. You get what you ask for, good and bad points. You shouldn't get to pick and choose for what you want, when no one else gets that luxury.

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  • That's new wave feminism. That's not real feminism. That kind of "feminism" only applies when it benefits the woman. Not equality

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  • There is a huge difference between Feminism, Toxic Feminism, and chivalry.

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  • Since majority of modern day feminists don't actually want equality (they want superiority over males), most of them most likely want guys to pay first.

    Those who call themselves feminists but actually DO want equality (a very rare breed) are usually unaware of the fact that men currently experience more discrimination and unfairness than women.

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  • I agree with the notion that whoever asks on a first date should be the one to pay. From subsequent dates then onward, split the bill. Usually the guys asks the girl out but I don't understand how a guy could ask a girl out and then expect her to pay half the bill when she's basically his guest since he asked her. If she asked him, then it's the other way around

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  • Of course. You can have progressive ideas and still maintain traditional ones.

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  • Female: I believe in gender equality

    Male: cool then let's split the bill

    Female: What! you expect to split the bill, wow you're not a real man

    Male: ಠ_ಠ

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  • I mean, society has pushed it on the guys. And feminism at this day in age is really unnecessary. I think if the guy wants to be to be chivalrous then sure he can pay. She was raised on guys paying yet she wants so called "equality". Quite hypocritical if you ask me.

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  • Sounds kind of stupid, nein? Wanting the best parts from both sides but no drawbacks and responsibilities.

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  • No I am not a feminist and I never will be. When I just hear the word "feminism" i instantly think about mean women that hate men and share the opinion that all men are evil and everything a guy says is bad. I fucking hate this people. Same rights for all but what feminist today want has nothing to do with equality. by the way no they can't expect it anymore. It's not fair to just pick out the good parts of being a woman. Fine now that I finally shared my opinion about feminist, feel free to hate me ✌🏼

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  • Depends. The point of feminism is equality so the question then becomes "should one person be expected to pay for another" and that is all down to context.

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  • Feminism is now, and has always been a supremacy movement hiding behind a dictionary definition of equality. And yes, I mean even back as far as the suffragetts.

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  • Who ever initiates the date should pay so if a feminist got asked out it's reasonable for them to not pay

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  • we have a bit of a problem here, as a feminist (according to them at least ) equality is key, meaning she has to pay what he has to pay.

    now we have those claiming that the guy asked her out so why should he pay... well its simple really, women in 90% of the cases will not make a move on a guy, so basically guys are expected to make a move, so you're telling me that you make me approach you and whoever invites has to pay... doesn't seem to make much sense especially when u want equality...

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    • They won't want equality... go friend a few dozen women on facebook and watch as their marriages collapse after they dump the provider for the douche bag at the guy.

      We don't need charts or surveys just use your eyes and look at whats happening. I still laugh when a women says a guy must be 6 feet. Less than 14% of the male population is 6 feet...

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    • Your completely 100% right, they do think they are the center of the universe.

      I knew tons of hots girls and everything you've read or thought is exactly what they were doing and more. Using nice guys cheating on them with everyone.

      But I've also seen them hit the wall and they might laugh and say were the bitter ones... wait till they are in their 30's and go from taking a new guy home every other week to absolutely no one wanting them. They pack on 70 pounds and finally realize what an equal world is without their privilege. No pity. For the first time in their lives they'll know the struggle men have since were 16, endless rejection till we stop caring or toughen up.

    • 7d

      @CrashDF indeed some do # not all but a lot do end up either fat with no relationship or future or some find out the hard way what being high manitenance and slutty means when they get older and can't get a man.

  • Feminism is about female supremacy more than equality, hence why there is something called "equalism".

    Just like KKK is disgusting for thinking that one race is superior to another, so are feminism disgusting for thinking that one sex is better than the other.

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    • So is* fuck me! I really shouldn't skip English class in the future!

  • I feel like feminist don't even know how to function in the real world without contradicting themselves.

    This is why I date normal girls, and everything is alright 👌

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  • Feminist or not! THE ONE WHO ASKS FOR THE DATE PAYS. If the man is the one who is taking the lady out! HE PAYS.
    If the lady asks the man out! SHE PAYS.
    Of course split is optional (can be talked about it when they meet) it's 2018 and not the 1800's

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  • Every feminist I've dated (and that's more than a few) insisted on "going Dutch", i, e,, splitting the bill on the first date. What happened afterwards varied, also in a relationship.

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  • Because that's *literally* not social or economic equality. Defying two of the four listed areas of equality they supposed care about means it's nonsense.

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  • No... A lot of people don't understand what actually feminism is. It's common sense to a lot of people.

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    • Please do explain!

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    • Ok fine, but later, I don't have the energy to write something long right now.

    • Thank you!

  • feminists just want the good stuff of "equal rights"

    pay for half of the dinner? there's no chance in hell she's gonna do that shit

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  • short answer no. more accurately yes but she would be a hypocrite.

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  • Aye, but I think you would be cherrypicking out of equality. Not a good idea.

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