What has happened to acting like a gentleman?

[Anonymous]

why have all guys, okay most guys are players, don't want relationships and just don't act like gentlemen? I believe there are some gentlemen out there but mostly there are just assholes. what is so hard about commitment and caring about another person, other than yourself, why isn't there that expectation of love like how women believe in love.

i just want some input, feel free to write whatever comes to mind. thank you!

[ap1100]

First of all, no one is teaching this anymore. Monkey see, monkey do. I've dated girls who said I was the first one to walk on the street side of the sidewalk. Some guys are just lame, but others probably never heard some of the rules of chivalry.

Guys are immature. Especially at your age. Unfortunately, so are a lot of girls. The difference is that most nicer guys get dumped after a date or two, whereas the naive girl gets dumped after sleeping with a guy, so the hurt is deeper. Believe me, there are plenty of girls who don't return calls, string guys along while someone they like better comes through, etc. It's why most rational, mature people seek relationships; to have someone dependable.

You sound like something's happened to you that you're venting about. It happens to all of us, but realize you're in control of your situation. Go to a club and you'll find a-holes. Go to a bookstore and you'll find nerds. Figure out what you want and find it. And when you run into an a-hole, don't go out with him. Or don't sleep with him. The fact that a-holes exist shouldn't be a problem as long as you don't associate with them.

People don't care about others because they're hurting inside. Young guys don't realize this, but if your main goal in life is having sex with as many women as you can it's because you're a hurting little boy who needs to control and dominate others to prop your tiny ego up and feel better about yourself and to get a sense of control that you feel you don't have. I guess we have a lot of hurt, screwed up people in our society.

Finally, your thoughts will become reality. There are a ton of guys who aren't a-holes. Some are completely boring. Some are ugly. Some are balding prematurely. Some are pretty attractive and lead interesting lives. Don't try to create something that doesn't exist; a-hole guys flock to clubs so don't think you're going to change reality. Realize that there are nice guys if you look for them, and when you find one, don't assume he's just hiding his a-holishness. Give him a chance.

[vmw2008]

Great Answer!

[BlackSuperman]

damn good answer... that's the truth of the whole conundrum...

[ap1100]

Thanks guys

[Prof_Don]

i have given this answer thumb-up #5

[Chaaz]

I think gentleman has changed. I think in the past gentleman were civil and at the same time MANLY: they could kick ass simply because they were wealthy enough to afford fencing-shooting-riding lessons. Today anyone can do that, so the distinction is blurred as an "exclusive" class becomes watered down with the masses. No problem there.

Anyway, regarding if it's hard or not? I don't think so. You can be a gentleman yet not be a kiss arse.

Okay write whatever comes to mind:

I think I'm sort of a gentleman, sorta:

Well you'd walk on the street side of the road, but don't make a big deal out of it. Just gently move to the opposite side of her, and guide her in toward the pavement and carry on the conversation, nothing more. Not a big deal.

Opening car doors? YES only if she doesn't do it herself and IF it is efficient for you, if you happen to be parked at the lobby or on the side of the car you wish to exit from. Again don't make a big deal of it like... rush over to do it... or even talk about it.

Not being intentionally rude.. well yes I was told if you can't say anything positive, say nothing at all if it will hurt someone's feelings. That's a general moral thing though, not sure if it screams "gentleman."

Oh and possibly deliver her home, make sure she enters her home before you leave etc... Don't have to escort her to the door, but make sure she's within view. IF without a car, part ways at public transport node and get her to SMS you when she's home. But make it light-hearted and not a big deal. I.e.: "Wouldn't want to find you in a ditch tomorrow morning"... Or something that blends the comment with what she said... Like one girl was talking about ditches & dams so hence I mentioned that.

Some women notice and appreciate that: i.e. "Thanks for being so gentlemanly."

Others don't. But don't care.

THat's about all I can think of. Cheers.

Oh and ofcourse the ULTIMATE measure of a gentleman is how big a CAR he Drives and whether he has shining armour. Naaaaahhh just kidding.

[Anonymous]

It's true, lots of guys are players, at least at young ages. However, many girls act the same way. It's pretty much even. Who knows where it began? The problem is, being a total asshole, player, slut, or whatever else you want to call it, has been accepted as being normal. Boys are brought up to think that they can't control themselves and that they have to be that way and girls are brought up to believe that they have to be a slut or what not in turn. Now, I don't speak for everyone, and this is a bit of an extreme, but look around. I see it all the time. It sucks for the ones in the middle, who have realized that there's more to life than cheap sex. However, I can't really blame boys any more than I can blame girls. This generation has been brought up under a different sky than the last one. Men have to worry about being a chauvinist, and woman have to worry about being labeled as a virgin prude. It's just a cruddy situation. I do think it's unfair that when a guy messes around, well that's just normal, but when a girl does it, she's a total slut. It would be a hell of a lot better if more people cared about love, but that's a dead, naive, ideal.

[Asker]

wow really good answer and I think that sums everything up. and you are right about girls have done as much wrong as guys. but I never thought that way because I'm not slutty and treat men right. but no matter the kind of strong love there was before, has changed in this generation. I bet it will just get worst in the future on both sides.

[ap1100]

It's a good answer. I really think sex is largely a figment of our imagination. Are stupid young guys really enjoying it that much, or are they just happy to feed their insecure little egos by getting a feeling of controlling and dominating someone else? I had sex with one girl out of a relationship and hated it. Girls have come to expect being used for sex and guys have been told that they're nothing if nothing a sex machine. Few young people are secure enough to not care what others think.

[emmabee11]

I like the gentleman ;) to be honest the culture is blind these days, a man treating you like a gentleman is like the best kind of guy you can ever get so girls don't push them away because they are NICE MEN yes not JERKS who are gonna brake your heart. I don't get why anyone would want drama in their lives, your supposed to be trying to make your life as happy and as problem free as possible but still you choose the bad guys and create dramas? very weird and ironic culture me thinks. I grew up in an old fashioned family so I really like a guy holding the door for me, it's really nice, shows the guy is a really nice guy. No wonder why guys are turning into jerks these days like what have you all done? I can't even look at hardly any guys these days without thinking "Omg! how gay is he acting?" lol really... I allow any guy to act gentleman like to me.

[ShootingStar5]

Because we live in a society where people need instant gratification. A lot of guys (and girls) don't want to put the effort into a relationship. To them, it's easier to just have casual sex and enjoy things without any strings. However, there are still guys out there who do like the intimacy and closeness that comes with being in a relationship. There are guys like that out there, they're just hard to find. My boyfriend is wonderful and he treats me very well. Just proof that guys like this do still exist :)

[Anonymous]

in everyday life I think I'm pretty nice unless I'm trying to take advantage of a girl. I have been in a relationship, but right now I'm just having fun. I do want a girl to settle down with years from now, definitely.

right now though there are just WAY too many sluts running around willing to be used. Its like if someone was just throwing 100 dollar bills in the air. would you just turn your head and say "nah man I'm gonna work for mine" or would you reach out and grab the money? some might choose work, but many many people would choose catching them in the air, picking 100s off the ground, etc. It's easy. When there's open p**** everywhere, it kind of draws me in. especially if the girls are hot, which they usually are in my experience.

so clearly we can't be "assholes" and avoid commitment on our own right? there has to be a significant amount of women willing to have uncommitted sex with us. so clearly men aren't the problem here, its that you are a part of a group of both men and women who can't find what they are looking for because many of us men and women are out having sex.

i think you're wrong though. having sex doesn't mean you don't believe in love. it just means your life doesn't revolve around it. I believe in love, when I had a girlfriend I was the most romantic out of any of my friends. I go above and beyond to keep my girlfriend happy when I have one because she is everything to me at the time, she's the first girl I think about in the morning and the last at night. that doesn't mean that I don't enjoy having sex when I'm not in a relationship. just putting that out there.

i haven't found a girl lately that I honestly think is worthy of that kind of love that I have to give. so they just get my d***, which is pretty great too by the way. its not womens faults and I'm not going to blame them for me not finding someone at the moment. it has a lot to do with me being so accustomed to the slutty girls that I look for them out of habit. ill ignore the good girls and only see the wild girls who are throwing themselves at me left and right. example, last night at my friends "end of the semester party" a girl pulled me into the bathroom, took off her top and bra, climbed on my lap and pushed her boobs to my face and told me to suck her t*ts. easy chicks are all over universities like this. I'm not gay at all so...im not going to turn her down...im just having fun. I still believe in love, its just that love isn't what I'm looking for right now. sluts are all around me so I'm letting them get what they want while I get what I want. if I happen to find love I won't turn it away. but most girls around me aren't trying to find love either, or if they are they definitely aren't going about it the right way. if the girl who let me suck on her her boobs (among other things) was really looking love and affection, then maybe there needs to be a class or something for girls like her. because that is definitely not what I gave her.

i hope you see my point.

[Asker]

wow that was a long explanation, but yes I do understand your point. (it was really good explanation) I feel a lot of guys, especially in todays genereation, just want to have fun and do not want commitment when still young but eventually settle down when they are older.

it kinda sucks how I'm the kinda of girl who wants a commited relationship. I love being social, meeting new guys, but I know it will prob. be a while til I can find that right kind of guy to commit to me

[ap1100]

Most women want a relationship; some just say they don't as a defense mechanism. You can find a guy to commit to you, but you have to be careful because I've dated many women who think I'm like everyone else. They're LOOKING to turn something I say/do in making me a jerk. If you think all guys are jerks, they will be... in your eyes. Either that, or the guy won't want to deal with the bitterness and he'll leave. Finding a relationship means being open to being hurt until you do.

[vmw2008]

I agree with this post and can see your view. The only issue I have with it is that you consider having meaningless sex with random women just having "fun." You're not looking for love. That's cool, to each their own. But why is it that those same women who are having meaningless sex with random men "slutty." It's not considered "fun" when they do it, it's considered nasty and stupid. Why the difference?

[Opinion Owner]

no its fun for them too. I'm just using the term loosely, I'm not so hung up on definitions of what a slut is or isnt. were both having sex, both having fun.

[ericneo]

vmw2008 ever heard a girl describe herself as "Having Had Her Fun"? It means that they were very slutty in the past but now want a steady relationship.

[PHILR]

this written by a women its a repost:

an essay written by Julia Serano called “Why Nice Guys Finish Last.”

…I would argue that “nice guys” are generally read as emasculated or effeminized men in our culture. In a world where calling a man “sensitive” is viewed as a pejorative, the very act of showing respect for women often disqualifies a male from being seen as a “real man.” Isn’t that interesting and sad?

Heterosexual women always say they want to meet a nice guy who treats them with respect, but then somehow they end up dating some loser who only cares about his own needs. We’ve seen this play out in movies and in real life. Our friends have done it. We’ve done it. Our single moms have done it. One may ask, “Why do guys act that way?” but it may in fact be better to ask, “Why do women allow men to act that way?”

If your relationships finds you with a series of men who act like a**holes, you need to ask yourself why you acquaint yourself with these men long enough to call what you have a relationship. You should ask yourself why that great guy that you’ve known forever but only see as a friend hasn’t made it on your “sexually attracted to” list. Why are the rude, moody, aggressive guys so appealing? Why is your idea of a “real man” not so nice of a guy?

If the men you chose to date as women are a**holes, what do you think that nice guy who’s totally into you will think he has to do just to get you to notice him? If the only guys who seem to excite you are the ones who are emotionally unavailable and/or physically domineering, why would the sensitive, physically unthreatening guy even bother with you? What good is it to say that you want a “nice guy” when all you accept as attractive are “bad boys?”

If what we really want is a “nice guy“, then we cannot allow ourselves to continue to date and have sex with “bad boys” sends a message to the “nice guys” that in order for us to be interested in them, they have to treat us badly. And why would we want to send that message? If we keep lowering the bar on what kinds of behavior is acceptable in relationships, why would our partners have any incentive to raise it? If we let people use us; if we put ourselves in a position to be used, people will take advantage of that. But if we demand to be respectfully treated as equals, our partners will do so (and anyone who doesn’t won’t make it to a partner- status anyway).

Nice guys don’t finish last because they’re weaker. The only reason “nice guys finish last” is because we give the “bad boys” an unfair advantage. By accepting their behavior, we make it easy for them to abuse us. If that guy you’ve been obsessing about hasn’t called you for a week- forget about him! Don’t allow him to be “mysterious.” Allow yourself to see that he’s not interested and find a guy who is! If what you want is a guy who’ll call you when he says he will (a “nice guy“), why would you accept someone who does the opposite (a “bad boy“)? It’s about time that we realized that real men are nice guys.

[Anonymous]

i 100% agree with sedstar. I am in high school right now, I was brought up on high morals and to respect women. I learned hard and fast that being nice gets you no where. people don't respond kindness with kindness and girls don't even bat an eye for a good guy. reason being is because before I started acting like a jerk I was shy and tried to be really nice to the girl and treat them how I was taught to. girls don't want nice, they want that flirty sh*t. a nice guy tries and gets the girl they want by being nice and trying to do nice things for her and give her compliments. girls sh*t all over a good guy and hurts him and tosses him aside for the "cool" guy.

the "cool" guy is usually popular, a prick to everyone, thinks he's hot sh*t. his parents buy him everything, he has a nice car, hosts drinking parties and gets into trouble.

the nice guy is usually the opposite, he tries to be nice to people, he gets good grades, is shy, not that popular, doesn't get into trouble, and usually tries to connect with women on a deeper level than what they can handle because the girls don't know what they want.

i see it like an impulse buy, you see this awesome shiny new car and before you know the price or what features it has, or what kind of warranty it has, or its depreciation value you buy it blindly. same as they date a bad boy. its usually a few months then the guy cheats or something and the girl is hurt and she says she wants a good guy but she keeps going back to the bad boy.

good guys are becomming fewer and fewer because we don't have a chance anymore. we get shot down so many times when we are younger it makes us bitter and jaded toward women. or it converts us nice guys to pricks or players. like it has done to me. I'm a pro at getting girls now. its like a drive through order at mcdonalds. not quite like you pay for it but if it looks good you get it. same concept. you find a girl you like, you use the sweet guy charm added with the bad boy idc attitude and bingo you have a winner. I have gotten so many girls and gotten laid by so many girls. best of both worlds.

but when you do this to a good guy you mess him up like yall messed me up, we lose feelings and respect for the female gendar and you kill us. I'm finally with a girl I can be myself with instead of that player mentality before. its girls that don't give us good guys a chance that are making good guys extinct. pretty soon you won't find a good guy at the rate girls mess the good guys up.

[sedstar]

well, actually a LOT of "normal guys" were raised by decent parents, who taught them to be nice to women, not use them, etc etc...

problem is... guys that act on being taught that? they see all their friends who act like jerks with women, getting all the attention and dates from the pretty girls... and when they DO land a girl acting on what values they were taught, often the women walk all over them and take advantage of their nice-ness...

Gee... act like a jerk, and have more sex, with prettier girls... and not get harassed by the girl too while you are with her...

or...

have women and men making fun of you, getting less dates, losing self confidence the whole time, which can ruin a man fro life? All while watching other guys "succeed" for doing technically all the wrong things..

Hmmm... I WONDER how this thing got going like this? LMAO...

I'm 43, and have been with my better half for 20+ years, so I have some perspective and wisdom on it... I hear all the young girls talk at work and smile about the "bad boys" they like going out with, with nice abs and cool cars... THEN when they get a little older, all of a sudden?

they sre looking fro a nice guy to "settle down with".

Translation: I wanna run around with good looking jerks to have FUN, but I will SETTLE for a less good looking guy I can control who makes cash and is willing to take care of me and my kids I wanna have...

thats not exactly true, but, its how us guys see it, in many ways...

WHy does acting like a conceited jerk IMPRESS you girls so much? That's the only reason we do it... way back in the dayy, you know, all guys had to act like sweet gentlemen to take out a pretty young girl... you ladies turned it around, so don't complain now.

[MtnDewMan]

best answer^^^^

[Prof_Don]

The last paragraph is a top quote on this site. 8-)

[MahJaY]

Couldn't say it better myself.

[WindmillPoet]

I don't know I still try being a gentelman just because it is amazing how many girls talk to me instead of other guys anymore just because I don't talk about d***ing them first chance I get or about making love to them. The problem I guess with guys is they have an urge between there legs and they only want something that helps them release it and then they are off to the next one. It is funny but bullsh*t. My friend is in love with a guy who basically will kiss her says he loves her tells her he will marry her but when she told him she liked him and would like to go out. He comes out with the dumbest line of I don't want to ruin our friendship. I was like dumbsh*t you should of thought of that before you told her you wanted to f*** her so bad one night, when you were drunk. Still she falls for him. It is complete bullsh*t. If you want to put yourself through that then fine. However I think part of the problem why so many guys are assholes is because they know they can get a girl doing it that way. You can get pretty quick sex just being a tool instead of having to spend time courting a girl you like if you are a gentleman and then having them open up to you sexually later on down the road.

[silkpanties]

I watch old movies a lot and see the way ladies look and how people act and wonder the same thing. Ladies over the decades have let their bodies get fat to the point they are not attractive. Men went from more a family oriented person to out of control. Things are getting worse faster over the years. Men have always been taught to be in charge of something they are not good at controlling. Women are born leaders and have been held back form controlling something that they would be best at. Women need to come together and force control in relationships or relationships in general will be a thing of the past. Men want sex only and women keep giving it through good thinking but they end up the same sad way in the end. Broken hearted and asking why. Take control after a few dates and don't back down from control. Please yourself and keep sex out of the relationship. Don't allow yourself to be the situation of it happening. Try not to be alone with him until you know you are in charge. Men must realize the old control thinking never worked and never going to work. Only women are going to bring this change to relationships. I do hope to see it a normal thing someday. Their are only three ways out. Be proud in an FLR, stay maybe sad single or be a happy lesiban. Either way think of yourself only. GLENN

[WakaFlocka]

Oh believe me toots. There are plenty of goddamn Gentleman in the world. Maybe its just the fact that nice bastards like us get ignored because all that matters is having an Abercrombie and Fitch Model boyfriend. Don't go around making assumptions because then you make an ass out of yourself. I bet you know lots of decent guys or maybe you don't know them because you're eyes are closed. Too often I see nice shy guys who are unable to talk to girls get passed over for douche bags who treat women like sh*t. And the women tolerate it too so they're not innocent either. Life isn't like Twilight or the Notebook. You want a nice person? Observe your potential mate for a long time before you dive into his arms. Commitment, loyalty and respect is still there. It may be harder to find but you're just not opening your eyes.

[Mjmolly]

Agree.Thought I had hopeless hope.

[ShootingStar5]

I love your icon! Castiel <3

[WakaFlocka]

thanks.

[MaxwellSmart]

Because it seems women get creeped out by guys who hold a door open for them or show manners and education. I don't mean when you are actually dating, but when you are in the "getting to know you" stage. I have experience firsthand how I can make pleasant conversation with a girl and she makes this "you are annoying me to no end" face but if a few days later I start ignoring her and act like an a**hole, she can't get enough and it makes it extremely difficult to get in a relationship, I can't pretend to be an a**hole to get a woman while in reality I'm educated and easy going. I'm 28 and thank God I was able to live in a period (back in my late teens/early twenties) when being a gentleman actually paid off now its too difficult and like another answerer said, guys look for interests that don't involve women such as gaming or watching sports because as much as we love women, its not really worth the aggraviation.

[IdontWantToBeMe]

I completely understand what you're saying but at the same time why don't girls have better expectations for the men they go out and sleep with.

I mean you can only be treated as bad as you let someone treat you and if girls continue to date guys that are assholes, selfish and don't act like real men then isn't that really just the girls own fault for putting up with it ?

You attract people based on how you carry yourself and I think guys like that know exactly who can treat like sh*t and who they can't

[Prof_Don]

I agree w. your reply.

I truly believe that women dictate their perception based on who they have sex with. Of course there are gonna be women that say that is unfair. It's the truth.

I'll be frank: if a girls keeps f***king douchy assholes, my respect for her will sharply plummet; and as we all know, women that are not respected will rarely be seen as "girlfriend material."

Harsh as it sounds, a girl that continually f***s around with bad boys is too stupid to be my girlfriend. 8-)

[jnesss68]

because being a gentleman does not get a man laid. having confidence gets a man laid. all douche bags have confidence but not too many regular dudes have confidence. the regular dudes with confidence get laid almost as much as the douche bags. the only reason the douche bags get laid more is because girl tend to like how douche bags treat them. when I say douche bags this includes dudes who are assholes to everybody and dudes who are assholes only to girls and no they don't bother me. I have a few friends who are douche bags only to girls. they aren't being a douche to me so I don't have a problem with them and I actually don't have a problem with how they treat the girls either. the girls know what they are getting into and willing go through with it. I'm really starting to think girls just do this just to have some drama to talk about in their lives, and people wanna know why some men think girls are crazy.

[ap1100]

True, but if you have confidence, you can get laid, too. Not by immature club rats who f a guy for status to prop up their negative self-esteem, but by decent, attractive, somewhat intelligent girls. It's not just a girls' fault, although there are a lot of girls who are pretty immature. But a guy needs some confidence of his own. For me, traveling the world is a gem. Girls love it and it gives me instant confidence that I have something going on in my life. Whiny guys aren't hot.

[destroyer]

I think it has simply seperated roles of guys moreso in the past century. There are LOTS of the 'gentleman' type but most are 'too nice' and kiss up to the woman to try to win their affection or are too afraid to make a move, this is because many women have generally become more defensive and have emasculated guys. It seems that in this day American women are acting more masculine (angry, violent etc.) and men are becoming more feminine (in touch with emotions, apologetic etc). I am strongly considering moving to eastern Europe, people behave more like their gender there

[Prof_Don]

"I am strongly considering moving to eastern Europe, people behave more like their gender there"

Lmao; funny but true.

[DaveMicharl69]

I've often told I'm one of the few left in the world, & I don't understand it either! I LOVE opening the door for a girl. paying a compliment if she looks nice, & if I KNOW you, wether friend or GF, you'll have my 150% commitment! My BFF layers tops & will strip off one if she gets too hot, & if I watch her I feel like I'm invading her privacy, even if there's a sirt underneath, so I HAVE to lok away, or AT LEAST not look AT her till she's done. This is all a part of caring, so why don't guys WANT to do things for the girls they SAY they care about that much?

[ap1100]

I'll add to my previous answer with a question: would you go out with a guy who thought all women were sluts? Or all women were jerks? Or all women were golddiggers? Of course not. His past problems that led him to feel that way are his issues to sort out, not yours. It's possible you're giving off a vibe of anger and the good guys who want a great relationship aren't willing to sort through the mess. I for one don't deal with girls who act badly; I find another girl who appreciates who I am. The a-holes don't do this. They thrive on finding a way to get you to sleep with them. The entire stupid pick-up artist movement is about finding ways to always have just the right answer for a hostile girl and to bang her. A-holes don't care what you're like, so if you act like you're angry and hate men, a guy who really gets to know you won't give you much of a chance.

[Anonymous]

Chivalry is dead and women killed it.

Promiscuous women destroyed commitment a long time ago marrage is now nothing but a finicial fund for women to stick their teeth into. And with most women having casual sex with every guy that want they cheapenned commitment.

Guys looking for a relationship in their 20's get left out, no sex, no partner nothing all they have to look forward to is is being sloppy seconds, twentieths, or mr good enough in their mid to late thirtys when the best years of their life is long gone. Mean while the guys in their 20's who are just after sex get it all the time because women prefer sex to relationships.

I for one am at my wits end, I'm tired of looking for a relationship while women around me don't give a stuff and are screwing like rabits.

[likewoahhh]

we didn't kill it, its your decision

if you want to be a gentleman or not

[Opinion Owner]

Correct it was my decision and I decided that after years of trying my best to be a gentleman and a good and kind person that women didn't care and found it unattractive, women like you were not worth the effort.

[MahJaY]

Yup , forget relationships I just want relations . Females aren't worth the time , all they're good for is pleasing me .

[NonchalantBro]

Preach, brother, preach!

[Anonymous]

I think you are very naive if you believe women don't share the blame equally in relationship troubles. Yes men do bad things sometimes, and so do women.

I completely disagree on your position that most men are assholes. Like I'd disagree if a man was saying most women are horrible.

Many couples out there have found love and are working beautifully thanks to the mutual work of the men and the women.

Keep your faith in men, don't fall for cliches. Also, I agree many women believe in love. Unfortunately quite a few believe in the prince charming version. Like, one day a great guy is going to come and make their lives incredible...

That's complete BS. Real relationship takes love but also a lot of WORK, from both the man and woman involved.

So look for the man who is ready to work at a relationship with you because that's where real chance of success happens. Naive love alone will unfortunately bring you lots of disappointment.

[Anonymous]

Well, there are the guys who are just assholes at their core, then there are the nice guys who become grow out of being nice because they get hurt too much and then become assholes, and then there are the gentlemen.

Assholes and nice guys have one thing in common, they are not mature. They are the two extremes of the spectrum. A gentleman is not just the middle-ground; but an all-encompassing concept that comes from maturity.

There aren't too many around because guys just aren't as encouraged to reach that level of manliness. Most find contentment in doing what they feel comfortable doing.

I personally would encourage younger girls to date nice guys (not nice by default because of insecurity) and then encourage them to become gentlemen. To reform an asshole is much more difficult.

[xbigkylex]

well most guys are assholes but you know that's just guys but me I don't even have to date a girl to be treated like an asshole I'm a gentleman I believe in opening a door for a girl holding her hand or treat her with the respect she deserves and players just sleep with girls for no apparent reason just to think there cool because they got laid or just to say they got laid most of my friends are like that but I get know where most girls these days no offense but most of em are stuck up only look for looks you know most of the ones that don't look that great might be the best.

[Thiezz]

If girls like gentlemen so much, why do they keep having sex with assholes? Oh dear, I can make baseless accusations too.

I mean, seriously, "most guys are players"? Do you have an unconventional definition of "most", or are you really under the impression that more than half of the guys out there are players? Perhaps you meant "most of the guys I'm attracted to turn out to be players". Well, that would be your problem.

[Asker]

i say half the guys out there are players that the way I feel... and not all girls are stupid to have sex with assholes. I have only had one sexual partner so far in my life. I'm just saying all guys I have dated/ get to know turn out bad

[BlackSuperman]

or, to quote Katt Williams... there's something about your p**** that keeps attracting 'aint sh*t n****s'... LMFAO. In short, Thiezz, you hit the nail on the head.

[teejayem]

I think chivalry no longer exists due to the fact the most woman want to be treated equally. One girl got really annoyed with me for holding the door open for her, she said don't treat me like I'm incapable of handling my own. I really didn't know what to say her but it seems in today's world woman want to be treated more "fairly" but on the contrary how are we supposed to treat you like queens?

[upskrtcelebs]

Well said. Thanks to all the women out there who act like they have d***s, the gender lines are skewed. Women what equality, but only if they get to cherry pick which parts. 1 has to equal 1 all of the times, not just some of the times.

[bonobo26]

The reason why men are less concerned about commitment nowadays is because of the proliferation of promiscuous women. The possibility of getting easy sex appeals to a mans most base desire, and this often distracts us away from 'girlfriend material' women.

[Mjmolly]

Love this.

[JackieTreehorn]

Chivalry is dead, because women killed it. Now your men are totally tolerant, equal citizens who are afraid to make any advances on you or 'act like a gentleman," because they are afraid you'll file a case for sexual harassment. We are now a society of men raised by women, where women are taught to be the best they can be at being feminine and living their lives, and men's balls are cut off and shoved up their own asses.

[DocClassic]

has it ever crossed your mind that there is also a huge shortage of ladies...it works both ways. "why isn't there that expectation of love like how women believe in love. "well why isn't there that expectation of sex like how men believe in sex? I'm just saying, for every chauvinistic pig there is a man-hater, and for every feminist there is a sexist...its all give and take

[mlrock]

There are plenty of guys our age group, myself included, who aren't players and treat women with the utmost respect and desire healthy, long-term relationships. The reality is that they're usally the guys who you don't perceive as "good-looking" or "cool."

[GingerRage]

I've been shunned by the 3 girls I've dated for acting how I was raised. I opened their doors, refused to go in their bedroom, stood up when a new person joined the table, all of it. It wasn't me acti g nice, it was me being 'GingerRage', and it went over badly. The only idea was that they were embarassed and shocked that it happened and didn't want to burden me. Since then, I'm slowly adapting to the society.

[Anonymous]

I'm a true gentlemen and so far the only two women I've dated treated me like crap and one of them didn't like me because I insisted on paying for all our dates. I've officially decided to give up treating a lady like a lady because that doesn't work anymore and modern women get offended by it.

[peace-love-couture]

See,I hate when feminists ruin things for the rest of us!Ugh

[Navywaves]

Find the right girl then! Your giving up on treating a lady like a lady over TWO women? Not all modern women get offended by this, And not ALL women will treat you like crap. so don't give up ya?

[finslaw]

Women haven't hit the point where they would prefer "slightly flattering honesty" over "head over heels lies." Stop looking for prince charming and you will stop screwing the players, then in a perfect world they would stop getting screwed and without that positive reinforcement will move on and grow up.

Todays culture doesn't seem headed there though. Players are worshipped in film and TV.

[key23]

I have seen quite a few otherwise decent mates have relationships fall apart, and then become a different person to those who don't know them. Personally, I have no inclination to be a 'Player". I had a relationship disaster about 3 years ago, all I want is that friendship I once had.

But, like my mates, commitment is hard. I don't think breakups are the same for females. I've seen nearly everyone of my mates attempt suicide over a girl, I can't remember the last time I heard of a girl doing the same.

But I do believe strongly in respect, I think our generation is a little lost atm.

[Jager66]

-Men want to be desirable to women

-Women sow through actions that men who are sh*t heads get the most attention

-Men become what women and and act like sh*t heads to get women, or they abandon the dating scene and seek out other interests that don't involve women.

[Anonymous]

Why is it so hard for everyone to understand we are young we all make mistakes and that's how we learn is from our mistakes ! So instead of being so harsh and judgmental give them a break ! Nice guys can be ass holes at times gentlemen can be assholes at times too everybody makes mistakes so get over it and give them a chance

[Anonymous]

I wonder if sexual harassment and marriage lawsuits, which tend to favor women these days, discourage men from getting into relationships in the first place. Men leave girls before things get too close, before she wants to have a baby or is pressing him to have a baby... these are just a few of the many reasons guys don't want to stay long term with a woman.

[ap1100]

That's a bit silly. Many guys want a baby anyway. This is one of those urban legends guys talk about to trash women. I haven't dated many women who are looking for a baby or to use me. In fact, I had a vasectomy and most relationship-minded women don't care. The girls who are after your money and sperm are the girls you should know better about anyway. Don't date a stripper or a gold digger just because the sex is great and then say you didn't know.

[Opinion Owner]

You're only 26, so you're not ready to fully grasp what I'm saying. These are factual reasons men give, in part. If it's their excuse or not, it makes a lot of sense to me.

[lefthand]

You are playing over your head. The reason guys act like assholes is that they believe they have plenty of other options. When they think they are getting something of higher quality than they should get, they tend to be much more polite.

[Anonymous]

I once held the door open for a girl and she said to me,

"What's your problem asshole"

Thats why being a gentleman doesn't work. because o bitches who'd rather f*** a guy and get dumped than meet a nice individual

[TheCheshireCat]

Wow, most women are not like that. At the place a work, people are always opening the door for others. Most say thank you, I've never heard someone say, "Whats your problem ..." Sounds like this girl didn't have a lot of respect for herself as well as others.

[ericneo]

I had the same experience.

[unsungzero]

I think if you act like a gentleman, you might be perceived as a dreaded nice guy. the boring type of nice guy. I'm sure you know the type. that doesn't mean anyone should act like an asshole though. but gentleman and nice guy seem synonymous to me.

[Prof_Don]

Imo, they get lumped into the same mold. If I like a girl, that last thing I want to do is to become too "friendly" with her. :-X

[Mssbella]

I think it is a lack o class and/or maturity. I'm a little bit older than you, but I usually date older men than myself and they tend to all be gentlemen. I don't know.

[Anonymous]

Feminism ruined it for all women. Now men expect us to take care of them while they fix their hair & put on make up like a sissy, sigh...

[peace-love-couture]

LOLOLOLOLOL I like your style of thinking chica

[Opinion Owner]

Thanks

[BlackSuperman]

its the truth anyhow... you told it there.

[Prof_Don]

Wow...i had to give this comment its 4th thumb-up. I like honest girls like you. :)

[Anonymous]

The truth is that until they want to settle down & have children women do not want a gentleman. Assholes are unpredictable, assholes have options, assholes are SEXY.

[ap1100]

This is a bit of a myth. We use the word asshole too loosely. Women don't want a pushover. I've been with women who are intrigued that I travel the world all the time and don't have to work that hard to make money. I'm not an a-hole at all; I'm probably a bit too nice at times, although with a slight edge. These women aren't begging me to marry them or demanding my money. And I know plenty of women who get married at 22, 23, 24, who never dated the jerks.

[Opinion Owner]

Yes, that is correct we do use the word "asshole" too loosely. My point was that men don't need to be gentleman in order to get girls; in fact, acting in a traditionally gentlemanly manner is a good way to sink yourself on a date. Open a door for her you're "old fashioned," ask her where she'd like to go or what's her pleasure you're a weakling with no plan, that sort of thing. "Gal pals" I have tell me these all the time. It's odd, but it is the nature of the world we live in.

[ap1100]

I think, just like true gentlemen (not guys who say they're "nice" but are really desperate misogynists), the mature lady is a rarity. At least until her early to mid 30s. I think most girls who are relatively accomplished and were raised halfway decently respect a guy who opens doors, etc. Opening a door is different from having no plan. GIirls don't want weaklings. What's wrong with that?; neither do secure guys.

[upskrtcelebs]

Probably because during the whole Feminazi era which is upon us, women stopped acted like women so we gave up being gentlemen.

[ikarus]

Anonymous, you're just looking at all the wrong guys...trust me, they're there if you just stop crushin on the asshole

[haijal]

Thats because when men try to be that gentleman we get shot down really quickly. So, we get tired of being shot down, get mad about being rejected so many times and become ass holes.

[AslinnNight]

theres only a handful of gentleman left in this world

Im so lucky to have one of them

=)

[Anonymous]

Well.. I think you are complaining about the wrong thing... I was about to complain why do the Freaking players act like gentleman just to play us?

I prefer to don't believe in the next one that comes acting like a gentleman...

[Anonymous]

I think the expectation of chivalry as a default is unreasonable. A woman only deserves to be treated this way if she's a proper lady. And not some trashy floozy that has slept around

[LonelyFiona]

Because we do not deserve gentlemen, we want and love assholes!

[ST_Hero]

I don't know why a lot of guys are like that...Personally I am a gentlemen. I'm kind of old fashioned and maybe a little cheesy, but I believe in chivalry. You've got to be respectful and kind,

[Seankay]

I'm a gentlemen. I punch arseholes in the face, but warn first.

[ikarus]

Excuse me sir, but I'm gonna have to hit you in the f***ing face, I apologize for the inconvenience ahead of time :)

[Seankay]

Well, I thank you kindly.

[Anonymous]

I am a gentlemen and I think girls don't care about guys like me anymore

[vmw2008]

Do not give up being a gentleman. The girls that do not appreciate it are immature. Finding a gentleman is like winning the lottery these days, and I'm always ecstatic when I do.

[evilguri]

No, that's not true..feminist and scanky girls ruin it !

[faraday]

There are more of us than you think, your just looking at the wrong guy's.

[Anonymous]

What has happened to acting like a lady?

That answers your question, I believe.

[Anonymous]

I'm right here.

Seriously, you're looking at the wrong guys.

[Anonymous]

lol. I like the last line of this. "like how women believe in love"

LMAO

[Anonymous]

Why would I want to commit? Players are simply reaping the rewards of the game, if you don't like it, don't associate yourself with them.

[Jakob]

They disappeared shortly after ladies did.

[NonchalantBro]

Amen.

[ericneo]

agreed

[MikeVick4MVP]

cuz we actually wanna get laid

[likewoahhh]

have fun having sex with whores

[MikeVick4MVP]

why so mean :(

[Navywaves]

Im sick of guys like you, I'm sorry..Is that's all you care bout?

[MikeVick4MVP]

yes :p

[johari]

I still see guys open the door

[Samoht_D319]

lol

[Anonymous]

That's the point it was an act