Alright gentlemen, I think it's about time somebody asks this question. I recently saw a post somewhere of a modern woman saying that "men are narcissists for refusing to be stepfathers", which begs the question: should men start saying no more often to step-fatherhood?
Now I understand not every situation is going to be cookies and cream, and some of y'all might have a stepfather who was there as a role model, and I understand how that can change someone's perspective. However, in this age of entitled single mothers, I believe it's about time men start standing up for themselves more and say no to taking care of another man's child that's not there. If she's not responsible enough to not get pregnant, why do you have to be the clean-up man? If the kids are born to different men, or to one man out-of-wedlock, why should you marry that woman and take care of her kids? Even in cases of divorce, I believe that even though she was married to the person before, you should be wary of the situation, since women file divorce 80%.
I would however say this: I believe the only time it is OK - at least in my opinion - is if she's a widow. If a woman is a widow, she's less likely to be a modern woman and more likely to be traditional, and in this case the father of the children cannot be there because he is no longer alive. I do understand how the market works, and that she would definitely be at a disadvantage, but life is often unfair, and that's the harsh truth.
Finally, what are your thoughts on the topic? Are you open to being a stepfather, or do you think that women should take accountability for who they lay with? Do you think men should give it a chance if they like the girl, or do you think they should run away? Write down your opinions below.
Men of GAG, what are your opinions of being a step-father?
Post Opinion
14 Opinion
Like
Share
Follow
Datboi65 wants to hear from Guys only. Login to share your opinion.
I believe this shows how far down humanity has fallen. I married a woman with two kids and raised them as my own. Real men do not separate a woman from her children. Not even in thought. I fell in love with her and to me her and her children were a package deal. I would not take one without the other. To think their father abandoned them and I would do the same and it would be okay because I was not their father is absurd. It is selfish and self-centered. If you don't want to take care of her kids then do them all a favor and run... Run away from her from the start. If you can not be a part of the solution for the kids then don't add to or be a part of the problem. Run... Run away quickly...
You didn't get the point of the post. In no way shape or form did I say I am for separating a mother from her kids. Let me repeat, I DO NOT condone that. Obviously if you are to marry a single mothers you will have to adopt her kids. However, before you get to that point you have to marry her first. This generation is very different and dating today is toxic. The out-of-wedlock birth rate in my community is at 77%, when 55% of the men are single and childless. Am I supposed to go over and take care of the women who have managed to get pregnant by 13% of the men in my community? Wouldn't you call that sexual irresponsibility? It's less about the kids, more about the character of the mother, and most single mothers in the 21st century are not marriage material.
With what you have said, in my country girls get pregnant and have babies so they do not have to work and can get money and benefits from the government. I believe the government has created this problem by giving them free money and benefits to begin with. That program was supposed to just help them get back on their feet but they take advantage of it and just have another child to stay on it. I won't say they are not marriage material but their mindset is something I would not want around me...
Yeah, welfare definitely plays a role, but so does feminism and "WAP" aka hook up culture. I believe that even if we get rid of welfare, the problem is going to continue, because it has gotten so ingrained in the culture at this point that it's not just the lower-class who are getting pregnant out-of-wedlock anymore.
It is the way a girl can become a mother and not have to deal with a husband. She can have her cake and eat it too... But don't forget that the guys have to allow this to happen too. They get her pregnant and that is a part of the problem.
I'm not taking the accountability away from the guys, but if this was a pie chart, it would look like a 75/25 split rather than 50/50. Girls are the gatekeepers to sex, so they can choose a guy that's reckless, but guys just sleep with whoever they can get. In the act, yes a dude should protect his seed by wearing a condom, but the girl also has to protect her womb, and there are 32 forms of female contraception. After the act, she basically has the ability to make you a father if she decides to, or she can take a plan B, an abortion (which I don't believe in abortion) or put the kid up for adoption, and you have no say in what happens. Guys should 100% protect their seed, but this is definitely more of a modern woman issue, since they pushed for sexual liberation afterall.
I'm okay with it if I can get along very well with the child. I'd prefer my own though. I don't like the thought of just saying no man should ever raise another man's child, because the man might be absent in that child's life. He might even be dead. The child is innocent as I see it.
I actually got tempted one time when I was younger. I didn't like the mother but she brought her kids to our parties, and for some reason her kids loved me. They started asking her if they could hang out with me, and I was up for it. So I even babysat them at my place and played video games together and went to Disney Land and so forth while her mother was going out on dates. I loved her kids and would have been happy raising them like my own.
The mother was a widow though. The father died in fighting in a war overseas. But I couldn't get along with her nearly as well as her kids. We used to joke like I'd say, "I'll buy one of your kids for $100k." Then she'd joke that she'd happily give me one for free.
While I do respect that, it's important to remember that today's dating market is very toxic. The woman would usually have the leverage in this situation, because being a stepfather also means you have to pat for child support in the case of a divorce for children that are not yours. Also, if you get attached to the kids, she can just leave at any point and separate you from them since that are her kids. Another point is that you cannot discipline them the way you see fit, because once again they are not your kids. You can get in trouble for this. Being a stepfather to me means you help the woman and get nothing in return, which does not sound appealing in the slightest.
Yeah, it's a tricky one. And that mother was actually kind of trouble and fit some of the stereotypes of problematic single moms. She was working as a hostess constantly overwhelmed and stressed out and was partying recklessly for someone with kids (I first met them when she brought her kids to an adult bar past midnight with very rowdy and drunk customers, and my first thought was why kids are being brought here).
I just tend to like kids a lot. I didn't know that about myself until I met them, and when I first met them I moved to the total corner of the bar since I didn't want to be a bad influence hammering shots and arm-wrestling my buds.
But also, for example, the boy was really confused. He was around 9-years old and still playing with childish toys like legos and his mother was dressing him up in a girly way and he was getting bullied around in school. So I kind of felt the need to intervene a bit and try to teach him how to carry himself more like a man, and I think I succeeded since he started doing much better in school. I especially think a lot of young boys today aren't getting proper guidance on how to act like a man so I feel like we guys need to intervene somehow, even if we aren't dating the mother.
A lot of my concerns with these movements like feminism and MRA and MGTOW is that they talk a lot about what's good for men, what's good for women, but I'm always left with the question, "What about the children? What's best for the kids?" So I realize all the dangers present in dating today and the risks of getting married but I would like the conversation to shift focus more on what's best for kids.
You raised an interesting point. Yes, I believe we as men need to set an example for the next generation of men through mentorship, I agree with that. However, mentorship does not have to be in the form of stepfatherhood. Don't let my young age fool you, I also love kids. I have wonderful cousins and I'm happy for them. I however wouldn't want to be a stepfather, not for the kid's sake, but for the woman's sake. There's a difference. See, there needs to be some level of respect and understanding for both parents to co-exist in my opinion, and if the ball is in her court (i. e. the children are biologically hers) then there's less of a room to assert yourself as a father, because she will be most likely to dictate the terms of parenthood. Modern women do this all the time. They would manifest a man to takeover their responsibilities, but then lecture him over what they believe he's doing wrong. As far as the mentorship aspect of it, I would definitely have something to say if I see a kid in my neighborhood whom I know is the child of a single mother. Maybe life lessons, some words of advice etc. That doesn't mean I should get with her to save the kid, because I know that she is likely to ruin me, not vice versa. Do not let modern women take your kindness for granted. I do agree we can try to correct the path of trajectory of today's kids, but there has to be another way that doesn't involve parenthood.
I see. I wonder if some of those points are truer in the West. I am from Japan and I think what you said is likely true of all single mothers, but maybe less so of Japanese single mothers. We also have different laws related to marriage. For example, we don't really have the concept of alimony here.
That's very interesting. It does make sense now that I think about it, since Japan is more traditional and the West has been plagued by feminism. I would still be wary of dating one, because I see it as a red flag of not being able to keep a relationship. If she's a widow, different rules apply, but you would probably have to get to know her first, and according to your situation she was a modern woman. Nonetheless, great answer 👍🏾
you get married and have a son with your lovely wife.
However one day coming home you are killed in an automobile accident.
looking down from heaven would you be thinking ‘fuck her single mother, a mill stone on any guy’ or would you be ‘she deserves a happy life and a father figure in my sons life’.
I already mentioned that widows are an exception to the rule. When you talk to someone for the first time, you wouldn't know of they have kids unless they tell you. Most women who have children are not widows. If she specifically tells you that she is a widow, then that's understandable. Otherwise, if that's a kid born out-of-wedlock or from a previous marriage, in my opinion I think most people should see it as a red flag.
It's a character thing. A woman that is a widow is not a divorcee. 80% of divorce cases are filed by women. I can understand sometimes why they have to push for divorce if the husband is abusive or in cases of infidelity, but you cannot tell me that men are wrong 80% of the time. Men are more likely to try and save the marriage, while women are more likely to leave. The argument is basically this: what if she divorces you as well? You will be forced to pay child support for children that aren't yours, alimony and will split your assets into 50%. What about unmarried single mothers? They are sexually irresponsible. I know not all cases of out-of-wedlock births are one-night-stands and some are from serious relationships, but regardless of that it is sexually irresponsible. Have you heard the saying "marry before you carry"? It's there for a reason. You also don't want to deal with a jealous ex or any of it if she has a sketchy (baby daddy) as we say in the black community. Women who are sexually irresponsible are also more likely to cheat, so you definitely don't want that as well. At the end of the day it's just a messy situation you definitely don't want to get involved in.
So it is unmarried, what’s that bit of paper got to do with it?
A few cases a guy living 5 years with his partner, they do not want to get married (a huge number of people don’t want to due to religious hypocrisy), he is killed in an IED explosion in Afghan.
His partner is now not as worthy as if she had been married?
Also a 20 yr old guy from the US, where age of consent is 18. This means 2 years experience in being an adult and you know this much about relationships 😂😂😂
What's my age got to do with it? If you aren't religious, just say that. I haven't heard of that case no, but if she has a child by him then no because it's out-of-wedlock. If a girl says she "doesn't want to get married" I see it as a red flag. Marriage isn't a bit of papers, the vows are also a huge deal in the process. Unmarried couples don't have the same structure and stability that marriage provides. There was a clip of a 37 year old woman crying hysterically that her boyfriend of 20 years left her for another girl. It's really that easy. With divorce, there's actually a process that can go on, so it makes you as a guy take it more seriously and think twice about leaving. If you are a girl that's having a kid with a guy you have no guarantee of staying, then you aren't the best decision-maker. Like I said, only 20% of divorces are filed by men.
See, you just contradicted yourself. You say with age comes wisdom, insinuating that you being 21 years older than me means you know more about the topic, then you proceed to say that my point is something a 50 year old pipe smoker in a rocking chair would say. Which one is it? I mean man, the same old lame "I'm older than you, I know better" doesn't get you anywhere in the argument. If you have a good rebuttal, write it down. The first rule of any argument is to not try and discredit someone's points by pointing out their age/gender/race, isn't it? If you don't have anything convincing to say, just say that instead.
It's not that deep. The phrase "out-of-wedlock" means outside of marriage, and is so commonly used. I never said anything about a church marriage. See, relationships can just end with a breakup, marriage is more of a commitment, so it is more serious. You expect a married individual to be more mature in the way they approach things. People date to get married, not vice versa. It's not hurt about status, but the overall commitment. If the woman is able to give a man a child where she's not guaranteed commitment on his part, that shows she makes poor decisions. This is also why you get women with kids from different men. It's a huge red-flag.
Not a good idea. Step dads are almost always soft/weak in some way. The mom doesn't allow him to really be a leader and/or he's too soft to even go there. That said.. I'm sure there's those 1 in a million step dads who really have the full respect of the woman and kid (s).
Although as someone else said, the equation changes if the kids are adults when the guy comes into the picture.
0
0 Reply
Anonymous
(45 Plus)
+1 y
It's a good thing! I see nothing wrong with it per se. Young men need male role models. Now having said that. Most single mothers are single mothers for a reason. And as sorry as I am to see it to the young man for the young man's sake. I would'nt wish those women on ANY good man.
17.2K opinions shared on Society & Politics topic.
I guess don’t get involved with single mothers then if you don’t want to help with he kid. Seems like that’s the eventual responsibility when dating single mothers.
And where’s your disdain for single fathers who never spend time with their kids? Bet your single mother girlfriend is hurting for child support.
Huh? I'm raising the question for the community, doesn't mean I'm involved with a single mother. Where's your logic? The reason why we talk about this more is because a) single mother households are more common and b) men look at it differently. Allow me to explain b): when women give birth, it leaves them with stretch marks and a few extra pounds. All men have to do is just spread their seed, and that's it. Basically she loses attraction more than it does for a man, and that's a big deal for men. On the other hand, it shows sexual irresponsibility. Men should wear a condom absolutely. However, women have 32 forms of contraceptives, and the choice to give the baby up for adoption. She has all the control after the baby is conceived, meaning she can choose to make you a father and not vice versa. Most courts give the custody to the woman, unless she's completely incapable of raising a child, whether that's due to an addiction, mental health concerns or other issues that make her unable to take care of the children. In those cases, the man takes over full custody, which are less common. What you just stated is a statistical anomaly, which is why we are not as concerned about it as the majority of cases.
Never in my life would that ever happen, would rather stay single than to be the father of another man's son/daughter
1
0 Reply
Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
Nah I'll pass on being a second rate citizen to a single mom and her kids, I don't really feel like raising some other guy's offspring when I can raise my own
12.8K opinions shared on Society & Politics topic.
I coached soccer for many years. Some of the kids had step fathers and all of them were pretty dysfunctional. I never wanted my own kids to deal with that.
I don't like kids, and I don't want to get to know your kids and be involved in their lives. It's weird. If a chick has kids it's a no-go unless I'm exclusively fucking her.
Well, I wouldn't even go there. If she has shown that she can get pregnant from others by being irresponsible, there's a good chance she will trap you.
Most Helpful Opinions