Am I the only one who finds traditional women unappealing?

[Sun_Kim-Ai]

Don't get me wrong, a tradwife like the one in the picture sounds like gold on paper, and admittedly I do like when my wife packs my lunch and does other small things for me, but overall I feel like a traditional woman that makes being a wife is bland, shapeless and without identity, someone I would quickly get bored of and either resent or just plain ignore.

I mean, if I want a live-in maid I can just hire one, no sense in marrying someone who would just be "the help".

Boring, shapeless, insipid

Updates

9 mo

*that makes being a wife her whole identity

Updates

9 mo

Someone asked me if my wife wanted to be a SAHM - if she wanted to I would accept it, but I would also distance myself if she picks up doing chores that I pay the cleaning lady to do - I married a woman coming from a family of industrials, not a maid.

I could probably consider a divorce it she became a full time housewife with no interests or activities outside the home.

[Sarahr123]

Make up your mind. Do you want a good girl who will be a good wife and mother to your kids or do you want the woman with a high body count who seeks male validation and just slept around and partied her whole youth?

I think men resent the second one far more. When you destroy the traditional structure of society you end up with the mess that the West is in today. No man in his right mind wants a woman who belongs to the second category.

What guarantee is there that you won’t get bored of a woman who “lived her life” before you and is a career woman? If she doesn’t cook for you, doesn’t take care of the kids - wouldn’t you resent that more?

Havingn a housewife doesn’t necessarily mean that she is going to be boring. Housewives still have a personality. They just chose to stay at home and take care of their family 24/7 instead of going out and working for someone else or themselves if they’re self-employed. A working woman could be boring as hell with no personality and is tired all the time so she has no time for you and might be disrespectful towards her husband whereas a housewife could be extremely funny and sweet, polite and respectful.

With men I have noticed that the most important thing is to give them respect. Career women tend to be modern women who sometimes forget the importance of giving respect and reverence to husbands. Obviously I am talking about husbands who deserve that reverence. If a woman feels like her self-respect and dignity is at stake then of course she should not be married to or stay married to that man.

I think there are more benefits to a traditional marriage. After having children would you want a stranger to take care of your kids while your wife goes to work? I could never leave my child with anyone - not even my own mother. You never know what could happen to your child because of another person’s carelessness. They could turn their attention away for a few seconds and your child could get seriously injured. For instance yesterday my mother was watching her sister’s two-year-old son and even with her watching him he fell and hurt himself on the concrete in the garden. If a mother is watching her own child she pays extra close attention. I would not trust ANYONE with my child so after having a child I don’t think I could work anymore. I would need to be around for my child all the time. I am sure that most fathers, if they can afford it would prefer that their kids are tended to 24/7 by the mother aswell. Mothers being around for the child provides the best outcome for children.

There are too many things to consider before deciding if something will definitely bore you to death very quickly. Housewives tend to be busy. Husbands work all day and then they come home to their wives who cook them a nice hot meal, make sure their children are fed and cleaned and then they can take better care of their husbands. If their husband needs a foot rub or a back/head massage then the wife is not exhausted from spending all day in the office herself to do that for him.

[Willlovewinintheend]

They were bored being stuck in the house because before they had other women from the village to talk to. But during the industrial times they got stuck in the house because the husband didn't work on his own land anymore. Which isolated the woman.

So when feminism offered women jobs and an escape from the boredom they took it. Women naturally enjoy being in social circles, but women were isolated from the other village women and could no longer socialize. That's why the stay at home wife thing didn't last.

When women work with other women gathering berries and socializing they enjoyed being in the supportive role. But when they had no one to talk to they wanted rights.

Being stuck in the house all day makes anyone go crazy. So a tradwife is not sustainable long term. Your happiness is important too not trying to simp, but if you're unhappy, bored and going crazy it won't be good for the guy either. The feminist and government will take over again.

And with lover robots why would men or women want to deal with normal relationships anymore? The government can make marriage to lover robots legal and no one will want to communicate with each other anymore. The corporations and government will control men's sexual soon too.

[Sarahr123]

@Willlovewinintheend You are right that women tend to enjoy being in social circles. We do like to have our tea parties and gossip parties. The thing is that at work that doesn’t even happen. When we go to an office and work we have to maintain a strictly professional demeanour and suppress our true personality. We can’t be open about who we are or say anything out of line. It’s not the same as having a tea party with the village women where you can speak your mind and be yourself.

[Sun_Kim-Ai]

I wanted a woman who wasn't a failure or had to sort herself up - I come from a family of industrials, so I married the daughter of a similarly wealthy family.

If my wife tomorrow decided to step down from her roles in her family company and become a SAHM, I would accept it, but distance myself if she picks up doing chores that I pay the cleaning lady to do.

[Sarahr123]

What businesses do your family operate and what businesses do your wife’s family operate? Just asking out of curiosity as I am thinking of starting up a restaurant or wedding hall and would be grateful if you could provide advice on what would be the most profitable option (?)

[Sun_Kim-Ai]

My family has a milk and confectionery business, with a specialization in chocolate products and ice-creams - all started by my grandfather and his brothers in 1947. Started with a cow and a market stall.

My wife's family has a factory of cured meats and dry cuts of typical products from her region and currently she's opened a new butchery with shop.

I don't know much about wedding hall business, but for restaurants nowadays I'd say it depends on the type of restaurant - fine dining? Fast food? Road dinner or family restaurant?

Nowadays I'd say it's safer to go with franchising if you don't have a big capital to invest and don't want to get too deep with banks or financial institution to start up. Of course, that's not a good option if you wish to open a fine-dining restaurant or something more particular.

[loveslongnails]

Wait a minute -- just I'm clear on what you're suggesting - if you're this:
* " a good girl who will be a good wife and mother to your kids" than any girl who isn't a "good girl" or doesn't even want kids, is this:
* the woman with a high body count who seeks male validation and just slept around and partied her whole youth?"

That's it- you're either one or the other? Well I've got news for you... until a man decides, IF he decides, he wants to conform to what you call "the traditional structure of society", many of them really LIKE the women in category two. It's only when men are done with them that they'll voice any sort of moral objection to the former objects of their lust. LOL

[loveslongnails]

ah, pardon the autocorrect typos and omissions. I hate that.

[Sarahr123]

@loveslongnails They like them as long as they can use them. I think men from more orthodox cultures in particular would not see women from the sexond category as fit for marriage. They know instantly when a woman is for marriage, to use or simply not worth their time.

[loveslongnails]

Your first sentence is exactly what I said, and your second sentence is rather obvious but also quite a bit presumptuous. World wide, the number of virgin males who marry ranges from 20% to 45%. You likely have no data regarding many men from whichever Orthodox religion you want to site are virgins when they marry. My guess is, and it's only a guess, that even some Orthodox religions or cultures don't place much value on males being virgins like they do their females.

[Sarahr123]

@loveslongnails Yes I agree. Most people do not care about a man’s virginity but people would not purposely marry their daughter to a man who is known to sleep around. They try to investigate and find out that he is as decent as they can get. And yes female virginity is seen as precious because women in our communities are regarded as extremely special pearls to be protected. Our men may use and throw promiscuously women but believe me they’d never give one the respectful status of a wife because they wouldn’t want someone like that raising their children.

[loveslongnails]

The problem I have with your responses are that you use a lot of generalizations or non-specific references and terms to address specific things. What's considered sleeping around in Western or European culture, and in which countries? What's an acceptable body count for men or women? What about an Orthodox religion?

What's promiscuous to one man or woman may mean nothing to another. What I can agree on with you is that if a man or woman want a family, they're not likely to wed someone who exceeds their OWN definition of promiscuity. You also should not presume that a man would be marrying a woman whose background is known to all and everyone locally. That's just not always the case.

[Sarahr123]

@loveslongnails In my culture it is expected that a woman is a virgin on her wedding night and there is absolutely no acceptable body count for a woman apart from after she gets married. It is expected that she should only have body count one until she dies. We don’t accept any other situations. Also it is expected men stay virgins too but obviously the focus is more on females to protect women from being used by men who will reduce her value and not give her the status of a wife and protect and respect her.

I don’t know about all these Western women who seem to have very high body counts. I don’t like to even give my time or attention to it though I do live in a Western country and I am unfortunately aware that things happen. Our men don’t accept such women for marriage. I am talking about orthodox cultures like northgern Indian states and people from orthodox Hinduism, orthodox Jews and orthodox Muslims as well as ultra orthodox Christians who’s women still practice veiling. That is beautiful tradition.

[loveslongnails]

That's fine if you believe in it. Enjoy it, but do you look down on others who don't share your beliefs?

[Apple1996]

All depends on how you view it. Being a traditional wife I can tell you there are more opportunities for a woman to find herself/know who she is while being at home compared to women that have to work and don't have much time to do anything else.

[Sun_Kim-Ai]

If she pursues other passions and/or interests it would be fine with me.

[Apple1996]

The thing is that many traditional women find peace/happiness in their everyday life instead of using hobbies/interests as a escape away like it's just not important because we are already fulfilled with our identity

[Sun_Kim-Ai]

As long as they have a personality and character I can be fine with that.
I couldn't do with a Stepford type.

[RavVid]

I think a trad women needs to be defined. Prior to the pic the housewife had a much bigger job. Washing clothes was a big day of fairly heavy labor until we developed washing machines for them. No electric irons by the way, irons were heated on a wood stove. A lot of sweeping and beating rugs.

The girl in the pic was happy because her life was much easier than her mother's life.

I would be happy with a trad wife as I would take that to mean she is family oriented and to me that would be a good thing. It could easily be that me working an extra hour a day would generate the same income as her working 4 hrs. It could well be economically sensible to put her time into supporting me working more.

SAH generally socialize with each other and it is not as if they are insipid creatures who know nothing outside of the home.

In a lot of ways it is better for one partner to work less than the other.

[OlderAndWiser]

There are many ways in which a woman can be a traditional wife. What you describe is a caricature of a traditional wife from the 1950's - June Cleaver, Harriett Nelson, etc. - but I don't think any of those women still exist, except for the nonagenarians who are likely now in nursing homes.

My fiancee is a traditional woman in many ways. She accepts traditional gender roles and wants a husband who will protect her and provide for her. But she is not dependent on me, is not submissive, and does not yield every time we have a disagreement.

The idea of a traditional woman is not an absolute, immutable definition but it changes with the times. The traditional woman I will be marrying next year would not have been classified as a traditional woman 75 years ago, but she is certainly traditional compared to contemporary standards.

[Sun_Kim-Ai]

That sounds like a more positive example.

[MzAsh]

I think many do, but few are ready to admit what you just did. I’m regularly hit on by husbands with doting wives at home. I think a lot of inexperienced guys like the fantasy of the trad wife, but they don’t understand that it’s not the trad wife that will keep him interested long term.

[midnightmoon05]

I agree with what you shared. I was once a stay at home mom for 3 years. I couldn’t handle the boredom and learned the American SAHMs personality seem dull and uninteresting to me. One must have the TV on all day. The other talks nonstop about the plans for her daughters bday 6 months ahead.
i decided to distant my family/kids from them. I don’t recall their educational/professional backgroumd.
since I have my career before having children, it’s important that I education my own children for the first few years.
I never like domesticated chores because I don’t believe in going to school for higher education to become a cleaning lady/cooking for the famiiy… as my major role. I could have done that and drop out of school at 17.
by now, our kids are in their teens, I believe they still require the discipline/teaching from the famjky over dinner table with no distractions that means no TV in our home.
my second hubby is a stay home dad but he also has hobbies and career that he contributed for over 25 years to the society. He takes care of a lot of hime maintenance and I told him to not cook daily and we have our cleaning ladies. He can cook for enjoyment and we try foods we have ordered from restaurants. The extra time he has, he goes to his motorcross club to ride his dirt bike and mingle with other guys. He also rides his bikes around the mountains.

In addition, both parents should continue to work to be connected to the society or take part in a form of social gathering such as ballroom dancing/horseback riding/rock climbing and come home to have a cooked meal from the maid. I believe all people can get to this place in America … however that’s not the case due to poor/no family trainings with their finances.
the poor/no family training is troublesome for me…parents are not able to connect with their own children…by the time they are teens… they use control as a form to raise their kids… kids get disconnected with the parents/family.
I hope you can do some events in your town to have family nights. All families sit together on Sundays, turn off the television and just have good family discussions.

[EmyyWolf]

To me being a trad wife sounds so miserable and boring. I need action. I need sport. I need freedom.
Id become so darn depressed 😢😢😢

I don’t hate women who are. Maybe they’re lazy. But that’s a NO for me. I am so much happier out working doing security jobs chasing down bad guys.

I put on my helmet. And I chase them down to the ends of the earth.

.

And when I accidentally get pregnant cause I don’t even want kids…. That’s when I’ll becomes a miserable trad wife on antidepressants. 👍

[EmyyWolf]

@Sun_Kim-Ai

[LazerBean]

What you seem to describe as a traditional wife sounds very narrow in my opinion. But I think a lot of men these days, despite what many will loudly claim, do not truly desire a non working wife.

[Sun_Kim-Ai]

Well, most examples I've seen are like that, but I don't exclude that there are more positive examples of traditional women.

I agree that most men don't want a stay-at-home wife - maybe for economical reasons.
I would be perfectly fine with being the only one working, but if she had no hobbies or other pursuits I would probably see her as a loser.

[ManOnFire]

I feel the same way. When I was a young guy I used to be crazy about the idea of a "traditional woman" or a housewife, but over time I started to have the same view as you, that they must be boring and shapeless. Plus some of them actually seem to be sort of arrogant about being one, like it's a luxury they know most women can't have and most men cannot afford.

[EricSummer]

When the couple has small kids it is great if the woman can live in the traditional role. This is very effective for the task at hand.

Of course, once the children are bigger a transition back into employment will be best.

Being a housewife without kids does not make much sense and will be unfulfilling for most of today's women. Having a perfect home is also too little benefit for the guy toiling in employment.

[KrakenAttackin]

You may be confusing "traditional" with "lazy" or "succubus". True traditional women are amazing.

[Sun_Kim-Ai]

Perhaps.
But I see traditional things as generally backwards, and consider people regard me as a fascist.

[RoosterBreast]

"I see traditional things as generally backwards"
You mean you would rather do the laundry and cooking while the wife is chopping wood and pouring concrete, then wait for her to come home and you shower her with affection while she is trying to recuperate from the exhaustion?

[RoosterBreast]

I mean I agree that, the fearful "church mice" are offputting, and that's probably what you mean as "backwards" when their entire existence is exactly as a live-in maid, and working hard to strip themselves of free will. Sometimes rejecting positive progress because of dogma.

But the gender roles such as who gets to nurse the babies while the other is wielding the sword... are there with the sole reason to move forward, and flipping them will move you backward.

[Sun_Kim-Ai]

@RoosterBreast no, I mean that those chores should be left to the maids and cleaning people. A traditional woman also smells of humble origins, of poverty.

[Miah05]

I highly doubt that. There too many people in this world for you to be the only one.

But yeah traditional women to me is just a nice way of saying outdated mentality.

[inhua]

she's your grandmother, she's your mother, she's the mother of your kids

I don't know what sort of identity you're looking for but there's no need for one

[Sun_Kim-Ai]

My mother wasn't a traditional woman, she ran from home and emptied my bank account

[inhua]

so will ever other non-traditional woman when they take half your assets, finances and resources in a divorce. even when they have a career and money of their own doesn't exempt from enacting socialism upon their husbands

[stepyo99]

I don't think I've ever met a girl who wanted to be a housewife who was as you describe. They have always had other interests and hobbies.

The truly boring and unappealing women are tiktok ethots. They have no personality.

[Anonymous]

Naah man you're wrong about traditional wives and maid
Maid won't be the mother of your child , won't love you or sleep with you etc etc

[Sun_Kim-Ai]

"Maid won't be the mother of your child , won't love you or sleep with you etc etc" - go tell that to my father's last wife.

[Opinion Owner]

Oh so you are just another guy who saw one bad traditional woman and generalised all 😂

[Sun_Kim-Ai]

She's not bad, especially because she's always been kind with me, especially after my father's death.
But she's still more of a decoration than an actual person.

[Sun_Kim-Ai]

Plus I follow a system of social classification and she is a lower social class of mixed ancestry.
It's not a matter of sympathy or racism, it's a fact.

[jeffend888]

Yeah, you are. Or you’re just not being truly honest with yourself.

99 percent of men want a traditional wife. Some are either just not being honest with themselves or they’re too afraid to admit it for fear of not being politically correct.

[BoopBoopBeep]

I've never been interested or impressed in a woman's career. I'm not going to think less of a woman who'd rather not have one and would rather stay at home. That said, the home better look amazing.

[Kayayy]

No to each their own.

That being said im more traditional. I like to please, but at the same time I am independent. I like to do my own thing.

[Miristheiss]

I am sure there are others like you but I'd say you are in the minority.

[gotace1234]

The traditional wife is just a conservacucks wet dream, at first those wives are beautiful when they are young, but years go by and you realize that she is just a parasite that consumes your resources, in fact most women who get They call themselves conservative, they're really just gold diggers who want a dumb husband to give them money.

[AngryCarl2]

You come from a very traditional, conservative society, I hear. The grass is always greener on the other side, unless you live on the other side. Then it's mostly weeds.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

Same. Those women come off as just boring, cookie cutters of society and totally uninspiring.

No real identity of their own, but rather let society dictate to them.

[Drewtate]

My older brother has a traditional wife. She reminds me of Alison Brie in Mad Men.

[Billlewis]

She can be either one, as long as she's mean, selfish, arrogant and demanding.