Is it just me that gets bothered by the constant hate and slander towards men?

[Lynx122]

I have a friend who's a feminist and she says oh since you're autistic you're not included in the men that feminists talk about when they're talking about privilege and all these other things but I'm a man and I'm white and I've been that all my life. I've only been diagnosed 4 years now. Being a man is part of my identity and it just bothers me when people trample on it non stop. It feels like if someone is proud of their country and every day people come by and spit on the flag or wipe their shoes on it.

And a lot of men don't seem to mind at all or they're too intimidated by what will happen if they say anything against it. In todays world it seems like you have to be willing to throw men as a whole under the bus to prove that you're not a misogynist an incel or whatever else is the narrative of the day.

I'm just tired of it. And all the negativity doesn't just affect the people it's aimed at it will also affect boys who are growing up in a world that sees them as the problem as evil etc. from the start.

It feels like men are generally considered bad and those who aren't are exceptions and women are generally considered good and even if a woman does bad things excuses are made for her. I just want a tiny bit of positivity.

Is that really so wrong?

[WhiteSteve]

Yeah, so…. complicated topic, and I think the world is in a weird place right now in that we’re all online, and when we’re online, we can lose a sense of others’ humanity. People say all kinds of mean and hateful things on the internet, and I think I you had to stand there with the other person in your face and view their emotional reaction, we’d be a lot less mean-spirited when we’re present and accountable for that. But we just live so much of our lives on the internet now, the dynamics have changed.

So as humans, we should all hopefully be evolving and moving forward from the past generations. We’ll all be long dead by the time some generation gets it perfect, if ever. So for now we do the best we can.

The biggest thing is that previous generations have been male-centric, and the women were role-players, somewhat by nature, and even more by male design. The world is changing, and we have to adapt. Existing problems will be pointed out and criticized, and that does need to happen for some things, if nothing else than to just highlight the issue and effect change.

Nobody likes to hear that something they do is potentially wrong or harmful to others. That’s uncomfortable. And our brains don’t like discomfort, so our psychological “ego” goes into overdrive to assuage those negative feelings and reassure us that the problem is with them, not you. But the ego is a huge fucking liar, lmao.

I remember maybe five years ago Gillette razors put out an ad about “toxic masculinity” and all that…. and I honestly didn’t disagree with much of it. Yes, some of the examples showed were caricatures of real life, but still…. I thought the message was largely right. “My bros…. just try to be a little bit better and stop making excuses for yourself.” Tons of men were so up in arms though, as if it suggested we all need to wear pink dresses going forward, lmao. But I think it’s the sign of a wise mind to be able to self-analyze and realize that things that might be comfortable or second-nature to you, or something you perceive as not a big deal, can be very harmful towards others, either individually or in the social climate it creates.

Now, the answer isn’t to chop our dicks and balls off, lmao, and the answer for the women isn’t to do that for us, either. Most women I know…. and honestly, where I live, most women are very liberal and feminist (and don’t believe the right wing memes, some of these chicks are hot as fuck, lmao, it’s not the “short purple hair” they tell you about)…most women want a MAN. That’s never changed. How we go about being a man is slightly altered, but we don’t have to lose our true masculinity. I don’t think anyone wants that. My lady is very feminIST but also very feminINE. Her nickname for me, especially in sexual situations, is “El Jefe”, aka “The Boss.” And we get DOWN, lmao…. because she feels respected and she feels safe with me. That’s the key, mutual respect. Treat a women as your equal, and the roles will fall as they should for you.

Now…back to the internet…people online say a lot of things, lmfao. I think a lot of it sounds good more than they actually wholeheartedly mean it. The internet is a source for validation for many people. And again, not being face to face, we’ll let meaner words fly than we probably should.

A lot of men need to be checked, that’s fair to say. I had a roommate once who was a frat brother of one of my neighbors, we ended up living together out of zero-hour necessity after we had potential roommates pull out on us (PAUSE😂). The day he’s moving in, he had some girlfriend moving furniture into the house FOR him, and I’m like “what in the world is going on here?” And later, after she was gone, he explained that it was important to tell her she’s fat and ugly and break her confidence down so he basically owned her…. and if I could’ve called off the whole apartment situation without being homeless, I would have. He actually ended up being kind of a cool kid overall, other than that…. but after that year, I just let him go his way, and I went mine. I don’t need friends with attitudes like that, that’s SUPER poor character.

So I’m saying there ARE dudes out there fucking up, or guys who can’t sexually control themselves around women, even just verbally (NEVER BE THAT GUY, free life tip), and basically just viewing women as NPCs there to just be of sexual service to you or be nice to look at, and having no value for them beyond that.

Thats for sure not everyone, but there are enough, especially the guys who aren’t super over the top everyday, but still do it. That’s what we’re trying to move away from.

On the women’s end? I think women CAN be very mean to men. My girlfriend says she used to be much more mean when she was younger, because in her mind, men didn’t really have feelings, both in a negative and positive sense. So you can just accept or reject them however you please, if you didn’t like their approach you can embarrass them, and it’s all good because they got rejected 100 other times today, and they’ll just keep on moving like robots. She has a lot of past trauma with men, so she had a lot of anger towards them. Recent experiences have spurred a lot of growth in her, and she’s evolved too. I love to see it.

So ALL of us should be trying to evolve, you know? Let’s be partners, not competitors. But that does require each respective “team” to get their own houses in order as needed. It’s easy to feel beat down as a man these days, I get that. It’s probably more than we deserve…. but some men deserve a LOT, so let’s all just sit here and take our “talking-to”, and try to be better tomorrow, and a little more the next day, and so on.

It all boils down to mutual respect and decency at the end of the day, and an acknowledgment that we’re all just humans trying to find our way through a crazy world👍

[Lynx122]

I do agree with a lot that you have said. And I also don't have problems with women in person in my life. We just disagree on the politics or the narratives. I just feel like today a lot gets thrown at men that couldn't be said about any other group of people without pushback.

[WhiteSteve]

Yeah, I mean that’s certainly fair to say….. I think the important context that we need to see it in, though, is that for the rest of history, we got NO pushback. So we’re the generations getting ALL OF IT, haha. That comes with it’s frustrations. It’s all about mutual understanding. We all have our bullshit that gets thrown at us, that we’re saddled with inherently, or that we dole out to women ourselves. I think the key is to not be competitive about it, but instead to learn and grow from it. That said…. many people, even as valid as their problems might be, simultaneously LOVE to have a crutch of victimhood, or some kind of cudgel to attack others with, so we have to be able to separate who’s coming at things with productivity in mind, and who just wants to raise hell, engage in conflict, and feel like they “won” the argument, haha

[NamerOfStars]

No- but then, being autistic is part of your identity, too; you've been THAT all your life, long before you were diagnosed, and every autist I've ever known has a deep and powerful sense of justice that has little patience with bigotry.

Allists generally lack the associated social courage.

[mandyfire98]

It goes both ways for both genders. There are women that dislike men but there are also many many men that hate and disrespect women.

There are a lot of incels and red pill guys online and you see them flooding social media constantly, there are videos on YouTube and tiktok that are straight up pushing negative views about women. There are entire popular shows on YouTube dedicated to hating on women.

So it definitely goes both ways unfortunately.

[Summeroflove]

Absolutely and it’s by women who play the victim and act like feminists. But guess what? It doesn’t matter what you do as a man some idiot will say you’re wrong.

Toxic masculinity. But if you show emotions you’re not a real man. Women get attacked too for things.

Some people don’t treat others with basic human respect. Male or female. People who are negative like this need to be cut out of your life.

The people who do this men and women. They’re trying to pull you down to feel better about their own pathetic lives. They are pathetic people who project who they are onto you.

There is the other extreme who thinks all women are bad too. Look HUMANS are good and bad. Some people are great and others terrible

[Snakeyes7]

The entire point of the existence of the word "privilege" when it comes to identity politics is solely to divide people and this is far from the only time in world history where tactics like this are used. There is no other way the feminists can get away with all this crap without getting the public to believe that men rule the world so they could use that premise as an excuse to "punch up."

The next time you hear someone unironically use that term, call it out for what it really is.

[Jamie05rhs]

“men are generally considered bad and those who aren't are exceptions”

“And all the negativity doesn't just affect the people it's aimed at it will also affect boys who are growing up in a world that sees them as the problem as evil etc. from the start.”

Both of these statements are true.

Yes, most men are bad.

And yes, the negativity does affect young boys. It definitely affected me. In two ways. The first way was that it made me a feminist and it made me a good person. The second way is that it made me disavow my masculinity, which backfired because it turns out that girls actually do like masculine guys. (But oh well. Too late now.)

[NathanDavis]

nope...

I know very well that most of it just stupid ass generalizations, but... even those generalizations have nothing to do with me either, they're speaking of BS other people do

more than that... in my real life, and every day life... I really don't see much or anything at all about this so-called "gender wars"

[SolitarySolace]

Just avoid having meaningful relationships
with women who aren’t in your family. I don’t have any female friends not because they don’t want to be friends with me but because I refuse to have female friends. Sue I still interact with female coworkers while at work because I have to but that’s not a meaningful relationship. Also don’t have sexual/romantic relationships with women. I’ve been used and cheated on and falsely accused by so many women in the past some I was just friends with! The thing is all women want attention. If you don’t give it to them you won’t have anything to worry about. Either way she’s going to move on to the next guy

[Lynx122]

I actually get along with women in real life well it's just the general narratives I have a problem with.

[SolitarySolace]

You’re getting along with them because you keep giving them what they want. Once that stops, you’ll notice they’ll start hanging around other people who will

[Lynx122]

Every relationship is based on getting something you want. Having someone to talk to, feeling like you belong, some validation or affection or whatever. You can either go through life offering nothing to anyone and being grumpy about it or you can be a giving person and be around other giving people. You can make any choice you want but don't pretend like there's no alternatives.

[SolitarySolace]

Here’s an example, do you get a choice in whether your girlfriend has your son/daughter or not?

[BonzoInBitburg]

I do not care one bit. I'm with a young, very traditional woman 20 years younger and the feminists hate that we are happy and we hear a lot of things from them. So what. Not my problem.

[SolitarySolace]

I bet the feminists like that you do everything for her while she just freeloads off of you.

[BonzoInBitburg]

She doesn't freeload. My house is spotless, my clothes are always clean and put away, and she's an amazing cook. I make way more money because of the time she saves me keeping me organized. Her choice. She was burnt out in the corporate world

[SolitarySolace]

Highly doubt that’ll last long so enjoy it while it lasts.

[BonzoInBitburg]

Maybe. You never know, nothing is guaranteed. Her mom is a lot younger than her dad so this is completely normal for her. We like traveling together and I get along great with her family. I've taken her family on weekend getaways where I booked a huge house for 20 people and we always have fun and have another one planned in a couple months

[DextroShade]

A lot of guys are sick of this shit, which is why Andrew Tate got so popular.

The only thing you did wrong was having a toxic man-hating feminist as a friend. I would recommend cutting her out of your life and only talk to girls you are trying to date.

[sirderpsalot123]

It can get annoying, but I don't let it bother me too much. I just surround myself with people who don't hate me.

[JacobJordan]

Why do you have a piece of shit for a friend mate? If you surround yourself with garbage it tends to rub off. Remove the toxic dead waste from your life and you will be fine

[Billlewis]

I think most of it is light hearted and playful.

[slatyb]

Pretty much just you.