Forgiveness isn't a feeling, it's a choice. Agree or Disagree?

[thegreenyogi]

[Rosexøxø]

Every choice is linked to a feeling and even an absence of feeling is a feeling.

You have to feel something in order to forgive or not to. There is an associated/linked feeling. Id agree about it being a choice. But you have to feel forgiveness in order to do it. So in this way I can’t agree. I’d have to add it is strictly a two sided coin.

Most feel a sense of closure or understanding for those they forgive. Sometimes even love. And the forgiveness is the reconciliatory action that demonstrates that outwardly/socially. But if I choose to ride a bike or say hello to someone I think not only was I feeling something to provoke/encourage that but I was indeed feeling my decision. Resonating with it.

I felt like saying hello. I felt like riding my bike. Etc. maybe I feel the want to ride it (desire) and also feel adventurous or happy cause it’s a hobby or I have a set destination/journey. I felt the desire to say hello but I also felt social and happy to see the person I said hi to.

Being alive and making choices requires feelings and each choice linked to other feelings so I suppose with this conclusion I have to disagree. Some people may not feel love or closure but a sense of need to bring about resilience for themselves to overcome and move on. They may need to choose it until they do feel love or they may never feel love but feel the sense of gratitude of forgiving others for their own sake and peace of mind.

[Rosexøxø]

Voted disagree even when conflicted and felt like agreeing at first glance and read.

[Screenwriter]

Yep. You have to choose to forgive someone. And no matter what they've done to you or someone you love, if you hold onto the anger, resentment against them, it'll only poison you.

Choosing to forgive means choosing to move on and drop anger and hatred.

[OneViewpoint]

I'm more interested in something else. You can choose to forgive. I won't get into the positives and negatives of that. Or you can choose not to forgive. Again, that comes with consequences I won't get into.

I'm more interested in something in between. Why can't people simply decide to move on. Let a transgression or betrayal go for their own sake with no need to forgive. Just accept it and decide that person needs to reside in their rear view mirror. I'm just deciding you're not worth my time and effort For my benefit, not some altruistic idea of forgiveness.

A lot of people don't even seem capable of that. Women in particular seem incapable of letting go and moving on for their own sake.

[Zack-Bann]

It’s funny you ask that now
I’m going home this year and that means I will run into people who wronged me in the past


I vowed never to forgive then and pay them back 10 times over if ever got the chance


But now I’m wondering if any of it is worth it.


But it’s not a “choice”
Because even if I chose to forgive that won’t wash away the feeling of betrayal that became resentment


The thought of revenge does give me a feeling of solace. But I also know it’s not the right thing to do

[thegreenyogi]

Guess my instinct was directing me to ask this question. I don't know what these people did to you and I'm sure going back home is certainly going to be a challenge for you. What I'd like to say is: you don't have forgive and being someone who has been really hurt in the past I don't forgive or forget. What's important however is to not allow what they did to you to rule over you. Try if you can to disattach from the terrible things that were done to you and let go of all the negative emotions you feel about it. They didn't destroy you. They made you stronger.

[Zack-Bann]

They did make me stronger
They taught me how the world works
They knocked me onto a better path

I don’t lose a minute’s sleep over them

But running into them again: I don’t know what I’ll do if they try to shake my hand

For the longest of time I promised myself I would beat them bloody and chock an apology right out of them

But now I can’t even fathom the idea of getting my shoes dirty

I guess we’ll have to go there and see

[thegreenyogi]

Indeed. Ask yourself this question: what would beating them bloody and choke an apology out of them give you at this point? Would it really make you feel better or make up for the hurt they caused you?

Of course staring them right in the face could have an unpredictable reaction where you're concerned. But I don't think they're worth you dirtying your shoes. Said people are way beneath your shiny shoes!

[Zack-Bann]

You’re the sweetest ever for saying that

And I know chances are I won’t resort to violence

Even if they do deserve it

[thegreenyogi]

Sweet is my middle name I'll have you know. But I sincerely mean it. I'm sure you won't resort to violence. You don't want to ruin your shiny shoes Mr!!🫶😉

[ProbablyClueless]

Agree, 100%. You have to give yourself time to process pain before true forgiveness can occur though.

I can't stand it when I see people's lives get absolutely destroyed by some shit head and they get pressured by the media to immediately "forgive and move on" from the person who hurt them. Like... no, man. Give these people time.

From my own perspective... if someone blew my kid away, I'm gonna need a while before I can forgive the person who did that.

[Flower7]

I don’t agree. If you’re telling yourself that you forgive someone but don’t actually feel any forgiveness, it sounds like resentment is still being felt instead.

[Joshydavid25]

Strongly agree.. An example is in movies/T. V shows, when a character or a main hero begrudgingly throws an object for their enemy to save themselves.. They didn't feel like they wanted to do it, but went on ahead with it..

[Lynx122]

Agree :) But it also takes some mental matureness and healing when you're still in pain it's hard to just decide to forgive you need to arrive at that point.

[jahaims]

Forgive - stop feeling angry or resentful toward someone for (an offense, flaw, or mistake).

Dictionaries exist

[thegreenyogi]

My questions are intended to be thought provoking. I want to know your thoughts on the topic not a definition from a dictionary.

[MemeSupreme]

no it's both

you gotta want to forgive but also feel ready. there is no faking or rushing that process to feel it

[Shiprex]

It's both really. Your feeling that the act is no longer going to keep you down and you decide to not hold a grudge around it

[HawkPerception]

If someone kills or assaults my loved one, you can bet I'm making the choice to NOT forgive them.

[Anonymous]

forgiveness are just words because a person actions are always in the back of our mind. we just don't hold grudges anymore because it interferes with peace

[Summeroflove]

I agree but there are feelings that need to be processed.

[Static_In_The_Attic]

Forgiveness is a decision & forgiveness is process & yes it is a choice as well.

[FreyaRed]

It's a choice but the reason for this choice is result of a feeling.

[petitedollbabee]

Agree, you choose to forgive, and not everyone and everything deserves to be forgiven.

[Pudsmucker]

Yes it is a choice. If you forgive you feel good about things. if you don't forgive anger sometimes builds up inside and it eats at you.

[Anonymous]

It’s hard to forgive people if they aren’t sorry or regretful for what they did.

[OddBeMe]

Ehh, it's both an act and a feeling. I think forgiveness as a feeling doesn't really exists it's more forgetting.

[Dongie]

Choice sure, but there is usually feeling involved.

[BobbyLee789]

Agree, but you need to stand by that choice if you make it.

[molonski2]

Agree , I believe its a choice , for sure.

[exitseven]

It is a choice @thegreenyogi.

[WonderingManII]

I agree, but the sick feeling continues.

[PaleDale]

I think it can be both, but not always.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I agree 100%.

[Miristheiss]

Agree.

[Agape93]

Agreed.

[Grond21]

Agree

[Anonymous]

Agree all the way.