Would you stay with your partner even if they were horribly disfigured? (Poll)

[Anonymous]

I read an article about a marine that was horribly disfigured in the war in Iraq who still ended up marrying his sweetheart when he got back. Sadly they separated after, but the question is would you stay with your partner even if they were horrible disfigured?

By the way, if you want to read the article I'm talking about, just Google Ty Ziegel, because I can't find the original link link

Yes, I would stay with my partner.

No, I just can't...

[Warren]

Probably not, and I think I'm the only one being honest in saying so. We judge people based on their appearance. We want to date attractive people. Our fantasies are inhabited by SEXY people, not ugly people. Even if you're ugly, you still want a hot mate. It's the way we are. And yet when a question like this is posed people look down from their high horse and say that they'd never leave a man like that. They call him a hero, say he's a great guy, that he's still the SAME guy. But look at him. He's hideous. He is not the man she knew, and I wouldn't blame her for leaving him if indeed she was the one that left.

Heartless, perhaps, but in matters of the heart you have to be. If that sounds odd, let me explain -- you should not stay in the relationship because of someone else. You should not stay out of guilt or a sense of obligation. If the man you dated was funny, charming and polite but the man you married was boring, cruel and demanding... wouldn't you want a divorce? Of course you would! So why should it be any different with appearance.

If I date an attractive, physically active girl and she suddenly gains 100 pounds, it's probably over. Not because I was ONLY interested in her appearance, but because her appearance was part of the reason I was attracted to her. She is no longer the girl I knew, so I no longer have all the reasons I once did to stay with her.

When you grow old, you do so together. You cannot claim that you're aging less quickly than they are. But when one person gains a ton of weight, undergoes a sudden personality shift or becomes disfigured you are under NO OBLIGATION to stay with them. Ask yourself, would people make the same arguments if he had gotten so obscenely drunk that he'd thrown acid on his face, on a dare? No. People would say he was a moron and she should leave his freaky ass. But instead he was a soldier, and you can't leave a soldier. If you think about it rationally, it becomes clear that people only say they'd stay because of a sense of obligation.

He may well be a great guy. He might be funny. He might be charming. But he's ugly, and there are plenty of great, funny, charming ugly guys who don't stay in relationships because the woman is not attracted to him. I've been on this site for three years, and I consistently see women say that while physical attraction is not ALL that is necessary, some level of attraction is required. They have to desire sex with their significant other. They can't be repulsed by the mere sight of them. They don't want to recoil when they wake up and that face is the first thing they see.

Reality sucks, especially if you're ugly. It doesn't matter why you're ugly. It doesn't matter if you were born ugly or made ugly. In neither case is it your fault, but in only ONE of those cases are people making the patently absurd argument that they'd stay with him -- when none of them would've given a man like him the time of day to begin with.

[Snow123]

You say "We judge people based on their appearance" which is true, but we don't fall in LOVE with a person solely because of their appearance. Yes the physical aspect is a heavy contributor to it, but once genuine love is established with a person, the looks are hardly the driving force behind the relationship/marriage.

You stated your position well, but I simply just disagree.

[Kiraskrazy180]

Well, with all of the technology, there is something called plastic surgery. People can pretty much buy a pretty face if they wanted, but not a great personality.

Wow, you're very shallow. People like you kill me, because I doubt you're even hot looking yourself. One day you'll see, that's its not always about physical appearance.

[PoeticNinja]

He's not being shallow. Try looking at it from a realistic state of mind.

[Warren]

@Kira: At no point did I say I was hot. I readily admit (and have many times) that I am merely average. Furthermore I also pointed out that even ugly people want an attractive mate. I did not say that it was "all about physical appearance". Once again, I specifically pointed out that while physical appearance was NOT the only reason I was attracted to someone, it was part of the reason, and I have just as much reason to leave as I do when their personality changes drastically.

[Kaeden]

Correct and actually honest answer! Thumbs up!

[Warren]

Is it just my computer, or did my formatting completely disappear? Now it looks like one massive wall of texts. No paragraphs. That's not how I wrote it..

[PoeticNinja]

My format is the same way too.. I'm not sure.. Might be something wrong.

[Asker]

I'm trying to decide whether you or Gimpi should get BA...

[Littletad]

While a relationship without marriage doesn't require the same commitments, I still have morals and beliefs in both. And standing with your partner, no matter the struggle or loss, is one of them. The only exception, would be cheating. Other than, It would be heartless for anyone to leave a person who was scarred by injury. Even more so, my choice to date someone, would lie further than physical boundaries. There is more to a person, than a pretty face.

[PoeticNinja]

Hmm, I don't think I can.. No..

I understand that looks can only go so far.. It's not something I want to see in the morning when I wake up.

I would remain good friends with him.

He got me hooked by his looks first, not personality.. Though, I would love his personality later on. It's the physical attraction that got me attracted first.. Imagine the sex.. I want to be able look you in the eyes.. I don't wanna see that. That's too much to bare.

I really think people who say they will stay with the person who has been disfigured has not been put in that position.. I haven't either and I know I won't be able to do it.. If you can.. Props to you.

Think about it.. When you lose some sort of attraction to someone in a relationship, it's basically over.. And you're trying to rekindle that spark again.. Still nothing.. Physicality plays a part.. In the beginning, middle and end..

[NotJustAnotherGuy]

...you're gonna be old and lonely. No, but seriously.. I think you'll surprise yourself. My initial answer would be no too. But I fell in love with a girl who I wasn't physically attracted to at first, but later became VERY attracted to her looks. You'll be surprised how a strong mental attraction will create a strong physical attraction, regardless of if they have third degree burns or such. You know this is true, when you look at happy old couples. Ugly, wrinkly and still stupid in love.

[PoeticNinja]

That might be the case, but as for now.. I haven't come across that yet and hopefully I won't but if I was and my mental state was different than there's a possibly but I remain by my answer till then. :)

But I can understand where you're coming from. - They're old though, so it's easy to understand that.. But when you're still young and that has happen.. Why bother? Yeah, sure it sucks for the other person.. But I'm not gonna be bought down because of it.

[afrohombre1]

Love the honesty, exactly how I feel.

[crazzyiz]

i really like your honesty too.

[PoeticNinja]

Thank you, good to know that honesty is appreciated. :)

[Asker]

I'm trying to decide whether you or Warren should get BA...

[lorahayes]

i think as long as you love that person enough, disfiguration isn't an issue. looks don't make someone who they are atall. however for me it would be the sexual attraction that would be more an issue, because as much as some people like to deny that looks count, with sex I think they do. and relationships really suffer without sex. I don't think its easy to say what we would do until the situation presents itself. I would like to think I wouldn't leave someone for disfiguration, because at the end of the day it didn't make them who they were before so why should they be any different after? (hope this makes sense.. haa)

[slipslender]

i read this article on them: link

he really is horribly disfigured... but the interview indicates that Ty is the same guy that he always was. same voice, same laugh, same sense of humor... if I loved him before, I can't imagine something like disfigurement stopping me from loving him. but I also can't imagine how difficult it would be... sigh. I really hope he finds someone genuine...

[Kain6th]

Wow... that's all I gotta say about that. :-\

[slipslender]

i know... :/

[Kaeden]

You think so right now but if you would be in the place of his wife you just like she would leave him after some time.

How could you spend your WHOLE LIFE with an abomination, despite the love? You couldn't, and that's okay, and what you say now also is okay, you're just unable to comprehend this situation fully!

[slipslender]

he isn't an abomination...

[Camilus]

If I were that Marine I would be absolutely irate that they "rescued" me in Iraq instead of letting me die and giving my family the SGLI money.

[Asker]

This was the original article I read but couldn't find, thanks for posting the link.

[slipslender]

np :)

[SkinnyG]

My Boyfriend and I just had this convo the other night. He asked me if he was crippled and in a wheel chair, would I stay with him. I said yes. I had just seen a guy at a convenience store getting out of his handicapped vehicle and into a wheelchair. The guy was actually good looking. If my Boyfriend was horribly disfigured, I probably still would stay with him if he wasn't a vegetable. I don't think I could be a caretaker the rest of my life. However, it's always hard to say unless you're in the situation.

Ironically, my Boyfriend said he probably wouldn't stay with me - even if I was only in a wheelchair. OUCH! And we weren't even talking about horribly disfigured. He also said if he was disfigured, he'd probably kill himself because he wouldn't want to be a burden on anyone else. That's sad.

So it kind of made me rethink my relationship a bit. :(

[rockingpianoman]

that's painfull , although he might be less quick in his thinking or shallow when it would actually happen..

[Laurielou712]

He would leave you over a wheelchair? Seriously? He's so in love.

[SkinnyG]

Yea, hopefully he would think differently if something really happened to one of us.

[LaPetiteMimi]

i think most girls would stay with the man they love regardless of what they look like! But they have to be really be in love with the guy!

That and the guy night lose his own personality and confidence and would no longer be the man he used to be, which depending on the couple may make them stronger or break them!

Like someone that becomes an alcoholic or something like that would probably break the couple not because of the way he looks but rather the change in behavior etc

Whereas someone that learns to accept it eventually (not necessarily happy) but appreciates what he has in life (be alive, have a loving partner, a family, a home etc) the couple would probably survive!

[Arcano]

I would never be able to leave him... not because I would feel guilty, but because, if I loved him enough to marry him, it would be impossible for me to bear. No matter the disfiguration, he would still be golden to me.

I am finding it very tough to grasp the separation of Tyler and Renee... I have not read the entire story, and do not know exactly who called for the divorce papers... even so, "for better or for worse." Do vows mean nothing nowadays? They should not be so easily and carelessly thrown away (or viewed as such)-- it is something that should forever bind them.

No; I would not leave, to say it simply.

[Anonymous]

It really just depends, I can't say yes because I've never been in that position, id like to say yes but I don't know really. If he looked different that wouldn't be so bad but if I had to take total care of him and bathe him and wipe his ass I can't honestly say I could handle that.

[Anonymous]

I honestly don't know. I think that's one of those things where you don't know what you would do until you're actually faced with that problem. I'd like to think that I'd stay with him because I love him very much and he's perfect for me. But at the same time I also feel it's important to feel attracted to your partner and if they're horribly disfigured then that would be quite difficult. Then again since we've been together for awhile and built a foundation maybe I'd still be attracted to him anyway since we've already established a connection on a deeper level. So... who knows?

[ZenQueen]

yes, I have two bros who are disabled and I love them with all my heart and I have a bro in the marines and I couldn't imagine what it would be like to get hurt and have a loved one bail on you, if someone leaves someone because they get injured then it wasn't love in the first place. BUT sometimes taking care of a disabled person can be like a full time job and be very stressful, so I understand someone wanting their life back and wanting to leave that person, its very sad for both people, because the man/woman you fell in love with has changed... I don't know what I'd do really, depends on the situation and the person, but I'd like to say I'd stick with them and always be there, even if the relationship fails.

[Camilus]

I wouldn't stay with her in a romantic relationship. I would want to be friends and do whatever I could for her, but chances are it would just make her upset to see me moving on with my life as soon as I found someone new, so I don't know how that would work out. I would definitely at least offer her any help that she needed as far as emotional or financial support.

[NihilisticSoul]

If they also had PTSD with that disfigurement, where they are becoming verbally abusive towards me and others? I would have to seek out counseling and/or leave. Otherwise I would stay with them and let them have my support. This comes from experience dealing with a few relatives that have had PTSD,

[queenofpeen]

I fell in love with him for who he is as a person, not his face. I know it's hard for some people to believe. But he's my best friend and I adore everything about who he is, that doesn't just disappear if he were suddenly ugly. Nobody stays good-looking forever anyway. It would be a challenge to find him attractive again, but it would gradually happen, just like NotJustAnotherGuy said in his comments.

[Il_Fonz]

If I loved the person I would stay with them. However, if the disfigurement were sever enough for me to not want to have sex with them then they would have to understand that I would need to find someone else to fulfill my carnal needs. If I were in a wheelchair and couldn't get it up I wouldn't mind if my wife would occasionally go see a friend with benefits or a clean, "classy" gigolo.

[Asker]

I like what you said about what you'd do in this situation.

[reem28]

It's hard to say, just yes or no, life going through thing we can't just decide doing it or not.

For hold couple, I mean hold over 45 years been together. I do not think they see life and human relationship as we do at 19 to 45, where there still thousand if way to enjoy life. Being with severe injuries person, may also can be consider by other as a jail, cause younmust care about him, emotionally. Usage change in the house Frieda start to visit you less and so on...so be honnest except if you want make contest withe Theresa mother, handsome guy, pretty girl won't be there for longtime.

I am sur that you Would not stay with your partner if they were horribly disfigured?

PS: or may be you will stay but for the reason that he extremely rich an take care of him should give you some benefit...hihihi Human nature.

[Asker]

No offence, it was hard to understand what you just said, but I think I get your point.

[dudeman]

probably not it really depends on how long we have been married if it was like a week then id cut my loses and if she really loved me should would want that for me I really do believe that but if we were married like 20 years or so then of course id stay with her

[Anonymous]

Look at all these liars. They dump their girlfriend/boyfriend for stupid reasons but would stay if that person was disfigured. You're all full of sh*t.

[Kaeden]

Totally agree! Just take a look at the questions posted and then what kind of answers are here!

They dump someone because they're "clingy and insecure" but say they would stay with someone even if their face has been burned so far it's completely unrecognizable!

Complete bullsh*t!

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah, they are all lovey dovey in their head. But in real life they are much more selfish and cold hearted. I'm always amused to see how delusional people are when it comes to themselves. They're not bad people, but they are quite stupid, you have to be to answer with naive bullsh*t like that.

[Asker]

Hmm, I think those people who dumped their partner for those stupid reasons aren't really in love with them, but I do get your point.

[Opinion Owner]

Precisely Kaeden! But yeah, let's keep the bs dream going. Now, what the QA should ask is: So you stay with a disfigured person because you love them. But would you have married that person if they were already disfigured? Because they are the same person no matter what! The order marriage-disfiguring or disfiguring-marriage shouldn't matter, should it? lol

[Asker]

You should ask that question! :P

[Anjaa]

Probably not. If I loved the person I would still want that person in my life as a very good friend but I don't think I could carry on a romantic relationship. I have never been in that situation though and there is always room for compromise to solve any problem. So I would probably give it a good try but I think it has a slim chance of working out.

[Chaaz]

Yes I would.

But I do not think many people would, because people care about appearances a lot more than me. ANd it is fashionable to say Oh yes I would unconditional love bla bla.. Depends on what you mean by disfigured? Just disfigured? Not disabled right? A lot of factors.

[Ineedhelpwapsycho]

If the man I was dating or married to was everything that I wanted in a man, father, friend, and provider, and he was disfigured or crippled in some way (even horribly) I would stay with him. What would GOD say to me on judgement day if I left? What if You were the one disfigured? You would be terrified that not only did you just lose the way you have looked all of your life (your physical identity), now you are going to lose one of the people you love most in this life too? You would lose your confidence and self esteem, friends and loved ones, and have such a horrible feeling of hopelessness...I guess that would be the ultimate way to find out if you truly are loved or not. I would want to be loved for the person I am inside as well as outside. When we go to be with Jesus, we will all be made whole again. Something to think about...

[foolycooly1001]

I would probably stay out of guilt. I don't know if I would get used to it, or if I would break down and tell her I had to leave. Hopefully it won't be long before technology can fix people this happens to.

[Kiraskrazy180]

Yes, because I fell in love with that person. I would try to save up some money and get him some type of cosmetic surgery on behalf of his self-esteem. If its cosmetic, its fixable, if its physical mobility, I'll work with him.

[Anonymous]

They were high school sweethearts; those relationships usually end nowadays and not in marriage. They were probably pressured to get married from all of the media and were never meant to be in the first place

[hoops60691]

Absolutely! Unconditional love is loving someone no matter what. The guy that I'm with I would marry him in a second and even if something were to happen to physically change the way he looks I would love him anyways.

[Eiffelgirl21]

best answer!